miketotheklocke Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 hey everyone im a regular 16 year old guy named michael from a small town in wisconsin. i do lots of sports and i try to spend as much time with people as i can. the thing is, none of my "friends" ever want to hangout with me. they never invite me to hangout with the guys or to come to parties or anything. and i ask them if they want to hangout and they either dont reply or they lie and say "sorry i cant" and then when i see them all again theyre all talking about how much fun they had over the weekend with each other. i really only have 1 close friend that i hangout with regularly and i would say hes my best friend. he asked me if he was my best friend and without hesitation i said "yes" and he literally told me, to my face, "well, youre not my best friend". it hurt my feelings so much and he has said several things like this in the past, like i was talking to him once and i said "i wish i got invited to hangout with you guys more often" and he said "you will never hangout with us and you will never be a part of our group because we dont like you". yeah yeah i know it sounds like hes a total jerk the way he treats me and sometimes he is like the examples i mentioned but hes really cool and hes funny and we usually get along really well and we understand each other. and i know i should be trying to find a different group of friends to hangout with but the people that i so desperately am trying to fit in with are the only people that share common interests with me and talk about the same stuff and joke about the same things. but like every friday/saturday night they all hangout together or have huge parties and never invite me to anything. about 3 or 4 weeks ago i hung out with them once because i got a ride to a varsity basketball game with somebody and i asked them if they could take me home as well and they just invited me to hangout so i did. it was really fun and it was the first time ive hung out with the guys in seriously almost 2 and a half years. but we got along really well that night and i thought that i would get invited to more things but they havent invited me to anything. as im typing this they are literally all hanging out together right now. im alone and by myself every weekend and its been this way for a very, very long time. please somebody give me some advice on what i can do to get closer with them. i know its stupid of me and probably overdramatic but ive contemplated committing suicide over this several times and one time i almost went through with it but then my parents came home. im going through serious emotional distress and i think i might have depression. somebody please help me. thank you
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Sounds like you are making the wrong kind of people your friends. Aim for a different type of people to be your friend. Real friends want you around.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Common interests are a place to start a friendship, but they aren't the glue that create and hold real friendships together. Your situation is a perfect example of this. Similar personalities, attitudes, values, goals,... all of those play a part in a solid friendship. And I hate to say it, but upbringing, social class, politics and religion can also make or break a friendship. Along with KraftDinner, I'm also wondering: are these the popular guys? Perhaps you are trying too hard to fit in? For whatever reason, they don't want you around. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means that there is a mismatch of values -- what you offer in friendship, they don't value. That's their problem, and since it's not something you can change, you only make it your problem if you keep trying to get them to like you. Let them go. They aren't worth it. I'm sure it's rough that you live in a small town in Wisconsin and the pool of people available to have as friends is small as well. It's natural that you're depressed about your lack of friends, but it's not something worth ending your life over. Years pass, things and people change, and there is much more to life than what you are experiencing right now. I suggest getting involved in some volunteer work to get yourself out of your head, less focused on yourself, and interacting with other people (not that group of guys, though). It might benefit you to work with people who aren't your age: seniors or kids. Are you interested in sports and those things because this crowd you want to hang with is, or are these interests you would still have if you lived somewhere else with a totally different set of people around you? Even if your interests are genuinely your own, I also suggest trying out some new hobbies -- things these other guys aren't involved with. This may open doors to things you never knew you liked, as well as introduce you to a different set of people. Whatever else, don't chase friendship with people who aren't offering it. There are other people out there who will appreciate your friendship, even if this particular group doesn't. It may take a while, and you might need to leave your small town one day to find such people, but have patience and keep looking elsewhere for true friendship.
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