Divasu Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Because I dont REALLY know what the deal is, and am speculating. I only KNOW what she told me, but it just doesnt make sense. But you quoted her saying 'she broke up because she felt smothered by the amount of time you wanted to spend with her'. IE: "I told you I wasn’t able to do more than I did and you seemed to believe if you just fussed and argued and then belligerently demanded that I meet your expectations that somehow I would come up with more time for you." How often did the two of you spend together over the five years you were together? Was it you who always asked to see her, or was it mutual? I realize that the relationship is 'over', I'm just concerned by your posts because your head seems to be all over the place and it helps to cope when you look at things with a bit more clarity.
Allumere Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Even dogs don't **** where they sleep or eat (intentionally that is). You want to get laid, do it outside of the fabulous 30....I'm telling you...you guys screw, feelings will get hurt and friends will take sides...seen it to many times. And there is nothing wrong with being the nice guy and at least asking some hards question. Hey, it may be good to cut loose and you are single now and have every right to have a great time with whomever or however you want...just look elsewhere. 2
Author crashvector Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 But you quoted her saying 'she broke up because she felt smothered by the amount of time you wanted to spend with her'. IE: "I told you I wasn’t able to do more than I did and you seemed to believe if you just fussed and argued and then belligerently demanded that I meet your expectations that somehow I would come up with more time for you." How often did the two of you spend together over the five years you were together? Was it you who always asked to see her, or was it mutual? I realize that the relationship is 'over', I'm just concerned by your posts because your head seems to be all over the place and it helps to cope when you look at things with a bit more clarity. Up until the last 2 months, we saw each other 3 or 4 days a week for few hours on average. Some weeks, I'd spend practically the entire week with her...stay at her house, etc. The last two months, because of all the stuff with her son, and her other kids, and issues with her ex-husband's father, and her sister-in-law coming down, and her brother coming down before that, and all that mess...we were seeing each other 1 or 2 days a week. she would call me when she had time to meet up, etc...but I DID approach her several times and ask her if she could find more time...but i didnt think I was making her feel scolded about it.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I don't think I remember the names of 30 people from high school. How you hang out with 30 people all at a time boggles my mind.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 My advice is this: don't let anyone else decide what your love life or sex life should be. Listen to the advice offered, but be true to yourself. If anything, it sounds like you need to be assertive with these other friends and tell them they've had their say and to stay the hell out of your bedroom. (At least here on LS you've asked for our opinions.) "what do YOU have to show for it?" is a sh**ty thing to say to a friend in any context. Life doesn't turn out the way we like, often for reasons totally outside our control, and people judge us all the time for not "producing" tangible results like spouse, house with picket fence and 2.5 kids plus dog. Or for not racking up notched in a bedpost. Or whatever other crappy "standards" different people measure us against. But you definitely don't need crap like that from a friend. Despite the harsh delivery, I think all your friends would like the two of you to get together, since you've known each other so long. What they fail to realize is that people really do need time to heal after a breakup, and hooking up with someone is ony a temporary distraction from the pain, not truly a way to get over someone. Rebound NSA sex with a long-time friend... like there won't be some complex feelings involved? There is no switch you can just turn on and off -- anyone who has one that works is too damned detached from other people to have a healthy relationship. You, or her, or even both of you could get hurt badly if you follow through with the advice to go for the casual sex. Rebounds of all kinds rarely work out, and you could lose this woman you've known for 18 years. My advice to anyone in your siutation is don't jump into anyone's pants and give yourself time to heal. But I'll add for you specifically, if you don't want casual sex, don't have it, and don't let other people shame you for not wanting it. Plenty of people don't want to be shamed for having casual sex -- it's only fair that other people shouldn't be shamed for not having it, even if it's being offered. Stay true to whatever your values are. Besides, casual sex is not going "fix" you or make you better. A counselor is better suited to helping you sort out whatever issues involved the cheating ex-wife and the runaway fiance, not a FWB.
Author crashvector Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 My advice is this: don't let anyone else decide what your love life or sex life should be. Listen to the advice offered, but be true to yourself. If anything, it sounds like you need to be assertive with these other friends and tell them they've had their say and to stay the hell out of your bedroom. (At least here on LS you've asked for our opinions.) "what do YOU have to show for it?" is a sh**ty thing to say to a friend in any context. Life doesn't turn out the way we like, often for reasons totally outside our control, and people judge us all the time for not "producing" tangible results like spouse, house with picket fence and 2.5 kids plus dog. Or for not racking up notched in a bedpost. Or whatever other crappy "standards" different people measure us against. But you definitely don't need crap like that from a friend. Despite the harsh delivery, I think all your friends would like the two of you to get together, since you've known each other so long. What they fail to realize is that people really do need time to heal after a breakup, and hooking up with someone is ony a temporary distraction from the pain, not truly a way to get over someone. Rebound NSA sex with a long-time friend... like there won't be some complex feelings involved? There is no switch you can just turn on and off -- anyone who has one that works is too damned detached from other people to have a healthy relationship. You, or her, or even both of you could get hurt badly if you follow through with the advice to go for the casual sex. Rebounds of all kinds rarely work out, and you could lose this woman you've known for 18 years. My advice to anyone in your siutation is don't jump into anyone's pants and give yourself time to heal. But I'll add for you specifically, if you don't want casual sex, don't have it, and don't let other people shame you for not wanting it. Plenty of people don't want to be shamed for having casual sex -- it's only fair that other people shouldn't be shamed for not having it, even if it's being offered. Stay true to whatever your values are. Besides, casual sex is not going "fix" you or make you better. A counselor is better suited to helping you sort out whatever issues involved the cheating ex-wife and the runaway fiance, not a FWB. Thank you VERY much for your thoughtful reply....it means a LOT.
Author crashvector Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 I don't think I remember the names of 30 people from high school. How you hang out with 30 people all at a time boggles my mind. I dont really...that's what I keep saying. for the past 5 years, my life has been work, sleep, my son, and my fiance. Ive kept in touch with a FEW of my friends from high school. After she ended things, I went back to my hometown to see a couple of them because they told me they would be glad to listen to me whine and cry lol when word got out I had been hanging around my hometown again lately, THAT's when all the people started coming out of the woodworks. when I asked my friend Chris what the hell was going on, that's when he told me what he told me about coming back. so...I didnt always hang out with 30+ people... they just kinda started doing this after my fiance ended things a little more than a week ago...but ive maintained contact with like..MAYBE 5 or 6 of them on FB throughout the years.
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