lavitabella Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 My ex and I broke up a bit over a month ago, and I had successfully kept NC from him for over 2 weeks. Each day was getting a bit easier for me because I had been keeping hope that by using NC, I could work on myself and also that he would miss me and realize he wanted to give us a second chance. Well, to my surprise after work one night I had 7 text messages from him. All of them were sent within an hour, too. He said that he missed me, and that he wanted to know how I felt, if I missed him too, if I forgot about him, etc. He was concerned because he thought I blocked his number, FB, or was just ignoring him. He said that he wouldn't expect me to want him back after everything but that he wanted to set things right. After work I texted back to keep it short and told him I was at work and that I had deactivated my FB. No response at all that night. or the next day. So I texted him and said 'guess you only texted me to see if I was still around eh' and he texted back saying "Well all I wanted to say was sorry for saying that mean stuff" because he was very cruel to me after our breakup. I was so hurt by this because that made it seem like all he wanted was some closure for himself. I was questioning if thats all he wanted, and he ended up saying "can't I just apologize first and can't you just accept my apology without making me feel guilty". He ended up saying he didn't think I would be like this and that was it for the night. I was distraught. All my hard work and self-control went out the window. I started texting him, not obsessively, but I was always the first to initiate contact. He contacted me last Saturday and I have not spoke to him for 2 days now. When we texted he was very short with me, barely answering me with one word answers, and answering me after many, many hours had past. I was starting to drive myself crazy checking my phone and wondering what on earth was going through his mind and why he suddenly wasn't so eager to talk to me anymore. I started asking him to come over to my house because I really wanted to see him. At first he said maybe, and then that he wasn't ready, and then maybe again. I won't lie, I kept trying to persuade him to come because I felt like it would be good for both of us. He really didn't give me much of an explanation for anything, even when I called him and told him I needed to be clear about what his intentions were by contacting me (no clear answer?). When the time came for him to come over, he said he couldn't go anywhere. I kept persuading. He asked why I was making him do this, and then said that he didn't think he should go. He ended up coming, and I was so happy to see him. He came into my room and we talked a bit, and obviously it was me who was keeping things going. I had made him his favourite meal and had it ready for him. He had some and while I was trying to talk he just seemed very short with me a lot of the time, but there were still glimpses of the man I love. He sometimes was himself, most of the time guarded and very distant. He wasn't avoiding physical contact with me, which was good. I shouldnt have done this but I really wanted to be physical again, so I started kissing his neck to turn him on because I just craved it so bad. We started to kiss and he was starting to get into it. I made a mistake though by saying something about 'making love' and he said he didn't want to, especially when I called it that. I got a really bad feeling in my stomach and that's where I kind of fell apart. He asked if people asked if we were together what I would say? I had a hard time with this and said it's complicated, meanwhile he said that he'd say we were broken up. I just lost my control. I asked him if he even cared about me anymore or loved me. He said that he shouldn't have came and that he wanted to leave now and tried to get his things. I started crying and asking how he could tell me he missed me and then act like this to me and that he didn't love me. He wasn't listening, so I told him to get the F out of my house, to never speak to me again, to get the F out of my life, and that I hated him, blablabla. I slammed the door and went to bed to cry, to which I got a text to go back outside. He said that I shouldn't have made him come, because he wasn't ready to answer my questions or see me. Basically, we got some actual communicating done despite me trying to before. He said that he missed me because how could he not miss someone he spent 2 years of his life with? He said that he wasn't ready to jump into things like before but when I told him I wanted to take it slow he apparently didn't know what this meant? He was being more open than inside my house and made it seem like he didn't want to lose me just because he called me back outside to say those things after I told him to never talk to me again. He also said that before he thought we wouldn't work out but now he wasn't sure if that was true. I asked him why doesn't he just move on and find someone else and then he asked me the same thing to which I replied 'because I'm still in love with you' and he basically said that my answer applied to him too? To confuse me even more, he then said that maybe we could hang out soon and that he could play this online game I want to play (that he plays) with me, even though he still hasn't accepted my friend request. He seemed sad, but not crying like I was. He gave me a long hug before leaving and saying bye. He told me to do whatever I wanted to do. There was obviously more to this interaction, but tbh I forget a lot other than those things. So now I'm sitting here, almost 2 days later, confused and hurt beyond belief. I thought that him contacting me and saying those things was a good sign. His wording and everything really made it sound like he had thoughts of us together in the future again. But now I'm back to square 1. I'm so hurt, all over again. Even worse now. Because now I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. I should have been the one who wasn't ready to see him because of how cruel he was to me, but instead I'm the one (again) eager and ready to make things work. It's just so unfair. I wish he would have left me alone until he knew that he wanted to make it work. What do I do everyone? I plan on NC again until he contacts me.. but then what? How can I act cold and distant like he is, to me when I love him with all my heart? It's obviously working, thus why I'm going crazy for him (again). I really want him back in my life but I have no idea what he meant by saying that stuff. I guess he's confused, I wish I knew how to change that. I don't want to lose him . How can I turn this around and make it work?
movingforward2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 He has to be the one to come to you and says I want to make things work, please let's do this. Go back to NC and if he contacts you with anything other than what I have written above, ignore it or keep it curt. That is the fastest way to get an ex back if they do indeed want to be back with you.
Author lavitabella Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Ugh, I know what you say is probably true but it's just so hard. I tend to overanalyse everything now and wonder what he really meant by it. So if he asks me to hang out I shouldn't go or answer then? I'm just nervous that if I don't talk to him when he tries it is going to have the opposite effect of what I want... *deep sigh*
Recommended Posts