Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've had females online show me interest, but they've never met me offline, so it's like it feels like it doesn't really count. I still don't really feel validated. But I admit, it's way better than nothing, and I totally appreciate it. I'd feel a lot worse if even females who have only known me online never showed interest.
Treasa Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I wish I could laugh at this post and think it was sarcasm, but I read your other post about losing your limb or being without any romance/sex. I'm really sad for you. No matter who you date, you're never going to get real validation until you give it to yourself. That's where real self-worth comes from. And you CAN control how you feel. Your thoughts control your emotions and therefore your actions. 3
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 OP, read some self help books on self esteem. You shouldn't need validation from anyone. Even if you do manage to get with someone, your neediness will drive her away. I would focus on working on yourself first. 2
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I wish I could laugh at this post and think it was sarcasm, but I read your other post about losing your limb or being without any romance/sex. I'm really sad for you. No matter who you date, you're never going to get real validation until you give it to yourself. That's where real self-worth comes from. And you CAN control how you feel. Your thoughts control your emotions and therefore your actions. Yeah, some people on here can control how they feel, I envy them as I cant. So, how does one control their thoughts? How do I make myself 'happy happy happy'?
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've had females online show me interest, but they've never met me offline, so it's like it feels like it doesn't really count. I still don't really feel validated. But I admit, it's way better than nothing, and I totally appreciate it. I'd feel a lot worse if even females who have only known me online never showed interest. What did you just say in the other thread about nobody showing you interest for 37 years?
Treasa Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 There's a really good book you should read called "Go Suck a Lemon: something something something about improving your emotional intelligence". It's a really good read, and it's helped me a lot in the past. So is the Feel Good or Feeling Good Handbook. Sorry, don't remember titles offhand.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 What did you just say in the other thread about nobody showing you interest for 37 years? Um, I was talking about the real world? Offline? All women have to go off online is some text and a crummy picture, those will hardly represent how I am in reality.
Els Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Online isn't the end of the world. If I had a dollar for every long-term couple I personally know who met each other online initially (not through OLD, though), I'd be able to get myself a pretty decent meal.
sweetkiwi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I am truly sorry for complimenting you online. You cant control how you feel. You control how you react to those feelings. You can train your mind to think differently however. I saw a therapist who treated my brain like a computer. Your thought processes are relatively fixed after puberty. We are trained how to feel by our past experiences. If those experiences were bad all data, incoming and outgoing, will be negative. That is where meditation and reliving the painful moments comes in. We examined the truth behind the painful events and memories. It really did help. P.s. Maybe you're getting online attention because you let it slip you have a big dick. Jus sayin. 2
Nightsky Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've had females online show me interest, but they've never met me offline, so it's like it feels like it doesn't really count. I still don't really feel validated. But I admit, it's way better than nothing, and I totally appreciate it. I'd feel a lot worse if even females who have only known me online never showed interest. You're mistaking the interest you get online for more than it is. I think nothing would be better for you as maybe that would motivate you to try instead of doing nothing and just asking "but how?"
gaius Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Even if you're super hot women usually don't validate unless you get out and engage with them, or at least make yourself seem approachable. Which you don't do much from what I've read in your previous posts. I got grabbed and smooched on the cheek by a drunk woman about a month ago in an elevator, but I was in a pretty friendly mood that day. The best I've ever done with my puss face on was having a woman talk to the person I was with about me after I left. 4
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 You're mistaking the interest you get online for more than it is. I think nothing would be better for you as maybe that would motivate you to try instead of doing nothing and just asking "but how?" How am I mistaking it for more than it is? I don't understand.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Even if you're super hot women usually don't validate unless you get out and engage with them, or at least make yourself seem approachable. Which you don't do much from what I've read in your previous posts. I got grabbed and smooched on the cheek by a drunk woman about a month ago in an elevator, but I was in a pretty friendly mood that day. The best I've ever done with my puss face on was having a woman talk to the person I was with about me after I left. I've been in freindly moods when I've been out. A lot of people have said that i seem like a really nice pleasant guy, so I can't see how I could come across as unnaproachable. Edited January 5, 2013 by Ross MwcFan
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I am truly sorry for complimenting you online. You cant control how you feel. You control how you react to those feelings. You can train your mind to think differently however. I saw a therapist who treated my brain like a computer. Your thought processes are relatively fixed after puberty. We are trained how to feel by our past experiences. If those experiences were bad all data, incoming and outgoing, will be negative. That is where meditation and reliving the painful moments comes in. We examined the truth behind the painful events and memories. It really did help. P.s. Maybe you're getting online attention because you let it slip you have a big dick. Jus sayin. There's no reason to be sorry, I thought your compliments have been nice and I appreciate them. If a woman compliments me online then I like that, I've never disliked it. I've had attention from females online for years, so it wont be anything to do with letting it slip that I've got a big dick. 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 ........ letting it slip that I've got a big dick. There you just did it again. How is a gal supposed to concentrate with all these big dicks slippin about!!?!?! But seriously I know you spend quite a bit of time online. Not sure about your outside life. Anyway If you change the ratio of inside to outside I am positive you'll see results. Its always amazed me how the only virgins i have known IRL, past the age of 20, have ALL been handsome sweet men with big dicks. What the hell is wrong with this world!?!?!?! Those are the first ones I gobble up. You would of made it to 30 in my town. And that's just because I wouldve been 18 by then. 1
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I think it's perfectly natural for men to feel validated by women. That's why it's commonly said that when a guy has sex, he's now a man. Men desire female companionship and sexual intimacy. When he gets it, he feels like a winner. If he doesn't get it, he feels like a loser.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Women desire it too, most adults do, females feel like losers too if we don't have those things. I think it's perfectly natural for men to feel validated by women. That's why it's commonly said that when a guy has sex, he's now a man. Men desire female companionship and sexual intimacy. When he gets it, he feels like a winner. If he doesn't get it, he feels like a loser. 1
somedude81 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Women desire it too, most adults do, females feel like losers too if we don't have those things. So it's perfectly natural to want validation from the opposite sex for both men and women.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 There you just did it again. How is a gal supposed to concentrate with all these big dicks slippin about!!?!?! But seriously I know you spend quite a bit of time online. Not sure about your outside life. Anyway If you change the ratio of inside to outside I am positive you'll see results. Its always amazed me how the only virgins i have known IRL, past the age of 20, have ALL been handsome sweet men with big dicks. What the hell is wrong with this world!?!?!?! Those are the first ones I gobble up. You would of made it to 30 in my town. And that's just because I wouldve been 18 by then. Aw thanks! From being a kid until my early 20's, I used to spend most of my time, hanging around with friends and going out. But, I didn't really get any positive results, except for getting to French kiss about 5 girls (which was awsome), but I don't believe they were genuine.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 So it's perfectly natural to want validation from the opposite sex for both men and women. It's natural to want it, but it's a losing battle to seek it as your only source of self-worth. That's what some of us here are trying to tell you, Ross (and anyone else who cares to listen). Online dating is brutal. I suggest taking a break and focusing on other things in your life right now -- things that you feel good about and make you feel good about yourself. Yeah, you can't change your feelings (happy, sad, angry, depressed, etc), but feelings pass, if you let them and don't turn them into negative attitudes you dwell on. You can change your attitude. If you feel lonely and sad because you aren't connecting with women, accept that as normal... however, it's another mental step to turn that into the attitude "I'm a loser because no woman will go out with me." And I guarantee that no one, male or female, wants to date someone with an attitude that they're a loser. Learn to recognize where you are converting your feelings into bad attitudes and stop the process. Recognize the difference between what you feel and what you think, and change what you think. It takes time and practice to get used to doing it, but it is possible. It's taken me years to do, and I have a better outlook on life now; although my love life still isn't where I want it to be, I have been able to attract more better-quality people in the last 5 years than I have the 10 years before that. Optimism and an upbeat attitude go a long way when meeting people -- but it has to be real, not fake. It's okay to feel down, but you don't have to let it drag you down -- focus on something else that makes you feel better, and don't indulge your negative feelings by giving them more weight or attention than they deserve. 4
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 It's natural to want it, but it's a losing battle to seek it as your only source of self-worth. That's what some of us here are trying to tell you, Ross (and anyone else who cares to listen). Online dating is brutal. I suggest taking a break and focusing on other things in your life right now -- things that you feel good about and make you feel good about yourself. Yeah, you can't change your feelings (happy, sad, angry, depressed, etc), but feelings pass, if you let them and don't turn them into negative attitudes you dwell on. You can change your attitude. If you feel lonely and sad because you aren't connecting with women, accept that as normal... however, it's another mental step to turn that into the attitude "I'm a loser because no woman will go out with me." And I guarantee that no one, male or female, wants to date someone with an attitude that they're a loser. Learn to recognize where you are converting your feelings into bad attitudes and stop the process. Recognize the difference between what you feel and what you think, and change what you think. It takes time and practice to get used to doing it, but it is possible. It's taken me years to do, and I have a better outlook on life now; although my love life still isn't where I want it to be, I have been able to attract more better-quality people in the last 5 years than I have the 10 years before that. Optimism and an upbeat attitude go a long way when meeting people -- but it has to be real, not fake. It's okay to feel down, but you don't have to let it drag you down -- focus on something else that makes you feel better, and don't indulge your negative feelings by giving them more weight or attention than they deserve. I've never thought of it like that before. I will try to do that from now on. 2
terlislee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Ross start believing in yourself and you won't need validation from anyone else, offline or not. Once you do that and put yourself out there more the interest will come. You're from the UK right? Next time I'm there we can go for a beer 1
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Ross start believing in yourself and you won't need validation from anyone else, offline or not. Once you do that and put yourself out there more the interest will come. You're from the UK right? Next time I'm there we can go for a beer Hey, sure, we could do that. I'd really like to believe in myself more, I guess I'll need to look into how to do that.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Cool, so in the past couple of days, two women on here would like to meet me, and I turned two women on at the same time in the sex forum.
terlislee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Hey, sure, we could do that. I'd really like to believe in myself more, I guess I'll need to look into how to do that. Cool it's a date then Should be March or April I'll let you know. It's mostly changing the negatives for positives - stop saying can't, nothing, never etc. and think in terms of what you can do. Take pride in the things you're good at, learn to accept the things that bother you but that you cannot change (and no getting a girlfriend is not one of them) and list those that make you unhappy but that you can actually do something about. Don't overwhelm yourself then it really will seem impossible, but start leaving your comfort zone one step at a time, never stay in though, you need to keep pushing yourself at least a lttle. It might seem harder thanks to your mental issues, but it's not impossible either and the only way forward for anybody. 1
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