How often do you experience interest?

[sweetkiwi]

What I'm talking about is a vibe that you put out, and that falls into the physical attraction. A lot of guys, if theyre trying to get girls, stand around trying to look cool. When I'm out anywhere, I'm kicking stories with people, whoever I'm talking to, acting a little goofy, presenting myself as intelligent, exuding confidence without being cocky.

 

Women have always told me that I have a 'presence' about me. It's physical, but transcends looks.

 

Thiiiis ^^^

 

We're always talking about that spark, the chemistry, THAT is energy. The energy between two people. There IS subconscious that functions and is aware of professing information in ways we can only try to understand.

 

Thats a factor in physical attraction. I have been very attracted to men who are generally considered unattractive. And I have a lot of life long male friends and family members who are not considered classical attractive. And they get girls all the time. Ive seen it with my own eyes, experienced it myself. Chemical attraction.

[somedude81]

Chemistry, spark, energy, it sounds like nothing more than sorcery to me. I don't have a clue what any of you are talking about.

 

I know that I can work out, and wear nice clothes to improve my appearance. But does that also mean I have to go to Hogwarts to learn about how to project my aura?

[iris219]

Chemistry, spark, energy, it sounds like nothing more than sorcery to me. I don't have a clue what any of you are talking about.

 

I know that I can work out, and wear nice clothes to improve my appearance. But does that also mean I have to go to Hogwarts to learn about how to project my aura?

 

You just have to find someone who likes your energy and feels drawn to you.

 

Chemistry is pretty rare, btw. Some people manage to have satisfying relationships without it.

 

Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a woman for reasons you couldn't really explain? If so, that's chemistry.

[somedude81]

You just have to find someone who likes your energy and feels drawn to you.

 

Chemistry is pretty rare, btw. Some people manage to have satisfying relationships without it.

Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a woman for reasons you couldn't really explain? If so, that's chemistry.

Nope.

 

Whenever I'm drawn to a girl I know exactly why.

 

The vast majority of the time it's because...

 

I'm visually attracted to her (the easiest one), she's fun and playful, she seems to enjoy my company, we have some common interests.

 

That's all the chemistry I need.

 

Oh, almost forget the last one:

 

I think I could have a shot with her.

 

clothes are only something on the outside....

 

your 'aura' etc is all about inner confidence and how you handle and maintain yourself...

 

how you walk, talk, act etc... all much more 'powerful' than clothes etc

 

stand tall, be confident and people will notice..no wizards needed.

Projecting confidence via how I walk, talk and stand is the magical part. I'm certainly not doing it now and no women consider me dateable.

[sweetkiwi]

Of course you can't work on your confidence. You think that banging chicks, or dressing better, or working out is how you build confidence.

 

You do it by self fulfilment. Learn to read music and play the guitar. Start hiking. Take a cooking class. Do ANYTHING that puts you outside comfortable boundaries.

 

IN FACT, make yourself uncomfortable. I was shy. I was an angry little kid. So I joined the track team. And theater. And started talking to anyone who would listen.

 

Then Omggg I found out I was funny, and could be my strange self and STILL have friends or guys interested in me.

 

So I gained confidence with people. Which is what you need. For girls.

 

Inner confidence is natural for some. That's not a walk or knowing you got money in da bank. That's knowing who you are and being comfortable with people being who they are.

[somedude81]

Of course you can't work on your confidence. You think that banging chicks, or dressing better, or working out is how you build confidence.

 

You do it by self fulfilment. Learn to read music and play the guitar. Start hiking. Take a cooking class. Do ANYTHING that puts you outside comfortable boundaries.

I put those two in bold as they are connected.

 

Banging chicks is one path to self-fulfillment.

 

The primary way to improve confidence is to succeed at things you care about.

 

One of the most important things to me right now is getting a girlfriend. My confidence is low because I am not succeeding at any of the steps that lead to that goal.

IN FACT, make yourself uncomfortable.

Can you explain more?

 

 

I was shy. I was an angry little kid. So I joined the track team. And theater. And started talking to anyone who would listen.

 

Then Omggg I found out I was funny, and could be my strange self and STILL have friends or guys interested in me.

 

So I gained confidence with people. Which is what you need. For girls.

In other words, you succeeded at what you cared about, and your confidence went up.

[sweetkiwi]

Believe it or not having randoms hanging off your dick IS NOT going to make you fulfilled. At best you'll get an ego rush. But when they dont call that'll go down quick

 

Thats a shallow and temporary way to build confidence. Not for the long run. Get it?

 

And I didn't choose things I was good at. I DISCOVERED I was good at them after I tried them. Because I had at least a little guts to try. Something. Anything. You want to know all the stuff I am had at that I gave up pretty quick? There's lots. But you don't focus on that. You focus on things that make you YOU. And unless you try a lot of things you'll never know what you're naturally gifted at, or the things you enjoy so much you become good.

[ThaWholigan]

I put those two in bold as they are connected.

 

Banging chicks is one path to self-fulfillment.

 

The primary way to improve confidence is to succeed at things you care about.

 

One of the most important things to me right now is getting a girlfriend. My confidence is low because I am not succeeding at any of the steps that lead to that goal.

 

Can you explain more?

 

 

 

In other words, you succeeded at what you cared about, and your confidence went up.

You're so dense sometimes

 

The jist of what she was saying is that you have to actually get used to being uncomfortable at times in order to get what you want.

 

But your biggest problem is that all you want in life is a GF and that's it. I keep telling you that this is going to make things excruciatingly hard for you and you have to shift your focus towards other things aswell.

[sweetkiwi]

Very nice bob. Exactly. I am a strange woman. Yet I still have interest. If someone who is so NOT the ideal of beauty or femininity can do it, so can you.

[somedude81]

Exactly. Girls see through good builds and snazzy clothes if there's nothing behind it. They can see through that before ever talking to a guy. It's always very obvious when a guy is compensating for personality inadequacies. Guys (and girls, for that matter....but especially guys) wear that like a neon sign around their necks. They go out after banging out at the gym, thinking that they're looking fresh, gelled hair, lathered in their Sex Panther cologne, and then they stand there like friggin brick walls and wonder why girls aren't interested.

 

Ok....I'm a good looking guy, and I'm blessed to have the body i have. Fine. But I don't rely on those attributes. I have confidence not from my physical traits, but from intrinsic qualities that nobody would really know about if they don't know me. I play guitar. I write. I have a degree in biology, I have a teaching certification, I've lived in some cool places and had a ton of cool experiences, I'm good at sports, everybody thinks I'm hilarious (none of this stated to brag, but to illustrate a point). Now, a girl isn't going to look at me and know any of that, but I carry myself with a subtle confident swagger that is borne of me, inside my own mind and soul, knowing I'm kinda bad ass.....and then I exude that. Women pick up on that like sharks picking up the scent of blood in the water.

 

Then, when a girl does show interest in me, game over. Then its all about connection. Look right straight into her eyes...look at her like she's the only girl that has ever walked the Earth, but then subtly project that you really couldn't care less (because you shouldn't....quit idolizing girls). This is all the energy stuff that kiwi is talking about. It's magnetic in nature, and girls pick up on it from a mile away.

 

So, find a way to be cool with who you are and what you're all about. March to the beat of your own drum. Dig yourself. Be yourself. Then, when you walk into a room, just dig being yourself and then project that.

Do you think you'd have the same level of confidence if you've done nothing but fail with women?

[ScreamingTrees]

You're so dense sometimes

 

The jist of what she was saying is that you have to actually get used to being uncomfortable at times in order to get what you want.

 

But your biggest problem is that all you want in life is a GF and that's it. I keep telling you that this is going to make things excruciatingly hard for you and you have to shift your focus towards other things aswell.

 

Why even bother? It does nothing.

[Treasa]

I'm fairly flirty and affectionate with just about anyone I like, but I can make it seem more playful if it's someone I'm not interested in doing more than flirting with, or I can make it a bit more sexual when it's someone I want to do more than flirt with. Usually a certain look I give them, the way I use my voice, me telling them I want to drag them back to my bed...subtle things like that.

[Necris]

seriously mate.... :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

you attract women BECAUSE of confidence.....

 

it's not the other way about... understand, learn and deal with that fact...

 

 

I never understood this line of thinking, how can you be confident that you'll attract women if you never attract women? That is like me being confident that I'll beat Kobe Bryant in a game of one on one basketball when I suck at playing basketball. Then I always hear silly things like do something else, learn a skill to get your confidence up. That also makes no sense my confidence is tied to success, sure I can learn new skills, climb mountains, etc. and I'll grow more confident in that area but that's not going to make me confident in the dating arena.

 

Also confidence has very little effect on your ability to attract people. People believe it has an effect by looking at how some people who can easily attract others seem to be normally confident in their abilities. This is normal, but its not the confidence that is attracting anyone, that person just has other qualities like their physical appearance and charisma that attracts people and since they are well aware of their abilities they naturally grow more confident. The only effect confidence has is that with it you are more likely to approach more people and engage in riskier behavior since you are confident the results will be in your favor.

Edited January 6, 2013 by Necris

[ThaWholigan]

 

It is that logic that leaves you stagnant. Do not listen to the people who tell you that being confident in yourself is delusional - they want you to be miserable cunts like them. Just be happy being you and be f*cking confident.

 

Confidence being tied to success is just another excuse in my opinion.

 

EDIT: I shouldn't snap, but all these excuses. I'm showing you guys that it can work, and nobody is listening. I shouldn't bother anymore ......

Edited January 6, 2013 by ThaWholigan

[TheZebra]

Listen to Wholigan (and Bob and kiwi and others I have not mentioned). The only people who get their confidence strictly from girls paying attention to them are people who are desperate. And that isn't attractive. There's nothing worse than a co-dependent person.

 

I get my confidence from everything else I do, as Bob detailed out. I graduated at the top of my class, will be actually purchasing my own place at 24 yrs old, and have a steady job and good friends I can count on. I don't need a man to validate anything I've done, as none of you should need a woman to validate you either. And if you haven't done anything worth noting, how about going out and changing that? Get a black belt. Learn to play guitar. Learn a foreign language.

 

You can't love someone until you love yourself.

[Necris]

 

It is that logic that leaves you stagnant. Do not listen to the people who tell you that being confident in yourself is delusional - they want you to be miserable cunts like them. Just be happy being you and be f*cking confident.

 

Confidence being tied to success is just another excuse in my opinion.

 

EDIT: I shouldn't snap, but all these excuses. I'm showing you guys that it can work, and nobody is listening. I shouldn't bother anymore ......

 

I'm not making excuses I just think its silly how everyone acts like confidence is the key to dating success.

 

I don't know how you do it, but my confidence varies alot depending on what I'm doing and prior experience. For example I'm confident I can hike up Mt. Charleston since I've done it a few times, but I'm not confident in my ability to climb Mt. Everest. I'm confident I can play Halo pretty well but I'm not confident in my ability to beat Tiger Woods in Golf. I'm confident I can drive my car safely, but I don't have any confidence in my ability to fly a fighter jet. Also there is no spill over effect with confidence for me, my confidence in driving my car doesn't increase my confidence to attract women, and my confidence to attract women doesn't decrease my confidence to drive my car. Confidence not being tied to my failures and success makes really no sense at all to me.

 

Also even if you do acquire all of this confidence, how is that going to do much of anything? You can feel like you are god's gift to women, but that doesn't make it so, just like how I can feel that I'm a break dancing champ but if I can't actually dance at all I'm just going to look silly. Now confidence isn't useless, a confident man will be alot more likely to approach women as he'll feel that he can already get any woman he wants, while the unconfident man approaches less as he feels his efforts will be in vain anyway since they are already uninterested in him. Assuming they both are equally charismatic and attractive their individual amounts of confidence will have no effect on the women they approach.

Edited January 6, 2013 by Necris

[somedude81]

Hard to say. My confidence isn't a function of how I do with women, although that certainly helps bolster it. The confidence comes from being happy with who I am as a person, what I'm about, doing the things I'm good at or have talents for, and just generally not giving a flying eff what anybody thinks of me.

And if you only failed at getting women, would you be happy with who you are as a person?

 

Frankly I would love to hear from a happy and confident guy that has been rejected by every woman he was interested in him and only has sex with hookers because no other women would touch him.

 

If you have done nothing but fail with women, maybe look not only at what you bring to the table but how you bring it. Are you a different person around women you don't know than you are around your buddies? Don't be. The things that you say, do, etc that make your friends want to be around you are the same things that will make women you don't know want to be around you as well (aka be yourself). Don't worry about what people think, and don't act according to how you think they want you to act. Just do your thing on your terms....whoever is down will jump on board, whoever isn't down, screw em.

Too long of a story to get into here, but thanks.

Why even bother? It does nothing.

How the hell are you not banned?

seriously mate.... :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

you attract women BECAUSE of confidence.....

 

it's not the other way about... understand, learn and deal with that fact...

It's a catch 22.

 

Need confidence to attract women, confidence comes from getting women.

 

Though it's not, as being confident is not the only way to get women.

I'm fairly flirty and affectionate with just about anyone I like, but I can make it seem more playful if it's someone I'm not interested in doing more than flirting with, or I can make it a bit more sexual when it's someone I want to do more than flirt with. Usually a certain look I give them, the way I use my voice, me telling them I want to drag them back to my bed...subtle things like that.

I'd probably struggle with you, meaning you'd give me the playful flirting and I'd get confused and think you meant more. I'd ask you out, you'd say you just want to be friends (if you don't straight up ignore me)

 

Story of my life.

 

Oh yeah, confidence!

I never understood this line of thinking, how can you be confident that you'll attract women if you never attract women? That is like me being confident that I'll beat Kobe Bryant in a game of one on one basketball when I suck at playing basketball.

Oh I can totally take Kobe. Doesn't matter that he's a full foot taller than me.

You can't love someone until you love yourself.

Absolute nonsense.

[D-Lish]

I've spent the majority of my professional life working alone, with women exclusively- or with women and gay men... (for the most part)

 

I now work in a huge company where I interact with men and women- and I have to say the male attention can be overwhelming sometimes.

[Necris]

I get my confidence from everything else I do, as Bob detailed out. I graduated at the top of my class, will be actually purchasing my own place at 24 yrs old, and have a steady job and good friends I can count on. I don't need a man to validate anything I've done, as none of you should need a woman to validate you either. And if you haven't done anything worth noting, how about going out and changing that? Get a black belt. Learn to play guitar. Learn a foreign language.

 

Good for you, but I don't get it, how is learning a foreign language, martial arts, etc. going to increase your confidence in your ability to attract people? I'm doing well so far for myself, and generally like my life, but that doesn't make my confidence in my ability to attract women go up. I know some level of brazilian jiu-jitsu and while that increases my confidence in my ability to defend myself in a fight it doesn't increase my confidence in my ability to attract women. As another example, way back in High School I was given an IQ test, I scored 160 besides the fact I felt the test was probably bogus, that didn't make me feel any different about my ability to attract women.

[terlislee]

Frankly I would love to hear from a happy and confident guy that has been rejected by every woman he was interested in him and only has sex with hookers because no other women would touch him.

 

You probably won't because that doesn't happen to happy and confident guys.

 

It's a catch 22.

 

Need confidence to attract women, confidence comes from getting women.

 

Though it's not, as being confident is not the only way to get women.

 

See you've got it the other way round. Problem of your life.

 

If you truly can't be confident around women at least learn how to fake it till you make it a little, but you need to use some other aspects of your life to help you out there. Is there something you are really passionate about and feel you're good at? Your course or the dancing maybe? Something you can talk about just because you like talking about it?

[GirlontheLam]

I'm flirted with a lot, but that doesn't necessarily equate to romantic interest.

This is true for me as well. If I am out in public, it is safe to say someone will flirt with me at some point 70% of the time.

 

They might be older or younger or unsuitable, but they are flirting.

 

I also flirt too.

 

Not enough

LOL!

 

As for approached? Well not enough. Well by people who are suitable (i.e. in my preferred age range, life stage and maturity level.) It definitely goes in waves. And I do know there are certain types of crowds where I can almost guarantee I will be approached and other crowds where I will more likely win the lottery than get approached.

 

As for approaching? It depends on what you mean. Initiating conversations? I do quite often, if you are in proximity to me. But crossing the room? Well I am too chicken for that, but I will send over some signals that I am open for you to come over. This doesn't always work....

 

Yesterday....I did go "bold" and walked across the room to approach a guy! This was a huge step for me!

[todreaminblue]

Heh, when ever I see one of her posts that's over a line or two long I just skip it.

 

 

good.you have saved me some effort..thanks for letting me know ill give you two lines now,

It takes me forever to type, so ill skip replying to your posts....best wishes in life and love....deb

[todreaminblue]

Not to sound rude or anything, but I find it very difficult to read and understand your posts.

 

That's fine Necris, I will try to make my posts if i respond to you more legible for you, surprisingly I get the "cant understand what you post thing" a lot. You haven't been rude...cheers.....deb

[MrCastle]

How often am I approached? Not often. But I expect that because I believe, and a lot of women too, that the man makes the first move. So that doesn't really bother me. I get a lot of looks and smiles, but rarely does a chick come up and make conversation with me. They give me the signs that they want me to approach and I take them.

[Stillgrowing]

There really is something to be said about confident body posture/positive body posture and how people respond to you basedupob what you project. This video is really interesting: