maylis Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 ok so here goes.. my boyfriend was with his ex for 9 years and he broke up with her 3 years ago. unfortunately they have all the same friends. today is our 8 month anniversary (if we are even together, I have no idea right now). in the beginning i was making an effort to try to be her friend, i would try talk to her, i added her on facebook, added her fanpage. she would be very cold, and would look very uninterested and never smiled when talking to me and would just talk about things that made her sound cool, she couldn't just be real with me. at parties she spends more time trying to talk to my boyfriend than her own. she started covering her hand over her mouth when talking to my boyfriend so i couldnt hear what was being said and from that point i said f*ck this, i am no longer making the effort. so i have been trying to deal with it, i have to see her like 2-3 times a month. but that and along with all their facebook contact it was getting to be too much for me. not to mention he's said her names a few times in his sleep now..so 2 weeks ago i talked with my boyfriend and told him im not comfortable with him talking to her because she is so cold to me, i dont understand when i made such an effort with her. he agreed her behavior was weird and said he would stop the contact. so it was fine until we were at a party 5 days ago and she shows up. shortly after she said hello to everyone (she skipped me when it came to saying hi to me and went to the other side of the room and then said hi to me last) she and my boyfriend went to go smoke in the other room and were alone. i got really frustrated and upset and i told him he needs to understand that it humiliates me that he continues to talk to her when he knows how frigid she is with me and that she makes me uncomfortable. its like he is saying to me and her and everyone else that he accepts her behavior. so he said ok he'd stop. but it didnt and she would continue going to talk to him and i kept getting mad. so we argued, he left and then i left. he texted me two days ago to say he still isnt ready to talk to me and thats the last news i have. some of our friends have told me she is never going to be nice to me.
KungFuJoe Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 ok so here goes.. my boyfriend was with his ex for 9 years and he broke up with her 3 years ago. unfortunately they have all the same friends. today is our 8 month anniversary (if we are even together, I have no idea right now). in the beginning i was making an effort to try to be her friend, i would try talk to her, i added her on facebook, added her fanpage. she would be very cold, and would look very uninterested and never smiled when talking to me and would just talk about things that made her sound cool, she couldn't just be real with me. at parties she spends more time trying to talk to my boyfriend than her own. she started covering her hand over her mouth when talking to my boyfriend so i couldnt hear what was being said and from that point i said f*ck this, i am no longer making the effort. so i have been trying to deal with it, i have to see her like 2-3 times a month. but that and along with all their facebook contact it was getting to be too much for me. not to mention he's said her names a few times in his sleep now..so 2 weeks ago i talked with my boyfriend and told him im not comfortable with him talking to her because she is so cold to me, i dont understand when i made such an effort with her. he agreed her behavior was weird and said he would stop the contact. so it was fine until we were at a party 5 days ago and she shows up. shortly after she said hello to everyone (she skipped me when it came to saying hi to me and went to the other side of the room and then said hi to me last) she and my boyfriend went to go smoke in the other room and were alone. i got really frustrated and upset and i told him he needs to understand that it humiliates me that he continues to talk to her when he knows how frigid she is with me and that she makes me uncomfortable. its like he is saying to me and her and everyone else that he accepts her behavior. so he said ok he'd stop. but it didnt and she would continue going to talk to him and i kept getting mad. so we argued, he left and then i left. he texted me two days ago to say he still isnt ready to talk to me and thats the last news i have. some of our friends have told me she is never going to be nice to me. Leave. Either he's a sackless loser or he's not over her. 3
xpaperxcutx Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I'm sorry, but what kind of an SO would make you try to be friends with the ex? There's cordiality, where he can have her in his life if he can't completely keep her out of it, but that is some jack ass move on his move to make you try to be friends with her. Dump him. It's just not worth the heartache and baggage.
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I'm sorry, but what kind of an SO would make you try to be friends with the ex? There's cordiality, where he can have her in his life if he can't completely keep her out of it, but that is some jack ass move on his move to make you try to be friends with her. Dump him. It's just not worth the heartache and baggage. He wasn't MAKING me, I was trying to make the effort, he didn't ask me to. But now that I see how she acts towards me I am absolutely not comfortable with him talking to her, it embarrasses me.
Treasa Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Kick him to the curb. And don't ever suck up to someone's ex again. Be yourself. You don't have to be friends with them. If a friendship develops naturally, cool. I became friends with my one of my exs' new girlfriends, but that came about long after they had broken up...
xpaperxcutx Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 He wasn't MAKING me, I was trying to make the effort, he didn't ask me to. But now that I see how she acts towards me I am absolutely not comfortable with him talking to her, it embarrasses me. But see that's the thing, why did you have to force yourself to make the effort? I think he's smart enough to know exes have no say in a new relationship, and if he was to still be in contact with her ( out of courtesy) he would do everything in his utmost power to make sure you're comfortable with everything. That said, his actions tells you he chose her over you. Dump him.
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Kick him to the curb. And don't ever suck up to someone's ex again. Be yourself. You don't have to be friends with them. If a friendship develops naturally, cool. I became friends with my one of my exs' new girlfriends, but that came about long after they had broken up... I haven't had a problem being friends or friendly with ex's before cos none of them have treated me like this
xpaperxcutx Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I haven't had a problem being friends or friendly with ex's before cos none of them have treated me like this Your very kind-hearted person, because few girls can really handle being friends with the boyfriend's ex. Honestly, you made an effort but she's not breaking the ice. If you choose to stay in the relationship you're going to have to put up with a lot of stuff.
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Your very kind-hearted person, because few girls can really handle being friends with the boyfriend's ex. Honestly, you made an effort but she's not breaking the ice. If you choose to stay in the relationship you're going to have to put up with a lot of stuff. and (if he ever gets back to me) when we talk im going to say that, he is going to have to deal with getting into arguments with me probably every time we see her out because he is humiliating me and making me uncomfortable by continuing to talk with her. i really think if he stops talking to her she will get the message and if she truly values her friendship with him she will get over whatever it is.
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Not only was she rude to you but after she was rude (he went in the other room to with her to go smoke?!??* Seriously? He totally disrespected you by doing that!! If some guys ex was rude to me, then he took off for a pow wow with her. I think that says it all right there. I can't beleive you even allowed that. I would have had a sh*t fit and left.
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Sorry if that came off as harsh in your direction. That just really irratated me putting myself in your shoes. This girl makes you uncomfortable by being rude and seemingly makeing you look like an @** infront of everyone. He not only does nothing and leaves you there uncomfortable but goes in the other room to what?? Comfort her? Just wow.. He just totally picked her right then and there over you. Pleaaaase ditch this D-bag!!
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Sorry if that came off as harsh in your direction. That just really irratated me putting myself in your shoes. This girl makes you uncomfortable by being rude and seemingly makeing you look like an @** infront of everyone. He not only does nothing and leaves you there uncomfortable but goes in the other room to what?? Comfort her? Just wow.. He just totally picked her right then and there over you. Pleaaaase ditch this D-bag!! He can't understand that he completely humiliates me when he continues to talk to her when she acts like this. He is showing me and her and everyone that he is ok with this. I don't know what I can do to get him to understand.
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 He understands it just fine. He just doesn't CARE enough to do the right thing and has SHOWN you that - over, and over and over and over again. She's a little bitch, no doubt about it. But he's JUST as big a jerkoff for letting it happen. Stop looking at HER as the problem. HE'S the problem. You are right he is the problem. And actually at the party when I explained what she did that night he said I shouldn't let it ruin my night and that he doesn't care what she does and walked away from me.
Million.to.1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Give him a clear ultimatum. It's either you, or her. Simple. If he chooses you, he gets a relationship, sex, love, friendship, a possible future. With her, he gets a friend and the past. Fact is, that everyone so far has told you to dump him, but you choosing to ignore that advice for now.. which is understandable. You have 2 choices. Put up with it and shut-up about it, or explain to him clearly that he can't have both of you in his life at the moment. She is rude to you and makes you feel socially awkward around his friends and you don't want to be around her ESPECIALLY as he won't support you or make any effort to fix the problem. You told him the problem and he said "yeah, yeah".. but his actions were the writing on the wall. I think you know what you should do, but either way you lose right? Right now you are waiting for HIM to let you know whether you are still together?? He is the one that F@#ked up. He should be waiting for YOU. You are scared to walk away, but you should.
phineas Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 What everyone says. You or her. also, 8 month anniversary? really?
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 What everyone says. You or her. also, 8 month anniversary? really? Yeah :/ I just sent him a message about a half hour ago cos I still have no news. Neither does anyone else apparently.
Author maylis Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Finally a response to say I have to wait til tomorrow, after he plays basketball with his friends.......
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