DontWorryBHappy Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 It seems this always becomes an issue one way or another. I've been talking to a cool new guy. We were communicating on a daily basis, then I had to go on break from school and went on a trip to New York. I initiated contact sometimes, and he did sometimes, so it was all good. Then I went on the New York trip and started initiating most of the texting. That didn't bother me at first because I was genuinely excited to tell him things about my trip (not constantly, maybe once a day on average). He had sent a picture of himself to my phone a couple days earlier so I sent him one on the 30th of me wearing a really nice dress. I didn't get a response, but it was pretty late so that was fine. But then no text on new years eve, new years day, the 2nd, or the third until I finally texted "back in town" late on the night of the third. I told him previously that I would be back that day so I thought he would text then. This was a situation where I didn't know if I should have waited to hear from him, since I had texted him last with the picture, or if it was alright to text just because I wanted to... He did end up responding positively and asked me how new years was and everything, but I still felt odd about being the one that had to break the ice after several days after I had texted him the last time. Should I care that I was the one to finally text? Do I ever need to wait on him to contact first? I've just heard so many times that if a guy likes a girl he will get in touch and not let multiple days pass...so I'm questioning his interest. I also have no problem initiating texts and I do, but I guess I felt like the ball was in his court on this one, and when he wouldn't pass the ball back I ran into his court and dribbled it myself.
2sunny Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 When you talked - did he ask you out for this weekend?
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Yeah, if someone is interested, he/she will respond. He didn't apologize for taking so long to respond? No excuses? It could be that he's not that interested or perhaps he missed the text and didn't realize it until you texted again a couple days later? Don't know for certain. Yes, as 2sunny asked. Did he ask you out when you told him you were back in town?
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Nope, he didn't. He usually gets off work pretty late so maybe he'll ask tonight. Not holding my breath..for all I know he met someone else while I was away. He never said anything about he picture text. I'm just going to be chill and let his actions do the talking. But do you think I should've waited for him to text or was it alright that I said I was back in town? Or maybe it doesn't matter?
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 LOL@ dribbling the ball in his court.. I'm the kinda gal to let them do most of the communicating to see the level of intrest. But thats only really in the beginning stages. It does seem like a bit of a red flag that he waited so long and didn't apologize for not responding sooner. I also see where sunny is going with this question. If he is really intrested in you he will be scheduling to see you as often as he possibly can. Also with the communication a guy that is generally interested will contact pretty frequently. Unless in some way you have given him some kind of indication that your not that intrested. Which could send someone in the (back off a bit) mode.
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I was posting my response as you answered.. I think you texting him when you got back was fine, infact if you hadn't you would definetly be giving the impression your not at all intrested. For the most part if he isn't going to show intrest it dosen't matter either way. I'm just going to be chill and let his actions do the talking. Think this is definetly the best action to take..
2sunny Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Nope, he didn't. He usually gets off work pretty late so maybe he'll ask tonight. Not holding my breath..for all I know he met someone else while I was away. He never said anything about he picture text. I'm just going to be chill and let his actions do the talking. But do you think I should've waited for him to text or was it alright that I said I was back in town? Or maybe it doesn't matter? It doesn't matter now - you already texted him. He should be calling you - IF he's interested! And since he didn't ask ahead of time - don't meet him even if he asks! Get busy - make plans! And IF he asks say you're busy - ask me earlier in the week!
118unknown Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Please don't take this offensively but 'most' girls play hard to get and I understand its all part of the 'chase' but eventually us guys get a bit pissed off having to initiate a text all the bloody time! - and I know some girls might say, "if he cant be bother to text me first then he doesn't deserve my attention" But if you really want to speak to him why create a barrier to make yourself have to wait, just text him - send him as much texts as you want. If he ends up thinking you're a creep then ditch the twat. He doesn't deserve you. Saves all the hesitation having to wait and all the suspension of who texts first. If you want someone. Text them. Dont play games. 1
2sunny Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Please don't take this offensively but 'most' girls play hard to get and I understand its all part of the 'chase' but eventually us guys get a bit pissed off having to initiate a text all the bloody time! - and I know some girls might say, "if he cant be bother to text me first then he doesn't deserve my attention" But if you really want to speak to him why create a barrier to make yourself have to wait, just text him - send him as much texts as you want. If he ends up thinking you're a creep then ditch the twat. He doesn't deserve you. Saves all the hesitation having to wait and all the suspension of who texts first. If you want someone. Text them. Dont play games. How about a voice = call!!!
118unknown Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 How about a voice = call!!! Just send him a text saying can I phone you or can you phone me? If you guys really get along you can talk to each for hours. Silence doesn't feel awkward, you can sit on the phone listening to each other not saying a word! If not, build on it, keep conversations short and maybe eventually you can get up to the 'silence and comfortable' stage. If not, maybe its better to stay friends. P.s. If you have time please could you have a read at "Im going Paris with her... but we're not together?" thats my thread. Need some advice. haha cheers!
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I have run into to many guys that do their best to initiate txts over and over just so when they feel that they have your attention and hooked they kind of drop off the map. So 118unknown- it dosen't always make it a game. For me for example I usually let them txt more often because I'm genuinly not that intrested in the beginning and very cautious. In most cases in the beginning the two involved aren't going to have the same level of intrest. Every situation is diffrent. In some cases I really do like the person so I'm going to contact more often in others it will take a bit more to spark a level of intrest. If they are constantly txting and calling at that point when I have a low level of intrest, I start feeling smothered. I agree that calling is a lot more personal and makes it easier to bond with someone and get to know them and in this case when I run into these men that actually know how to make the phone ring. I love it!! It shows a real level of intrest in getting to know me and makes me feel good!
xpaperxcutx Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Sounds like something happened during the holidays and he just lost interest. Usually a guy who likes you would be in contact with you and would want to hear your voice. I'm surprised he hasn't bothered to call you. 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Yea, don't know what happened here. He showed a huge, almost exaggerated interest level before my trip and at the beginning of it. Was contacting a lot and sending pictures of himself and his hometown. Then randomly 4 solid days of silence until I was the one who reached out. I'm betting either he's just really oblivious and bad at this or he met a girl on new years or something. If it is over it sucks though, the few times that we went out we really clicked, and he let me know it at the time.. At this point I'm sitting on my hands to wait and see if this dies out.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) I'm now convinced that he lost interest, and you know what? ..its fine. He didn't text me after he got off work, which completely goes against his apparent high interest level of before, and how he told me that he couldn't wait to see me. I don't think my intuition is wrong in this case. However, I can rest easy knowing that I did absolutely nothing wrong. I showed interest yet not a hint of needy behavior, I haven't slept with him yet (we've only seen each other two, maybe three times), and was generally just a cool chick that he supposedly liked very much up until the sudden drop off. He did go clubbing for new years and I'm betting something happened there. Or maybe he just lost interest for no reason. It really sucks when you are excited about someone who has been giving you so many green lights then suddenly its just over and they're done. In any case, my "back in town" text will be the last initiated by me, and I am now confidently writing this one off. Thanks all. Edited January 5, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy
Maneater Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I'm now convinced that he lost interest, and you know what? ..its fine. He didn't text me after he got off work, which completely goes against his apparent high interest level of before, and how he told me that he couldn't wait to see me. I don't think my intuition is wrong in this case. However, I can rest easy knowing that I did absolutely nothing wrong. I showed interest yet not a hint of needy behavior, I haven't slept with him yet (we've only seen each other two, maybe three times), and was generally just a cool chick that he supposedly liked very much up until the sudden drop off. He did go clubbing for new years and I'm betting something happened there. Or maybe he just lost interest for no reason. It really sucks when you are excited about someone who has been giving you so many green lights then suddenly its just over and they're done. In any case, my "back in town" text will be the last initiated by me, and I am now confidently writing this one off. Thanks all. So you only text once when you got back? If so, i feel like New Years and this week is a really hectic time with people just getting into the swing of things. If you're not exaggerating on his exceptionally high level of interest then maybe you could text one more time later in the week. Sometimes **** really happens. My phone broke one time after the best date ever w some guy.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Well it just seems like the ball really is in his court at this point, and texting again would be pointless. Definitely not exaggerating about his interest level before. I had texted him a picture of myself several days ago that he didn't respond to, and after four more days of silence I reached out again to let him know I was back. That's a couple times of me reaching out. His phone is not broken at all. He responded to my "Back in town" text and we talked briefly, but he made no mention of us getting together then didn't contact me after work as he previously would.
Maneater Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Well it just seems like the ball really is in his court at this point, and texting again would be pointless. Definitely not exaggerating about his interest level before. I had texted him a picture of myself several days ago that he didn't respond to, and after four more days of silence I reached out again to let him know I was back. That's a couple times of me reaching out. His phone is not broken at all. He responded to my "Back in town" text and we talked briefly, but he made no mention of us getting together then didn't contact me after work as he previously would. Ohh ok I see. I missed that he briefly talked to you but didn't ask you out again. Did he ask you out all the other times? Maybe he's thinking that its your turn this time.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Ugh, well then I guess I should ask once (only once) to erase all reasonable doubt? I don't know how to do it though. edit:I decided to just do it. I just texted him that I was looking forward to seeing him, that I hoped he had a great new year, and if he is still interested, to let me know. I couldn't really be more clear than that, so we shall see. Edited January 5, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy
Aedra Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Please don't take this offensively but 'most' girls play hard to get and I understand its all part of the 'chase' but eventually us guys get a bit pissed off having to initiate a text all the bloody time! - and I know some girls might say, "if he cant be bother to text me first then he doesn't deserve my attention" But if you really want to speak to him why create a barrier to make yourself have to wait, just text him - send him as much texts as you want. If he ends up thinking you're a creep then ditch the twat. He doesn't deserve you. Saves all the hesitation having to wait and all the suspension of who texts first. If you want someone. Text them. Dont play games. Honestly, I agree. Mind games are dull and juvenile. Be straight-forward and honest, text when you want just don't text 50 times a day because that's overboard for anyone. A guy that likes you and mature enough gonna be comfortable with your daily texts and communicate properly. Edited January 5, 2013 by Aedra
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Intuition was correct...he neglected to respond. and it is now clear that he bailed. Very odd, since his interest level appeared high mere days ago, and things had been going quite well. You just can't control this ****, I tell you. I deleted his number last night after he didn't respond to my message and it looks like a good decision because he doesn't seem to be reaching out. Think now is time for a break from dating
Maneater Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Intuition was correct...he neglected to respond. and it is now clear that he bailed. Very odd, since his interest level appeared high mere days ago, and things had been going quite well. You just can't control this ****, I tell you. I deleted his number last night after he didn't respond to my message and it looks like a good decision because he doesn't seem to be reaching out. Think now is time for a break from dating Sorry to hear it didn't work out. It's moments like this when you should NOT give up. Don't let one idiot keep you from someone else better
Emilia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Intuition was correct...he neglected to respond. and it is now clear that he bailed. Very odd, since his interest level appeared high mere days ago, and things had been going quite well. You just can't control this ****, I tell you. I deleted his number last night after he didn't respond to my message and it looks like a good decision because he doesn't seem to be reaching out. Think now is time for a break from dating No need to take a break from dating, you just need to understand that initial high level of interest doesn't necessarily mean anything. You need to observe someone's behaviour over a longer period. Have you ever met? I can't see references to it in your posts (apologies if I missed them) but with these photos back and forth it seems to me you don't know each other?
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) Yes, we had met. Went out on a few dates. To the poster who said I should have stuck to my guns and not said anything further, I agree I suppose.. Although, I do believe that reaching out that final time wasn't a make or break moment. If he had been interested, he would have responded in kind (I think). But then again you are right, I would've had my answer without having to waste my effort if I had been silent. But I am glad to have found out a little quicker this way! Edited January 7, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy
mortensorchid Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Not to sound bitchy or anything, but I do think you were showing a little too much interest by texting so much during the NY trip. Sure you were excited about it and wanted to let him know all about, but that's what a Facebook update is all about. It seems to me that he has lost interested because of that. SO the next time, don't be so eager on it. It's hard to not be because of the excitement of a new situation, but you have to show some restraint in this venue.
sid3 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Not to sound bitchy or anything, but I do think you were showing a little too much interest by texting so much during the NY trip. Sure you were excited about it and wanted to let him know all about, but that's what a Facebook update is all about. It seems to me that he has lost interested because of that. SO the next time, don't be so eager on it. It's hard to not be because of the excitement of a new situation, but you have to show some restraint in this venue. Yep, couldn't agree more. Showing interest is fine, too much and it quickly comes across as desperate.
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