Lost kitten Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 First of all, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who responded to my previous post. It meant more to me than you would know (ok, maybe you do) to be able to vent and get advice without an agenda. I'm really not doing well. I go to work, come home and sob until I fall asleep. Of course, I can't sleep through the night so I wake up in a panic. I do not want to feel like this, I'm so helpless. There's a huge pit in my gut that's just won't go away. I still can't eat, and I am still throwing up fairly regularly. I've lost nearly 40 pounds in 2 months. The finality of packing up and moving, to me, is like giving up. It's so unbearably hard for me to do that. This isn't what I wanted, at all, and I never had a say in any of it. He couldn't even ****ing talk to me. What the **** is happening? Who the **** is he? He's seemingly fine and unaffected, like I never mattered. Like I was just a toy in his little game of playing grow up. All he cares about is his band and shows. Like he's running from reality and the situation. This is so ****ing serious and so ****ing hard, and it hurts that he doesnt seem to be taking it seriously. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be so helpless and completely ****ed up. I took everything seriously. I can't fix him, but we could have fixed this. He never even gave me a chance. All he can do is point fingers and blame it on me. Well, I ****ing learned my lesson, whatever that is, because I'm a ****ing mess. I decided this afternoon, in a moment of clarity I pray stays - is that I did everything I could. I know I was good to him, and I know I loved him and showed him. All I can do is hope that he sees that, once he can get some clear space in his mind, and maybe, he'll miss me. Maybe he'll come back. For now, though, there's nothing more I can do. He knows I will always take his calls, and be his friend. For that, it will have to be enough. Enough.
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Do you have someone you can call whenever you need to talk? Sometimes I wish I could give out my number to people because I know what it's like to be desperate to be able to hear someone's voice, and know they're listening to me, and feel like someone cares about me when I might otherwise not feel like that. Or at least, that's how I used to be. Now I like to be alone when I'm upset....but I digress. For me it was my best friend and my grandma. I could call them at any time. I know it hurts right now. I was so incredibly upset that all I could do was cry. I couldn't go to work, I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep... But then I got over him and I wondered why I ever grieved over that POS to begin with. And ever since then I've never cried more than a couple of hours over a guy. Actually, I've been the dumper ever since then.
Author Lost kitten Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Do you have someone you can call whenever you need to talk? Sometimes I wish I could give out my number to people because I know what it's like to be desperate to be able to hear someone's voice, and know they're listening to me, and feel like someone cares about me when I might otherwise not feel like that. Or at least, that's how I used to be. Now I like to be alone when I'm upset....but I digress. For me it was my best friend and my grandma. I could call them at any time. I know it hurts right now. I was so incredibly upset that all I could do was cry. I couldn't go to work, I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep... But then I got over him and I wondered why I ever grieved over that POS to begin with. And ever since then I've never cried more than a couple of hours over a guy. Actually, I've been the dumper ever since then. I do have some close friends to talk to. My girlfriends and sister are now at the point where they HATE this guy, and will listen to me, but then tell me to quit moping and being sad. My best guy friend, who is the most sensitive person I know, is going through something very similar now, so when we talk, it's a lot of tears and not much comfort. A question for you, as "always been the dumper". My former fiance is the same way - he's never been dumped, save for a time in high school. He always wore it like a badge of honor. I'm almost starting to think he could have kept in his concerns and fears with our relationship, to protect himself and keep up his record. Sick, but it could be a defense mechanism. Why else wouldnt he agree to at least try?
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I do have some close friends to talk to. My girlfriends and sister are now at the point where they HATE this guy, and will listen to me, but then tell me to quit moping and being sad. My best guy friend, who is the most sensitive person I know, is going through something very similar now, so when we talk, it's a lot of tears and not much comfort. A question for you, as "always been the dumper". My former fiance is the same way - he's never been dumped, save for a time in high school. He always wore it like a badge of honor. I'm almost starting to think he could have kept in his concerns and fears with our relationship, to protect himself and keep up his record. Sick, but it could be a defense mechanism. Why else wouldnt he agree to at least try? To clarify, I've always been the dumper SINCE that particular ex. I've been dumped in my life. LOL And yeah, could be that he's afraid of commitment, or is just a dick. I really wish you'd eat. I learned that being really hungry was messing with my healing because I wasn't thinking clearly because my brain was deprived of nutrients.
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