flip Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 I been with partner for 10 years, we have young children. We always argued alot, he'd argue the bones off anyone . It got so bad we couldn't have a evening out or any family get together without him huffing and me tearstained. He wouldn't go out on occassions with me, i went to numerious weddings and party's on my own and the ones i guilted him into going on ended up deppressing and misserable because of his mood. He was an out going man in his youth and always said 'been there, done that' . He worked too hard and wouldn't delegate, starting work at 7am and finishing at 12am and lots of night shifts (don't even think it! this man did not cheat on me) He shouted all the time (still does) at me and the children, the punishment Never fitting the crime (he NEVER raised a hand to us) He didn't want to marry me because he just didn't believe in it, i was desperate to marry b4 i had children. Tender moments were few and far between as the relationship progressed . In my eyes this strong dominant oppinionated man began to drag me down, i was caught in a downward spiral of his constant nagging at me, i did nothing to his specifications and when he spoke to me it was short and impatient......... Yet to him , he really beleived he just had standards (doesn't everyone) and he couldn't understand that he spoke badly to me ( that's the way he was) and the arguments were both of us ,not just him , except that the argument never ended until he'd made his point (5 hours or 3 days)and i'd be on the floor pulling my hair out in a fit of crying. He upset people in my family and then called us all 'over sensitive'. I loved this man and i could talk to him BUT i felt like i was always treading on eggshells. In an argument he would Always step over the line with cruel words of hate and nastiness, i started getting like this after about 7 years of living with it. I also started moaning about silly little things (that meant nothing to me) just so it wasn't him moaning all the time at ME. I decided to get a life and joined a club. He was fine about me going out and although a money worrier , he was quite generous with it (always surprised me how he could moan about money and make me feel guilty about it but bung me 40 quid out of the kindness of his heart) -I loved my club and it wasn't long b4 someone started taking an interest in me. I got to know a man who was kind and sensitive with all the same hobbies and likes to mine. It took 2 years to get to know him properly and soon we were texting, then shopping, then flirting, then drinking............inevitable. i decided to tell my partner i no longer loved him, it was easy, i did it during one of the uaual rows. he was devasted, didn't have a clue i was unhappy and couldn't understand. i said i resented him for not wanting to marry me, arguments, working all the time, me and children always pussyfootin' around him. He thought about it for a couple of days and said he would change, and he's been trying . He couldn't bear for me to leave and break up the family. i decided to try again...............but i couldn't i've come to realise that my partner and me have nothing in common and will argue till the day we die. we will still never go out and really ...connect. This other man is so in love with me and my feelings are the same. He has children too but is single. He wants me. I was going to have him. we understand each other so much it's scary. i' had been leading a double life for 6 months before i had the nuts to finally finish with my partner. Driven by tremendous guilt and constant crying (cos of the guilt) But My partner has changed so much and i'm caught in an undisicive moment. I can't bear to see him hurt and crying and being on his own. I do love him but i also love someone else. I know i could be happy with my partner and plod along with my life. I also know i could be happy with my 'love' and be understood and have calm and peace in my life as well as excitment of our hobbies and relaxed with the children. I just don't know any more, stay with patner and children secure in house or risk it????? also my cheatin' heart will leave me guilt ridden 4 ever.... do i even have a choice.
uriel Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 You've already decided to leave. The only reason you're having doubts is because you fear financial consequences. You've said the man you're with is no good for you or your children (although he will always be a part of their lives). Don't leave for this other man. Maybe things will work out with him and maybe not. View him as a catalyst that made you sit up and take notice of how bad you've let things get in your current relationship. Decide to leave because that's no good and you want to make a better life for you and your kids. Plan out the finances as best you can -- not counting on help from your ex or this new fellow. You're going to have to stand on your own two feet. A temporary assist from a parent or longtime friend would be fine -- as long as there are no strings attached. Good luck -- uriel
friendofafriend Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Have you done everything you possibly can to make it work with your partner? What did you do wrong?
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