Overthinking? Or good sign?

[Cam116]

You can find other posts about our break up under my info. Long story short, he broke up with me a few weeks ago using the ol "I love you but not in love with you". No other girls involved, didn't do it to play the field etc. he just said his feeling faded. We broke up on very good terms, and have had a few friendly conversations since (he called me on Christmas to wish Merry Christmas and tell me that his sister went into labor).

 

I attempted NC again, and NYE was the 5th day (we still have an apartment together until February, which I am currently living in. He's staying at his grandmothers and still paying his half of rent and bills). I got a call from him NYE. He asked if I could leave money for the Comcast bill as he was going to stop by the apartment to grab a few more things, and could use the money if I had it. I told him that was no problem. Then he told me that he was going to stop by a few days before but was too caught up in crazy things that have been happening, and that he didn't even make it to his cousins wedding which was that day. I asked him why, and he told me that he had to send his dad to a crisis center because he went off of his depression meds and had been drinking himself to death all week since Christmas. He hadn't even seen his grandson who was born on Christmas.

 

Anyways, we talked about all of that for a bit, but I had to go because I was at the movies with my dad and had to go in. I asked if I could call him back later, and he said sure, but wouldn't be able to answer his phone if he had to go back to the center where his dad is. So I called him after the movie, and we talked for a good 15 minutes. He asked me what I had been up to, how my parents were doing, how my Christmas was etc. I was kinda shocked that he was taking interest, but I'm sure it was just friendly curiosity? I also asked him what he was doing for New Years, and he said he's so emotionally exhausted that he had no interest in going out anywhere. He said he would probably just either stay in and watch movies or hang low with a quiet crowd (he is usually a partier, so he is definitely taking all of this hard).

 

I'm sure I'm looking waaaaaaaay too far into this, I just found it odd that he would have called me. He could have easily just texted me and asked me to leave money (he texted before and asked that I sign some papers for the apartment and leave them there). It really seemed to me that he wanted to talk to me, not about US but just...talk to me. And when I called him back, he was the one initiating the entire conversation, and he HATES talking on the phone with a passion. So it surprised me that he stayed on the phone with me for 15 minutes. Minor thing I'm reading far into, but do you think it's at all significant? I'm still going through the roller coaster emotions, but I deleted all of our FB pictures, finally, and have started NC again. It seems every time I attempt NC, he ends up contacting me after about 4 days or so. My gut keeps pulling me back to him, I don't think it's denial (it could be) but I just have the strongest feeling that it's not over for us. I also saw his uncle last night and we talked briefly about the whole BU, he kept telling me to just wait and see what happens. I just want to stop thinking about him! But do you think I'm overthinking the phone call? Or is that potentially a good sign?

[HARPER100]

It might be that he's having second thoughts or it could just be he's lonely and in need of support because of the issues with his dad. If it's the latter, which would be my guess, then you should do whats best for you and cut off contact again.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You can find other posts about our break up under my info. Long story short, he broke up with me a few weeks ago using the ol "I love you but not in love with you". No other girls involved, didn't do it to play the field etc. he just said his feeling faded. We broke up on very good terms, and have had a few friendly conversations since (he called me on Christmas to wish Merry Christmas and tell me that his sister went into labor).

 

I attempted NC again, and NYE was the 5th day (we still have an apartment together until February, which I am currently living in. He's staying at his grandmothers and still paying his half of rent and bills). I got a call from him NYE. He asked if I could leave money for the Comcast bill as he was going to stop by the apartment to grab a few more things, and could use the money if I had it. I told him that was no problem. Then he told me that he was going to stop by a few days before but was too caught up in crazy things that have been happening, and that he didn't even make it to his cousins wedding which was that day. I asked him why, and he told me that he had to send his dad to a crisis center because he went off of his depression meds and had been drinking himself to death all week since Christmas. He hadn't even seen his grandson who was born on Christmas.

 

Anyways, we talked about all of that for a bit, but I had to go because I was at the movies with my dad and had to go in. I asked if I could call him back later, and he said sure, but wouldn't be able to answer his phone if he had to go back to the center where his dad is. So I called him after the movie, and we talked for a good 15 minutes. He asked me what I had been up to, how my parents were doing, how my Christmas was etc. I was kinda shocked that he was taking interest, but I'm sure it was just friendly curiosity? I also asked him what he was doing for New Years, and he said he's so emotionally exhausted that he had no interest in going out anywhere. He said he would probably just either stay in and watch movies or hang low with a quiet crowd (he is usually a partier, so he is definitely taking all of this hard).

 

I'm sure I'm looking waaaaaaaay too far into this, I just found it odd that he would have called me. He could have easily just texted me and asked me to leave money (he texted before and asked that I sign some papers for the apartment and leave them there). It really seemed to me that he wanted to talk to me, not about US but just...talk to me. And when I called him back, he was the one initiating the entire conversation, and he HATES talking on the phone with a passion. So it surprised me that he stayed on the phone with me for 15 minutes. Minor thing I'm reading far into, but do you think it's at all significant? I'm still going through the roller coaster emotions, but I deleted all of our FB pictures, finally, and have started NC again. It seems every time I attempt NC, he ends up contacting me after about 4 days or so. My gut keeps pulling me back to him, I don't think it's denial (it could be) but I just have the strongest feeling that it's not over for us. I also saw his uncle last night and we talked briefly about the whole BU, he kept telling me to just wait and see what happens. I just want to stop thinking about him! But do you think I'm overthinking the phone call? Or is that potentially a good sign?

 

Experience: Do not take anything they do to be hopeful unless they actually say "I want to get back together." You are doing well on the NC so keep doing that. It's a tough road hence why LS is a fully functioning website. If breakups and dating were easy, I wouldn't be here.

[Cam116]

I am cutting off contact again. It just really felt like he wanted to talk to me, maybe just to have SOMEONE to talk to or because he missed talking to me. So, we'll see how long this NC goes for. If he contacts me again, I'll be back on here posting yet again. These situations just keep popping up...plus talking to his uncle yesterday kinda set me back. I'm doing everything I can to keep my feet on the ground, look forward, and not give myself false hope. My gut is just....really pulling here.

 

I've been pretty good with the BU thus far, this past week though I feel like I'm slipping. I just started clinicals with school, which is a GREAT distraction to be in a new place doing new and exciting things, but by the end of each day, I find myself just aching to call him and tell him how excited I am/how great I'm doing with school etc etc. And if I did do that, I know he would be excited for me and ask me questions about it, which makes it even harder for me to not contact him. I'm trying my best....this week has just felt like a step backwards for some reason.

[Simon Phoenix]

Overthinking. And you do realize that you don't have to answer when he contacts you. That is the central part of no contact. You haven't even given NC a chance at all -- you jump like an obedient puppy every time he sends any attention in your direction.

[na49]

I don't care how close you were with his family. If you aren't dating him anymore, stop talking to his family. They'll understand. Really. I loved my ex's family, they were so much like my own. Once she dumped me, they were gone just like she was.

 

Especially when you know that it sets you back. You said it yourself. Moving on isn't easy. Your heart wants one thing and your brain knows you need the other. It's a losing battle. Reality has to hit you at some point and you have to try to stop analyzing everything and look for meaning. There is none. He doesn't put as much thought into anything he sends you as you put into trying to decipher it.

 

Block his number if it continues. You probably won't, and if you do it will suck. In the long term, it's better that you don't hear him. You'll be doing back flips every time you get any type of bread crumbs from him even if it's him actually drunk dialing you or something.

[Cam116]

I can't just ignore someone if I know them and see them out somewhere and they say hi to me. I'm just not a rude person like that. I don't harbour any ill feeling towards him, and his family did nothing wrong to me so it would be incredibly out of character and rude for me to not acknowledge someone's greeting. Yeah, I know I can ignore his calls. BELIEVE me I've tried in the past, it's just a hard thing to do. I'm not changing my number either, it's not like he calls me and bothers me every day. He hasn't even attempted to drunk dial me once, yet I've attempted to drunk dial him a few times (thank god his phone was dead.....uugghhh).

[Simon Phoenix]

I can't just ignore someone if I know them and see them out somewhere and they say hi to me. I'm just not a rude person like that. I don't harbour any ill feeling towards him, and his family did nothing wrong to me so it would be incredibly out of character and rude for me to not acknowledge someone's greeting. Yeah, I know I can ignore his calls. BELIEVE me I've tried in the past, it's just a hard thing to do. I'm not changing my number either, it's not like he calls me and bothers me every day. He hasn't even attempted to drunk dial me once, yet I've attempted to drunk dial him a few times (thank god his phone was dead.....uugghhh).

 

If you see him walking down the street, be polite and short. But be real, you haven't even given NC a chance. It has nothing to do with being rude, you are doing this for you. And things worth doing are supposed to be hard. If it was easy, then there'd be no need for this website. If you are really concerned about being "rude", then tell him that you need to go NC.

[blotter]

Unless he actually says "I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER", he is using you as an emotional tampon. If you don't mind being used continue to respond to his breadcrumbs.