LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) I know it's all down to me but I can't seem to snap out of this. I know I need to but at the same time I don't want to. The guilt is too much. I'm pretty sure he hasn't given me a second thought. I'm sure he doesn't even care if I feel guilty or not. When I have moments of clarity about having to move on I feel guilty, it's like if I don't feel sad or I stop crying then it must mean I'm a horrible heartless person. I should feel bad, I should feel guilty, anything else is wrong. Edited January 4, 2013 by LostGirl11
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Guilty about what? I don't know how to link my older threads, sorry. But it's called 'Hate myself'
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Ummmm.....okay? SO, what exactly are you feeling guilty about? Moving on?
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I don't know how to link my older threads, sorry. But it's called 'Hate myself' AHHHHH!!!! Okay! I remember! Girl! okay.....you said something out of anger. He tossed you to the side. You apologized, like, 5 TIMES!!! But, he doesn't return your texts or calls. ANd if I remember correctly. The majority conveyed to you that HE was looking for one excuse to end it with you. ANY EXCUSE. He took what you said and ran with it. Well.....you what I say?......HIS LOSS!!!!!!! If he doesn't want to be with you, then there's really no other option BUT to move on. He's not the only guy in the the world. And there are guys out there that won't play petty games like your douche rocket Ex is playing. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 LostGirl, It's been 2-3 days. The pain will take time to dissipate, but I think you're putting yourself through much more than you deserve. You're challenge was not the best approach, certainly, but he let you go pretty darn easily! I don't get the sense that he was that committed to you in the first place. Look, you're options are either to move on be better off looking for someone else, or keep yourself in this funk. I think the option is clear, don't you? The day that you start feeling LESS about what happened, the better. Believe me...I have been through a heartbreak, but time heals if and when you let it. It doesn't make you heartless, just pretty darn human! Feeling less is a sign of recovery in my book. You need to get out, socialize, be with friends and get over the illusion that it was all your fault. From the sounds of it, it wasn't. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 AHHHHH!!!! Okay! I remember! Girl! okay.....you said something out of anger. He tossed you to the side. You apologized, like, 5 TIMES!!! But, he doesn't return your texts or calls. ANd if I remember correctly. The majority conveyed to you that HE was looking for one excuse to end it with you. ANY EXCUSE. He took what you said and ran with it. Well.....you what I say?......HIS LOSS!!!!!!! If he doesn't want to be with you, then there's really no other option BUT to move on. He's not the only guy in the the world. And there are guys out there that won't play petty games like your douche rocket Ex is playing. I don't know what OP said to him, but I can't imagine something said in anger/frustration (and apologized for) should be a reason to break up with someone, if he had feelings for her (love) and was committed to her in the first place.... So yeah, I went through the same thing with my ex. Any time I would say anything that he deemed to be somewhat critical, or any time I conveyed some frustration with his behaviour, demanded some respect, or was just plain stressed (not by him), he'd threaten to dump me, or would actually dump me, claiming he didn't need this stress/moodiness, etc. Turns out, though, that the real issue was that he had never cared about me, and was never committed to me. Never saw me in the same way that I viewed him.. I'm better off without him. It would've sucked to have wasted years of my life with a douchebag like him, only for him to do the same thing , years down the line. No way. F*ck that. Do not feel guilty. We all say/do things out of frustration sometimes -- as long as you apologized (as I did numerous times to my ex), that shows that you are a mature person. There is no need for guilt. He should be the one to feel guilty, for not being forgiving, etc. I hate people who make use of your previous behaviour (which you apologized for) and hit you with it on the head months or years down the line. I think this sort of behaviour is typical of narcissists (who also lack any empathy, are generally unforgiving of anything they perceive as a slight to their personality, and who NEVER EVER apologize , nor do they understand the logic behind an apology, and consider an apology to be a sign of weakness rather than a sign of maturity). My ex was a narcissist, and maybe yours was too. Or maybe he was just plain immature and a jerk. Whatever the case, you're better off without this douchebag.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 AHHHHH!!!! Okay! I remember! Girl! okay.....you said something out of anger. He tossed you to the side. You apologized, like, 5 TIMES!!! But, he doesn't return your texts or calls. ANd if I remember correctly. The majority conveyed to you that HE was looking for one excuse to end it with you. ANY EXCUSE. He took what you said and ran with it. Well.....you what I say?......HIS LOSS!!!!!!! If he doesn't want to be with you, then there's really no other option BUT to move on. He's not the only guy in the the world. And there are guys out there that won't play petty games like your douche rocket Ex is playing. I know you're right. Really I do. But when I think like that I feel like all I'm doing is putting the blame on him! Stupid I know! Also feel like me going NC is cruel! But I know deep down it isn't. I honestly am taking on board everything that is being posted.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I don't know what OP said to him, but I can't imagine something said in anger/frustration (and apologized for) should be a reason to break up with someone, if he had feelings for her (love) and was committed to her in the first place.... So yeah, I went through the same thing with my ex. Any time I would say anything that he deemed to be somewhat critical, or any time I conveyed some frustration with his behaviour, demanded some respect, or was just plain stressed (not by him), he'd threaten to dump me, or would actually dump me, claiming he didn't need this stress/moodiness, etc. Turns out, though, that the real issue was that he had never cared about me, and was never committed to me. Never saw me in the same way that I viewed him.. I'm better off without him. It would've sucked to have wasted years of my life with a douchebag like him, only for him to do the same thing , years down the line. No way. F*ck that. Do not feel guilty. We all say/do things out of frustration sometimes -- as long as you apologized (as I did numerous times to my ex), that shows that you are a mature person. There is no need for guilt. He should be the one to feel guilty, for not being forgiving, etc. I hate people who make use of your previous behaviour (which you apologized for) and hit you with it on the head months or years down the line. I think this sort of behaviour is typical of narcissists (who also lack any empathy, are generally unforgiving of anything they perceive as a slight to their personality, and who NEVER EVER apologize , nor do they understand the logic behind an apology, and consider an apology to be a sign of weakness rather than a sign of maturity). My ex was a narcissist, and maybe yours was too. Or maybe he was just plain immature and a jerk. Whatever the case, you're better off without this douchebag. Thanks for your post NoMoreJerks. You can read my thread about the whole thing to get a better understanding on it if you like. Come to think of it, he has never apologised to me, ever. Or when he did he'd beat around the bush about it but would never actually say sorry.
LostOne1 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I know it's all down to me but I can't seem to snap out of this. I know I need to but at the same time I don't want to. The guilt is too much. I'm pretty sure he hasn't given me a second thought. I'm sure he doesn't even care if I feel guilty or not. When I have moments of clarity about having to move on I feel guilty, it's like if I don't feel sad or I stop crying then it must mean I'm a horrible heartless person. I should feel bad, I should feel guilty, anything else is wrong. It will go away slowly. I felt the same for awhile and kept blaming myself too. Then over time you see things from their side too. And then you realize you are not fully to blame. My ex pinned it all on me saying it was ALL my fault. I thought so too then, but now I realize it isn't fully my fault. I am PART to blame, but not for everything. Sometimes I feel guilt once in awhile now instead of daily. But that guilt changes to experience or a lesson learned. If I feel guilty about something I just accept I did something wrong and look for it. I did find a few things I wish I did more of.. and I can't fix it for her. But I can fix it for the next person I am with now. That's how I see life now.. that shes out of my life and she wants that and I think she wanted it for awhile. But she pushed through for a bit. The guilt will come and go, but at some point most of the guilt will leave you. You'll learn to accept yourself and if you did make any mistakes or could've done something better, then you'll accept that mistake too over time.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Now I'm being crazy! Thinking way too much. I keep posting on here just so I don't contact him. I was just thinking about how I worded my apology. I was in such I state that I can't actually remember what I said. I kind of remember saying something like 'I didn't think you were taking us seriously so I just said it to be a cow, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it' (That was one of them) Maybe he thinks I was being serious about the whole open relationship thing! He might actually believe that I want that! I wish I saved the texts. Edited January 4, 2013 by LostGirl11
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Now I'm being crazy! Thinking way too much. I keep posting on here just so I don't contact him. I was just thinking about how I worded my apology. I was in such I state that I can't actually remember what I said. I kind of remember saying something like 'I didn't think you were taking us seriously so I just said it to be a cow, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it' (That was one of them) Maybe he thinks I was being serious about the whole open relationship thing! He might actually believe that I want that! I wish I saved the texts.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I have a massive urge to text him. I just want to keep saying sorry. I love him so much.
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