na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I realize I'm averaging one new thread per day, so just bare with me. This healing process is just getting very annoying. It's been a week since I've blocked her number. So I know she can't call/text me which means I probably will never hear from her again. I hate feeling like this. I hate how I can't just wake up and love life like I used to. I know I'm getting better but this is just so frustrating. Do I really need to check her facebook and see her dating new guys to know it's over? Do I need to hear it from her that it's over and feel worse? She told me herself, she knew we ended on bad terms but just wanted to be friends. She doesn't want to give us another shot. She'd rather date other guys. That's her right. She doesn't owe me anything now. I don't see how I love her either because I don't wish her happiness. She's made her choice to dump me 3 months ago, so I know she's not coming back. She's happier with her life now than she was when she was with me in it. and whether I'm her friend or not, it doesn't matter much to her. Her life just kept going after dumping me. Meanwhile I've been in a rut with no confidence for 3 months. I get sudden spurts of motivation to do something, but I've been feeling horrible these past few days. alright venting over.
Harradin Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I'm getting it all too, its really frustrating. Not heard from my ex since mid October, and it does hurt as she's kept away since I told her I have no intention of being friends. I think its because its the holidays so there's no real plans so it just lingers like a bad smell, I can't wait to go back to uni tbh, then at least I can get into a routine and not worry about it as much.
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 That's a good point. I can't wait to go back too, at least then I won't have as much free time. (never thought that would be a bad thing) I think I have too much time to myself now and instead of spending it on hobbies that interest me, I spend it thinking about "what if" and "what's she doing right now?" "does she really mean it when she said she misses me?" "what did we need to talk about?"
Harradin Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I guess you won't ever know unless she comes and finds you in person. I should really revise etc but I simply cba which isn't good considering I have 2 exams this month, my ex has been on my mind and I keep procrastinating. But I'm not worrying too much as I reckon when I go back I'll start doing work, being at home is horribly distracting.
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 That's a good point. I can't wait to go back too, at least then I won't have as much free time. (never thought that would be a bad thing) I think I have too much time to myself now and instead of spending it on hobbies that interest me, I spend it thinking about "what if" and "what's she doing right now?" "does she really mean it when she said she misses me?" "what did we need to talk about?" I said it once and I'll say it again. TRAVEL!!! Go somewhere! See something new! Even if it's just a few towns away. Just get out of the norm! The more you stay stagnant, the more your mind is going to wander and it's going to find itself wandering towards her. Keep busy and you won't think about her as much. When you have a little down time, will you think about her? Probably! But I would take one hour of thinking about my Ex in a day that was filled with fun and new sites and new activities than compared to sitting around the house ALL DAY thinking about her and nothing else. Take a train! Amtrak has great and cheap rates! I can get from Chicago to St. Louis in 3.5 hours for 14 bucks. Or take the Megabus! They're cheap as hell too! All I'm saying, is you can get away for a weekend and it won't cost you an arm and a leg! Go have a mini adventure. Take a friend with you. GET OUT OF HERE!!! I promise you, it will do you wonders to decompress and recharge.
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I know Chi. If it was that easy for me, I'd go out and do it. It'd be a bit of a project and doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me right now.
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I know Chi. If it was that easy for me, I'd go out and do it. It'd be a bit of a project and doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me right now. Excuses...excuses.... I could be done if you wanted to do it. All it takes in a little planning and preparation. I'm not saying power down the computer RIGHT NOW and jump on a train. Do your research, find a place you want to go. Research for the cheapest place to stay in a good area. Decide if you're going to drive, fly or public transport it. Then budget for it. Factor in your meals and "fun money". By doing all of this, it gives you something to look forward to, something to plan for. You mind is going to think of other things you could possibily do while you're there. Thinking about different clubs and night life spots in the area.......oh!......look what (or who) you're NOT thinking about right now! You got more important things to think about. You're never going to understand what I'm talking about until you do it. Believe me, hopefully, someone will chime in here and tell you about their trips they've taken after a break up and how it helped them. So, anyone else want to chime in here?
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Okay well besides taking a trip. Do you have any other ideas of ways I can miss her less? lol
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Okay well besides taking a trip. Do you have any other ideas of ways I can miss her less? lol Yeah...getting out of the house and doing something. Get a new hobby, If you have an interest in something, then there's probably a club with people that share the same interest. A cycling club, running club, community theater...hell, there's even clubs for people that like fish tanks and they meet up all the time! Book clubs, paranormal clubs, co-ed sports, there's a TON of stuff on Campus you can do as well to keep yourself busy.
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Figures. I really hate how much I'm missing her right now. I go a few hours where I think I'm better off and that it was bound to happen eventually and then I think how could she be so cruel? I wish she'd try harder to reach out to me and make me feel like I'm still worth something to her. I don't even want to check my email because I know that'd be the reason I would do it and I'd feel horrible when I didn't see anything from her. Why do I feel like blocking her number caused me such a big setback? I honestly did feel better last week than I did this week...
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Someone snap me out of this little trance I'm in. Her constantly reaching out to me. Telling her that we need to talk, and that she misses me didn't mean she wanted to try the relationship over again right? I didn't miss out on an opportunity to patch things up with my ex right? I'm feeling like crap thinking that she wanted to try us over again, but I ignored it and now she's blocked and I've told her to leave me alone. Now she'll really want nothing to do with me where as she was trying to before and I didn't let her because I thought I was "staying strong with my NC" This sucks..
Harradin Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Said earlier in the thread, if she really loved you she would have gone at nothing (meeting you in person) to try get you.
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Well she's not the type for confrontation and we are on winter break so we are both home. I'm really hating this right now... I feel like I ruined a chance to get her back. I want to reach out to her, but am afraid if I do, I'll find out I may have been wrong and get even more hurt. She said we needed to talk and that she missed me. She texted me twice on Christmas. and every day since up until last Friday when I told her to leave me alone and I blocked her. I'm freaking regretting trying to move on. How does that even happen? I just wish things could go back to the way that they were. I hate feeling lonely like this. I miss her so much right now.
Harradin Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I guess when you both go back she might try something, it might be worth just asking what she wanted over the winter break if you do run into her. It may push you to move on rather then get hurt about it. I keep wanting to get into contact with my ex, no idea if she's still with the guy she left me for but I know that nothing good is going to come out of it. Its hard, I'm finding it hard to move on, its probably the hardest thing I've ever done.
cavalier99 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Well she's not the type for confrontation and we are on winter break so we are both home. I'm really hating this right now... I feel like I ruined a chance to get her back. I want to reach out to her, but am afraid if I do, I'll find out I may have been wrong and get even more hurt. She said we needed to talk and that she missed me. She texted me twice on Christmas. and every day since up until last Friday when I told her to leave me alone and I blocked her. I'm freaking regretting trying to move on. How does that even happen? I just wish things could go back to the way that they were. I hate feeling lonely like this. I miss her so much right now. Ive done the same thing your doing at moments. Snap yourself out of it. That is why we bock them so we don't mind f-k ourselves. She DOESN'T want you back. Also YOU DONT want her back. REMEMBER
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I thought that what I didn't know would help me. It's just f*cking with my head now. After it's all said and done I'm regretting my decisions of ignoring her and now that I told her to leave me alone, I'll look like a hypocrite if I reach out to her and ask what she wanted. Can I just fast forward a few months from now and hope that this is a non issue at that point? I hate feeling this way. Not knowing EXACTLY what she wanted is ruining me now. I feel like I'll end up checking her facebook and having to touch the fire again to know it's hot. I really don't want to though. It's been a struggle up to this point, it just keeps going.
suladas Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Ya if she wanted to get back together she would get ahold of you somehow. It's so tough to get the what if's out of your head, I still get them a ton, even though the last time my ex texted me she said she had nothing to say to me. The biggest thing that helped me was actually going through much bigger problems, that just made missing the ex not even a concern, not that it's a good problem to have. When it gets tough I just think i've made it this many months without her in my life and besides for missing her, my life is normal again. I mean you have got by fine without her for a few months, what's a few more? And then eventually you will just realize you don't care that she's not in your life.
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Ya if she wanted to get back together she would get ahold of you somehow. It's so tough to get the what if's out of your head, I still get them a ton, even though the last time my ex texted me she said she had nothing to say to me. The biggest thing that helped me was actually going through much bigger problems, that just made missing the ex not even a concern, not that it's a good problem to have. When it gets tough I just think i've made it this many months without her in my life and besides for missing her, my life is normal again. I mean you have got by fine without her for a few months, what's a few more? And then eventually you will just realize you don't care that she's not in your life. The thing that gets me is that she has tried to get a hold of me. Texting me every night four nights in a row wasn't trying to get a hold of me? I ignored it because I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I'm feeling like crap thinking maybe she was trying to give us another shot and I ruined it. I have gotten by fine without her, but I'm still under the impression I'd be better with her.
cavalier99 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 This is a huge test. I know it is hell at times. But going thru this is actually making you a ton stronger. Embrace and love the suffering! ....and laugh about it Don't regret the blocking you are finally accepting the cold hard reality and it sucks but you will come out of this a stud...a F*king animal. I mean that in the good sense. Lol Just fight it. Were all doing the same thing don't crack.
suladas Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Well she's not the type for confrontation and we are on winter break so we are both home. I'm really hating this right now... I feel like I ruined a chance to get her back. I want to reach out to her, but am afraid if I do, I'll find out I may have been wrong and get even more hurt. She said we needed to talk and that she missed me. She texted me twice on Christmas. and every day since up until last Friday when I told her to leave me alone and I blocked her. I'm freaking regretting trying to move on. How does that even happen? I just wish things could go back to the way that they were. I hate feeling lonely like this. I miss her so much right now. Every single time I reached out, I got burned. I thought it would help. Not a single time did it help, it just hurt me. It doesn't give you closure, even them saying they don't want you doesn't take the what if's away. Contacting them just doesn't help at all. Especially in your case you don't want her back, she cheated on you. It's ok to think about it, but don't act on it. You keep reasoning with yourself thinking this time is different, or I need to say this, but it's still the same. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 How your feeling will probably be over in a couple weeks anyway. You are still detoxing form the texts..that is why it is so hard now.
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 This is so tough.. I know you guys are probably right. Convincing myself is the hard part. Those what ifs are killing me right now. What if she wanted to talk about us? I didn't let her. I was stubborn in trying to stay NC. I never told her I'd be going NC. Does she think I was being cold? I was just trying to move on. I'm telling myself reaching out to her would give me closure. I'm not sure what closure I would get though. Do I need to know that it's over again? I thought I knew that already. The only way I can know for sure is to check up on her. Something I haven't done in 2+ months. Deathly afraid of what I would see though.. I've tried so hard to this point. Having a really rough week apparently.
suladas Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 The thing that gets me is that she has tried to get a hold of me. Texting me every night four nights in a row wasn't trying to get a hold of me? I ignored it because I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I'm feeling like crap thinking maybe she was trying to give us another shot and I ruined it. I have gotten by fine without her, but I'm still under the impression I'd be better with her. She told you it was friends thing. I got something a bit similar with my ex to, it gives you false hope and just makes you crash even worse. It was more of just a "ok let's be civil, go away" type deal. I am guessing you are somewhat like me, you still THINK she has feelings for you right? And even though she says one thing you believe she still wants you right? It kills me all the time to think like that, because I know without a doubt my ex still has feelings for me and even having feelings doesn't mean they want to get back together. So it means nothing, despite it being hard to accept. The best thing is just forget them and move on. After all the BS i've put myself through and constantly hurting myself. I promised myself the next time someone breaks up with me (let's face it all of us are very likely to go through another break up, possibly many more) I will erase them from my life, move on and never contact them again, no matter what.
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 She told you it was friends thing. I got something a bit similar with my ex to, it gives you false hope and just makes you crash even worse. It was more of just a "ok let's be civil, go away" type deal. I am guessing you are somewhat like me, you still THINK she has feelings for you right? And even though she says one thing you believe she still wants you right? It kills me all the time to think like that, because I know without a doubt my ex still has feelings for me and even having feelings doesn't mean they want to get back together. So it means nothing, despite it being hard to accept. The best thing is just forget them and move on. After all the BS i've put myself through and constantly hurting myself. I promised myself the next time someone breaks up with me (let's face it all of us are very likely to go through another break up, possibly many more) I will erase them from my life, move on and never contact them again, no matter what. If only it was that easy. And yes, I am under the impression she still has feelings for me. I seriously want to just look at her facebook, see a picture of her with another guy to convince myself it's over. I don't want to set myself back though and I know that would cause me a major setback. My stomach is turning over the thought of seeing that or seeing love quotes and pictures of her with someone else.
Gingerxr2 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Ive done the same thing your doing at moments. Snap yourself out of it. That is why we bock them so we don't mind f-k ourselves. She DOESN'T want you back. Also YOU DONT want her back. REMEMBER Totally agree , only you can snap yourself out of it mate , I'm in the same boat mate and the only way you can get yourself through it is to to be brutal with yourself and get out there , she's not coming back and looking on her Facebook page isn't helping either ! You are making it worse for yourself by looking , close Facebook , find a hobbie , etc etc ! As hard as it is it will click one day !!!
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