MM complaints about wife

[nofool4u]

So there is a thread started in the "other" forum that I didn't want to touch, so I am making my own.

 

Its about hearing all the complaints a MM has about the wife under the guise of curiosity.

 

So my thoughts on MM complaining to their OW about the wife are, the more a MM talks bad about his wife, the more one can be assured that he is garnering sympathy to help the clothes come off more easily.

 

Of course a MM is going to complain about the wife. I think OW, and OM in the reverse, like to hear about how their spouse is neglecting them so they can come in and be the princess that will do all the things that alot of times takes more work in a marriage, especially with kids.

 

How many OW do you think would jump in a MM's bed if they told her he was happy in their marriage? Well, I'm sure there would be a few:rolleyes:

[Spark1111]

I agree!

 

Only the most predatory would try to engage a man or woman who expresses their deep love for their spouse.

 

I think initially I was not disparaged, just minimized to the point of no existence.

 

Over time, as they grew more deeply entrenched, he joined her litany against her mean xH who she despised and still had ongoing litigation pending.

 

you see, her xH HAD an exit affair and sailed off into the sunset with a younger, more accomplished woman. Ouch!

 

So I too became a problem. Interesting how that seems to be the pattern in affairs, no?

 

much was implied, assumed and then downright fabricated and then adopted as the gospel truth!

 

my favorite? he told her we rarely to never had sex., although we had it at least twice a week.

 

She said I must have a boyfriend and he started to believe it and grew even meaner towards me.

 

If that isn't the height of delusional thinking, I don't know what is!

[Spark1111]

Plus, we learned in MC that someone complaining of their spouse or marriage, OR acting as if they do not have a partner, is a subconcious means to hook someone vulnerable who may sympathize with their plight, while others think, yuck....how disrespectful.

 

I know a MM at work took me out to lunch once and begain to complain of his wife. Stupid things, and I thought how disrespectful.

 

However, had I been attracted to him, may be I would have sympathized and took it further. He was definitely attracted to me and looking for some extra-curricular activity.

 

Want a strong boundary when a friend, work-colleague or acquaintance of the opposite sex starts to complain of their partner or spouse?

 

Hand the name or number of a good counselor and change the subject. They WILL move on to someone more vulnerable.

[nofool4u]

Plus, we learned in MC that someone complaining of their spouse or marriage, OR acting as if they do not have a partner, is a subconcious means to hook someone vulnerable who may sympathize with their plight, while others think, yuck....how disrespectful.

 

I know a MM at work took me out to lunch once and begain to complain of his wife. Stupid things, and I thought how disrespectful.

 

However, had I been attracted to him, may be I would have sympathized and took it further.

 

Only if you had lousy character.

 

 

He was definitely attracted to me and looking for some extra-curricular activity.

 

Exactly my point. Thats how they start to fish women in, by tearing down the wife, playing on the prospective OW's sympathies.

[nofool4u]

That brings me to another point about complaints about the wife, or husband for that matter.

 

The OW/OM do not have the baggage that comes along with being married.

The OW/OM are new to the MM/MW. They haven't had the daily trials of marriage and raising a family. Marriage and family is hard work. Its not for the weak, selfish, insecure or immature.

Of course things calm down. They don't have to die completely, but the newness wares off because, well, after so many years it isn't new anymore, as if that should come as some surprise to these cheaters.

 

And in the event it does die, you try to make it better. If it is because of something medical, such as slight or complete impotency, a wife should support her husband and push him to go to the doctor and get a prescription.

 

If a woman has a reduced libido because she had your children, then the answer isn't go out and stick your vienna sausage in another woman so you can have a squirt, you support her and help her. There is treatment for reduced libido. Just like with menopause. Its not the wife's fault, but something can be done. The selfish cheater, rather than put in the work to help fix it, just wants to bone someone new and exciting.

 

Why people with that mindset get married is beyond me.

 

And in the event a spouse doesn't want help and shows no interest in treatment for such things, then its time to let them know the possible outcome, and no telling them you'll cheat if they don't put it to extort sex from them is not an answer.

 

Its already been said by some despicables on this site that cheating is justified if their spouse doesn't put out on demand and they only get sex twice a week.

[ComingInHot]

nofool;

I believe they fed off each other. Absolutely "nothing" was "wrong w/me when she first came on the scene as a contracted tech. But there had to be a reason, some complaint, anything to crack open the A door.

 

One of the first "complaints" was that I felt "entitled" to come into my company Late!!! Of course it was because I had to get two young children up, fed, cleaned up & dressed for school as well as one grown man. Get lunches for all three. Get myself "decent". Then get the two to school then me to the office.

 

Oh but poor MM. I was SO Lazy & inconsiderate of my husband & all my employees...

 

They took turns w/this. exOW would comment on how "tired" I looked "but maybe it was my age" lol!! She was four years younger*

 

By the height of their A, I was disrespectful, irresponsible, lazy, fat, old, mean, bad mother, drunk abusive wife. I HAD NO IDEA I WAS SUCH A WRECK. LOL!!

 

My husband looks back at this and seems almost as shocked. He says in his brokeness he had found someone just as broken as him in the OW and it made them both "feel" better about what they were doing by making me the reason for their A...

 

SO FUNNY! Husband just walked in to me typing, smiled and said, "I'm Sorry" "and I love you Princess" ... He loves LS*

Edited January 5, 2013 by ComingInHot
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[Furious]

My WS and the MOM continuously told each other what good people they were, and to prove that they complained about their spouses who were home with their kids while they were holed up in a hotel room.

[Thegameoflife]

I think that people here are being hypocritical. I feel that people are using the action of cheating to label people and attach as many negative traits to a person as possible. Villifying, I believe is the word. I suspect the reasoning is to gain the support and sympathy from other members, reinforcing the idea that you are the good person, and just in your actions.

 

Wait a second, isn't this thread about how MM and MW villify their H or W to make a potential mate think they are the good guy or woman, and that their cheating is just? So are you guys the kettle or the pot.

 

You can call these people adulterers and be angry at them for it, but to start trying to tie in poor human behaviors to adulterers that are common to the majority, isn't just at all.

[waterwoman]

I suspect the reasoning is to gain the support and sympathy from other members, reinforcing the idea that you are the good person, and just in your actions.

 

But what are the actions of the BS? IME the actions of the BS tend to be fairly limited and dependent on the WS being unfaithful in the first place. So to find that your WS has added insult to injury and said horrible things about you to justify their affair is a hard crust to swallow. This thread is venting about that. How can you possibly object?

[Spark1111]

I think that people here are being hypocritical. I feel that people are using the action of cheating to label people and attach as many negative traits to a person as possible. Villifying, I believe is the word. I suspect the reasoning is to gain the support and sympathy from other members, reinforcing the idea that you are the good person, and just in your actions.

 

Wait a second, isn't this thread about how MM and MW villify their H or W to make a potential mate think they are the good guy or woman, and that their cheating is just? So are you guys the kettle or the pot.

 

You can call these people adulterers and be angry at them for it, but to start trying to tie in poor human behaviors to adulterers that are common to the majority, isn't just at all.

 

game, the first betrayal is the first secret text, sext, email, cup of coffee our spouse has with another and KEEPS SECRET from us, okay?

 

The second betrayal is when they start flirting, then kissing, then having sexual or emotional intimacy, and LYING TO US.

 

The third betrayal is when they almost have to disparage, disrespect, find fault, and bad-mouth us to assuage either their guilt of all the accruing betrayals and lies, and, or, to justify their horrendous, adolescent and immoral behavior.

 

They could have told the truth and separated from us, making all those betrayals and lies and persecution unnecessary.

 

They were just TOO SELFISH or cowardly to do so.

[Tainted love]

^^^ amen

 

I don't want to generalise but in my situation I believe the OW was in some sort of competition with me, even though she didn't know me, she stalked me in the Internet, gathered information about me. When WS said they never talked about me, I was surprised...why her interest otherwise? I think he complained about me just enough that he didn't look like the bad guy but so that her underwear fell off in the process.

 

Just like they lived in a fantasy bubble, she must have also created this villaineous character about me, I was some looked after little lady that polished her nails and shopped everyday.

 

Um...if only that was the reality!

[Spark1111]

^^^ amen

 

I don't want to generalise but in my situation I believe the OW was in some sort of competition with me, even though she didn't know me, she stalked me in the Internet, gathered information about me. When WS said they never talked about me, I was surprised...why her interest otherwise? I think he complained about me just enough that he didn't look like the bad guy but so that her underwear fell off in the process.

 

Just like they lived in a fantasy bubble, she must have also created this villaineous character about me, I was some looked after little lady that polished her nails and shopped everyday.

 

Um...if only that was the reality!

 

Amen! And I wouldn't understand it all until I researched the triangle dynamic: victim, rescuer (these two roles become interchangeable) against the perceived persecuted, me, the BS.

[Spark1111]

Sorry, that should have been Persector.

[nofool4u]

I think that people here are being hypocritical. I feel that people are using the action of cheating to label people and attach as many negative traits to a person as possible.

 

If they exhibit the traits then, well, absolutely.

 

 

Villifying, I believe is the word.

 

Yup, thats what this thread is about. MM, and also their OW(and roles reversed), vilifying the wife.

 

I suspect the reasoning is to gain the support and sympathy from other members, reinforcing the idea that you are the good person, and just in your actions.

 

No it has to do with the MM vilifying the wife to gain support from an OW so he can get in her pants. And most of the time it doesn't take that to get there.

 

Wait a second, isn't this thread about how MM and MW villify their H or W to make a potential mate think they are the good guy or woman, and that their cheating is just? So are you guys the kettle or the pot.

 

Nope. Vilifying someone to gain sympathy from someone else so they can have sex with them is quite a different story from calling someone out on said vilification. Doesn't surprise me you don't get that.

 

But if you are interested in that, then maybe you can go over to the OM/OW forum and jump down their throats as well. But I highly doubt your interested in that, and for obvious reasons. I refrained from posting over there, for obvious reasons.

 

You can call these people adulterers and be angry at them for it, but to start trying to tie in poor human behaviors to adulterers that are common to the majority, isn't just at all.

 

Sure it is. If the shoe fits wear it.

 

And again, we are talking about cheaters bashing their spouses to get sex. And you are going to jump on us for talking about it?

 

Absolutely amazing.

[nofool4u]

Huh? This is not a pot meet kettle situation, but more like apples and oranges.

 

Yes our spouses betrayed us in the worst possible ways. They lied about us, they exaggerated, and they made our lives hell for a time and the AP helped with that.

 

So are you saying that we have NO right to complain about the things they did to us or said about us?

 

We do have that right, as the majority of BS's don't lie, cheat, and make our spouses seem like they are the Devil's spawn.

 

I don't even know why we bother to respond to him. He is a cheater apologist.

[buckeyeblue]

Back to the OP, my STBWH's complaint of me? That I was "too good" for him. His self esteem was low and he felt "more comfortable" with someone who was needy and broken like him.

 

Well, at least that is one point that we agree on!

[Spark1111]

Back to the OP, my STBWH's complaint of me? That I was "too good" for him. His self esteem was low and he felt "more comfortable" with someone who was needy and broken like him.

 

Well, at least that is one point that we agree on!

 

My H use to say the same thing! he had married "above himself."

 

I asked him what did that make his OW? his equal but less than me? I told him that was disrespect ful to HER, AND disrespectful to me. Did I marry beneath me? I never thought so, EVER.

 

I chalked it up to just one more excuse to justify his insecurity and his affair and told him to knock it off.

 

I NEVER wanted to hear it again.

[Sauron]

I told my OW that I will always love my wife because of where we started from and she is the mother of my children, but that I don't necessairly like her or like living with her, though I still have sex with her because she has needs. I also fully disclosed my my MM status to my OW before her clother ever came off, we probably met 4 or 5 times before we had sex. There are more MM like me they just don't post here, I don't know why since you all are so friendly.

[Sauron]

Do you think just because you told your ow you love your wife, you are more honorable? lol Sorry but I don't agree with your logic and you thinking you are better than other mm.

 

 

Since you take every opportunity you can to to bash posters and the tone of the site, I can't quite figure out why you bother posting. You come across just as you are quick to accuse others of, bitter and mean sounding.

 

Uhhh who is doing the bashing? And the reason you perceive me like that is because you all think, respond and act the same way to every situation in this part of the site and have adopted it as gospel, group think many of you have lost all objectivity because you live on this site everyday. I never said I was better than any other MM. You universially condemn all of us and I am telling you that we are not all the same, we all didn't lie to are OW, we have bad marriages we won't end for legitimate reasons and we are all humans with human needs and so are our OW. I am one of the few MM that will actually will post here, but apparently you don't think I should be allowed to. What does that say about you?

[Sauron]

I think this forum is not the "we are the wronged BS" forum, this forum is about infidelity and that involves more than BS. You all act like you were so wronged, but if you look in the mirror and ask yourself what role you played in letting your marriage get to that point, would you say you had none? That any of you were without blame? I am not going to rehash my story, but before any of you were BS you were just spouses, and your marriage failed, we it takes 2 to have a marriage and it takes 2 to have it fail. I get frsutrated reading about how wronged you all are, did you stop having sex with your spouse, did you stop talking, did you maintaing appropriate HWP and keep yourself attractive, did you deal with your personal issues that were affecting your marriage, and I could go on. Because of family law is stacked against men, for us to leave we have to hand over half of everything to someone we don't like, didnt contrbute and just ended up taking and never giving. So no, I don't think you BS have the right to bash people that find what they need because they can't get it at home, and no just divorcing is a bad strategy for many men later in life. Grow up and think, this is not a pity party for you BS even though you alwant to make it one.There are 3 sides to these relationships you all only want to talk about one, your own.

[buckeyeblue]

Sauron - You are "perceived" that way because you ARE that way. Each and every time you post, you sound like such a self-serving a**. You are a liar and a cheater who is dishonorable and disrespectful to his wife. You sure have cajones when it comes to being disrespectful to good people who have had their hearts and souls ripped from them, but you don't have the cajones to tell your wife the truth.

 

I believe that you and some other WS and OW/OM post on this forum simply to hurt others. How can you possibly gain anything from being so vile? And, no, I am not bitter. I am a very decent, hard-working professional who has to watch my four teens cry and struggle every day for the destruction that their father caused. Good to know that people like you think it's all so da** funny.

[Sauron]

This looks like does not enter in your head... but I will try one last time to explain you.

Firstly (in my case) I don't feel I failed in my marriage at all... my ex was not the person I though I was marrying? for sure... if you take that as a fail when then I confess. She got horny withe a good looking guy in town and didn't know how to keep her pants on... I thought she would be above of that but she wasn't so I divorced her... I could tell you how many times she has come to my house to ask me forgiveness (by the way she didn't take the half of my values because we signed a prenuptial agreement, maybe you should have done the same).

So how it is my bad that she got horny and didn't contain herself?

Well I am not happily married to another woman and with a son so I guess I moved on...

 

You have problems in your marriage, I get it.. but how it is right not to solve them with her? If you are so proud of your way of living why don't you talk about it with your wife and children... why don't you explain them how good their dad can solve a problem...

So you stay in a broken marriage for money? So sad!

 

You are all so presumptive, and yes it is money and assets, but it works for me. I have tried solving the problems repeatedly, no assets in the begining no pre-nup. Good luck to you.

[Sauron]

Sauron - You are "perceived" that way because you ARE that way. Each and every time you post, you sound like such a self-serving a**. You are a liar and a cheater who is dishonorable and disrespectful to his wife. You sure have cajones when it comes to being disrespectful to good people who have had their hearts and souls ripped from them, but you don't have the cajones to tell your wife the truth.

 

I believe that you and some other WS and OW/OM post on this forum simply to hurt others. How can you possibly gain anything from being so vile? And, no, I am not bitter. I am a very decent, hard-working professional who has to watch my four teens cry and struggle every day for the destruction that their father caused. Good to know that people like you think it's all so da** funny.

 

Really, I could tell you weren't bitter from the first paragraph of your message. You are feeling sorry for yourself. And you couldn't be further off the mark. I am just the other end of the equation and I won't be here long. I don't see how me posting here hurts anyone, this is an internet forum for people involved in infidelity. Sorry you hade a bad marriage, sorry you couldnt make your marriage work, we all find solutions to our problems and apparently you did and so did your husband. Why do you think he cheated?

[Saba]

..... Because of family law is stacked against men, for us to leave we have to hand over half of everything to someone we don't like, didnt contrbute and just ended up taking and never giving...

 

Urgh really? Let me guess, she never had a job, never took care of your children, never cooked, never cleaned, never did the laundry, never dropped off the dry cleaning, never paid bills, never ran your errands, never ran your childrens errands and drove them around etc etc etc. She sat at home and watched TV while you did everything! She deserves nothing and if the world was a fair place you would legally be able to throw her out of your house and she would live under a bridge in a cardboard box like she deserves.

 

Mind you, your post was a perfect example of the complaints an MM has about his wife.

[Sauron]

My story is here if you want to sift through all the drivel. It is businesses, it's employees, its a lot she had nothing to do with. She is my childrens mother and I would never let her suffer or want for anything.