Girlfriend moving out not sure how to take the news....

[Limbo89]

Ok this is kind of a strange situation. I (age 28) have been with this woman (23) for four and a half years and for the most part it has been wonderful. However during that time she has had numerous financial and legal problems the majority of which where out of here control. (i.e. a car accident with a lawsuit that she lost)

 

During those periods I have been very supportive and have given her quite a bit of financial help as well as allowing her to live in my home forone of the the last two years rent free until she could get back on her feet. Now that she has she really wants to move out. The reason she gives is that she feels as if our realtionship has been very lopsided because of all the finacial support and that she wants to move into her own apartment prove to herself that she can make it on her own and have her own space while she finishes college. Her plan is to come back together after she finished school (about two years) so we can both contribute equally to the relationship.

 

She seems to carry alot of guilt associated with the money I have lent her but I have been emphatic about it not being a big deal. Her moving out does not create a more financially viable situation for either of us, in fact it will cost us both quite a bit more to live on our own (this has been a source of tension). She has always been very honest with me about her feelings and we have both been faithful in our relationship.

 

I'm not sure how to take this I can't help getting this nagging feeling that this is some indication of a decline in the relationship. She still says she loves me very much and wants to be with no one else and I feel the same way. However, I have been very upset and depressed over the last couple weeks b/c she has been packing up her things and going through the process of finding a new apartment.

 

I would really appreciate any constructive comments on what other people think b/c I am really perplexed.

[uriel]

Whatever your gf's moving out actually means for your relationship, time will tell. But, the bottom line is that she has never lived on her own and learned to stand on her own two feet. She was very young when you got together. She needs this life lesson very much in order to grow / mature. If you really do want her to become a viable, independent person with a good head on her shoulders, you need to let her do this. Only then can she be a real partner to you.

 

Even that process, of her growing and becoming independent, can be scary to you because you might be afraid she won't need you anymore or will want to explore other relationships and situations outside of your comfort zone. That may well happen. That's the problem with getting serious when you or your partner are young.

 

However, some relationships do make it through this sort of period. The two of you may grow together. In order for that to happen, you need to keep the lines of communication open and support her in her own bid for maturity.

 

-- uriel