robaday Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 3 texts at 2.5 month mark, since she told me to never contact her again. She had also told mutual friends she doesnt want to talk to me again. In addition, had told me through email she wanted to forget me, and posted insulting comments on pictures of the two of us. So, I respected her wishes and havent contacted her once. 2.5 months, 1st 2 of which were horrible. Since then Ive been on dates, not fully over her, but in a good place. The messages were late (assuming she was drunk), 1st that she missed me and was thinking of me, 2nd wishing me a happy xmas, 3rd, saying she knew she was an idiot for contacting me. I ignored all 3. Ironically had had a fantastic date that night, and hadnt checked my phone until the next day. Ive since not replied either (its been maybe 3 weeks since she got in touch). Any thoughts? I dont intend to reply in the short term and am proud of myself. Guess I wouldnt mind an apology for way she handled things. Shes made a bit of an idiot of herself really.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 The messages were late (assuming she was drunk) I've done A LOT of things drunk that I wouldn't have done sober. Don't respond, you want sober/clear minded texts. Keep progressing, don't wait for a "real" text from her, it may never come. Edit: Also, she really didn't say anything. I think of my ex's sometime too, it doesn't mean I want them back. 2
Author robaday Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Yeah you talk a lot of sense. Funny that she went to so much trouble to delete me out of her life, as well as telling me never to contact her again.....and then is the one who contacts me. Yeah drunk texts dont mean much, but why she has my number have no idea. Havent replied and wont for the moment. Truth is I want to focus on this girl Ive been seeing, Im pretty excited about it and dont want to compromise it. Even thought about telling my ex that, but dont want to come across as trying to get a reaction so have left it completely alone. 3.5 months NC on my part, after 3.5 year relationship! aint been easy 3
ScienceGal Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 You're making great choices. And I am so happy you've met someone that brings you happiness. The hardest phase for me is not being able to imagine being with someone else. But once you meet someone, even if it doesn't work out, hope is restored and it get's easier. Her texts aren't worthy of a response. The fact that you don't need to rub it in her face that you're seeing someone new is huge. It means you're leaning more on the side of indifference. So good! Keep moving forward and good luck! 1
Emilia Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Yeah you talk a lot of sense. Funny that she went to so much trouble to delete me out of her life, as well as telling me never to contact her again.....and then is the one who contacts me. Yeah drunk texts dont mean much, but why she has my number have no idea. She was angry then but not so angry now. That's quite normal I think. Maybe she had your number stored somewhere else, I can still remember one of my ex's from heart. Havent replied and wont for the moment. Truth is I want to focus on this girl Ive been seeing, Im pretty excited about it and dont want to compromise it. Very wise
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Five break ups in total, but this time it seems pretty certain its over. This is the first time shes asked me not to contact her again in the time Ive known her. And maybe thats why Im hurt, even though I knew we were just holding on to something that had gone a long time ago, somewhere around the second breakup. An awful relationship really (your post Sept 25th) Would you really want to go back to that? You got your answer 5 times; "is this the person I will spend the rest of my life with?"
Author robaday Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 She was angry then but not so angry now. That's quite normal I think. I get this. But fact is, if someone tells you not to contact them.....and then you do, as a guy, Id be really scared of a restraining order or something (not that I harrassed her at all)......at some stage I gotta show self respect by not replying. Are there many worse things that someone can say than "i need to forget you, please dont contact me again?" At first I guess I had a smile, she broke contact first, but now Im quite angry cause she has one rule for her, another for me. Would you really want to go back to that? You got your answer 5 times; "is this the person I will spend the rest of my life with?" No, I wouldnt, time has opened my eyes to simply unacceptable behavior from her, it would never have worked and I could never live with that level of dysfunction, it was damaged. BUT, thats not to say I dont have emotions around the whole thing, nor that I am fully over it. I still struggle sometimes to find some peace with the way we broke up, the realisation that she isnt the person I knew at all. Perhaps that will come one day when we can be platonic friends....but theres still too much damage around the whole thing and I have to look forward. I posted on here because many on here had helped me through the breakup months ago......and this shows that they near always get back in touch! by which time (like me) the contact is unwanted. 1
fixing Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 we're all proud of your discipline here. Keep up the no contact though. Really, its been 2.5 months and she throws you a couple of texts after all the pain she has caused you? Ignore her m8, and continue living a happy life. You dont need her.
Author robaday Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 been reading power of now by tolle, its helped me a lot through all this, that its my identification with my mind/emotions that have made break ups bad in the past, and that really right now she isnt in my life nor are the problems we had in my life right now. im trying to realise that while she made bad choices etc, my ability to live in the present means im capable of moving on from it simply because its not in my life right now. not sure if that makes sense. Its been a revelation for me in that, i was walking around thinking constantly of her for months, and just tell myself "mate, why is she in your thoughts? shes not here right now, you guys dont talk anymore, its the past" and just shut it out of my mind. who knows maybe im one step ahead of her. But then again, i doubt shes posting on loveshack;) 1
Bluem Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 She's upset because you're not responding to her cries for attention. Everyone has been there. Just ignore her and keep up the good work.
na49 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 You have an awesome attitude OP. Mind sharing your tips on how you keep such a positive attitude with her constantly coming back into the picture? I gave in and had to block my ex's number because hearing from her just messed with my head. I think it's great that you're seeing a new girl, maybe once I go back to school I can start looking for a new crush and get my ex out of my head.
Author robaday Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 It aint been positive mate!!! was a mess first two months. what got me through was knowing that id get through it and get over her, that it would pass, accepting the pain, rather than fighting it, knowing deep down im capable of finding love again. most importantly though, a month after i signed up to a language course, boxing course, increased my daily exercise regime, and forced myself to meet new people, i.e. hang with friends of friends, or people i wouldnt normally hang out with, try and crack a joke with people every day, or talk to randoms, its the "new experiences" or the Now that helps you get through it, if anything ive tried to replace my reality so im stimulated all the time and dont have time to think or dwell. every new experience whether it be zumba or whatever, is really dificult for me a huge challenge, so basically trying it just keeps building more and more confidence, perhaps thats running away, im not sure, but my reality right now doesnt involve her, it involves new friends, new experiences, new challenges
nothuman Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Was this the girl that in a prior post you said completely cut you out? defriended you and your friends? if so, some of the replies (didn't finish reading them all yet I guess I'll do that after I post this) said that she probably found someone else and is over you.. NOPE! I am a girl and did the exact thing she did. I think she is truly truly (or was, as that was written in sept) hurt from whatever happened between you two. She therefore was completely helpless and since you seemingly had the upper hand and was controlling her mind and feelings, she completely cut you out to "punish" you. Trust me was in the same boat. I went from wanting to punish him though to actually maturing and realizing, no it wasn't because of wanting to instill pain in him anymore but to really just heal. She contacted you because one of two reasons in my opinion. One being she got over you and realized she could be friends and didn't care anymore who had control/upper hand, etc. or two because she realized she was immature and mean and not right to you and therefore came back to you in hopes of reconciling. Sorry I only read a quick glimpse and responded but I am pretty sure I'm on the ball with this because these were my exact actions. Thanks for the post, I learned a lot. I learned how much I wanted him to read my mind, just how she was wishing you could do that too. What she wanted was for you to come crawling and begging for her. I learned that the message one puts out by acting as her and I did is complete *#($*@#($. It just seems like we want nothing to do with you guys at all when in reality we do. I don't know, life is one big miscommunication, trying to figure it out everyday.
Author robaday Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 She sent two more, that she missed me and hoped we could be friends. I left it alone, but eventually replied, very short and sweet and said, "hey got no hard feelings toward you, and maybe we can be mates down the line, but nows not really the time, hope things are going well for you, take care" this just set her off, she laid into me, criticised every single aspect of my being.....i stayed cool and calm, and was like, look, this is the past. She turned real ugly on me. The nice guy in me, just stayed civil. It ended with her asking me for a booty call. I told her I wasnt interested anymore.....and thats that. 2-0 to me. Funny, when you see that ugly side, it doesnt hurt, just makes you glad your outta there. 3
NoMoreJerks Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Funny how they get irritated by your texts, etc when you were together, and then dump you because you were "too much hassle" cos of their irritation with said texts, then when you let go of them and respect their wishes to leave them alone, they come running after you, sending off texts, attention-whoring.. Mine got SO mad I had texted him the day before he dumped me, then dumped me, implied he didn't want to talk to me, ever. I even assumed he would delete my number... Gave him ALL the space in the world.... Then, 3 weeks later, having expected me to text him but having received zilch, he texted me, acting like nothing had happened, telling me that he he hoped I was ok, telling me his whereabouts (he travels a lot for work), and then asking me how things are.... How things are? Really? Oh, OK, NOW you want to talk? NOW texts do not irritate you? Everything has to be on their terms. Well, f*ck that. I never replied. He can have all the space in the world. I am no one's puppet to do with as he pleases when he pleases.
Chi townD Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 She sent two more, that she missed me and hoped we could be friends. I left it alone, but eventually replied, very short and sweet and said, "hey got no hard feelings toward you, and maybe we can be mates down the line, but nows not really the time, hope things are going well for you, take care" this just set her off, she laid into me, criticised every single aspect of my being.....i stayed cool and calm, and was like, look, this is the past. She turned real ugly on me. The nice guy in me, just stayed civil. It ended with her asking me for a booty call. I told her I wasnt interested anymore.....and thats that. 2-0 to me. Funny, when you see that ugly side, it doesnt hurt, just makes you glad your outta there. WTF?!?! She laid into you, criticised you, insulted you, ripped on every aspect of your being and in the end......she asked you for a booty call? Dude, run. This chick is nuts. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 WTF?!?! She laid into you, criticised you, insulted you, ripped on every aspect of your being and in the end......she asked you for a booty call? Dude, run. This chick is nuts. Yup. Mine sorta did the same, except that he was more subtle in asking for a booty call... But we did have make-up sex, and got back together and that lasted for 3 months... (3 months of hell)... only for him to dump me again.... and then contact me 3 weeks later, asking me how things are... unf*ckingbelieveable.
Author robaday Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Well yeah, she is nuts, somethings gone really wrong with her, the funny thing is she began mentioning all these guys shes met and how great they are, and i was like, well, why are you contacting me then with all this anger? im happy for you, move on. it had the opposite effect, i wasnt jealous at all, just kinda felt sorry for someone so immature.
Chi townD Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 When a person has to literally TELL you that their life is sooo much better with you out of it, then chances are....it's not as great as what they're telling you. If these guy are soooo great and soooo much better than you, then why would she need a booty call from someone that is just "average" or "substandard"? Don't buy into her BS. 1
Author robaday Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Well yeah - if you read between the lines, if someone over you they wouldnt go to the trouble of insulting you, putting you down, doing character assasinations and talk about how they have done so much better.......like they just wouldnt be in touch, or if they were theyd be so "over" it, they couldnt muster the emotion. At first yeah the stuff hurt. But the min she asked me if i wanted to hook up, I realised that I cant believe a single word she says to me at all. And Im actually scared of what shes capable of. She told me her ex was abusive when we dated, I felt bad about it. Shes now claiming I abused her throughout the relationship. Which is fine if shes got stuff to back it up, but fact she wants to have sex with me kinda messes up that whole theory.......and makes me actually begin to question whether he was ever abusive as well. I wonder if he knows she goes round telling everyone hes abusive?
Author robaday Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Who originally broke up with whom? Hard to say, it was really messy. She had been complaining a lot about my lack of commitment, but she was going out without me all the time as well. She wanted the relationship to be more serious, and I was willing, but I needed her to cut the jealousy, because it was really damaging things. The last two weeks or so, she told me she was confused, I tried calling couple times she ignored it. So two weeks later after I hadnt seen her, she asked me if it was over, and I was like, well its clear your unhappy, im not cheating on you, and have been making an effort so theres not really much more I can do, I aint gonna force this. She was furious about me being willing to let her go, but truth was I just wanted some finality to the mess, she wasnt prepared to admit the jealousy was an issue so couldnt give me what I needed, and I didnt feel there was a lot more I could be doing to make it work. So I instigated it. What happened after was weird, she told me to never contact her again, and told me to move on.....still to this day dont know if thats cause she was hurt, or because she wanted the breakup.
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