andyournameis Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) I just want to say Thank You to everyone who gave me the advice and courage over the last couple of months. You all have been amazing. Final part to the story. My ex rang me every second night over xmas, (over a 2 week period) just checking to see If I had kissed anyone? Was I meeting friends? Did I hit the pubs and clubs? He was totally checking up on me. I really miss him but I kept busy advice from you guys. So 2 nights ago we finally met up face to face to discuss our relationship, as I could not go on with the mind games. I told him I wanted us to have another chance at us, He said he really wants that too but not yet as he was enjoying his single life with his friends, but he will come back!!..(Grass is greener syndrome!!) I said " Sorry that is not good enough for me, I am not waiting around for you, we cannot be friends, this means no contact, no phonecalls, no texts, nothing" He was shocked he said but we really like each other, we get on so well, we click... I said "K" I know when I like someone I will be with them no matter what, So your answer to me is not good enough I'm out for good" I did not cry or beg, I was so cool, calm and collected.. He said why are you being so cold, I said I'm not you have told me your answer and how you feel I cannot change that.... He asked why are you not upset or pissed off? I just said I know where I stand now and being upset wouldn't get me nowhere, he was very surprised .. So we chatted and had a laugh about different things that have being going on in our life's over that last 2 mths.. He tried to kiss and hug me but I wasn't having none of it... So he left before he did I did make it very clear... "K" NC starts from now, he just said "whatever" he left like a little puppy dog, sulking Only for you guys here I wouldn't have been able to do that, I'm on this site every day looking up peoples advice I know I made the right decision for me, Do I think he will come back? honestly I don't know and I don't if I care anyone more...But I would love to know what is going on in his head.. My new moto is : New Year New Start and whatever will be will be... Thank You all for helping me to become a stronger and better person... Edited January 4, 2013 by andyournameis 4
venusianx13 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Wow, so he wanted to make sure you weren't out enjoying being single, yet that's what he wants to do, himself? Double standard. Deal breaker for sure. Go out, enjoy being single, kiss as many guys as you want, go to clubs and pubs... and don't look back.
Author andyournameis Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Oh I know all that... the funniest thing is I was out every night over Christmas except for xmas day of course.... That's why he was ringing he wasn't able for me I wasn't sitting at home feeling sorry for myself .I was out busy, going to clubs and pubs even had a day at the races I just enjoyed and tried my best not to think of him!!!
RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 My guess is that he's probably having issues with the person he's dating, and ran to you for support. stand your ground and nc. My ex is currently doing the no contact with me. It is driving me up the wall, and makes me even want her even more. this is coming from a guy...
Author andyournameis Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 So he finally broke NC last night,2 drunken phone calls but I had do not disturb on my phone (so I could ignore his calls at nite) so the calls went straight to voicemail... No message left! I'm not even going to text him today to acknowledge the calls, I'm better off to ignore him right????? And if he really wants to contact me he can ring me sober true??? Help I need a bit of a pick me up here..
Missing Him Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Yep, that's just what they were, drunken phone calls. You're right, if he really had something important to say he would have left a message or tried calling you when he was sober. Don't ruin it for yourself now, you've come so far!
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 No way! Don't respond. Good job on maintaining NC. The next few days might be tough. Hang strong! Cav
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 So he finally broke NC last night,2 drunken phone calls but I had do not disturb on my phone (so I could ignore his calls at nite) so the calls went straight to voicemail... No message left! I'm not even going to text him today to acknowledge the calls, I'm better off to ignore him right????? And if he really wants to contact me he can ring me sober true??? Help I need a bit of a pick me up here.. You clever girl - THIS is the way to do it!! Boy, it must have nipped his ego to know that he had no power to just keep you waiting in the wings, patiently, in your rocking chair, doing your knitting, while he runs around town with is trousers round his ankles, yelling "Mee wan' some, Mee wan' some!!" (That's a lovely visual image isn't it....? I mean, how DOES a man 'run around town' with his Levis round his Nikes....?) If he wants to talk to you, it's conditional on two things: One, face-to-face: None of this stupid texting schytt. Two: sober, daytime, serious, public. But in all honesty? I doubt this will happen. You did exactly the right thing. But exactly. Keep at it, girlie!! You're doing great!! 2
Author andyournameis Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Thanks guys I feel so much better now xxxx
Author andyournameis Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 i was doing so well in NC (2.5wks) he finally cracked 2 drunken phones calls Saturday week gone, i didn't answer or acknowledge them the next day, which was very hard to do and finally a day later I received a text from him he would like to go on a make or break holiday in a couple of weeks and would I be interested in going??, I said come back in a month as i still needed time to really think and heal...Also i said to him I thought we had agreed on no drunken calls, he just said I really just wanted to hear your voice!!! We carried on texting for the rest of the day. I didn't think about him for the rest of the week, until last Saturday night filled with drink of course!!, I rang him got no answer, but got a text to say what's up, but I didn't see the text, I went to bed put my phone on silent but I had 2 missed calls from him the next morning, so i texted the day to say hey missed your calls my phone was on silent... no reply back!! I'm so upset and cross with myself I was doing so well, until i cracked now I'm back to square one and I'm totally confused.... PLEASE HELP, ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) PLEASE HELP, ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! One: Read your first post and compare feelings. Choose which one you prefer. Two: Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (The updated 2013 link) and learn - yet again, from your mistakes and those of others, and what to do/not to do. Copy, paste, print. Several copies. Leave them liberally around where you live, and carry one with you at all times. text him and tell him all bets are off. Delete and block his number - do as the NC Guide says. You know it makes sense. If he texts you again, copy the "Automatic response" in the NC guide and send it immediately. Start with that. You may be back at square one - but at least you know who put you there. And whoever did that can be instrumental in making you progress. Can't "she"....? Edited January 22, 2013 by TaraMaiden 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Wow, you have done just great! Seriosuly, most women that come on here are simply not able to go no contact with a man who will not 100% commit to them. You really applied no contact, even when you must have really wanted to reach out and contact him, it must have been hard, well done! We all make mistakes, just move on from your latest slip. That's right, you dont go on make or break holidays unless your married or in a long term serious relationship, and a lot of history is on the line.... It would be tempting to think you could take this holiday with him, that he will realise how much he needs you, and he will tell you that he made a big mistake, and that he is crazy in love with you and so on.... Please though, don't break under pressure! It is your desire to be with a man you have feelings for, to be happily ever after, but guess what? You are SO MUCH BETTER OFF living be happily ever after with a man who WILL NOT LEAVE YOU and "enjoy being single" with his mates:sick: 1
cavalier99 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Your holding on for dear life to a ghost. Sorry that this is rough but it is a great lesson. Remember how you feel now. The mixture of hope and pain and loss. This should be enough for you to maintain NC in the future. He is now satisfied that you gave him a huge ego boost and you feel like crap. Remember how strong you felt when you had walked away before... saying NC time. The urges to break NC can be insidious. That is why we need to block them completely and disappear like a ninja so they cant find us. Helps us form being tempted while we are in a weakened state and just recovering. Good luck! Cav 1
Author andyournameis Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks Everyone, I really do appreciate your comments..... I'm just so annoyed and upset with myself for breaking no contact, I cannot believe I did it, I'm so angry at myself now the ball is in his court again, I HATE THAT..... The only positive thing I can take from this at least I didn't break NC first...
cavalier99 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Well. Its ok. The thing is ....there is no court anymore. That is the whole difficult thing to comprehend early on. When you totally go NC the court begins to disappear. It isn't about if he text you back now etcetera..better to not even know. Understand the shift in your mind set that is needed? He needs to be erased. It isn't a game . Rock on! Cav 1
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 No more drunken phonecalls! And stop trying to break NC. You guys are playing games again with this cat and mouse BS. Remember, he made a choice and he told you to your face that he valued the single life more than a relationship with you. PEROID! Now, he's suggesting a make or break holiday weekend? You know what that sounds like to me? A weekend long booty call. He's missing the intimacy between the two of you and wants a little taste of that back in his life. But, once he gets his fill, that single lifestyle will be calling to him again and leaving you feeling used and back at square one. If you think I'm lying, why don't you suggest that you meet him at the location, that you have seperate hotel rooms, have an itinary that doesn't include any intimacy, but something fun filled with the night ending with you two going to your seperate rooms. He may suggested sharing a room to save on costs and you can honestly say, "Hey, I'm not your girlfriend and I think that you may have other motives in mind that I'm not comfortable with." Bet you he'd ditch the getaway weekend idea........ So, just stay NC and don't entertain such an idea. That's just a selfish suggestion from him.
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