Struggling to lose my virginity to my girlfriend of 1 year.

[danny383]

I would say I'm in a bit of a unique situation, and I would really appreciate any advice you can offer. I'm 29 years old, still a virgin (by choice). My girlfriend whom I'm currently with is the first long term relationship I've been in. Previously I have had two girlfriends, those relationships lasting only a couple of months each because I was unwilling to have intercourse (they broke up with me).

 

Originally, my thinking was that I wanted to wait until I was married before I had sex. It has nothing to do with the way my parents raised me, or any religious beliefs. Perhaps I have some intimacy issues, although I have engaged sexually in everything else comfortably.....just no intercourse. I think it was that I wanted only to be with one woman for my entire life.

 

However, I decided at about 24 that I never wanted to get married, so I was then resigned to the fact that I would remain a virgin forever. However, now that I've been in this relationship for about a year, I find that I'm beginning to open up more, and have been considering the possibility of having intercourse with her, the first person I have been in love with. You may ask how is it that she has handled being with me for a year with no sex. Well we have done everything else... and at the beginning of our relationship, she was getting over a divorce, so we took things very slowly as she was still mourning the end of that relationship.

 

The problem I am having is this: I am really struggling to come to terms with the fact that she has been with many people before me. We are able to communicate openly, and I have shared these feelings with her. She is 32, and through our talks I have learned that she is a 'serial monogamous'. Since she started dating in her teens, there has not been a significant amount of time in which she was single. She has had approximately 16 boyfriends, and has had sex with 6-8 guys. She also has had 1 'one-night stand' that she regrets. These are just the facts. I fully understand that this is all in her past, and that it cannot be changed.

 

I will now share the thoughts I find running through my head whenever I consider her past, and of having our relationship move to the next level:

 

This would be my first time having sex, but she has done it hundreds of times before with many different people. It would be very special for me because I love her, and I'm willing to allow myself to finally open up to someone in a way I haven't felt comfortable doing previously. But it would not be as special to her because she has done it all before. I'm sure it would be special to her in that it would be her first time with me, and she loves me also....but there would not be the same sort of exploration for her as there would be for me. I'm worried that I will want to have sex all the time (believe it or not my libido is very high), but that she will tire quickly and not share the same enthusiasm that I will likely have. I'm worried that I will be having sex with her, and then I will have flashes/images going through my head of these other men from her past doing the same things to her. Sometimes when I think about these things I get so angry and hurt....why would she be with so many people....how could she have a one night stand.....why did she not wait for me like I have waited for her...so on and so forth......i know her past is the past....but I cannot move past this....and I won't be able to have sex with her until I can.

 

I now regret my choice to remain a virgin for this long. I feel that if I had been having sex before, the thoughts I've listed above would be much less of an issue for me, if at all.

 

These thoughts are really starting to eat me up inside. I need to get over it already!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Edited January 4, 2013 by danny383

[TakeItEasy]

This certainly is a tough one Danny.

 

I have taken the virginity of about 5 men. (I know, oh my goodness)

I found it fantastic that they were so excited, I loved guiding them and near all of them did a fantastic job!

If you love her, which I believe you do, then you must just push her past aside.

I'm sure if you had met earlier there would have been no 6-8 men and no ex-husband.

She has waited a year for you and I'm sure she would be thrilled to know you want to lose it to her, it would be exciting for her that you are sharing such a deep experience with her.

I feel that's special in itself.

 

Being worried about her not wanting sex all the time, well that's like any relationship.

I lost my virginity 6 years ago and I love having sex with my boyfriend every day, sometimes twice a day and I get excited every time!

It's a time in our day where we can explore and appreciate each others naked bodies and feel intimate and close with each other.

Perfect way to put a smile on your dial before bed after a long day.

We both have very high libidos and it's something you just have to discover and explore that with her.

 

As for the other men, as you stated it's exactly that.

You can't change her past and most women wish they could. (Trust me on that!)

The point is that the men from her past are not what she's thinking about.

When she finally has that intimate moment with you I can garauntee you she will be thinking of you and every touch you share.

Perhaps take it as a good thing, so she can guide you and help you explore.

Instead of thinking of the other men, think of how you're going to blow her mind and exceed her expectations and out shine any man she's been with.

Confidence is the key and I'm sure you have a lot of lust inside of you waiting to burst out and embrace her.

[Kelemvor]

Danny, you're worrying too much. It's high time that you lost your virginity. As a man, trust me when I say that you will thank yourself for having lost it prior to marriage and being able to decide whether you, like most men, require a few sex partners prior to marriage. You don't want to be dealing with the whole "sowing my oats" thing AFTER the altar. Consider yourself lucky to have found a girl who will "know what to do with it" even if you don't. I loved the fact that I lost my virginity as a young man to a woman who was much more experienced than I. It made things much easier and I learned more quickly how to please a woman through her gentle instructions. It's not rocket science. Millions of years of evolution have gotten procreation as close to auto pilot as possible so just relax and try not to think too much.

 

I would suspect that you have a few intimacy issues or hangups. If so, then this experience will help you. I haven't met too many men with your attitude unless they are very religious.