heartbroken1004 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 its been 6 months since I last talked to my bf. We were together for 3 years straight, and we were very much in love. I can honestly say the connection i shared with him was not anything I have shared with anyone else...the emotional connection was very very strong between us and he was the only person who understood me and vice versa. I can honestly say he was more like my best friend than anything else because we built our friendship and trust from bottom up. When the relationship ended, and even though I lost him as a bf, I still saw him as the same person who was my best friend. It just hurts still after 6 months because to have such a strong connection with someone to something like not having them in your life anymore...it feels so surreal still to me. I think about him everyday and every minute, and i wonder if he's alright. I'm not angry at him. I just miss him, that's all. It's like losing a best friend you've known all your life. Is it normal to still feel this way ? I was actually doing a lot better these past months and I thought I was healing but recently in the several days I broke down out of NOWHERE and it suddenly hit me so hard. I suddenly missed him out of nowhere when I was too busy focusing on myself. I've been doing so well focusing on myself and talking with friends, and just being alone and focusing on healing and them bam.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 its been 6 months since I last talked to my bf. We were together for 3 years straight, and we were very much in love. I can honestly say the connection i shared with him was not anything I have shared with anyone else...the emotional connection was very very strong between us and he was the only person who understood me and vice versa. I can honestly say he was more like my best friend than anything else because we built our friendship and trust from bottom up. When the relationship ended, and even though I lost him as a bf, I still saw him as the same person who was my best friend. It just hurts still after 6 months because to have such a strong connection with someone to something like not having them in your life anymore...it feels so surreal still to me. I think about him everyday and every minute, and i wonder if he's alright. I'm not angry at him. I just miss him, that's all. It's like losing a best friend you've known all your life. Is it normal to still feel this way ? I was actually doing a lot better these past months and I thought I was healing but recently in the several days I broke down out of NOWHERE and it suddenly hit me so hard. I suddenly missed him out of nowhere when I was too busy focusing on myself. I've been doing so well focusing on myself and talking with friends, and just being alone and focusing on healing and them bam. Can you strong connection together be turned into friendship? or will it just hurt?
Bluem Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Yes. When you've been with someone for that long, a lot of things still remind them of you, etc. Can you remember what it was like the 3 years before that though? Or maybe the first year you were with him? Kind of blurry, huh? You will eventually replace all the memories of him with new memories. Make them happy. My ex of 3+ years broke up with me 8 months ago, and though I'd say 90% of them are good days, 5% of them are still not great, and 5% of them are still disastrous. When you lose someone that close to you, of course it's going to hurt. Slowly but surely you'll get over it. There will be times when I feel like we should reconcile, but I'll wake up in the morning thinking "what was I thinking?!" Think of this as a relapse. Go out there and have fun - even if it is forced. Try to avoid things that remind you of him, which could include people too. I hang out less with some of my friends back home because they knew him fairly well since I'd been dating him so long. Hanging out with my college friends (especially ones I made this/end of last year) gives me relief.
Jono85 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Can you strong connection together be turned into friendship? or will it just hurt? by her post, personally i think it's way too soon for that. she's not over him yet. trying to be friends with him and accepting the reality that he very well (probs 100%) might be over her, is just not a good recipe for happiness. OP if it's any consolation i haven't seen my ex in nearly 6 months (only NC for close to a month tho) and i miss her so damn much, every day. i break down into tears when i'm by myself occasionally, and it sucks. it's really hard to accept. but i think we both need to keep moving on. maybe in 6 more months things will be much better. we might've even found someone we really care about or have feelings for and our old thoughts about our ex might be replaced with the new person. gotta have hope anyway lol.
Author heartbroken1004 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Yes. When you've been with someone for that long, a lot of things still remind them of you, etc. Can you remember what it was like the 3 years before that though? Or maybe the first year you were with him? Kind of blurry, huh? You will eventually replace all the memories of him with new memories. Make them happy. My ex of 3+ years broke up with me 8 months ago, and though I'd say 90% of them are good days, 5% of them are still not great, and 5% of them are still disastrous. When you lose someone that close to you, of course it's going to hurt. Slowly but surely you'll get over it. There will be times when I feel like we should reconcile, but I'll wake up in the morning thinking "what was I thinking?!" Think of this as a relapse. Go out there and have fun - even if it is forced. Try to avoid things that remind you of him, which could include people too. I hang out less with some of my friends back home because they knew him fairly well since I'd been dating him so long. Hanging out with my college friends (especially ones I made this/end of last year) gives me relief. Oh man, im crying like an idiot while typing this out. I feel very emotional right now out of nowhere, and I dont know why. I just suddenly miss him very much. I actually still remember every single detail vividly, even before the 3 years of being together. I still remember laughing with him and joking about stupid things, and how we'd comfort each other when we had bad days. Etc. It's just...when you see couples or see things what other couples post on fb or when you go anywhere, you will always see couples. It reminds me of him all the time and it really hurts.
Author heartbroken1004 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 by her post, personally i think it's way too soon for that. she's not over him yet. trying to be friends with him and accepting the reality that he very well (probs 100%) might be over her, is just not a good recipe for happiness. OP if it's any consolation i haven't seen my ex in nearly 6 months (only NC for close to a month tho) and i miss her so damn much, every day. i break down into tears when i'm by myself occasionally, and it sucks. it's really hard to accept. but i think we both need to keep moving on. maybe in 6 more months things will be much better. we might've even found someone we really care about or have feelings for and our old thoughts about our ex might be replaced with the new person. gotta have hope anyway lol. My bf said he will always care about and it will never change, and that I will always be special to him and nothing would ever change that. He's the one that wanted to be friends, but I know being friends right away after a break up is a bad idea because both people need to heal before they start over just as friends. I know I'm not in the position to be his friend and act like NOTHING ever happened because then I'd be putting myself in that position where I will keep getting hurt over and over, and I know it's only possible for us to be friends if we both fully healed 100%. So yeah, even if i dont wanna lose him from my life 100% as a friend it's like a double edged sword. I can't have him as a friend right now, but i hope somewhere down the line we can speak again and reconnect when we're both at a better place in life/doing a lot better.
Bluem Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Think about days that weren't so good. Think about how he hurt you. Think about things you didn't like. Let go of the attachment. Remember how much you hurt at first? It's less often and less painful now. It'll fade until it's 0% of the time. Also, I bet most of your memories of him are more recent, no? Trust me, I have really emotional days too. You have less emotional days too, I'm sure. We both know you will get back to that less emotional place.
LostOne1 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Oh man, im crying like an idiot while typing this out. I feel very emotional right now out of nowhere, and I dont know why. I just suddenly miss him very much. I actually still remember every single detail vividly, even before the 3 years of being together. I still remember laughing with him and joking about stupid things, and how we'd comfort each other when we had bad days. Etc. It's just...when you see couples or see things what other couples post on fb or when you go anywhere, you will always see couples. It reminds me of him all the time and it really hurts. If it helps to know.. my relationship sounds EXACTLY like yours.. she was my love and my best friend. We dated for 3 yrs too and it ended around then on. It was a tough time for me and I think it's because we spend those 3 yrs with someone that we share all the good and bad with them. And some moments mean a lot, because not much time has passed for new things to happen. I won't lie.. I miss my ex a lot at times. But I look at it as she left and I tried to get her back.. nothing helped. So if she doesn't want to be with me.. then it's her choice. She could easily always call or text and apologize and talk. I think I'm at the point here I do miss her, but my anger is gone now. I don't care what she did to me.. I've let it go now, because I don't want to live holding grudges. It will be hard to let go for you... and that's how it is.. we have good days and bad. For me personally I just try to be happy with what I still have left. I haven't lost everything I still have me. As for friends.. I know the feeling of losing someone you love, who also is a best friend. Who just always is there to talk to and be there. I saw my ex as my best friend too, just had a connection and it went from there.. a connection that we both thought never would end. But she ended it at some point and after that I had no control. I've learned to accept it now that maybe it wasn't meant to be for a bit. If it is.. well something will happen then.. and if not.. then life will go. I just remind myself SHE left me and I have no reason to feel bad. I never left her and never would. I don't care what would've happened, I'd not leave her like she did with me. 1
Author heartbroken1004 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 If it helps to know.. my relationship sounds EXACTLY like yours.. she was my love and my best friend. We dated for 3 yrs too and it ended around then on. It was a tough time for me and I think it's because we spend those 3 yrs with someone that we share all the good and bad with them. And some moments mean a lot, because not much time has passed for new things to happen. I won't lie.. I miss my ex a lot at times. But I look at it as she left and I tried to get her back.. nothing helped. So if she doesn't want to be with me.. then it's her choice. She could easily always call or text and apologize and talk. I think I'm at the point here I do miss her, but my anger is gone now. I don't care what she did to me.. I've let it go now, because I don't want to live holding grudges. It will be hard to let go for you... and that's how it is.. we have good days and bad. For me personally I just try to be happy with what I still have left. I haven't lost everything I still have me. As for friends.. I know the feeling of losing someone you love, who also is a best friend. Who just always is there to talk to and be there. I saw my ex as my best friend too, just had a connection and it went from there.. a connection that we both thought never would end. But she ended it at some point and after that I had no control. I've learned to accept it now that maybe it wasn't meant to be for a bit. If it is.. well something will happen then.. and if not.. then life will go. I just remind myself SHE left me and I have no reason to feel bad. I never left her and never would. I don't care what would've happened, I'd not leave her like she did with me. did you ever read my other post I posted ? I had another version of my full story on what happened between me and mine...i remember you liking one of my comments on another thread i wrote to someone else. But yeah, your situation sounds a lot like mine.
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