sydneylovesyou123 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 So I've been in a relationship with the guy for 5 months. Most of which has been LDR. We are from the same hometown, but lately things have been crumbling. We go to different schools (I am undergrad and he is in graduate school studying medicine). The first month or two of our relationship was great, we really connected and I was the happiest I have ever been. But as things got tougher for him and school got harder as he was failing a few classes, he started to take his stress out on me. He said he becomes a completely different person when he's like that. Right before my finals he said it was over, then he said he was torn because he was happy when we are together, but the distance and stress is unbearable at times for him. In other words, he really doesn't know what he wants, with me or with life in general. I try to be as understanding as possible, but I've given everything, only to be compromising because of how he is when stressed. I didn't know stress could be a relationship decider? News to me. Anyways, I was wondering what I should do about this? Is the saying really true when they say "right person, wrong time" We had a great time over break, but he goes back to school tomorrow and I need quick advice. Is 22 an age where guys really do need to decide what they want/who they are? He says we are kinda together, kinda not...yet he still contacts me every day and he said he was gonna say goodbye tomorrow before he left. He told me he wants me to do what I want to do, whatever will make me happy in the longrun. He said if there is someone else to go for it, because he doesn't know what he wants yet. He said that there isn't someone at school that he's interested in or anything. When I asked him if he thinks there is someone better out there for him and he said he doesn't even think about that kinda stuff. He even can't believe he is doing this to me because I have been nothing but good to him, says he is "messed up" Do you really think this is an identity thing? He never officially said "we are done, that's it goodbye". He said "fine we are done" then five seconds later, "I don't know if that's what I want" and therefore I would find the NC thing kinda not beneficial. I do want him to realize what he has in me; I told him I felt like I was being taken for granted. He apologized and said he feels like with school, we can't really further our relationship. Am I stupid for sticking around or do you think he will come through once he gets his grades up and life is a little less stressful? I ultimately want to do what is best for my happiness as well, but I care so much about him. I do agree with him that our relationship isn't furthering with him being in school and being this stressed out. All he does is make me frustrated when he takes it out on me, since I do nothing but help him through everything, i.e. no added stress from me. I need quick advice about how to leave it off with him when he leaves. He had said we should "see how things go" since he is a "go with the flow" kinda guy. I feel as though he isn't as invested in this relationship as I am due to where he is in life right now. Should I kiss him goodbye, or just leave it off as friends? Would being less available to make him wonder what I am doing show him he needs me by his side? Thanks for reading!!
darkmoon Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 just agree with him, give him a quiet life, cuz he wants to study, my two cents
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 He should really decide where he stands with you. Unless you're fine with being in limbo in regards to your relationship. 1
Author sydneylovesyou123 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 sharsh-I agree with you completely. I am not fine being in limbo because what am I supposed to do, wait around? I've tried bringing it up to him and all he says is "I don't know, I have already told you I don't know what I want"
Missing Him Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I am in a similar situation. He doesn't know what he wants, and the best thing for you to do is to give him the space to realize it and give yourself the space to be able to move forward with your life. I would suggest NC. If he reaches out to you and says that he's made a mistake, you handle that. If he doesn't - it means he was never the person for you in the first place. Obviously you need to do what you feel is best. But if right now he's saying that he doesn't want a relationship with you, then he's made his decision and the best thing for you to do is move forward as best you can.
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Then tell him you refuse to be in this sort of "gray area" with him. It's either official, or it's not. This needs to be addressed before he leaves, I think. 1
Author sydneylovesyou123 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Thanks for all your wise words! I told him I didn't want him to string me along and he said that wasn't his intention. He just needs to figure out what he wants. Is this some sorta process that will take forever to decide? He is a good and honest guy, so i feel like he may be telling the truth. I think he is still scarred from his past, gf of almost 2 years cheating on him mainly for the same problems we are having: he treats his s.o. like crap when stressed. I am also going back to school within these next two days and the advice I was given by my friends is to no longer make him my number 1 priority, since it is clear he does not make me his. To go and hang out and start talking to other guys, but keep him on the side...since he did say that if I thought there was someone better out there for me, to go for it. For the last 3-4 months I've been doing nothing but taking his stress as my own and I am done doing that. He has to go through this on his own. Is this a good idea? My biggest question that I have is, he never mentioned being "just friends for now" or anything regarding "friends", what does this mean?
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 You're still in limbo.. You didn't get a clear answer. What I would do is, contact him, and tell him you aren't "waiting around" for him to decide what he wants. Consider this a break up. Unless you're okay sitting on the shelf until he picks you up again and dusts you off. It's not really fair to any other guy you may potentially meet while "waiting" on him, either. What if he decides he wants you back? Then you've strung along some poor guy.
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