RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Long story short, my girlfriend decided end the relationship two weeks ago. I know the reason why, and am hoping she would forgive me at this point. Sometimes you just dont realize how much of an ass you are until things ends. About our relationship; i met this girl through friends about 7 months ago and started seeing each other very often. During this time, I was also talking to an old female friend who lives in another state. Her and I click so well together, but I also know its kind of impossible due to distance. Well, I continued talking to this girl, while I was with my girlfriend. My mind and heart was never 100% into her. GF complained a few times as to why im not affectionate towards her or made her feel special. I realize now that my mind was somewhere else, but not at the time. Anyways, so she decided to break things off with me, and me being a hard head agreed and went along like I didnt care. A week later; i'm starting to miss her more and more, then decided to talk to her and try to fix the relationship. However, she didnt show much interest and said that she doesnt think it will work. I then wonder if there was another person involved and confronted her. Of course, she denied it numerous times. Finally last week; I ran into her with the new guy and my heart just dropped to the floor. That night; I broke all the rules of not what to do during a break up and blew up on her. Talking down, and beg her to please reconsider and leave that guy. She claims its just a date and only at getting to know stage, and thats its nothing serious. Well... now she's no longer replying to my text, emails or voicemails. For the past week, i've sent her flowers, letters, and apologizing but still no luck. I've also spent hours and hours youtubing tips on repairing a relationship. Many of the video's i've watched mentioned the "No Contact" method to allow her to miss me, then maybe forgive and forget. Does this really work? I'm just worried the more I keep out of her life, the further we'll fall apart. Trying so hard to get her to realize i understand my mistakes and hoping for forgiveness and give it another shot. What else can I do at this point? thanks for hearing me out.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 NC will ruin your efforts. NC is not meant to bring on healing, only an end. Healing in mature relationships comes from: communication, understanding, compromising(yes some things you can compromise for the better of a relationship), and eventual forgiveness. NC is meant to kill, not heal emotions. Rarely ever does it do as you are hoping for.
Author RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 NC will ruin your efforts. NC is not meant to bring on healing, only an end. Healing in mature relationships comes from: communication, understanding, compromising(yes some things you can compromise for the better of a relationship), and eventual forgiveness. NC is meant to kill, not heal emotions. Rarely ever does it do as you are hoping for. Then i absolutely dont know what else to do at this point. Have tried so hard to get a hold of her but of no avail. Only thing i can think of is pretend to run into her, but that would totally be stalking. =( Wished I treated her better, because it sure hurts like heck now.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Maybe another poster can help you. I am not sure if anything I offer will be adequate. Hopefully this bumps/keeps you bumped up...someone better than me sees this and helps you...with advice...not all is lost.
Keenly Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Sometimes CAN be a part of the healing process. Without you around is the only way they can really decide whether or not they miss you enough to want to be with you. Sometimes no contact > desperate contact. Sure, let her know how you feel, and just let it stir. It's out of your hands at this point.
Author RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Sometimes CAN be a part of the healing process. Without you around is the only way they can really decide whether or not they miss you enough to want to be with you. Sometimes no contact > desperate contact. Sure, let her know how you feel, and just let it stir. It's out of your hands at this point. I think that would be easy to understand and swallow if another person wasnt involved. And to be honest with you; I dont even think I can not give a person another chance, if i'm not already interested in someone else. At a point where I think it's new to her, and like every new relationship, everything is exciting and fun. She even said it herself that he compliments in two weeks, is more than what I did in 7 months. I do acknowledge this and apologize to her many times. To a point of looking desperate. It's definitely out of my hands, but it just seems so cold that someone can actually move onto another relationship in such a short period of time. Just boggles my mind... I do appreciate your response
LostOne1 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I think that would be easy to understand and swallow if another person wasnt involved. And to be honest with you; I dont even think I can not give a person another chance, if i'm not already interested in someone else. At a point where I think it's new to her, and like every new relationship, everything is exciting and fun. She even said it herself that he compliments in two weeks, is more than what I did in 7 months. I do acknowledge this and apologize to her many times. To a point of looking desperate. It's definitely out of my hands, but it just seems so cold that someone can actually move onto another relationship in such a short period of time. Just boggles my mind... I do appreciate your response I know the feeling.. having my ex leave me was okay. But to know that it could be for another guy hurt a lot. And by okay I mean it's something I can take and say okay maybe we need a few days apart. But then to know it could be to spend it with another guy.. I blew up just like you.. and it just made things worse. I will say NC has made me miss her more, but most of my negative emotions are gone. If at all I am okay with talking to her now if she were to contact me. I don't hold on to the bad feelings as much now. I get it happened and there isn't much good crying over the bad parts. In your case.. I think you need to let her go. If you run after her and especially if she has another guy on the side. Then it will make it much worse. At this point I think it's best to leave her and let her see what she wants. Maybe she wants this new guy and your out of the game. Or she will miss you and maybe want to work it out. Hard to say.. and im sure others here have better advice than me. But all I can see at this point is for you to step back. otherwise if your emotions get rattled up too much you might say or do something you will regret and/or make it worse.
Author RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 In your case.. I think you need to let her go. If you run after her and especially if she has another guy on the side. Then it will make it much worse. At this point I think it's best to leave her and let her see what she wants. Maybe she wants this new guy and your out of the game. Or she will miss you and maybe want to work it out. Hard to say.. and im sure others here have better advice than me. But all I can see at this point is for you to step back. otherwise if your emotions get rattled up too much you might say or do something you will regret and/or make it worse. Unfortunately my emotions already went off like a bomb, when i found out she was dating someone. begging, pleaing, buying gifts and flowers. you name it, i've done it all. Always thought expressing yourself was a good thing, but i guess not during the break up. I've learned a lot in past couple weeks through youtube and reading on the do's/don'ts. I think its time for NC because i've given it my all without any positive results. At least this will get me onto the road of healing, rather than being in hopes. Already expressed everything possible....In the end, it was my fault for not making her feel special or needed. Its a lesson learned for sure.
crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Then i absolutely dont know what else to do at this point. Have tried so hard to get a hold of her but of no avail. Only thing i can think of is pretend to run into her, but that would totally be stalking. =( Wished I treated her better, because it sure hurts like heck now. Give her SPACE dude. Let her have her break. you admit you treated her poorly...the price you just may have to pay for that is losing her. Just DONT forget this lesson in your next relationship. Treat her WELL. When someone agrees to be with you, they are TRUSTING you to treat them well and not hurt them...to show them respect and dignity. I'm sure you want the same right? Right. Think of this. Play-Doh. Your ex is like play-doh. If you try too hard to grasp at her and hold on to her, she will only slip through your fingers. you have to hold a woman in your open palm...and treat her WELL and KINDLY. When someone says "I love you" what they REALLY are saying is "I'm trusting you so please don't hurt me" listen to them. Edited January 4, 2013 by crashvector
Author RebCal Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Give her SPACE dude. Let her have her break. you admit you treated her poorly...the price you just may have to pay for that is losing her. Just DONT forget this lesson in your next relationship. Treat her WELL. When someone agrees to be with you, they are TRUSTING you to treat them well and not hurt them...to show them respect and dignity. I'm sure you want the same right? Right. Think of this. Play-Doh. Your ex is like play-doh. If you try too hard to grasp at her and hold on to her, she will only slip through your fingers. you have to hold a woman in your open palm...and treat her WELL and KINDLY. When someone says "I love you" what they REALLY are saying is "I'm trusting you so please don't hurt me" listen to them. I absolutely agree with you... Just sucks that my mind was cloudy and not really think what I was doing to her. It's a lesson learned for sure. By the way, well said... and Thank you
crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I absolutely agree with you... Just sucks that my mind was cloudy and not really think what I was doing to her. It's a lesson learned for sure. By the way, well said... and Thank you You are more than welcome. I dont know how old you are, but I cant think of a single guy that hasn't made this mistake, even if it wasn't on PURPOSE, so don't feel TOO terrible. she will heal in time, and you have learned your lesson. I hope the very best for you in the future, and since you have learned how you should treat a lady, your next relationship is likely to be a more fulfilling one for you, since you will understand how to keep her happy. the truth is....keep the lady you are with happy, and she will move mountains to keep YOU happy (most of the time anyhow). 1
Recommended Posts