denxnis Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Two options, Take the easy way out and get with this girl. Regardless of who broke up with who I think this will help you heal, however it is somewhat shallow and disrespectful from my point of view. Or Take the high road. Don't see anyone for a little while which will prolong your recovery, in the end you may respect yourself more and actually improve your chances of finding a meaningful relationship when you are ready.
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I honestly think this is all too soon. For the both of you. One is going to hurt the other here. She's pushing for a kiss now, once she gets that, she may push you more. Who knows. IMO, this is going to ruin what friendship you DO have by rushing into this. Ask her to cool down, you're not ready, but also, don't "expect" her to wait.
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Two options, Take the easy way out and get with this girl. Regardless of who broke up with who I think this will help you heal, however it is somewhat shallow and disrespectful from my point of view. Or Take the high road. Don't see anyone for a little while which will prolong your recovery, in the end you may respect yourself more and actually improve your chances of finding a meaningful relationship when you are ready. I DO agree that seeing someone else will help your road to recovery (it's part of what I did) but I DON'T think he should do this with his friend. The risk of ruining the friendship is too high this way.
confused137 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Well then you have your answer. Deal with your **** first, then pursue it. If you have to talk yourself into something like this, then it's a no go. I agree, This is something that needs alot of time and no rushed decisions. Definately ask her to wait until your over your ex and then pursue it. It's ok to ask her to wait btw. 1 week is very soon to move on. 1
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I DO agree that seeing someone else will help your road to recovery (it's part of what I did) but I DON'T think he should do this with his friend. The risk of ruining the friendship is too high this way. yeah, she's a cool girl. I dont wanna screw up an 18 year long friendship for a kiss....but god DAMN she's sexy. lol Oh well....I guess back to reality for me. thanks for the advice, even if its not what I wanted to hear...but i know its what I NEEDED to hear. but DAMN she's sexy. lol
sharsh Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 yeah, she's a cool girl. I dont wanna screw up an 18 year long friendship for a kiss....but god DAMN she's sexy. lol Oh well....I guess back to reality for me. 18 years? Definitely hold off on anything further than what you've been doing now, and ask her for the same. If you've been friends this long, she should definitely understand. Express your interest in her, and explain you don't want to ruin things as they are now by RUSHING.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 18 years? Definitely hold off on anything further than what you've been doing now, and ask her for the same. If you've been friends this long, she should definitely understand. Express your interest in her, and explain you don't want to ruin things as they are now by RUSHING. b...b..but she wears camo panties. ROTFLMAO
Bluem Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I would stay single and focus on myself. If I don't want to see someone, then I don't want to see someone. Nothing personal.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I would stay single and focus on myself. If I don't want to see someone, then I don't want to see someone. Nothing personal. Indeed..I dunno what I was thinking.... I guess I'm just really missing the affection right now...it feels really good to have someone you like show you affection...and not too many things have felt too good lately. 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Indeed..I dunno what I was thinking.... I guess I'm just really missing the affection right now...it feels really good to have someone you like show you affection...and not too many things have felt too good lately. What if a month or two from now your ex decides the decision she made was stupid? What wud u do? Who wud u choose?
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 What if a month or two from now your ex decides the decision she made was stupid? What wud u do? Who wud u choose? She's done. Why would i take her back? So we can go ahead and get married? And then 10 years from now she divorces me over some OTHER stupid issue like I leave the toilet seat up too much? as much as I still love her, and as much as my heart is ACHING for her...after this, I wouldnt ever be able to TRUST her devotion and dedication to the relationship. After this, I would always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for her to do it again. A relationship without 100% trust from both sides is doomed from the start. So..does that answer your question? 1
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 This girl that Ive been chatting with is being REALLY flirty with me. she's the girl that said she wants to give me a kiss for my birthday at a party being thrown for myself and two other people next Friday. she's my friend, and is going through a divorce, and we have talked a LOT lately about everything the two of us are going through. Of course, we've been exchanging some flirty banter as well...making each other laugh, etc. Then, she starts getting...well...forward I guess is the best way to put it. she said "I dont want to make things weird here, but I'm gonna put myself out there. We are both heavily on the rebound and both know it, but I want to know if there's something more here. I'm not asking for a relationship..just the chance to see if the spark that I'm feeling is something...more. If not, then hey...we answered the "what if" question and we just go on being friends. If so...then I'd like to explore it and see what happens." so i say "Look, what brought all this on? I mean, we've been friends for years, and you never expressed any interest...why now?" and she says "Are you KIDDING me? After the way you treated your ex...I'd be STUPID to not take that chance. Besides, you have to admit, we have a LOT of stuff in common.....creme brulee, travel, even the same favorite flowers and colors, etc." so i said "Look...I'm not into rebound relationships...nor do I wanna hurt either one of us any more than we already are hurting...Lord knows neither of us needs THAT right now." and she says "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to be open to exploring IF there is something more here than just friendship." So honestly...what would YOU do? Verily and in truth, I would be inseminating the lass in moments.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 She's done. Why would i take her back? So we can go ahead and get married? And then 10 years from now she divorces me over some OTHER stupid issue like I leave the toilet seat up too much? as much as I still love her, and as much as my heart is ACHING for her...after this, I wouldnt ever be able to TRUST her devotion and dedication to the relationship. After this, I would always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for her to do it again. A relationship without 100% trust from both sides is doomed from the start. So..does that answer your question? I think your doing very well now. You've gotten your thoughts together. Compared to me who after all his done still wants him back majority of the time. And u actually almost got a laugh at me with the toilet seat example something I haven't done in awhile.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Verily and in truth, I would be inseminating the lass in moments. ROTFLMAO I have no idea why..but that was really funny...
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I think your doing very well now. You've gotten your thoughts together. Compared to me who after all his done still wants him back majority of the time. And u actually almost got a laugh at me with the toilet seat example something I haven't done in awhile. yeah...10 minutes from now I'll be pining away for her again.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 nevermind...3 minutes apparently...
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 nevermind...3 minutes apparently... Lolol that's funny. Okay maybe u sounded like ur doing well. Which is why I was saying maybe u like that friend of urs because of ur current emotion. When it changes u will feel differently again
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Lolol that's funny. Okay maybe u sounded like ur doing well. Which is why I was saying maybe u like that friend of urs because of ur current emotion. When it changes u will feel differently again Do I like her? yes I like her..she's been my friend for 18 years. So I think she's sexy? HELL yeah I think she's sexy..always have. Would I be willing to see if there is something more than friendship? absolutely. just not right now. Do i get where she's coming from? yes I do. We really DO have an AWFUL lot of things in common. So i still MISS my ex? that's not even a question. Do I think getting back with her and marrying her would be wise? no.
Gottabestrong Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Hi crash, just want to chime in here. Like most posters I don't think you should ruin an 18-year friendship over some physical rebound-affection. It sounds like she wants more than that, even if she is trying to be play the 'it's cool, just want some casual fun' card. From what you posted in other threads I gather there are a quite a number of women who are interested in dating you and in general you sound like a great catch (Give me a call if you come by my town. ) She probably thinks this might be her window of opportunity as you won't be on the market for long. So my advice is to find someone you have no history with and have some rebound fun. Doesn't mean you need to have sex, but go out for drinks, flirt a little and if you feel like it, kiss or more. Just get some attention from another woman who you think is attractive. It will serve as an ego boost and remind you that there ARE women out there who you could be interested in. But don't do it with a friend who seems to really like you and will probably end up hurt if you don't end up wanting a relationship with her.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Hi crash, just want to chime in here. Like most posters I don't think you should ruin an 18-year friendship over some physical rebound-affection. It sounds like she wants more than that, even if she is trying to be play the 'it's cool, just want some casual fun' card. From what you posted in other threads I gather there are a quite a number of women who are interested in dating you and in general you sound like a great catch (Give me a call if you come by my town. ) She probably thinks this might be her window of opportunity as you won't be on the market for long. So my advice is to find someone you have no history with and have some rebound fun. Doesn't mean you need to have sex, but go out for drinks, flirt a little and if you feel like it, kiss or more. Just get some attention from another woman who you think is attractive. It will serve as an ego boost and remind you that there ARE women out there who you could be interested in. But don't do it with a friend who seems to really like you and will probably end up hurt if you don't end up wanting a relationship with her. Thanks for the compliment, it means a lot right now. the only reason I even considered it is because she was pretty much saying what i was saying...miss the little bit of affection...not ready for anything serious...etc I know i wasn't thinking clearly. I do miss the affection SO much though.. i only wanted a little momentary distraction that felt good and gave my ego a little shot in the arm so that I could feel better about myself for a little while.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 The head says move on, the heart says I want them back ... Which one wins?
christine07 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 So many things going through my mind on this. I read your last post about how your fiances called it quits very randomly. I still don't understand what happened fully or why she did it. I'm not sure you do either.. so on this topic.. I totally understand where you are coming from.. after my ex broke it off with me it took about a day for some of my friends to start hitting on me.. so random and I was like.. wow where we friends? or where you 'waiting' for this. Now I was a bartender at the time (in grad school) and got hit on a lot. I was friends with one of my coworkers ( I worked at this place for 6 years so did he, wow that is long, I was in school for a long long time.. anyways) and I was at a party one night and decided to call him up and basically ask him to hook up. He was like 'what brought this on' (now I know its different since I was in your place and ASKED him for the hook up) but in the same way it took my mind off my ex and made me feel better cuz I wanted that feeling of being desirable. He was/is still a very good friend, and the fact that we hooked up and slept together has not changed that. I hardly even think about it when I see him, it was like it had never happened, simply because it was a one time thing, we were like oh ok thats it bye! I know that sounds terrible, but I think more ppl have done it with out becoming attached then you think. It only works if you are the type of person that can do that.. and if she is the type of person who can do it. DO NOT do it if she: A) wants more B) you want more, or C) you're emotional can not handle it. I didnt want a relationship with him and vis versa.. I knew this going in. I don't know what your friend wants. And honestly right now.. after you just broke up.. her asking you for a relationship (if that's what she is hinting at) is sorta messed up. I got to a place in my life where I reverted to back when I could do these things and be ok with it and not regret my actions. Plus he was a friend who I could trust, and who (like I said) didn't expect anything in return. I dunno if that helped.. or just made me look bad.. but it helped me.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Thank you for your reply....i asked for everyone's advice, and that includes yours
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 The head says move on, the heart says I want them back ... Which one wins? "I think, therefore I am."
christine07 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 You are a VERY nice person, and I'm sure your friends who are women are seeing this/ and have witnessed this. I don't blame them for coming on to you. Simply do what you believe you're ready for, and I expect you to be A-ok.
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