Need HONESTY on what YOU would do

January 4, 2013

This girl that Ive been chatting with is being REALLY flirty with me.

she's the girl that said she wants to give me a kiss for my birthday at a party being thrown for myself and two other people next Friday.

she's my friend, and is going through a divorce, and we have talked a LOT lately about everything the two of us are going through. Of course, we've been exchanging some flirty banter as well...making each other laugh, etc.

Then, she starts getting...well...forward I guess is the best way to put it.

she said "I dont want to make things weird here, but I'm gonna put myself out there. We are both heavily on the rebound and both know it, but I want to know if there's something more here. I'm not asking for a relationship..just the chance to see if the spark that I'm feeling is something...more. If not, then hey...we answered the "what if" question and we just go on being friends. If so...then I'd like to explore it and see what happens."

so i say "Look, what brought all this on? I mean, we've been friends for years, and you never expressed any interest...why now?"

and she says "Are you KIDDING me? After the way you treated your ex...I'd be STUPID to not take that chance. Besides, you have to admit, we have a LOT of stuff in common.....creme brulee, travel, even the same favorite flowers and colors, etc."

so i said "Look...I'm not into rebound relationships...nor do I wanna hurt either one of us any more than we already are hurting...Lord knows neither of us needs THAT right now."

and she says "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to be open to exploring IF there is something more here than just friendship."

So honestly...what would YOU do?

January 4, 2013

crash, I envy you man. I wish I had girls throwing themselves at me like you do right now lol.

As for what I would do? If I knew she was a cool girl, I'd take a shot, if you guys have a lot in common. God knows it's better than sitting around being miserable all day. As for a long term relationship, you're probably better off single for now. You're definitely not over your current situation and it will take you a while to be at that point. It's definitely not a good idea to rush something like this. Stay friendly for now and see what happens.

January 4, 2013

I'm not READY for a relationship though.

I KNOW I'm not.

Here's now it started:

I posted a bunch of those "Dat Ass" pictures on my FB (dunno why..I just think they're really funny with the expressions on their faces) and she thought they were hilarious.

So she says "You SO should get a shirt that says that, you'd be my hero."

long story short, I ended up buying TWO of them...one for me, and one for her , just to be funny.

I sent her the confirmation email, and she replies and said "OMG...just for this...I'll let you watch me change into it at the party :)"

I didnt know what to say so I just typed "um...."

and she says "What...not interested in 36 DD's?"

so I changed the subject bc i honestly didnt know what to say..............and still dont.

I mean...I'm NOT into "flings" or "hookups". And i'm certainly NOWHERE near ready for a relationship.

However, I know that at SOME point, I am going to have to come to terms with the FACT that I AM single...whether I want to be or not.

Edited January 4, 2013 by crashvector

January 4, 2013

I'm not READY for a relationship though.

I KNOW I'm not.

Here's now it started:

I posted a bunch of those "Dat Ass" pictures on my FB (dunno why..I just think they're really funny with the expressions on their faces) and she thought they were hilarious.

So she says "You SO should get a shirt that says that, you'd be my hero."

long story short, I ended up buying TWO of them...one for me, and one for her , just to be funny.

I sent her the confirmation email, and she replies and said "OMG...just for this...I'll let you watch me change into it at the party :)"

I didnt know what to say so I just typed "um...."

and she says "What...not interested in 36 DD's?"

so I changed the subject bc i honestly didnt know what to say..............and still dont.

I mean...I'm NOT into "flings" or "hookups". And i'm certainly NOWHERE near ready for a relationship.

However, I know that at SOME point, I am going to have to come to terms with the FACT that I AM single...whether I want to be or not.

You don't have to hook up and flirt just because your "single". Single can mean learning to live on your own and live your own life without the other person.

January 4, 2013

crash, I envy you man. I wish I had girls throwing themselves at me like you do right now lol.

I honestly have NO idea why either.

Maybe it really IS what they are all telling me it is...that they watched how I treated my ex and they want someone to treat THEM that way....

Maybe its that I'm a male nurse? I kid you not, one of the reasons I wore a wedding ring even though I wasn't married was because CRAZY amounts of women would hit on me whenever I wore my scrubs to university after I got off work. Perhaps there's something about women thinking male nurses are hot or something...because i assure you, I am by NO means what I would consider an especially good-looking guy.

January 4, 2013

You don't have to hook up and flirt just because your "single". Single can mean learning to live on your own and live your own life without the other person.

I know how to live on my own.

I just need to learn to live without the promise of a future with my ex fiance.

However, at some point...I'm gonna have to get back out there....Im already 36.

so in my case, being single means healing then trying to find another partner to share my life with.

January 4, 2013

My opinion is girls that come all over you isnt the one. Don't you one to be the one pursuing them or let them naturally occur like what happened with your fiancé? Then you develop unconditional feelings for them. If you set your mind to. I'm 36 I'm running out of time. Need to replace her now what r the chances if u finding the one again. Don't settle for a potential one

January 4, 2013

Don't you one to be the one pursuing them or let them naturally occur like what happened with your fiancé? Then you develop unconditional feelings for them.

yeah, because THAT worked out really well for me and all.....

January 4, 2013

In my opinion it is too soon to sleep with her. You're an emotional and sensitive guy. You should heal yourself before jumping to to bed with someone else. I'm a female but that is just what I think. If she is the kind of girl that you can see yourself interested with in the future once you are OVER your ex, then don't screw it up by sleeping with her right now. If you're interested, tell her so, but say you need to heal emotionally before taking the next step. If you get involved with her too early and you are clearly still carrying baggage, it might doom the relationship from the beginning. If you're not interested in being with we in a relationship, more of a sex thing, then I guess it's not as crucial to wait.

January 4, 2013

In my opinion it is too soon to sleep with her. You're an emotional and sensitive guy. You should heal yourself before jumping to to bed with someone else. I'm a female but that is just what I think. If she is the kind of girl that you can see yourself interested with in the future once you are OVER your ex, then don't screw it up by sleeping with her right now. If you're interested, tell her so, but say you need to heal emotionally before taking the next step. If you get involved with her too early and you are clearly still carrying baggage, it might doom the relationship from the beginning. If you're not interested in being with we in a relationship, more of a sex thing, then I guess it's not as crucial to wait.

I'm not gonna sleep with her....im too soft-hearted for that.

I can't do that without getting REALLY attached, and that's just NOT healthy right now.

Thank you for your opinion...all of them are welcome.

January 4, 2013

Honestly, it just sounds like you're not that interested in her.

January 4, 2013

Honestly, it just sounds like you're not that interested in her.

I WOULD be except for the fact that my fiance just broke my heart a week ago.

She is a BEAUTIFUL woman...and if it weren't for the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on my ex for some reason, or that I was still trying to get over a broken heart, I would absolutely pursue this.

January 4, 2013

I WOULD be except for the fact that my fiance just broke my heart a week ago.

She is a BEAUTIFUL woman...and if it weren't for the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on my ex for some reason, or that I was still trying to get over a broken heart, I would absolutely pursue this.

Can you tell her to wait? I think she would understand. I she's serious about this as well then she wouldn't want to be the girl you rebound with.

January 4, 2013

Can you tell her to wait? I think she would understand. I she's serious about this as well then she wouldn't want to be the girl you rebound with.

that's a good idea.

See? that's why i post this stuff here...because I honestly didnt even think of that...and it seems SO obvious now that you said it lol

January 4, 2013

I WOULD be except for the fact that my fiance just broke my heart a week ago.

She is a BEAUTIFUL woman...and if it weren't for the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on my ex for some reason, or that I was still trying to get over a broken heart, I would absolutely pursue this.

Well then you have your answer. Deal with your **** first, then pursue it. If you have to talk yourself into something like this, then it's a no go.

January 4, 2013

Well then you have your answer. Deal with your **** first, then pursue it. If you have to talk yourself into something like this, then it's a no go.

What about the birthday kiss?

I feel kinda guilty about THAT, too...but honestly...I gotta say....um...

well..You know what I'm trying to say here. lol

January 4, 2013

I'm not READY for a relationship though.

I KNOW I'm not.

Here's now it started:

I posted a bunch of those "Dat Ass" pictures on my FB (dunno why..I just think they're really funny with the expressions on their faces) and she thought they were hilarious.

So she says "You SO should get a shirt that says that, you'd be my hero."

long story short, I ended up buying TWO of them...one for me, and one for her , just to be funny.

I sent her the confirmation email, and she replies and said "OMG...just for this...I'll let you watch me change into it at the party :)"

I didnt know what to say so I just typed "um...."

and she says "What...not interested in 36 DD's?"

so I changed the subject bc i honestly didnt know what to say..............and still dont.

I mean...I'm NOT into "flings" or "hookups". And i'm certainly NOWHERE near ready for a relationship.

However, I know that at SOME point, I am going to have to come to terms with the FACT that I AM single...whether I want to be or not.

What are you doing crash? Really..this isnt going to end well.....she wants sex are you ready?.

January 4, 2013

Question yourself first Are you doing this to get back at your ex? Because your angry at her for doing this to you? you wouldn't be thinking about that kiss right now if it wasnt. You can kiss that girl later on whenever your ready. If she's potentially the one she will still be there later on. Don't let yourself do things cause of emotions.

Wouldn't she be thinking I'm over 50 I need to find someone even faster than you? I don't know if she's doing that but if she's not then good for her cause she's taking her time and not in a hurry to move on

January 4, 2013

What are you doing crash? Really..this isnt going to end well.....she wants sex are you ready?.

Hell no I'm not ready.

January 4, 2013

Question yourself first Are you doing this to get back at your ex? Because your angry at her for doing this to you? you wouldn't be thinking about that kiss right now if it wasnt. You can kiss that girl later on whenever your ready. If she's potentially the one she will still be there later on. Don't let yourself do things cause of emotions.

Wouldn't she be thinking I'm over 50 I need to find someone even faster than you? I don't know if she's doing that but if she's not then good for her cause she's taking her time and not in a hurry to move on

Not to get back at my ex..she wouldnt even know about it.

I guess because...well....its a kiss and I didnt get one for new year's and because.....a kiss is just a kiss. I'm not gonna make out with her lol.

I just think it would feel nice to get a small sign of relatively innocent affection right now, especially from such a beautiful woman.

Like i said..she knows the situation.

Edited January 4, 2013 by crashvector

January 4, 2013

I just think a relatively innocent kiss from a beautiful girl would give my ego a small boost....and I feel like I REALLY need that right now.

However, I AM willing to really listen to everyone's opinion here, or else I wouldn't have posted this thread asking for people's honest opinion.

My position is this: If she's willing to kiss me for my birthday because she knows it would give me a small shot in the arm, and since she understands that it would be NOTHING more, then why not?

If I'm hurting, and a little kiss will help me feel better, even for just 10 minutes...that will be 10 minutes where I can forget about how much pain I'm in...and at this point, I'm so desperate for this to stop, that if all I can get it 10 minutes of distraction with a kiss, then I'm inclined to take it.

January 4, 2013

I just think a relatively innocent kiss from a beautiful girl would give my ego a small boost....and I feel like I REALLY need that right now.

However, I AM willing to really listen to everyone's opinion here, or else I wouldn't have posted this thread asking for people's honest opinion.

My position is this: If she's willing to kiss me for my birthday because she knows it would give me a small shot in the arm, and since she understands that it would be NOTHING more, then why not?

If I'm hurting, and a little kiss will help me feel better, even for just 10 minutes...that will be 10 minutes where I can forget about how much pain I'm in...and at this point, I'm so desperate for this to stop, that if all I can get it 10 minutes of distraction with a kiss, then I'm inclined to take it.

If you feel that way then that's your choice, just sayin make sure you dot regret it after. Since u keep saying u feel like your cheating on her

January 4, 2013

If you feel that way then that's your choice, just sayin make sure you dot regret it after. Since u keep saying u feel like your cheating on her

I do.

But I'm more worried about how *I* feel than HER feelings right now, too.

So...although I feel like I'd be cheating...I WOULDNT be.

At some point, I HAVE to get my head to win out over my heart.

We talked about it...and its not like a big make-out thing. It's JUST a small kiss...on the mouth..CLOSED lips.

just something to distract me from how much I'm hurting for a few minutes....

January 4, 2013

No, No, No, No and No!!!!!!

Do not open this door right now. Not even for an innocent kiss....because she is wanting more it will NOT be viewed as an innocent kiss.

The timing for this is all wrong. Seems to me you are both a mess and to go forward with anything that resembles a dating relationship right now will not end well. Do not give an inch or she will take it as a mile. She may get put off by you pushing her off but if she is in fact a good friend she will get over it and will eventually understand. 6 months from now or a year maybe but absolutely not now.

If you want a kiss, find a stranger otherwise keep your friend with handshakes

January 4, 2013

No, No, No, No and No!!!!!!

Do not open this door right now. Not even for an innocent kiss....because she is wanting more it will NOT be viewed as an innocent kiss.

The timing for this is all wrong. Seems to me you are both a mess and to go forward with anything that resembles a dating relationship right now will not end well. Do not give an inch or she will take it as a mile. She may get put off by you pushing her off but if she is in fact a good friend she will get over it and will eventually understand. 6 months from now or a year maybe but absolutely not now.

If you want a kiss, find a stranger otherwise keep your friend with handshakes

yeah I had already thought about the "but we're friends" part.....

the only part I was conflicted about was that.

Thanks for the advice

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