SilverStar Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 So I went on a few dates with a guy I met on a online dating site. We moved fast, and were physical the few times we saw each other. Yes, I was physical with him on the first date. ::facepalm:: Anyway, I liked him. Some time goes by and I don't see him because he was away for a couple weeks for the Holidays. I felt he wasn't feeling it because he didn't text me much while away. When he came back I asked what was wrong and that he could be honest with me. He text back something along the lines of, "You're a great woman. I had fun with you physically, but I didn't feel a "spark" between us. I'm sorry." I told him I understood and asked if we could be friends. He said he would like that. So, I forget presuing him and meet a new guy. Guy #2 is friends with my best friends father and I met him at their Christmas party. Guy #2 is the same age as the guy #1. Both 21. I myself am 28. But he was very sweet, fun, attentive, and seemed to like me. So we exchanged numbers. I start to hang out with Guy #2. He's super cute and sweet. He is affectionate and actually takes me out places and on dates. :bunny:We've only know each other for a very short time but he spends the night at my place every other day-ish. We have a lot of fun together and it doesn't seem to be just about sex. I wake up and he's holding me, he texts me often and promptly like a guy should. And I actually think we could have something together. Buuuuuttttt... Guy #1 texts me. Umm, ok I guess he really does want to be friends. But I still find him attractive and since we've only really know each other physically, is that really a good idea? I made a little of joke via text to guy #1 to make him nervous: Me: Since we're friends now, I have a deep burning urge I have to confess to. I know you'll understand. A little help? Him: Uhhh, Well Spit it out! xD Me: Ok don't judge me... Me: But I really...really... Me:....want to go camping. Lmao! You promised! Him: Lol I was worried for a second. This is true, I did promise. haha. Me: Haha! Trolled you. Why, what did you think I was gonna say? Him: Don't worry about it. But yeah let's get together soon. We can plan to go camping. x) Sooooo? We are supposed to hang out soon. But I'm confused. Is he gonna pull the whole, "Let's be friends with benefits!?" Thing? Hoping we can have more sex since that's all we know together? Or is he really trying to be my friend? Should I tell him I'm already seeing someone new? Because truth is, I'm attracted to both of them, but I want to a relationship. I think Guy #1 and I would be great together, and #2 said he didn't feel a spark (which is understandable. We didn't spend much of our time together talking, that's for sure! lol.) So is it possible to really just be friends with him? I don't want to be tempted and **** up what I have going with Guy #1. But at the same time, we aren't exclusive yet. Any thoughts?
Pyro Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Sounds like guy #1 only wants sex and nothing more. If you are getting serious with guy #2 there is no reason why you should be communicating at all with the first guy. Even if the second guy never existed you shouldn't be talking to guy #1. 4
edgygirl Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Why would you want to be "friends" with a guy who basically rejected you? Are you a masochist? 2
Author SilverStar Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Why would you want to be "friends" with a guy who basically rejected you? Are you a masochist? Ah Edgygirl I'm actually a fan of yours and your advice. No need to be rude but Good question none the less. I have met a lot of jerks. Guys who will be all attentive and lovely and text me everyday for weeks before they get what they want and split without som much as a word after that. He could have been the same ******* I've met a million times. But he was honest and didn't hide like a coward. To me, its refreshing to think that some guys might be different. Is this wrong? To want to be on good terms with a former love interest for once?
Author SilverStar Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Why does that make them jerks? No one owes you anything. Correct. Just common courtesy in my opinion. But that is my opinion and that^^ is yours.
Keenly Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 he texts me often and promptly like a guy should I'm sorry, but you sound kind of scary. 1
edgygirl Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Ah Edgygirl I'm actually a fan of yours and your advice. No need to be rude but Good question none the less. I have met a lot of jerks. Guys who will be all attentive and lovely and text me everyday for weeks before they get what they want and split without som much as a word after that. He could have been the same ******* I've met a million times. But he was honest and didn't hide like a coward. To me, its refreshing to think that some guys might be different. Is this wrong? To want to be on good terms with a former love interest for once? Hey didn't mean to be rude. Been there, I just think it's not worth it. Only trying to make you see what you're probably not seeing because you're emotionally involved. Looking at the big picture, the main reason a guy who had sex with you would want to remain "friends" is to get some when he's in need. If you want that too and you're sure you won't be hurt by that, go ahead. Okay, so he was honest and put his real feelings out there. But why would that make you want to be friends with someone who didn't feel a spark? Are you going to unconsciously try to prove to yourself that you can try to win him over so you feel better about what happened? Hey, I'm a girl, I know how it goes in our mind Not worth it. Move on. Don't sleep with them before you're sure what they want. If you need some, get a guy you only want for ONS instead.
edgygirl Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I'm sorry, but you sound kind of scary. Keenly... give her a break I get her, it's just frustrating to deal with guys vanishing out of the blue.
Keenly Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Keenly... give her a break I get her, it's just frustrating to deal with guys vanishing out of the blue. I was jkkkkkkkkk. To be honest, I know exactly how she feels, except I don't have a #2.
Author SilverStar Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Are you going to unconsciously try to prove to yourself that you can try to win him over so you feel better about what happened? Hey, I'm a girl, I know how it goes in our mind Not worth it. Move on. Don't sleep with them before you're sure what they want. If you need some, get a guy you only want for ONS instead. Oh man! I never thought about it that way. Maybe deep down I do? Clearly that won't work. You are right. I think I will just leave him be and not pursue a friendship. And thanks! Lol! It's okay Keenly, I am kinda scary lol. jkjk
Maneater Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 obviously you should not pursue guy #1. I know you thought the honesty was refreshing but when a guy says that early in the beginning then you have .001 % chance. We just don't want to see you get hurt. And if you're taking the time to post about this guy, chances are you're going to really fall for him. of course advice is always easier to give than to follow 2
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Men don't want to be friends with women they can't sleep with. This is a fact. Men who are friend with women who they would never sleep with are usually gay. Wow, this doesn't fit me at all! I am friends with 4 exes (I talk to all of them daily). Slept with two of them. And I am certainly not gay! Anyway, OP, why are you doing this to yourself? Why the quick rush into intimacy so soon? For the most part, yeah, guys don't want platonic friendships. I hope things work out, but I don't see the two of you walking into the sunset together. So, now, what of the guy #2? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Don't be friends with guys that rejected you, unless you want to be rejected again.
salparadise Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Why would you want to be "friends" with a guy who basically rejected you? Are you a masochist? Some women, in fact a lot of women, are unable to let go of guys who dump them, yet have no further interest a guy if they were the one to call it off. It triggers some kind of compulsive dynamic to possess and conquer, while they simply lose interest men who make it known that they're into them. A variation on the "grass is greener" syndrome I suppose. 2
runningfar Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I don't have an issue with opposite sex friendships, but this guy is not a friend. Yeah, he's hoping for more sex.
veggirl Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Yes he just wants sex. I doubt he will agree to actually go camping if you guys hang out and don't have sex before that. Plus, how do you think Guy #2 is gonna feel? How would you feel if Guy #2 was going on a camping trip with some girl that just weeks ago he was fking? 1
Treasa Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Men actually don't owe you any common courtesy, just like you don't owe them sex. I wouldn't see guy #1. For all of the reasons others mentioned.
Author SilverStar Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Some women, in fact a lot of women, are unable to let go of guys who dump them, yet have no further interest a guy if they were the one to call it off. It triggers some kind of compulsive dynamic to possess and conquer, while they simply lose interest men who make it known that they're into them. A variation on the "grass is greener" syndrome I suppose. Totally! It was very subconcious and I'm glad all of you pointed that out. This "I can't have you, but I must!" Thing is very interesting. I find that when I ignore certain guys they only want me more. So this is probably the case. Yes he just wants sex. I doubt he will agree to actually go camping if you guys hang out and don't have sex before that. Plus, how do you think Guy #2 is gonna feel? How would you feel if Guy #2 was going on a camping trip with some girl that just weeks ago he was fking? Totally. I can't be friends with guy #1. Because you are all right, Guy #2 probably wouldn't be happy about it. I know I would NOT be okay with that. And I definitely like Guy #2. I think we could have something great Thanks for all the advice guys. I'm taking it! I'm just going to tell him I'm too busy to hang out because I'm with my new guy and I'll be in touch. That way he knows I'm over it. Then I'm gonna walk away. Someone would only get hurt in the long run. 1
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