She nags me about my weight

[sydneysider1978]

I think she's going about it all wrong. BUT I would probably start losing my attraction (and a bit of respect) for a boyfriend if he regularly slobbed out in front of the TV with a cocktail of junk food.

 

She's nagging because she cares, and doesn't want to lose the attraction.

[christine07]

i'm just not giving in, i'm standing my ground

 

 

how is being unhealthy after she told you it bothers her 'standing your ground' you sound childish. Talk to her about why she is asking you to lose weight, you are becoming unattractive to her physically and this is how she is trying to show you, by nagging you. Its a 'nice' way of us girls calling you fat and hinting for you to lose weight.

[SmileFace]

You both aren't compatible.

End of story,

If you are ok with your life style - then move along.

[ChessPieceFace]

5'11" 190 is husky? Hmm, I guess so. It sounds like your GF has a really high standard of expectation for fitness. But neither "accept the nagging and just do what she wants" or "ignore the nagging and do what you want" are correct. Ideally the nagging needs to stop AND you also need to start eating healthier if that's what she requires. I don't think it's an unreasonable requirement because it's something everyone should strive for anyway. Or you could always just end it, stop dating and gain lots of weight like me. Lots of happiness to be found there (SARCASM.)

[rocketman122]

( 5'11 185-190)

 

im guessing with the crap you eat, you are overweight and out of shape. thats why she makes the comments. if you were muscular and fit, then Im not so sure it would bother her. btw, do you smoke?

[40 Fonzarelli]

I love how if the roles were reversed, all the ladies commenting in this thread would be calling him the biggest a**hole and demanding that she dump him.

[Els]

This is why it's easier to be with someone who has compatible outlooks on life. I've rarely seen a relationship work between an obese fast food fan and a extreme organic vegan.

 

First off, I don't think her concern is unfounded and you would do well, for your own good, not to dismiss it. 190 lbs IS overweight ('husky' is a nice term, but lets be medically realistic here) for a 5'11" man. Bordering on obesity actually. The only exception is if you were bulking up a lot on muscle with a special high protein diet and weightlifting a lot, and the weight was all muscle mass and not gut. That doesn't appear to be the case for you. It doesn't matter that you can run miles (although it helps), having an excess of fat will still predispose you to a plethora of medical conditions. You've been warned.

 

Now, that being said, I also think that you have the right to make the choices you want to make about your own lifestyle and body, and your gf needs to respect that. My first advice would be to compromise with her and work out a plan where both of you diet and exercise together. But if you're really against that, then explain to her that you appreciate her concern but she needs to let you live your own life.

[Els]

I love how if the roles were reversed, all the ladies commenting in this thread would be calling him the biggest a**hole and demanding that she dump him.

 

No, the only times people have said that were in cases where the woman was actually at a medically healthy weight (think 130 lbs) and the man just wanted a Megan Fox lookalike. I guarantee you that nobody in their right mind would suggest that a 190 lbs woman continue to gorge herself on Taco Bell.

[ChessPieceFace]

No, the only times people have said that were in cases where the woman was actually at a medically healthy weight (think 130 lbs) and the man just wanted a Megan Fox lookalike. I guarantee you that nobody in their right mind would suggest that a 190 lbs woman continue to gorge herself on Taco Bell.

 

You have to know how completely intellectually dishonest that is, since you used the same number (190 lbs) for both the man and woman. Get real.

 

190 lbs for a 5'11" guy would be 14% overweight. Then, for a 5'5" woman, 14% overweight would be 160 lbs. Also note that was the maximum weight he said. Now restart the thread:

 

"I'm a 5'5" woman about 155-160 lbs, my bf constantly nags me about losing weight, he berated my diet on this and this occasion"

 

and I guarantee there will be quite a few woman chiming in saying "dump him."

Edited January 4, 2013 by ChessPieceFace

[Els]

You have to know how completely intellectually dishonest that is, since you used the same number (190 lbs) for both the man and woman. Get real.

 

190 lbs for a 5'11" guy would be 14% overweight. Then, for a 5'5" woman, 14% overweight would be 160 lbs. Also note that was the maximum weight he said. Now restart the thread:

 

"I'm a 5'5" woman about 155-160 lbs, my bf constantly nags me about losing weight, he berated my diet on this and this occasion"

 

and I guarantee there will be quite a few woman chiming in saying "dump him."

 

Obviously I meant for a woman of the same height.

 

My advice would be the same to a 5'5" woman of 160 lbs.

[Els]

Are you sure about that?

 

I'm actually a big proponent of living a healthy lifestyle and letting the weight take care of itself. If you're eating right and working out, your body will end up where it wants to end up. (Whether that's where YOU want it to end up is another story...)

 

However, the OP is very clearly not eating right, and GF is right to be concerned. I agree that it's your life and your choice, but she's probably only acting out of a desire to not see you have a heart attack at age 35. Maybe you ought to hear her out. Eat a vegetable once in awhile; they don't hurt!

 

Uh, you're saying the same thing I am. If he was eating right and working out, chances are his body fat % wouldn't be that much of a concern because it would be more muscle and less fat at the same weight. Clearly he is not eating right, so it's a concern. And even then, studies are still conflicting when it comes to what degree excessive fat cells around the gut have on cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. The medical profession still generally asserts that it is best for your health to be at a normal weight.

[Mr Scorpio]

I had the exact opposite situation with my ex. My preference is to avoid food that comes in a box unless it is whole wheat pasta or a high-fiber cereal. My ex's preference was to eat only foods that came in a box. This difference in style wasn't a deal-breaker. However, since one of my parents died at age forty-five of a heart-attack, it was definately an issue.

 

So, first I would ask yourself where your GF is coming from on this. Is she nagging you because she wants you to stay in shape? Is she concerned about your long-term health because she is thinking long-term? Either way, unless you have a very thick frame, you're bordering on obese at best.

 

On the other hand, you're also very young. If there is ever a time to throw your health out-the-window, eating terrible, chemical laden food produced at a factory rather than at a farm, now is the time to do so. If you don't see long-term potential with this woman, then it isn't even an issue. If you do see long-term potential, you need to man up and have an adult conversation.

 

From personal experience, once I cleaned my diet up and learned to cook enough meals, my craving for fast food disappeared. You start off eating fast-food everyday, then cutting it down to "cheat meals". The next thing you know, a greasy grilled stuffed burrito looks nasty next to veggie stir-fry.

[Els]

Nowhere in this thread is body fat % even mentioned. It's all about weight, weight, weight. My point was mostly that I'd give the exact same advice to a 130-lb guy.

 

However, it's also important to note that some people really can do everything "right" and still end up overweight or even obese, but if they're working out and eating right, they're probably healthier than the aforementioned 130-lb guy who's gorging himself on wings and nachos and KFC. People who jump immediately to "thinner = healthier" (which includes some doctors; that doesn't make it true) are generally not going to be able to recognize that, though.

 

Body fat % is not mentioned here, and it would help if it was. If someone was eating a diet like the OP's, though, I'd think it's safe to infer that from his post. Nor have I ever said that thinner is healthier. I'm saying it's a good idea to aim for a normal weight. If someone is really doing everything right and yet is still medically obese, they need to get their thyroids checked. And for the rare few for whom it is genuinely genetic, well, they just have to live with the increased medical risk that the excessive adipose tissue will predispose them to, and try to reduce it as much as possible through their lifestyle. Saying, "Excessive fat predisposes you to certain conditions" does not mean that "being thin guarantees your health". A quick browse through actual medical texts will be sufficient to convince anyone of this. And if you trust your own beliefs and perception over that, well, not much point in us talking further.

 

I really don't see why you're nitpicking, at any rate. My advice to him would be to stop gorging at Taco Bell's and KFC for his own damn health's sake. What's yours?

[PogoStick]

Me too. But the difference is women usually complain because they care about the guy's health, whereas men who complain are usually thinking about the girl's figure.

 

I disagree. Women complain because they're controlling A-type personalities. And at 18 they're little princesses that get away with that ****. She's trying to turn him into the man she wants instead of going out and finding that guy. It's a bad sign and probably won't end well, even if it takes a few years before you both figure it out.

 

That being said OP, your diet is gross!

[xxoo]

There are at least two issues here:

 

his weight

 

her attempts to control his food

 

Obviously, his diet sucks. Just as obviously, her approach sucks. So much room for improvement all around!

 

Going to get KFC to provoke a response is the wrong choice. The idea is to avoid power struggles, not create them. So you eat the food you are eating, regardless of comments. You politely tell her you are going to enjoy your meal right now. And then, later, you open up a real conversation about the issues, and listen to each other. And maybe even learn something about healthy diet, healthy communication, and healthy relationships in the process

[Emilia]

I love how if the roles were reversed, all the ladies commenting in this thread would be calling him the biggest a**hole and demanding that she dump him.

 

Not me. I never understand why someone who is active and has their s**t together would date a lazy salad dodger.

 

OP, you are lucky that she is still seeing you. When she loses her attraction she will dump you. An 18 year-old has no excuse for being an overweight couch potato.

[soccerrprp]

I do this sometime to my BF. I nag him about his weight, hes about the same as you. These are my reasons if this helps you at all:

 

I feel like I take really good care of myself ie: eat well, exercise, and make and effort to make a healthy choice even when I have a 'cheat' day. When I see my BF just pigging out and going all out on junk food it makes me mad. Here I am trying to look awesome for him, and he isn't even trying to/making an effort to do the same for me. This makes me less attracted to him physically. Shallow? Maybe, but I want my man to look good. That's why I nag him about what hes shoving in his face.

 

Yes he exercises as well, but still.. it just maintains the weight.. that's what makes me nag.

 

I like this. As a guy who stays fit and eats healthy, I would expect the same of my female friend or at least support it. Stuffing your face with crap (and you know it's crap) while your SO is trying to do her/his best to stay healthy/fit for her/himself and you is not being supportive or respectful of the positive lifestyle.

 

Again, OP, compromise. It's a win win here. And don't listen to people who tell you that you're being less of a man by it.

[runningfar]

What you eat seriously disturbs me that people eat that way, too...

but your girlfriend is going about it wrong. That's controlling.

 

I would talk to her - Not when it comes up, but a neutral time-- and see what her concerns are, tell her how it comes off when she approaches it like that, and see what compromises you can both make. Ie, you eat more healthful foods but she doesn't comment on every choice and especially not in front of everyone.

[Radu]

There are at least two issues here:

 

his weight

You know what, i don't think anyone in this thread has brought good evidence that his weight is a problem.

His weight, at his height could be a problem ... but we have no ideea what kind of a body he has.

When i was at a good weight before, when i was little i kept getting classified as obese even though i was not ... i was just plain big.

My mother almost died because her mother nagged her about being fat ... so she went on a 2months fast untill she collapsed in the street and got taken to the hospital.

Have we seen him ? NO

Have we seen him in shorts ? NO

 

her attempts to control his food

This is the real issue and why the two of you [OP] cannot be together.

You have 2 different life philosophies, and she does not know how to act about it.

She has an upbringing problem in the way she acts.

And your action to tease her by buying junk food is also not mature [though a bit funny ... i'll admit].

 

Obviously, his diet sucks. Just as obviously, her approach sucks. So much room for improvement all around!

We don't even know how often he goes to buy junk food.

 

Going to get KFC to provoke a response is the wrong choice. The idea is to avoid power struggles, not create them. So you eat the food you are eating, regardless of comments. You politely tell her you are going to enjoy your meal right now. And then, later, you open up a real conversation about the issues, and listen to each other. And maybe even learn something about healthy diet, healthy communication, and healthy relationships in the process

This, and if she continues to act like a spoiled brat ... you kick her to the curb.

 

---

Yesterday the OP made 2 threads that i assume are about this girl :

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/365072-shes-being-brat-idk-how-stop

 

and this one :

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/365091-she-telling-me-truth-just-what-i-want-hear

 

OP, i read those threads and this one ... she got used with you buying her expensive crap.

And then tried to control you into buying yet another expensive item.

When that didn't work, and you called her 'spoiled and bratty', she tried to take the moral highground.

You apologized, a big mistake.

It's good that you stood your ground, but here the fault is hers because there are other worse things you could call a woman that revokes affection if she does not get something shiny in return ... but i'll let you find the definition of it [here's a hint, it's legal in Nevada and Germany].

 

I also notice that you say, you had a slew of high-maintenance girls.

You are 18yrs old, and if you could buy her these things and had those types of girls before ... most likely you are loaded.

You have to stop spending on them to this extent in the future.

Find a friend who is not loaded and see what he does for his gf, stop treating them to expensive things to get in their panties.

Or continue to do this, but make no mistake ... they better put out for the money you are dishing.

 

In regards to this girl, i would say dump her before Feb 14.

So you can avoid buying yet another expensive item.

Do not get back with her no matter how much she pleads.

Or, if you prefer, keep her around ... but make no mistake in your mind, you are buying her affection/sex so stomp any kind of control attempt of hers [like the crying for necklace episode].

[KungFuJoe]

Wait...is op same guy that was complaining about his gf locking herself in a room for 12 hours because he wouldn't buy her some expensive necklace?

[Madman81]

No, the only times people have said that were in cases where the woman was actually at a medically healthy weight (think 130 lbs) and the man just wanted a Megan Fox lookalike. I guarantee you that nobody in their right mind would suggest that a 190 lbs woman continue to gorge herself on Taco Bell.

I've seen a number of threads on LS in which a guy dares to comment about his GF or wife being overweight and wishing she'd do something about it (i.e. NOT complaining that she's not Megan Fox) and immediately he's accused of being shallow and told that he should "love her for who she is".

 

Reality check: physical attraction is an important part of overall attraction. We can pretend that it isn't, but it is. Period.

 

It's not reasonable or fair for a person to start a relationship with somebody they're not physically attracted to, and expect them to change into somebody they are attracted to. But it IS reasonable to expect that each partner in a relationship will make efforts to STAY attractive for the other's benefit, rather than letting themselves go to hell. Obviously nobody's talking about a 50-year-old woman having to look like she's 30. But "working to stay attractive for one's partner" is perfectly reasonable, and should include exercise, (mostly) healthy eating, and looking presentable (i.e. bathing regularly, keeping one's teeth clean, wearing clean clothes, and in general not looking like a prototype slob).

 

I think the OP's partner has some legitimate gripes; a guy spending a full day on a couch watching football and scarfing down mountains of crap doesn't paint an attractive image for anybody, sorry to say. But they're both going about this the wrong way. He needs to join her in eating healthily, more often, and she needs to climb off his back if he indulges a couple of times a week. That's the essence of compromise.

Edited January 4, 2013 by Madman81

[amantis]

most of you need to really shut the fk up .

 

she cares for you , your health , and your height .

the only thing im telling you is , dont even come here and ask us , " why did my girlfriend left me ? "

you dont take care of yourself why the fk does she has to waste her time with you ?

[KungFuJoe]

most of you need to really shut the fk up .

 

she cares for you , your health , and your height .

the only thing im telling you is , dont even come here and ask us , " why did my girlfriend left me ? "

you dont take care of yourself why the fk does she has to waste her time with you ?

 

And you need to come back when you finally finish your Spiderman tattoo.

[SmileFace]

And you need to come back when you finally finish your Spiderman tattoo.

:lmao:

[amantis]

And you need to come back when you finally finish your Spiderman tattoo.

 

And you wish you looked like me ?

You think i care if you like my tattoo or not ?

I bet you are overweight thats why you sound upset .

Yes im a bit angry because theres so much bul**** in this forum , people complaining about everything .

If the girlfriend is giving them attention they dont like , if they dont care about them most of you come here complaining and asking wtf is happening , asking us if i should send a sms after the first date or not , how long do i have to wait to send the first sms , and the one i like is , he doesnt like me and he is using me for sex , what am i doing wrong ... lol

 

Come on grow up