You never know... Here is a little hope and perspective for those who may need it

[wildspaces]

For those that are interested, you can read about my break-up story in my other posts. Basically, we'd been living together for over a year and things were slowly getting worse. He was uncommunicative, uninvolved in the relationship and selfish. We were attempting to make things work and to save the relationship, but he had lost his feelings for me whenever we got back to our home base (the apartment). About a month ago, he told me he wanted to move out and go our separate ways with little chance for reconciliation. He called it a 50/50 chance.

 

I spent at least two to three serious weeks feeling terrible about everything and dealing with the emotions of grieving the relationship, while he remained somewhat of a brick wall. I still live with him so we were seeing each other everyday and I got more and more okay with what was really there between us in the present. He didn't want to be with me, and I started to feel like "hey I'm still amazing and I can find someone amazing again too." We were just not meant to be at this point, and I want to live in the present. I know there is still a lot I want to do for myself and my life, but I thought how it might exciting to date a little again. Nothing serious, just some harmless good old fashioned courting. I retreated back to Plenty of Fish (I know that sounds terrible) to browse, but I only saw one guy I found interesting. I didn't write but found that he had written me the next day! So to speed up this story....

 

We messaged for a week or so and went out on New Year's eve. My ex started to see that I was giddy and I so I told him about the new guy because I felt so comfortable with the state of our relationship. He immediately got on POF as well, but it didn't seem like he did it because he was interested in dating. He had a gig that night and so I said I'd see him after my date. Long story short, the date was good and I started to feel like I could feel something for someone new. I wanted to see this new guy again. I got home at 3 or so in the morning and my ex was already asleep on the couch. He didn't say much. The next morning he was grumpy and said it was because he was tired. He asked me to help him move stuff up to his new place in my car, because I have more space in mine. I had no problem with that, so we did that and then I was starving so he took me out for dinner. Now, during that dinner, EVERYTHING came out. All of the feelings he'd been hiding about our relationship, what he thought of me, what he thought of me dating. We talked for 5 hours or so and he almost cried (never seen him get emotional), and basically he felt like we'd come to a new understanding. We left it at that and went to bed. The next day he apparently wanted to talk to me all day but I was out when he got home from work. I got back later that night and he was sitting in the dark looking severely depressed. He said he'd been weepy and had been listening to the "once" soundtrack. Sorry the picture of it was a tiny bit funny. It's such a start contrast from the man I know. I sat down and he told me how terrible he felt about everything, how stupid he'd been and how he didn't want to regret losing me. How he still had deep feelings for me and when I was out with another guy he felt sick to his stomach. So we're planning to still move out, but still hang out and see each other while we make new changes in our lives. He says he doesn't want to see other women but he understands if I want to see other men.

 

It feels so insane and surreal, not because it's exactly what I wanted, but I guess two weeks ago it was. I just had a great intuition that our relationship was not completely over and he finally met me half way. It felt so good to finally let go and see things for what they were and it seems like the second I did that, I gave our relationship a chance to come to it's own fruition. I wasn't actually trying to make him jealous with the new guy at all. I felt good about moving forward with my life, and that's what made all of this possible. No tricks to get my ex back. So I'd say fate played a hand, but so did my decisions to stay here in the house and move forward and start thinking about me and what I deserved.

 

In conclusion, I'm probably still going to see the new guy for a while, and I will see what kind of actions speak for the ex when we're living separately. See if he stays true to his word. If not, my life is still going to be grand because I have a much greater trust for life and staying grounded in the present. So for all of those lost in love and looking for hope or closure, trust in what scares you, what you might not want to trust. Look to the present! But also don't let anyone else dictate how you feel. I promise your life will play out the way it is meant to. Trust your instincts, but listen to what the other person is saying or giving to you. Actions speak louder than words. Meditate and be happy. If this person is meant to be in your life they will, if not there are more amazing things to be found. Also, don't be afraid of new loves. Love is such an amazing thing, it will surprise you in old and new ways.

 

Anyone have similar stories to share? If anyone even reads this, hah.

[SharkTooth]

Right on! Very nice story and I am almost there myself. It's like a revelation when all of the sudden you get it. You are in control of yourself and the pain is shifted. I like to think of it as good has beat bad. Excitement and fun creeps back in to your thoughts and it's not because you might save a relationship, it's because you are ok with which ever outcome the relationship offers. I had a past relationship that was similar to yours and I can still remember the day when it hit me like a two by four. I am very happy for you!