Jaina19 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi everyone, Would really appreciate your input I met this guy online and we have been emailing for about a month. We seem to get along really well and I was really excited to meet him. We would have met sooner but I'm at university and went home for a couple of weeks for the christmas holidays. We are going to meet next saturday. We live 2 hours away from each other by train, half of that distance driving but neither of us drive, though I hope to take my test again soon. I hoped that he would come to my town and I would have offered to get him dinner or whatever but he suggested meeting halfway in London, so I didn't want to seem rude and say I'd rather he came to my town and agreed. I understand it's a lot for one person to travel for a first meeting and as I really liked him I thought it was fair we could meet halfway. The reason I hoped he'd come to my town was because the gesture means a lot when someone is willing to do that. I told my friend about my date today, and he said that choosing to meet halfway made this guy seem uncommitted in his opinion and if he really liked me he would make the effort to come to my town. What my friend said put doubt in my mind. I asked another male friend and one female and they said he should make the effort as well. It's only a little thing and I may be making a much bigger deal out of it than needs be, but I have not been on a date since breaking up with my ex 6 months ago and somewhat out of the loop. I really like this guy but want to know if it could be a red flag? Any opinion would be very appreciated, especially males would you travel all the way or not? Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Jaina19, I am a guy and have ALWAYS met my dates halfway and have never had any disagreement on this. In fact, the ladies i've dated found that to be quite reasonable. I mean, why SHOULD the guy make the full trip to you w/o knowing anything about you other than what you've communicated via email? He is risking as much as you are in terms of time, distance. I think it's fair that you meet halfway. If things work out and he really likes you, then perhaps you can have such expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
RachR Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 You haven't even met each other yet. It's perfectly reasonable to meet halfway. Your friend is a dope for thinking that. Both of you need to get in the real world, not movie fantasy land. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Im really not sure if I understand. Im going to say what I got from your post , even though its probably not what you meant. If you are saying he should come to you, but you wont go to him, that's really hypocritical. Meeting halfway is fair, and that's the way it should be done. I got the impression that you were saying "if he doesn't come all the way to me then he is not in it" but if that's the case and you won't go to him what does that mean ? I'm willing to bet money that I misinterpreted though . Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm normally a big advocate of the man traveling to the woman for the first date, but given the distance and the fact that you've never even met him in person, I don't think it is a big deal to meet him halfway. Would you travel two hours by train for someone you've never met? I sure wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
walkoffame Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 This is ridiculous! Do you want to meet him? OR do you just want him to meet you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaina19 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Thank you guys guess I shouldn't be worried then. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Just make certain you meet somewhere public and safe. Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, Would really appreciate your input I met this guy online and we have been emailing for about a month. We seem to get along really well and I was really excited to meet him. We would have met sooner but I'm at university and went home for a couple of weeks for the christmas holidays. We are going to meet next saturday. We live 2 hours away from each other by train, half of that distance driving but neither of us drive, though I hope to take my test again soon. I hoped that he would come to my town and I would have offered to get him dinner or whatever but he suggested meeting halfway in London, so I didn't want to seem rude and say I'd rather he came to my town and agreed. I understand it's a lot for one person to travel for a first meeting and as I really liked him I thought it was fair we could meet halfway. The reason I hoped he'd come to my town was because the gesture means a lot when someone is willing to do that. I told my friend about my date today, and he said that choosing to meet halfway made this guy seem uncommitted in his opinion and if he really liked me he would make the effort to come to my town. What my friend said put doubt in my mind. I asked another male friend and one female and they said he should make the effort as well. It's only a little thing and I may be making a much bigger deal out of it than needs be, but I have not been on a date since breaking up with my ex 6 months ago and somewhat out of the loop. I really like this guy but want to know if it could be a red flag? Any opinion would be very appreciated, especially males would you travel all the way or not? I would normally think meeting half way is fair, if anything i would rather travel to meet someone than have them meet me..there are reasons for that...i have this guy who says its just to catch up because i said im not really into dating at the moment.....he is willing to come "catch up" with em and its a fair distance and its fro a water...i dont drink coffee and coffee shops remind me of fishbowls i have goldfish eyes so it isnt appropriate for me to sit somewhere where i feel like a goldfiish...i basically wrote this in a message he said he doesnt class it as a date but the travelling to see me has got me a bit worried avoiding getting on there, told him next week i might have to meet him he is a SWEET GUY......he is fine with a water and the pier........ ..ok i am not meeting him i am just not ready not sure but will probably end up doing it....thanks for posting your post..i have no idea what to say to help....hugs..deb Edited January 4, 2013 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Any opinion would be very appreciated, especially males would you travel all the way or not? I'm a guy and I would usually travel half way on a first date unless their was a really good reason otherwise. If you want him to come to you then ask him. If he says no, then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Its a good thing that you're meeting half way. I prefer that myself, esp w meeting online men. It does NOT show a lack of commitment on his part that he wants to meet you half way. It actually shows respect, he's not trying to get into your apt on the first night. Had he come to your town, he may have had to come to your apt, esp if he had drinks and had distance to travel home. Meeting half way is safer and safer is better. Link to post Share on other sites
Maneater Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 half way for first date is fine. safety thing as well. of course in the future, if you're always going to his place then thats a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Considering it's that far, halfway is what should happen. I've always went to the womens area of the city, just to make a nice gesture. But it's been like a 10-15 minute drive so not a big concern. Link to post Share on other sites
naviis Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I told my friend about my date today, and he said that choosing to meet halfway made this guy seem uncommitted in his opinion and if he really liked me he would make the effort to come to my town. Well it's only a first date, no reason for the guy to be committed to anything yet. Like others said, it's a long distance to travel for a date with someone you've never met. I would be much more worried if was insistant on traveling all the way to your town (especially given the distance), it would make me seriously question his motives. Also, if you guys both have 1h to travel instead of him 2h, it leaves room for the date to last a little longer if it goes well. It also gives you the opportunity to use commute as an excuse to go home early if the date doesn't go well. Honestly I think it's the perfect compromise, for both you and him. i have goldfish eyes so it isnt appropriate for me to sit somewhere where i feel like a goldfiish... Goldfish eyes? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 If a woman insisted I drive to her instead of meeting half-way on a first meet i'd assume she either felt entitled or wasn't interested, just bored and wasting my time. Considering the high percentage of meets/first dates that went nowhere I see no point in driving 30-40 mins just to see a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Well it's only a first date, no reason for the guy to be committed to anything yet. Like others said, it's a long distance to travel for a date with someone you've never met. I would be much more worried if was insistant on traveling all the way to your town (especially given the distance), it would make me seriously question his motives. Also, if you guys both have 1h to travel instead of him 2h, it leaves room for the date to last a little longer if it goes well. It also gives you the opportunity to use commute as an excuse to go home early if the date doesn't go well. Honestly I think it's the perfect compromise, for both you and him. Goldfish eyes? i was kidding i have my own eyes...just a little lol bulgy....aka big....think i had too much sugar just ignore my post..:bunny:..deb Link to post Share on other sites
naviis Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 i was kidding i have my own eyes...just a little lol bulgy....aka big....think i had too much sugar just ignore my post..:bunny:..deb Aaah ok! Seriously that got me confused Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 As always, it's equality vs the idea that the man has to be the one to do all the work. It's a first meeting, half way makes sense. Your sexist friend might like it even better if the Prince Charming carried you in his powerful, protective arms to his place on the 2nd date. After all, it's only 80 kilometers, and that's a man's job. Link to post Share on other sites
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