Gf left me after 4 years long relationship, how can I forget her

[MrLolek]

First of all I would like to apologize in advance for any mistakes because English is not my native language and sorry for long post, but pleas read it.

 

I'm 19 years old and I was in relationship with my gf for 4 years, but she dumped me 4 months ago. I have to point out that, this wasn't nor good nor bad relationship. We loved each other, but in 4 years we didn't manage to have sex. I didn't immediately expected from her to have sex with me, I gave her time I didn't want to force her, but we talked about having sex and I got a feeling, that she wants to have sex with me, but she just wasn't ready yet.

 

After 1.5 years we started to have some foreplay (masturbating, oral sex, etc.), but when it came to point to have sex, she suddenly stopped, stood up and "went to bathroom", this destroyed whole mood and this didn't happened just once, but several times. After 3 years I got really mad and we had a huge argument about our sex life and from that point it just went down, no more foreplaies, she even stopped kissing me as much as before and after a while she left me with the excuse that, she still loves me but she simply doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

After this breakup we didn't talk for 3 weeks and than she texted me, that she made a mistake and she wants to try again. With little hesitation I agreed, because I still loved her. After 3 months it came again to sex and this time her excuse was: "We are not officially together, therefore I don't want to have sex with you", than she added "but I still love you" and guess what after 1 week she dumped me again.

 

Now we don't talk for 2 months, but last week she started to text me again and I'm really confused now, I really don't know if I still love her or not, and I don't know what to do now, how to react.

 

It wasn't just our sex life that was f***ed up. In last year she found a male friend, she wasn't cheating on me (physically), but still she showed more attention to him than to me. She didn't stop texting him even when we were together, once I caught her texting to him at 3 o'clock in the morning, 1 hour after she was "to tired" for cuddling. Every time I asked her to stop texting him she replied to me "Why do you worry? You shuld know that I love you and you are the only one for me". Now every time I see her (ye our city is not big just 25k people and 3 different schools just 100m apart) she is with this d***head friend...

 

Furthermore my self esteem, when I try to approach to girls, is as low as it can get. I'm scared to have another relationship like this. I'm scared to get together with a girl mainly, because I'm ashamed of my self because after 4 year relationship I'm stil a virgin and I don't know how to tell this to girl I like, because I always have that feeling that she is gonna make fun out of me.

I try my best to forget her, but every time I no matter where or when I think of her. Deep down in me, I still love her with every inch of my heart, but I know she wont get back and even if she would, I don't see how this culd work...

 

I would appreciate some advice how to forget her and move on...

 

 

 

Sincerely

 

 

MrLolek

[Chi townD]

Well, you're young. You can't expect to be with your first love for the rest of your life. Hell, the majority of us aren't with our first loves. You're coming into a time when you're not teenagers anymore and coming into being young adults. That changes people. Young adults are going to have different wants and needs and have different ideals than when they were teenagers. It's just a part of growing up.

 

And as far as you being a virgin at 19? Don't sweat it. And there's nothing wrong with that. I will let you in on a little secret. Girls like that about guys. It shows that you're willing to wait for the right girl. That you may have morals. That you're probably not going to use them for sex and that you would rather get to know the girl rather than just parts of her. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Bluem]

There's so many things you have wrong here!! I don't mean to put you down, or anything, but I'm just going to be realistic with you.

 

1. You are only 19. I repeat, you are only 19. The truth is, a good portion of guys your age have not lost their virginity. A good portion of guys have not gone as far as you have with your girlfriend either. It's not a big deal. Do you think 10 years from now you're going to care if you lost your virginity at 17, 19, or 21?

 

2. Sex is not a measure of your worth. Stop measuring yourself in this way. This is quite obviously a part of why you have such low self esteem. Start dating people just for dating. Please yourself in the mean time. When the time comes, it will come, but if you pressure yourself/other people you'll just end up in the same situation over and over. If you feel it is important and you simply do not want to be in a relationship, maybe just have casual sex or something if this is possible. Whatever you do, don't try to be in a relationship solely for sex - you'll end up with a lot of problems.

 

3. You've pushed away your girlfriend. If someone treated me this way, I would see them as someone just trying to have sex with me, not someone who wanted to be with me. Similarly to her, I would be less likely to have sex with them. Why would I want to lose my virginity to someone who does not appear to care about me as much as sex?

 

4. I think you should stop talking to this girl. If she's seeing someone else or had an emotional affair with someone else, and has broken up with you multiple times - this is a bad sign. She might want to be with you on some level, but feels insecure in your relationship. Find someone who you trust and who trusts you.

 

5. If you want to get back together with her, you'll probably have to be a virgin for longer. Be honest with your feelings, and tell her you care and want to work it out. Tell her you feel insecure about being a virgin - she should comfort you (not necessarily have sex with you). Regain her trust and take it slowly.

 

6. The next girl you see is totally not going to make fun of you for being a virgin. For starters, how will she know? You have experience in everything up to the actual penetration, she will obviously see you're not inexperienced. First times, with anyone, is a little awkward because it's different with every person - so she will probably just assume it's because of this. If she finds out - she will actually probably appreciate this. It's nice to know your boyfriend is your first at this age, especially if they are your first. Secondly, if she does make fun of you, either it'll be a light joke (take a joke), or she's just a jerk. Find someone worth your time.