pretendingnotto Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I never believed in 'falling in love' as such, I believed love existed and that but not that instant connection. Until it found me, as a single parent to a toddler and back studying trying to get my life back on track (22 yrs of age) and I was loving my life then. I by pure chance met him and never in a million years believed it would be any more than a holiday fling. But it turned into more and me and him got very close through emails, phonecalls and for the first 6 months I seen him every weekend. When he went back to England he would come and visit me once a month and we spoke everyday. Even when he was in afghan. His circumstances where difficult and it was taking a long time for him to be in a position to be available for a committed relationship (ex wife, military accommodation and also he is/was spectacularly great at burying his head in the sand) outside of this we were great together. Maybe my sceptical side (which was always there) had a part to play in it all. just over a yr and half I told him that it was wearing me down, that he had not sorted things out his side and what I needed he could not give to me at that time. We cut contact for a while with the agreement that in a few months when the dust settled his side that we would see what happened and if the feelings were still there after a period of no contact. Around 2 months passed and we maybe swapped one email a week, then we started talking on the phone again he was in his new house that required a lot of work but things were starting to improve for him and he was getting on well with starting up again after eventually breaking all ties with his wife. Sending me pics and what not of his new pad etc... we spoke about how we felt, he said he still had strong feelings for me etc but with being in different countries it would be difficult etc. 8 weeks following the renewal of contact through facebook he was tagged on a weekend away with another girl. I let him know it was posted on facebook because his family were not made aware of his divorce. Also at this time I felt so sick I missed him so much and even though we werent in a 'relationship' as such I was always under the impression that we would have the opportunity to give things a go. And if people are still reading this I will be so surprised sorry its soo long. So this facebook revelation led to me asking him if he had feelings for me, he hmmd and haaad and was a bit awkward and wouldnt give a straight answer and couldnt say it. following that was an email of how its unhealthy relationship for both of us and he cared very much for me bla bla bla and something about me needing more than he could offer. That was it! that was the ending he said something about staying friends then blocked my calls, blocked facebook and sent me a long winded text about how everything we had was real and he never lied about he felt and that he still thought I was an amazing person. We have swapped some simple Emails since and still I cant get proper closure... I think about him too much still, I never been as close to anyone (not just a man I mean anyone) as I was him. I have dated I have had too much meaningless sex because I have hurt people trying to be in a relationship with them and hoping I develop feelings for them. I have stayed away from men, I have concentrated on my son, I have tried everything I can think of but I still can not remove him. He has no part in my life other than my crazy little head and some of the things he said a few months and reasons he erased me from his life was because it was difficult for him. I keep wondering if we were to meet would there still be something there between us. Really dont know what to do now apart from maybe try counselling. Any tips? or could anyone abuse me into reality?
bitterruin Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 You really should give counseling a try. Know that love never goes away, the pain does fade eventually but he'll always be part of your heart. What's not normal is that you still feel hurt that he's moved on. Don't try finding love wih someone else until you're over him, that won't erase the pain. You said you haven't felt this close to anyone else in your life. Is that because you've never been able to trust anyone the way you did him/ shared things with him you haven't with anyone? If so, try to reach out to friends and family and not focus so much on him. Also stop talking to him, no more emails or any kind of contact at all.
Author pretendingnotto Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Thank you for your reply Yea I have stopped that was few months ago and I dont focus on him, a few times missing him creeped up on me after going a good while without thinking of him. I have people I kind of trust but yea I was able to open up to him and be my goofy uncool self there was a lot of stuff that was great it was the timing and circumstances that werent right. Its cool that he has moved on I dont know whats going on in his life anymore. I just miss him. I know dating anyone else is out of question because dating another bloke makes me think of him more. I have always been all for personal development working towards a good future for me and my boy so I don't have much focus on him. As a single mum its the evenings and nights are difficult because it gets lonely nd I have a very small support network so I really need to get over him so I can get bck out there dating without comparing and find the new man of my dreams lol and if dont find them at least have fun trying. I am happy enough single just hate that occassionally I get really down about the fact I will never see him again and also how daft I was to let myself fall for him and angry at him for encouraging it all and doing his best to make sure I did he was a part of my life I was never a part of his.... Never thought id be this pathetic over a bloke whos obviously not worth it. I also dont really talk to anyone about it all, they know I still miss him but they never know what to say. I am usually the strong, nothing phases me, I can usually easily accept and deal with difficult situations without too much stress or upset within an acceptable time frame.
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