Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Wouldn't that make her feel guilty? Telling her u devoted ur life and loved her. I know it's true. And I'm sure she can see that through your actions. So she basically already knows that. If you say it ill be worried it will guilt her back by accident. If someone said that to me I would be like awww he loves me so much how can I leave him now Because SHE won't. I am only asking something I would be willing to do if the shoe was on the other foot. Yes...this is selfish. I want her to SEE how much pain she has caused. I WANT her to feel guilty for what she has done. I want her to look me in the eyes...the same eyes she looked into so many times as I told her I loved her...and see....see how what she has done has absolutely crushed me. I want her to have a TANGIBLE reference for the pain she has caused. I want her to walk away from this wracked with the same regrets about the pain she has caused as I have. No, its NOT loving of me to want this. Not to HER anyhow. I will not grovel and i will NOT beg for her to come back. I just want her to look me in the eyes instead of being a COWARD hiding behind a phone and a text.
Jono85 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 YOU have a code that you live by. You can't project and expect that others/ex have to live by it as well, and reciprocate your needs. She may be perfectly content with the way she has provided you with closure. Hopefully she agrees. Just don't expect. totally agree. it's really unfortunate. i can't express how unfortunate it is, when someone you love doesn't treat you with the same respect you know you'd treat them with. it really hurts. that being said, like geegirl is saying, it is in your best interest not to try and force these things out of her. she's already denied wanting to see you. do not keep prying at it. in the end, she's showing the kind of person she is through this breakup alone. why would you want to be friends with someone who destroyed your heart and couldn't even look you in the eye to do it?? it's entirely selfish what she's doing right now. very cowardly. but still, stay strong the best you can. you've done your part by asking to talk. you might find out, like many of us have, the other side of her, which might actually be a blessing in disguise. ps. she didn't break up with you b/c of your dinner plans. don't be silly. sure that might have been the excuse to drop the bomb, but no one breaks up a 5 yr relationship b/c of something like that, cmon now. she's for sure been wanting/contemplating this for some time.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 totally agree. it's really unfortunate. i can't express how unfortunate it is, when someone you love doesn't treat you with the same respect you know you'd treat them with. it really hurts. that being said, like geegirl is saying, it is in your best interest not to try and force these things out of her. she's already denied wanting to see you. do not keep prying at it. in the end, she's showing the kind of person she is through this breakup alone. why would you want to be friends with someone who destroyed your heart and couldn't even look you in the eye to do it?? it's entirely selfish what she's doing right now. very cowardly. but still, stay strong the best you can. you've done your part by asking to talk. you might find out, like many of us have, the other side of her, which might actually be a blessing in disguise. ps. she didn't break up with you b/c of your dinner plans. don't be silly. sure that might have been the excuse to drop the bomb, but no one breaks up a 5 yr relationship b/c of something like that, cmon now. she's for sure been wanting/contemplating this for some time. Hence my FIRST question: WHY did you NOT say anything to me like an ADULT before the day you decided to end things?! and the second: Why did you not ACT like a committed woman and COMMUNICATE instead of building up resentment over something you refused to even make me AWARE of?!
Jono85 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Hence my FIRST question: WHY did you NOT say anything to me like an ADULT before the day you decided to end things?! because VERY FEW women (can only give experience on women obviously..) do that. my last 2 exes would avoid confrontation as best they could. they probably can't deal with the guilt. but it really doesn't matter, the "why's". even if you DO get to talk to her. you're not going to get all the answers you want. and she'll almost 100% be lying about things or leaving important things out as ALL dumpers do. it's life. you just need to work on accepting it now, b/c i guarantee you all the answers in the world will not satisfy you, b/c at the end of the day, she just doesn't want to be with you anymore and is totally ok with throwing a 5 year relationship out the window. the end. that's the only piece of info you need to know. everything else is BS.
suladas Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Remember the offer to be friends could just be a nice way to brush you off, the chance it is genuine is very unlikely. I wouldn't get your hopes up. I would be extremely surprised if she says anything more about the break up.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Remember the offer to be friends could just be a nice way to brush you off, the chance it is genuine is very unlikely. I wouldn't get your hopes up. I would be extremely surprised if she says anything more about the break up. Well, in her last message, she made a point to reiterate that she very much wants to. It was in response to a message I sent to her saying "I just want to know how to proceed here: Is it your wish that I would just go away completely for good...or do you want to try and be friends once this is all over and the dust clears? In the case of the former, please be honest with me for once...I'm a big boy, I can take it." and she said "I would like to remain friends, I WANT to, and I promise you I mean this with all of my heart." So I think she's being sincere...BUT...in order for us to be friends (after a long, LONG period of NC and probably not until after I am established in another committed relationship), she MUST allow me the justice of having her look me in the eyes and tell MY story about this to her without her being able to escape the gravity of the pain she has caused.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Well, in her last message, she made a point to reiterate that she very much wants to. It was in response to a message I sent to her saying "I just want to know how to proceed here: Is it your wish that I would just go away completely for good...or do you want to try and be friends once this is all over and the dust clears? In the case of the former, please be honest with me for once...I'm a big boy, I can take it." and she said "I would like to remain friends, I WANT to, and I promise you I mean this with all of my heart." So I think she's being sincere...BUT...in order for us to be friends (after a long, LONG period of NC and probably not until after I am established in another committed relationship), she MUST allow me the justice of having her look me in the eyes and tell MY story about this to her without her being able to escape the gravity of the pain she has caused. Yea you won't be able to befriends with her anytime soon. So try not think about it. When time comes u will know when ur ready to just be friends and it will probably happen naturally. Don't you sometimes feel like. Don't move on without me!! you want tem to feel the pain of loosing as you are. When you see they've moved on it makes you panic and try to prevent them from moving on Edited January 4, 2013 by FailedFirstLove
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 That's what all this is...me TRYING to get all these feelings and thoughts..just OUT. It's me processing my feelings and thoughts "out loud" per se. you do what you have to do crash if its venting vent, if its processing process, everything you are feeling is right for you not anyone else, they dont really know what you are feeling but everything is right for you to feel,there was this poster on here, nto giving his name, but i appreciated his posts respected his stand on things and you are very similar..your story is very similar..he doesnt post on here anymore he was dealing with his grief and getting better and he wasn't here anymore....i am happy if he is happy and i am assuming that he is.....so you do what you have to do my fine cajun friend.....ill help where i can hopefully or really piss you off if it is the latter feel free to tell me to rack off......hugs....deb
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Don't you sometimes feel like. Don't move on without me!! you want tem to feel the pain of loosing as you are. When you see they've moved on it makes you panic and try to prevent them from moving on Well...yes and no. I guess I have that "Dont move on without me" feeling here and there...but its more about I want her to SEE what she's done. I dont want to be able to insulate herself from the pain she has caused. I WANT her to feel guilty....because she deserves it. she let resentment build up over something she never told me about..and now I"M the one paying the price because SHE couldnt be a loving partner and communicate that to me and work things out. I want her to look into my eyes...and SEE the pain that she caused me to feel...to KNOW what it feels like to know you have utterly and completely broken someone's heart. She is a COWARD, and she is trying to protect herself from having to deal with the feeling of guilt for the pain she is causing, and I REFUSE to let her get away with anything less than sharing in the pain that she has caused so many people with her cold, heartless manner and stubborn hard-headedness..all because she didnt open her mouth and TELL me what was going on while it was still something that we could fix as a couple. I want. her to LOOK. In my EYES. and SEE the pain. that SHE caused. sorry..but I am quite angry about the fact that she has tried and continues to try to hide from it.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 you do what you have to do crash if its venting vent, if its processing process, everything you are feeling is right for you not anyone else, they dont really know what you are feeling but everything is right for you to feel,there was this poster on here, nto giving his name, but i appreciated his posts respected his stand on things and you are very similar..your story is very similar..he doesnt post on here anymore he was dealing with his grief and getting better and he wasn't here anymore....i am happy if he is happy and i am assuming that he is.....so you do what you have to do my fine cajun friend.....ill help where i can hopefully or really piss you off if it is the latter feel free to tell me to rack off......hugs....deb thank you so much. I am TRYING to be honorable...and I realize what I am feeling right now is VERY selfish..but dammit..people need to treat each other with HONOR. they need to be KIND and allow each other some dignity, and this includes the chance to find their closure. I feel this way about EVERYONE. No, you are not pissing me off...I promise
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Well...yes and no. I guess I have that "Dont move on without me" feeling here and there...but its more about I want her to SEE what she's done. I dont want to be able to insulate herself from the pain she has caused. I WANT her to feel guilty....because she deserves it. she let resentment build up over something she never told me about..and now I"M the one paying the price because SHE couldnt be a loving partner and communicate that to me and work things out. I want her to look into my eyes...and SEE the pain that she caused me to feel...to KNOW what it feels like to know you have utterly and completely broken someone's heart. She is a COWARD, and she is trying to protect herself from having to deal with the feeling of guilt for the pain she is causing, and I REFUSE to let her get away with anything less than sharing in the pain that she has caused so many people with her cold, heartless manner and stubborn hard-headedness..all because she didnt open her mouth and TELL me what was going on while it was still something that we could fix as a couple. I want. her to LOOK. In my EYES. and SEE the pain. that SHE caused. sorry..but I am quite angry about the fact that she has tried and continues to try to hide from it. It's sad but most people don't like to feel the guilt. An avoiding it is a lot better than facing it. That's why my ex went bak up and broke it off there. That way he doesn't have to deal with knowing my pain. He can easily turn a blind eye on it
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 It's sad but most people don't like to feel the guilt. An avoiding it is a lot better than facing it. That's why my ex went bak up and broke it off there. That way he doesn't have to deal with knowing my pain. He can easily turn a blind eye on it She...will not have that luxury. Not if she wants to stay friends as badly as she claims she does. She WILL allow this to happen, or she can get bent.
jags2bowl27 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Well...yes and no. I guess I have that "Dont move on without me" feeling here and there...but its more about I want her to SEE what she's done. I dont want to be able to insulate herself from the pain she has caused. I WANT her to feel guilty....because she deserves it. she let resentment build up over something she never told me about..and now I"M the one paying the price because SHE couldnt be a loving partner and communicate that to me and work things out. I want her to look into my eyes...and SEE the pain that she caused me to feel...to KNOW what it feels like to know you have utterly and completely broken someone's heart. She is a COWARD, and she is trying to protect herself from having to deal with the feeling of guilt for the pain she is causing, and I REFUSE to let her get away with anything less than sharing in the pain that she has caused so many people with her cold, heartless manner and stubborn hard-headedness..all because she didnt open her mouth and TELL me what was going on while it was still something that we could fix as a couple. I want. her to LOOK. In my EYES. and SEE the pain. that SHE caused. sorry..but I am quite angry about the fact that she has tried and continues to try to hide from it. To be honest tho crash after meeting with my ex, guilt can only go so far. Eventually she will see it as what is done is done, it wasnt meant to be and move on, that's women. I have learned that in a breakup men are more emotional. I cried like a baby for about 3min when we met, she had two tears come down her face, that's it. An you know what, after this has finally ended and I'm starting to accept it, I keep remembering how many tears she had to mine. I remember the confused look in her eye like she was a lost puppy dog just sitting there listening to me. It was a different feeling my friend. I didn't see her for 3 months, she used to cry to just see me after a month and a half but this time, nothing.... **** changes and you got to realize that. She doesn't care bro, she has other **** to worry about so please, do not give her the time of day.
CptSaveAho Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 CLOSURE is a joke... its selfish and people lie for the reasons its misused ALL THE TIME CLOSURE... here it is... the relationship is over It does not matter the reasons why the relationship is over. It is She is not responsible for the pain you feel. That's your job to figure out You caused the pain that you are in right now by taking the risk to fall in love... you jumped in blindly... probably knowing the relationship wouldnt last forever deep down This being said... I will not give a CLOSURE speech to anyone, besides its not working out its over. I do not expect one to be given to me You are 39 years old? Can we act like one...
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 CLOSURE is a joke... its selfish and people lie for the reasons its misused ALL THE TIME CLOSURE... here it is... the relationship is over It does not matter the reasons why the relationship is over. It is She is not responsible for the pain you feel. That's your job to figure out You caused the pain that you are in right now by taking the risk to fall in love... you jumped in blindly... probably knowing the relationship wouldnt last forever deep down This being said... I will not give a CLOSURE speech to anyone, besides its not working out its over. I do not expect one to be given to me You are 39 years old? Can we act like one... you make some interesting points, I will give you that much...
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 To be honest tho crash after meeting with my ex, guilt can only go so far. Eventually she will see it as what is done is done, it wasnt meant to be and move on, that's women. I have learned that in a breakup men are more emotional. I cried like a baby for about 3min when we met, she had two tears come down her face, that's it. An you know what, after this has finally ended and I'm starting to accept it, I keep remembering how many tears she had to mine. I remember the confused look in her eye like she was a lost puppy dog just sitting there listening to me. It was a different feeling my friend. I didn't see her for 3 months, she used to cry to just see me after a month and a half but this time, nothing.... **** changes and you got to realize that. She doesn't care bro, she has other **** to worry about so please, do not give her the time of day. I slightly agree with that. Sometimes I feel like you hold onto that face to face meeting. Which in turns strings you along. Because you seek that closure and she's avoiding it. You keep waiting for that day and she can just keep saying yes we will have that talk later and post phoning it because she knows u demand that and will remain their until u get it.
jags2bowl27 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Yea but honestly why meet with someone that no longer wants you in their life? Especially when he explained that he was doing a surprise dinner. This chick is holding in what was really wrong and saw this as a way out. She's a joke that can't communicate... The same thing my ex did. Wanna know the difference, my was 20, not in her 30s. Crash she's not worth the heart ache my friend
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I slightly agree with that. Sometimes I feel like you hold onto that face to face meeting. Which in turns strings you along. Because you seek that closure and she's avoiding it. You keep waiting for that day and she can just keep saying yes we will have that talk later and post phoning it because she knows u demand that and will remain their until u get it. Also a good point. I will consider it. thank you.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I guess this is just the start of the "Anger" phase or something.... because i seem to be vacillating between grief and anger a LOT today.
jags2bowl27 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I guess this is just the start of the "Anger" phase or something.... because i seem to be vacillating between grief and anger a LOT today. You have a right to be angry as do I..... Now just go ghost on her ass and let her be. In a few months a year 5 years you decide having her in your life as a friend is something YOU want, then so be it. Hopefully your eating and churning up more pussy than you can handle by then
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 You have a right to be angry as do I..... Now just go ghost on her ass and let her be. In a few months a year 5 years you decide having her in your life as a friend is something YOU want, then so be it. Hopefully your eating and churning up more pussy than you can handle by then lol...I dont know why...but that REALLY made me lol, so thanks for that. I kinda feel inexplicably guilty, but I AM looking forward to that birthday kiss from the friend I have that is going through a divorce. The only reason I even agreed to THAT because i figure, at some point, i am going to have to FORCE myself to realize that I'm single.
jags2bowl27 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 That's what I'm here for crash and believe me I act strong now, but in two days ill be sitting on the couch Mad as hell that the one I thought I was going to marry chose some douche over me
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 That's what I'm here for crash and believe me I act strong now, but in two days ill be sitting on the couch Mad as hell that the one I thought I was going to marry chose some douche over me I know how that is, too. I'm pissed now, but nothing that says in 10 minutes I wont be crying my eyes out all over again....
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I know how that is, too. I'm pissed now, but nothing that says in 10 minutes I wont be crying my eyes out all over again.... Ditto!!! And it helps to be here cause people Understand u go bak and forth. One of my Friend constantly tells me Just let it go and u won't have a problem Anymore. Stop going back and forth. Not like I can help it. When I'm angry at the situation I tell myself. Just move on. When I miss him I think of all the good things and cry my eyes out. Hoping miracles will happen. I'm so sick of this. And my friend keeps telling me of course he doesn't feel anything. He dumped u his moved on. An I want to think the 4 years couldn't have just gone and how can e say he loves me but got over everything in 3 weeks.
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 CLOSURE is a joke... its selfish and people lie for the reasons its misused ALL THE TIME CLOSURE... here it is... the relationship is over It does not matter the reasons why the relationship is over. It is She is not responsible for the pain you feel. That's your job to figure out You caused the pain that you are in right now by taking the risk to fall in love... you jumped in blindly... probably knowing the relationship wouldnt last forever deep down This being said... I will not give a CLOSURE speech to anyone, besides its not working out its over. I do not expect one to be given to me You are 39 years old? Can we act like one... can you act like one.......including yourself in that are we????....and have some compassion......or arent you old enough yet.....actually scrap that old enough statement your views are antiquated pig headed and sexist jurassic park t rex style .... so it really throws me when i agree with you...this is another time i dont...feels more "normal"..i have back my chi...........so thanks for posting.kisssssssssssssses because i know you hate it....deb
Recommended Posts