crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 About 2 hours ago, she sent me a text: "I promised you I would tell you about (her son's name)'s surgery. <bunch of detailed medical information about the surgery and prognosis>" ME: "Jesus Christ...a whole unit of blood? Thank God he's okay. Pls tell him I am praying for him and thinking of him, thank you for telling me." HER: "I will, thanks" ME: "Pls keep me informed..if it is possible for you." HER: I will Me: Still willing to help if I am needed. I will back off again, but if you or he needs anything, I'm here. HER: I'll let you know. I gathered some of your things and put them on top of the deep freezer (which is in the garage). tomorrow would be a good day for you to get them. Contrats on getting the job at (name of hospital), very happy for you" Me: Okay. Can we talk soon? I will return Peter's shotgun and such at the same time HER: I'll get back to you on that. Things are pretty intense right now. ME: I understand. I am VERY glad (her son's name) is okay...was extremely worried about him. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. This confirms she read my email, otherwise she would not know about the job. Apparently, the explanation of the surprise reservations that I made did not make any difference to her, and she is determined to follow through with her decision to end our relationship. There is nothing else I can do or say. She has made up her mind, and is making it clear she is NOT going to change it. She's gone for good. My angel...is gone :*( 1
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm sorry, Crash. At least now you can let go and grieve. The fianlity is difficult to grasp and I am sure you'll be riddled with questions but at least you have closure.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 What surprise reservations? Did you try to plan something for your ex in hopes it would bring her back? Oiy. I'm sorry, but no more of this. Healing time.
MyAngel Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It must be some comfort that she is being civil about things. You can still have a mature conversation about her son.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 What surprise reservations? Did you try to plan something for your ex in hopes it would bring her back? Oiy. I'm sorry, but no more of this. Healing time. No...that's not it She ended things bc I found out I had a new job and made reservations for us at a VERY exclusive place on Friday night to surprise her with a romantic evening. She called to make plans, said we could end the day by hanging out at her place with the kids. I, not wanting to spoil the surprise, said "How about we make the evening about just us since we've had lots of distractions with the kids lately and haven't really had much time alone?" She got mad, broke it off and hung up before I could come clean and explain why I said what I said. So..i emailed it to her.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 It must be some comfort that she is being civil about things. You can still have a mature conversation about her son. yeah, I still love the kids...so I am thankful about that. But I'm a nurse...and she has some family friend guy going stay with her son while she's at work. No...he's not someone she's dating or anything...the guy's married to one of her friends.
Chi townD Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sorry dude. But it's time to move on. Grab your gear ASAP and get to startin to heal. You can take in a little pride knowing that your last conversation with her was done with calm and respect. You didn't come off as a douche rocket and she's going to remember that about you. Time to walk away with pride and diginity. Her kid is out of the woods. Time to start NC.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 No...that's not it She ended things bc I found out I had a new job and made reservations for us at a VERY exclusive place on Friday night to surprise her with a romantic evening. She called to make plans, said we could end the day by hanging out at her place with the kids. I, not wanting to spoil the surprise, said "How about we make the evening about just us since we've had lots of distractions with the kids lately and haven't really had much time alone?" She got mad, broke it off and hung up before I could come clean and explain why I said what I said. So..i emailed it to her. 0_o That's the reason she ended it with you? Ummm... yeah.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 0_o That's the reason she ended it with you? Ummm... yeah. That's what she keeps telling me anyhow. I have no reason to think otherwise. she said I made her feel scolded that she wasn't giving me the time I needed and that she was giving me all the the time she had. she said that it's clear that she cannot give me what I need, and so the relationship will not work. I was sitting there going w.t.F?! if there is more to it, I am unaware as are her kids.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Sorry dude. But it's time to move on. Grab your gear ASAP and get to startin to heal. You can take in a little pride knowing that your last conversation with her was done with calm and respect. You didn't come off as a douche rocket and she's going to remember that about you. Time to walk away with pride and diginity. Her kid is out of the woods. Time to start NC. yeah...I'm going get my stuff tomorrow morning after I drop my son off at school, drop off the stuff of hers that I have, and start to try to heal. Goddam she's a stubborn woman....but that's no longer my concern I dont guess.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 You can take in a little pride knowing that your last conversation with her was done with calm and respect. You didn't come off as a douche rocket and she's going to remember that about you. Thanks. It was massively hard to do. I kept having the urge to text her "DONT DO THIS! DON'T LEAVE!" but I already know better...it would serve no purpose and would only make me look foolish in the end...and wouldn't affect the outcome of this situation at all anyhow. You know...I HATE this....as if everyone didnt already know that. I feel like this extremely painful situation has been FORCED upon me and I don't have any say in it. Like someone holding my hand and forcing it against a flaming hot burner on a stove, without even having the chance to say "But I dont WANT to touch the red-hot burner. I don't WANT to." Nonetheless, I've been BADLY burned, and feel like my HEART has been held to a fire against my will. I'm SO frustrated that the ONLY thing I can do now is just wrap my hand and wait for the blisters to heal. But just like a real burn, even after the blisters are gone, the scars remain.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 She's gone for good. My angel...is gone :*( It's been over since she mustered up the courage to utter those words. Truly accepting is the first step.
Bluem Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Okay you're being a little over dramatic about the whole "scars" thing. Try to think a little more positively. Are you scarred from all your previous relationships? Do they hinder your current ones? Stop putting this woman on a pedestal. Sometimes things do not work out as much as you would like them to. It's upsetting, but it's time to deal with facing the truth and the feelings that come with it instead of making it seem like you cannot full recover. You can. You will. All of your anger, frustration, sadness, etc are normal. However, you DO have a say in it, you WILL recover, but you have to give it time to grieve and get all of your feelings out.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 It's been over since she mustered up the courage to utter those words. Truly accepting is the first step. I know. Acceptance is actually the last step, but I know what you mean. At least I now know she's gone, and that she's NOT trying to make this worse on me than it has to be. In her last message to me, she said "I really DO hope we can be friends when this is all over....with all my heart, I hope this. We made a promise to each other that no matter what, we would stay friends, and I intend to keep it...if you are able to." So...at least she's not trying to drag me through the mud. I respect her for that. It says a lot about her character.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Okay you're being a little over dramatic about the whole "scars" thing. Try to think a little more positively. Are you scarred from all your previous relationships? Do they hinder your current ones? Stop putting this woman on a pedestal. Sometimes things do not work out as much as you would like them to. It's upsetting, but it's time to deal with facing the truth and the feelings that come with it instead of making it seem like you cannot full recover. You can. You will. All of your anger, frustration, sadness, etc are normal. However, you DO have a say in it, you WILL recover, but you have to give it time to grieve and get all of your feelings out. That's what all this is...me TRYING to get all these feelings and thoughts..just OUT. It's me processing my feelings and thoughts "out loud" per se.
Bluem Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 If you want to be her friend, maybe you should take a break and really get over her and then come back to be her friend. Obviously you have an attachment to her kids, etc, but I'm sure she has other people she can rely on too. If it's an absolute emergency, and you're her absolute last option, maybe. Do you think you can be her friend and move on at the same time? That seems nearly impossible to me.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 If you want to be her friend, maybe you should take a break and really get over her and then come back to be her friend. Obviously you have an attachment to her kids, etc, but I'm sure she has other people she can rely on too. If it's an absolute emergency, and you're her absolute last option, maybe. Do you think you can be her friend and move on at the same time? That seems nearly impossible to me. No...i'm gonna have to go for a while...probably until I have established another relationship with someone I really care about...THEN I'd be able to come back as a friend only. There would be no other way considering how utterly powerful my feelings for her were/are.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Now you know that it wasnt just a misunderstanding. She knows the truth and still choosing this path. I wud be hesistant to have that talk with her crash. It's going to set you back. And I know your feeling a little better now because u had some contact from her. I'm the same. Just cause were not back but a tiny contact makes me feel better. I don't know if its actually healthy tho
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Now you know that it wasnt just a misunderstanding. She knows the truth and still choosing this path. I wud be hesistant to have that talk with her crash. It's going to set you back. And I know your feeling a little better now because u had some contact from her. I'm the same. Just cause were not back but a tiny contact makes me feel better. I don't know if its actually healthy tho I would agree...but I need my closure. I need the chance to look her in the eyes dammit. I spent five YEARS with this woman..and I was prepared to be faithful her for the rest of my LIFE. I am owed more than a coward's phone call to end our engagement. Yeah, I know its the little breadcrumb contact that has me feeling a bit better...coupled with the fact that a few women have made it known they are interested in me....and all of them are saying that they saw how well i treated her and they would practically kill for the chance. Still...I have a couple questions I have been "saving" for her for when we finally meet face to face to talk about this and how to proceed with the kids, considering my son keeps asking me to talk to her. Look, I operate by a sort of code of honor, and in MY book, you owe someone who was as committed to you as I was to her the chance to look in your eyes. It is something I have done my whole life. When I broke things off with my ex wife, I did it face to face, and actually TOLD her "I will answer any questions you might have" because I feel you OWE it. You dont just break someone's heart after they devoted themselves to you and expect them to just go away or pretend like you don't exist anymore...ESPECIALLY when you leave so many unanswered questions behind. My primary question that I want her answer to me face to face is this: If you have been having issues with the way I handled something, WHY did you NOT say anything before the day you ended things? Why did you not ACT like a soon-to-be married woman and communicate with me? And "Was there someone else that you were interested in but had not told me about and you just used this as an excuse to get out of the relationship? If so, you should have been honorable with me and told me so..so that I could have made MY choice instead of being deceived." And "If you wish to have the chance to remain friends, one of the conditions of this is that eventually, you WILL have to look me in the eyes and allow ME to tell YOU how your actions have impacted ME...since all of this has been about how it made YOU feel. You will have to face that moment where you will see the pain in my eyes while I tell you in great detail how you shattered my heart." Edited January 4, 2013 by crashvector
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I would agree...but I need my closure. I need the chance to look her in the eyes dammit. I spent five YEARS with this woman..and I was prepared to be faithful her for the rest of my LIFE. I am owed more than a coward's phone call to end our engagement. Yeah, I know its the little breadcrumb contact that has me feeling a bit better...coupled with the fact that a few women have made it known they are interested in me....and all of them are saying that they saw how well i treated her and they would practically kill for the chance. Still...I have a couple questions I have been "saving" for her for when we finally meet face to face to talk about this and how to proceed with the kids, considering my son keeps asking me to talk to her. Look, I operate by a sort of code of honor, and in MY book, you owe someone who was as committed to you as I was to her the chance to look in your eyes. It is something I have done my whole life. When I broke things off with my ex wife, I did it face to face, and actually TOLD her "I will answer any questions you might have" because I feel you OWE it. You dont just break someone's heart after they devoted themselves to you and expect them to just go away or pretend like you don't exist anymore...ESPECIALLY when you leave so many unanswered questions behind. Yes closure does help. Unfortunately some people like me will never have that because the other side doesn't want to give it. But will that face to face make you say things to make her come back? you wouldn't want her to come back just because she feels sorry for you or anything like that right some people don't take face to face well they feel pressured so they say things they don't mean deep down. I hope it does make you feel better and able to move on and not go back to stage one
geegirl Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Look, I operate by a sort of code of honor, and in MY book, you owe someone who was as committed to you as I was to her the chance to look in your eyes. It is something I have done my whole life. When I broke things off with my ex wife, I did it face to face, and actually TOLD her "I will answer any questions you might have" because I feel you OWE it. You dont just break someone's heart after they devoted themselves to you and expect them to just go away or pretend like you don't exist anymore...ESPECIALLY when you leave so many unanswered questions behind. YOU have a code that you live by. You can't project and expect that others/ex have to live by it as well, and reciprocate your needs. She may be perfectly content with the way she has provided you with closure. Hopefully she agrees. Just don't expect. 2
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Yes closure does help. Unfortunately some people like me will never have that because the other side doesn't want to give it. But will that face to face make you say things to make her come back? you wouldn't want her to come back just because she feels sorry for you or anything like that right some people don't take face to face well they feel pressured so they say things they don't mean deep down. I hope it does make you feel better and able to move on and not go back to stage one It wouldnt be about her coming back or trying to get her back. She's gone. As much as I hate it..she is NOT coming back and I know it. It would be about me having my chance to tell the woman that i did SO much for and loved SO much and had already devoted the rest of my LIFE to how what she has done has impacted me...and my son.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 YOU have a code that you live by. You can't project and expect that others/ex have to live by it as well, and reciprocate your needs. She may be perfectly content with the way she has provided you with closure. Hopefully she agrees. Just don't expect. I do not expect...but if she wants to remain friends when this is all over like she keeps telling me she wants SO badly, then she will HAVE to. I will either have the chance to have her look me in the eyes so she can SEE what she has done...or there will be NO friendship because I will always resent that she didn't even care enough to be honorable to me.
Author crashvector Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Most of the reason she did this over the phone and has avoided seeing me is because she feels guilty...and she SHOULD. She is avoiding having to come to terms with the pain she has caused to the man that poured his love out for her. she will either allow me to face her, or after tomorrow's exchange of items, I will not agree to have anything else to do with her again.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 It wouldnt be about her coming back or trying to get her back. She's gone. As much as I hate it..she is NOT coming back and I know it. It would be about me having my chance to tell the woman that i did SO much for and loved SO much and had already devoted the rest of my LIFE to how what she has done has impacted me...and my son. Wouldn't that make her feel guilty? Telling her u devoted ur life and loved her. I know it's true. And I'm sure she can see that through your actions. So she basically already knows that. If you say it ill be worried it will guilt her back by accident. If someone said that to me I would be like awww he loves me so much how can I leave him now
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