ataloss8270 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I am feeling extremely down today. I really miss my wife. Its only been a week sense she moved out, but it feels like a month. I find myself tearing up at work quite a bit today. Work is extremely hard for me because I work alone in my department and have no one to talk to all day, so my brain just keeps spinning and I keep thinking about what I should say to her, but I know I need to stick with my NC comment. I can't wait for my therapy session tomarrow so I can get a lot of things off my chest. I feel lost right now though. I know things will get better over time with or without her, but I just don't feel strong today. I even went out last night with a few buddies and had a great time. I just don't understand why I feel so weak today. I wish I could read her mind and see where she's at about us. And know if she is already in the process of filing or not. If she just needs time to think about things of if she is 100% completely done. I want to ask her about things so bad, but I don't want to push her away with constant questions.
Steen719 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 No matter what happens, things will eventually get better. It really does suck for a while. It hurts, it is in every thought and it seems like you have no control over your emotions. Really, with time, it is easier to deal with and you will feel better. You have to go through it and get to the other side. Really, it gets better, even when you think there is no way that it can. Chin up!
Steadfast Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 One of the hardest things in life is losing the woman you love. I have no doubt that you love her, but I do question her desire. It's clear by what you've written she's involved with another man, and I can't help but wonder (given your background) if she didn't bait the trap just a little. Now...she can't be with 'someone like you'. Cheaters are always looking for justification, and you've given her a free pass by falling for it. Lose-lose. My advice is to divorce. I'd suggest that anyway, but given your issues, you shouldn't be in another relationship until you get it completely resolved. No matter what (except in life-saving circumstances) a man should never, ever lay hands on a woman. Vow to never do it again. Don't blame alcohol or any other outside issue for it. It's on you. But you can overcome it. You must. Leave her be, let her live with her decisions and work on you. In the future, if you are in another relationship, you must tell her that this was once a problem for you. You must be honest. Don't bury it in shame, because that allows it to resurface again. Usually, at the very worst time. We all have parts of our lives that we're not proud of. The key for you is to get them out and into the open. I admire your honesty and your desire to overcome what you're faced with. Ask the mods to lift the minimum number of posts which will allow you to send personal messages. If and when you qualify, I'd be happy to communicate with your personally. Train yourself with new habits and re-train your mindset. You can do it. Steen719: Your signature is awesome. The best I've seen-
Author ataloss8270 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 One of the hardest things in life is losing the woman you love. I have no doubt that you love her, but I do question her desire. It's clear by what you've written she's involved with another man, and I can't help but wonder (given your background) if she didn't bait the trap just a little. Now...she can't be with 'someone like you'. Cheaters are always looking for justification, and you've given her a free pass by falling for it. Lose-lose. My advice is to divorce. I'd suggest that anyway, but given your issues, you shouldn't be in another relationship until you get it completely resolved. No matter what (except in life-saving circumstances) a man should never, ever lay hands on a woman. Vow to never do it again. Don't blame alcohol or any other outside issue for it. It's on you. But you can overcome it. You must. Leave her be, let her live with her decisions and work on you. In the future, if you are in another relationship, you must tell her that this was once a problem for you. You must be honest. Don't bury it in shame, because that allows it to resurface again. Usually, at the very worst time. We all have parts of our lives that we're not proud of. The key for you is to get them out and into the open. I admire your honesty and your desire to overcome what you're faced with. Ask the mods to lift the minimum number of posts which will allow you to send personal messages. If and when you qualify, I'd be happy to communicate with your personally. Train yourself with new habits and re-train your mindset. You can do it. Steen719: Your signature is awesome. The best I've seen- Believe me I have already made many vows sense all this has began. I have already decided to not step foot into anything other than a friends with benifits relationship (I'm sorry but a man has needs) with anyone until I feel I can come from a good place and be 100% mentally healthy and give the relationship my full attention. And I will let that person know that is all I'm looking for right now. I will remember what you said about being honest with my future partner about my abuse, and I will make sure to tell that person when I feel the time is right (and not after we get married). I know that alcohol was not the reason that this happened, the problem comes from within me. I know and accept this. And I am determined to resolve my issues. For myself by the way. I know the first step to become a changed man is to admit that there's a problem with you and to truly believe it. And I have made that step. But for her to tell me she "can't be with someone like me", believe me I understand where she is coming from and it's more than her justifying her actions. Her mother was abused and beaten badly by many men in her life and she watched it happen many times. I am not justifying her cheating, but I do understand her fear of me and not being able to trust that I can truly change. She told me that she refuses to follow in her mothers footsteps. I know she became wayward during the relationship because she was starve of the emotional aspect of this relationship and I did not listen to her when she was telling me this a long time ago. I was not emotionally there for her. I was in a bad depression and it just keep getting worse for the last year. Up until now that I am in councling. I know it sounds dumb but I am not mad at her for it, because I was extremely bad to her now that I am really looking at our relationship. I am only wishing that I could save the family. I am very family oriented and was raised that you always put kids first, and work out your relationship for them. I feel that's the only reason I'm holding onto hope.
Steen719 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 One of the hardest things in life is losing the woman you love. I have no doubt that you love her, but I do question her desire. It's clear by what you've written she's involved with another man, and I can't help but wonder (given your background) if she didn't bait the trap just a little. Now...she can't be with 'someone like you'. Cheaters are always looking for justification, and you've given her a free pass by falling for it. Lose-lose. My advice is to divorce. I'd suggest that anyway, but given your issues, you shouldn't be in another relationship until you get it completely resolved. No matter what (except in life-saving circumstances) a man should never, ever lay hands on a woman. Vow to never do it again. Don't blame alcohol or any other outside issue for it. It's on you. But you can overcome it. You must. Leave her be, let her live with her decisions and work on you. In the future, if you are in another relationship, you must tell her that this was once a problem for you. You must be honest. Don't bury it in shame, because that allows it to resurface again. Usually, at the very worst time. We all have parts of our lives that we're not proud of. The key for you is to get them out and into the open. I admire your honesty and your desire to overcome what you're faced with. Ask the mods to lift the minimum number of posts which will allow you to send personal messages. If and when you qualify, I'd be happy to communicate with your personally. Train yourself with new habits and re-train your mindset. You can do it. Steen719: Your signature is awesome. The best I've seen- Thank you. It seems to sum it all up to me! 1
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