SunsetRed Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm slowly getting used to the way men on these dating sites communicate, esp on the first phone call. My problem w OLD is that the men seem to want to move much faster than men in real life try to move. With OLD, I'm actually, the opposite and want to move slower, due to trust issues. I guess when one does OLD it seems like they just lay all their cards on the table, as in telling someone up front, this is what I want and this is what I don't want. Doing so keeps you from wasting time, but it being so upfront can scare someone away. Examples I have in my life are OLD telling me right away, before they even meet me in person, that they are looking for a wife or a serious relationship and that they don't want to waste time playing games. Ok, I cant promise anything to a man I haven't even met yet, so I don't know what to say. I usually do say that I'm into taking one day at a time and letting destiny take its course. I feel like if simply meeting them is seen as playing games, then I shouldn't meet them. My most recent guy (that I will meet this weekend for the 1st time) keeps saying that he wants to see me all the time and that he hopes 2013 is a great year for us. I just said "Time will tell" because we haven't even met yet, so how can we know we'll see each other everyday. online men are much more futuristic and upfront with their needs and wants. Its almost too much of a headache to deal with. Are online men really that desperate or have they just surrendered themselves to a lot of online bull**** lines?
Casablanca Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 If I had to guess since it is online they can throw everything out there since there are tons of women online; depending on location A girl online asked me what I wanted from the website. I said something along the lines of meeting someone I have an attraction to that hopefully turns into a long term relationship and ideally marriage eventually. But she asked me this, I wouldn't use "us" terms until after a few dates. Sometime use OLD because of communication skills probably and some use it as another avenue; perhaps you're meeting the ones with lower communication skills?
bobsmith76 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 With OLD there are so many people to choose from that you're best bet is to find someone who is looking for the same thing you are. It's possible to find that person since there are so many profiles. In order to find that person you need to state what your goals are up front. If someone's evasive about their goals, then it's best to ignore them and find someone's who's clear about what they want. Why waste time with someone who can't be clear about what they want when you can spend quality time with someone who shares your goals? If a woman is offended by my goals (marriage, true love), then I will move on to someone who's not. With OLD I'm looking for someone who's enthusiastic about marriage. Such women do exist, so why should I waste my time with a woman that's not excited about marriage?
Author SunsetRed Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 With OLD there are so many people to choose from that you're best bet is to find someone who is looking for the same thing you are. It's possible to find that person since there are so many profiles. In order to find that person you need to state what your goals are up front. If someone's evasive about their goals, then it's best to ignore them and find someone's who's clear about what they want. Why waste time with someone who can't be clear about what they want when you can spend quality time with someone who shares your goals? If a woman is offended by my goals (marriage, true love), then I will move on to someone who's not. With OLD I'm looking for someone who's enthusiastic about marriage. Such women do exist, so why should I waste my time with a woman that's not excited about marriage? Thanks for the point of view. The thing is, I too want to end up in a long term relationship. but some of these guys are keeping that from happening by scaring me away with wanting me to jump into something too fast. If they would relax, and let things happen, without having to have everything planned out and expected, the relationship probably would happen.
soccerrprp Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks for the point of view. The thing is, I too want to end up in a long term relationship. but some of these guys are keeping that from happening by scaring me away with wanting me to jump into something too fast. If they would relax, and let things happen, without having to have everything planned out and expected, the relationship probably would happen. I do OLD exclusively because I have little or no time to get out. I have two very young children I am raising alone, so much more convenient. I have a theory as to why guys move faster online. Good and bad. 1. There is a lot of crap that goes on online. Misrepresentation, (serial)multi-dating and deception in general. Easier online. You can be whomever you desire and w/ the benefit of being as anonymous as you wish. Men are naturally going to be suspicious of motivations and so feel that having exclusivity early on is going to resolve any mistrust issues. With so many options, men (and women) want to plant their flag into your chest so that you don't go off to the next best thing you see or contacts you. 2. They want to create the illusion early on that they are "serious" about a relationship to reel you in for whatever ulterior motives they may have. Unfortunate, but true. All in all, my experience has been extremely positive. Every woman I've met seems to have wanted a serious relationship. Things just didn't work out.... I have a date tomorrow and the lady wanted to know if I was seeing anyone else. I said no. Her question was a reasonable one. She is serious about having a relationship and doesn't feel comfortable dating someone who is already dating someone else, but is realistic enough to know that it happens. She wanted to know. She wanted to be aware of what she was up against. I appreciate that. Now people will say that it's none of her business, but, think about it, it IS her business. My seeing someone else while I'm seeing her DIRECTLY affects her. Just don't let the guys dictate the pace. Let your expectations known up-front. Be honest. It's really no different from dating face-to-face. Good luck! 2
soccerrprp Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 That's nice and all but if men relaxed in online dating nothing would ever happen, men need to play a big numbers game to get anywhere. I understand being a woman of presumably vaguely humanoid description means you get messaged on a fairly regular basis so you may not understand. Yeah, it, unfortunately, is a numbers game. Unless you're hot...i've been told that i'm good looking, but other qualities and location make it a little difficult to date, though I'm not complaining.
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 1. There is a lot of crap that goes on online. Misrepresentation, (serial)multi-dating and deception in general. Easier online. You can be whomever you desire and w/ the benefit of being as anonymous as you wish. Men are naturally going to be suspicious of motivations and so feel that having exclusivity early on is going to resolve any mistrust issues. With so many options, men (and women) want to plant their flag into your chest so that you don't go off to the next best thing you see or contacts you. I have a date tomorrow and the lady wanted to know if I was seeing anyone else. I said no. Her question was a reasonable one. She is serious about having a relationship and doesn't feel comfortable dating someone who is already dating someone else, but is realistic enough to know that it happens. She wanted to know. She wanted to be aware of what she was up against. I appreciate that. Now people will say that it's none of her business, but, think about it, it IS her business. My seeing someone else while I'm seeing her DIRECTLY affects her. I agree with what you said in bold a lot. If you meet a girl offline, the odds of her meeting another guy on a random Wednesday are low, but if she does OLD, she could get a message at 3am while she is asleep I've never had anyone ask me if I was talking to anyone else. I actually have two dates this saturday, meeting a woman for coffee and then have a more traditional date with a woman I met early this week. Hope this question doesn't get brought up. I'm not a multidater, but I'd like a date or two with each and then I'll decide who, if either I want to see if we have what it takes to be in a serious relationship. So had you told that girl say you had a coffee date with someone the next day she would have been done with you? No wait, I take that back, a girlfriend I met almost two years ago, I told her no, which I wasn't talking to anyone, she said she would been okay and just wanted to know her competition since we werent exclusive.
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 So had you told that girl say you had a coffee date with someone the next day she would have been done with you? No wait, I take that back, a girlfriend I met almost two years ago, I told her no, which I wasn't talking to anyone, she said she would been okay and just wanted to know her competition since we weren't exclusive. Correction on my part. This woman i'm seeing tonight is the SECOND woman to ask if i'm seeing someone else. In the first, I was and told her so. She simply responded by accepting it. I sense that she would have continued to see me anyway. (addressing your question). She wanted to know if there was competition. Good luck and if the question is asked be honest. It hasn't hurt me to be.
Emilia Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 1. There is a lot of crap that goes on online. Misrepresentation, (serial)multi-dating and deception in general. Easier online. You can be whomever you desire and w/ the benefit of being as anonymous as you wish. Men are naturally going to be suspicious of motivations and so feel that having exclusivity early on is going to resolve any mistrust issues. With so many options, men (and women) want to plant their flag into your chest so that you don't go off to the next best thing you see or contacts you. For this reason I recommend meeting up early. The number of times I catch guys out because their online profile doesn't match reality! Either there are lies about their background (wealth, etc) or they post old photos from times when they were fitter. My most recent contact was with someone who is currently about 40lbs heavier than his online photos would suggest! Thank god for facebook.
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Correction on my part. This woman i'm seeing tonight is the SECOND woman to ask if i'm seeing someone else. In the first, I was and told her so. She simply responded by accepting it. I sense that she would have continued to see me anyway. (addressing your question). She wanted to know if there was competition. Good luck and if the question is asked be honest. It hasn't hurt me to be. Oh I plan to, and I would follow it up with what I said, I don't date two people at the same time for a long period of time, but after a date or two, I know if I want to continue seeing someone, so I'll know in a week or two who I want to see more and attempt to get to grow a connection with, if either. Honesty is the best policy, plus probably isn't good to start a relationship out on a lie if it were to lead to something more 2
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 For this reason I recommend meeting up early. The number of times I catch guys out because their online profile doesn't match reality! Either there are lies about their background (wealth, etc) or they post old photos from times when they were fitter. My most recent contact was with someone who is currently about 40lbs heavier than his online photos would suggest! Thank god for facebook. LOL! I am sorry to hear that! It baffles me as to how people would think such misrepresentation is helpful!
Emilia Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 LOL! I am sorry to hear that! It baffles me as to how people would think such misrepresentation is helpful! Quite. I'm assuming they can get around the problem with their 'personality'. However, I think personality is kinda part of the issue. 1
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Quite. I'm assuming they can get around the problem with their 'personality'. However, I think personality is kinda part of the issue. Yeah, I hate when people do this...I'm going to find out I jump to in person meet up quick as well, I guess for same reason sort of...You can't get to know someone through emails, and if all you want to do is send email after email, well it is going to get boring and they'll meet someone else....usually my 4th email I suggest we meet up some place, if that goes well, and I like what I see I'll ask her out on a more proper date
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