sybo24 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I really wonder why MM/MW have affairs and not just end their unhappy marriage before looking for someone else? My A recently ended when my MM left his wife then went back on christmas eve after 4 weeks apart. No explanation to me except 'I cant be happy when they (his kids) are so unhappy'. I am divorced and when married would never had considered having an affair. I ended my marriage because my marriage was over, for various reasons. It is hard to breakup a marriage when you have a home, jobs and children but with hard work on both sides and a determination to do everything with the best interests of our children at the heart, then it is possible to survive divorce. I continue to work for my ex husband. I am the last person who would have had an A with a MM but I have. You cant help the person you fall in love with and all common sense goes out of the window, I wish it had never stared. I know I have hurt my MM Wife and children and I can never change that, but the one who trully hurt them was their husband and father. There are a million excuses why they say they cant leave just yet, and loads of excuses why they are with you, BUT the truth is that they are usually selfish reasons as they want their cake and eat it too. Spineless cowardly people who want someone else to make the decision to end the marriage for them. Either the wife when she finds out or the OW when she has had enough. They never make the decision themselves!!
Decorative Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Because an unsettling amount of the time- the marriage is not the problem. So leaving the marriage isn't an issue. Because that's not the problem. 4
jwi71 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I really wonder why MM/MW have affairs and not just end their unhappy marriage before looking for someone else? My A recently ended when my MM left his wife then went back on christmas eve after 4 weeks apart. No explanation to me except 'I cant be happy when they (his kids) are so unhappy'. I am divorced and when married would never had considered having an affair. I ended my marriage because my marriage was over, for various reasons. It is hard to breakup a marriage when you have a home, jobs and children but with hard work on both sides and a determination to do everything with the best interests of our children at the heart, then it is possible to survive divorce. I continue to work for my ex husband. I am the last person who would have had an A with a MM but I have. You cant help the person you fall in love with and all common sense goes out of the window, I wish it had never stared. I know I have hurt my MM Wife and children and I can never change that, but the one who trully hurt them was their husband and father. There are a million excuses why they say they cant leave just yet, and loads of excuses why they are with you, BUT the truth is that they are usually selfish reasons as they want their cake and eat it too. Spineless cowardly people who want someone else to make the decision to end the marriage for them. Either the wife when she finds out or the OW when she has had enough. They never make the decision themselves!! I get the sense the tone of this post is different if this MM follows through and marries his OW, in this case the OP. But since he has, for now, gone home he is a "spineless coward". I wonder if the OP changes her tune should he return to her? 1
Author sybo24 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Sorry for being a little bitter at the moment but I am hut and confused. My MM is spinless and not perfect but that doesnt mean I dont love him and not want to be with him.
Got it Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I really wonder why MM/MW have affairs and not just end their unhappy marriage before looking for someone else? My A recently ended when my MM left his wife then went back on christmas eve after 4 weeks apart. No explanation to me except 'I cant be happy when they (his kids) are so unhappy'. I am divorced and when married would never had considered having an affair. I ended my marriage because my marriage was over, for various reasons. It is hard to breakup a marriage when you have a home, jobs and children but with hard work on both sides and a determination to do everything with the best interests of our children at the heart, then it is possible to survive divorce. I continue to work for my ex husband. I am the last person who would have had an A with a MM but I have. You cant help the person you fall in love with and all common sense goes out of the window, I wish it had never stared. I know I have hurt my MM Wife and children and I can never change that, but the one who trully hurt them was their husband and father. There are a million excuses why they say they cant leave just yet, and loads of excuses why they are with you, BUT the truth is that they are usually selfish reasons as they want their cake and eat it too. Spineless cowardly people who want someone else to make the decision to end the marriage for them. Either the wife when she finds out or the OW when she has had enough. They never make the decision themselves!! I think you answered your own question. (((sybo))))
Realist3 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Because having an A is a lot easier all the way around than breaking up a M. 1
cocorico Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Spineless cowardly people who want someone else to make the decision to end the marriage for them. Either the wife when she finds out or the OW when she has had enough. They never make the decision themselves!! Sometimes they simply do not realise that they are also deserving of happiness, and that others are no more entitled to happiness at their expense than they would be at the expense of others. So it takes them a whole to adjust to being happy and acknowledging that they're allowed to be, that suffering is not there preordained lot, and that they can leave their M simply by deciding that they wish to. Not all MMs or MWs do leave their Ms, or even decide that they want to, but some do make that decision and act on it. I'm sorry your A didn't work out and that you drew a short straw with a MM who did not live up to your expectations.
Author sybo24 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Not so. They VERY much make the decision. And it's usually the decision that benefits THEM the most. Thank you I think you have hit the nail on the head. I'd never thought of it that way
ComingInHot Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I don't necessarily agree w/the statement, "you can't help who you fall in love with". I think (for me), that I may not be able to fight an "attraction" that "something" that draws me to someone . But I recognize that attraction and then Choose NOT to feed it so that it develops into love. Feelings are finicky and can change on a dime so I don't always act on my feelings alone. But I DO believe that if a MM/MW is Truly Unhappy in a marriage, they DO leave. Hopefully though, they leave for themselves and in a genuine honest way. Sadly there are some that don't want to be alone, so they find an A partner that may or may not be the "one" so at least they have a body to go to instead of the silence of an empty apartment or home. And that IS cowardly! 3
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