Sex_Panther Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 As some of you know I have told my longtime friend that I like her in a romantic way and think we should date sometime. She responded with, we need to hang out more and see if something sparks from it first, im just not attracted to you in that way at this point in time. (We live too far to hang out in person) We talk on facebook alot and she has told me she is going out with someone right now and they connect on an emotional and logical level. They seem to have everything in common. Well I really care about her and I told her I accept and respect her and as long as she is happy I am happy. Well since this is over facebook she cant really tell how much I want something more. Like I will check when she was online last and read past message. I realize I am driving myself nuts and I think some space between us would be a good thing and maybe either make her miss me enough that she wants to talk about dating or it will get her off my mind and help me realize she is just a friend and always will be. My question is, How do I respectfully tell her I need some space without her thinking something weird is going on? Like I said, she is a longtime friend and I really care about her and dont want to lose the friendship completely. Thanks in advance to anyone with advice.
Author Sex_Panther Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I forgot to add that yesterday I messaged her to talk during the day and she told me she was at a friends house, but I saw her online which means she was messaging someone and just didnt want to talk to me. She said she would message me later, she messaged me lastnight saying she was home and had time to talk. I told her I was going to eat dinner and go to bed, maybe we can talk some other time. Then she said ok, goodnight. I did this because when she messages me after 9pm she uses the excuse that she fell asleep when she doesnt want to talk to me and that annoys the crap out of me. Thats the last words spoken between us so she may already know somethings up.
bobsmith76 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 she has told me she is going out with someone right now and they connect on an emotional and logical level. End of story. She's into someone else not you. You're best bet is to try to forget about her and fall in love with someone that loves you. Sorry to be blunt but it's words that you need to hear, not that I'm good at understanding those words myself. 1
pteromom Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Don't tell her you need space - just take the space you need. Stop messaging her. Hide her FB posts from your wall so you won't respond or be confronted with photos/posts about her and her bf. If she messages you, respond in a short/sweet way.
Author Sex_Panther Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 She doesnt post pictures of her and her boyfriend, and they arent really going out persay, just really good friends. In her words exactly "A close man friend". I am apparently the only one that knows about this relationship, because I wont judge her like her family and friends will. Im not asking how to make her like me, I figure whenever we get to spend time together she either will or wont. What I am asking is how do I tell her I need space. I dont want to just bail and she is left wondering what the heck happened considering we talk almost on a daily basis. She might even be wondering what the heck happened lastnight for all I know, because she could clearly see I was on facebook talking to someone else.
Author Sex_Panther Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 So I stopped talking to her after I made the excuse i was going to eat and go to sleep. I figured she got the hint because we didnt talk at all on thursday, but yesterday night she messaged me. I kinda just kept my answers short and to the point and once I thought she was done talking about what she has been up to I told her I had to go and make a phone call and we will talk soon. Well she kinda seemed pissed because she responded with "oh did something come up" "well goodnight then". I said "Goodnight, we will talk soon". I think she knows something is up, because normally I am all over her and cant wait to talk to her. However, recently I have kinda just wanted to end the conversation a few minutes after it starts. I really dont know how to tell her I need my space without either making things worse and she gets mad or she starts thinking I am a weirdo that only wants to date her and if I cant I wont talk, which puts pressure on her. Please guys and girls, I need your help. What would you guys do in my shoes?
sweetkiwi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Man you are freaking out. Breathe. Relax. Evaluate situation. Point 1- she likes someone else, its not going to happen right now. Point 2- you are Obsessing and If she isn't already freaked out she will be soon. Point 3- block any and all communications. Stealth mode. Disappear. That is only if you really want to stop.
Author Sex_Panther Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Man you are freaking out. Breathe. Relax. Evaluate situation. Point 1- she likes someone else, its not going to happen right now. Point 2- you are Obsessing and If she isn't already freaked out she will be soon. Point 3- block any and all communications. Stealth mode. Disappear. That is only if you really want to stop. I am seeing another girl thats all over me right now. However, its like I cant really like this girl fully and feel I am using her as a way to ignore the fact that I like my friend. I feel if I disappear maybe she will see I have other options and it will also help me "forget" her. I just respect and care about her enough that I dont want to just bail, I want her to know hey I need some time alone. I know in a way I am obsessing, and the last time I did that openly with her she was turned off by it and really annoyed. Thats why I am talking on this forum instead of saying all this to her. I dont want her to get freaked out by me.
sweetkiwi Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I am seeing another girl thats all over me right now. However, its like I cant really like this girl fully and feel I am using her as a way to ignore the fact that I like my friend. I feel if I disappear maybe she will see I have other options and it will also help me "forget" her. I just respect and care about her enough that I dont want to just bail, I want her to know hey I need some time alone. I know in a way I am obsessing, and the last time I did that openly with her she was turned off by it and really annoyed. Thats why I am talking on this forum instead of saying all this to her. I dont want her to get freaked out by me. Okay I've been this girl. But I did the fade out on them because, like you, they never wouldve done it for the right reasons. Do it. Disappear. But don't think that'll make her want you. That will just give YOU time to get over it. Or at least come back down to earth.
Author Sex_Panther Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Okay I've been this girl. But I did the fade out on them because, like you, they never wouldve done it for the right reasons. Do it. Disappear. But don't think that'll make her want you. That will just give YOU time to get over it. Or at least come back down to earth. I get it, I need to disappear. Since we talk on facebook all the time I blocked her from seeing when I get online. However, its like I was saying before. I completely stopped talking to her after I made the excuse I have to eat and go to bed. We stopped talking for a whole day before she contacted me lastnight. I am not going to talk to her anymore, but I know the silence is only going to last but so long before she contacts me again. Facebook tells the other person when you view their message and if I dont respond she will think I am being rude. She told me she is going to be busy all day today so she isnt going to contact me today, but she might tomorrow or the next day. So do I just ignore her messages or what should I tell her? Its only going to be a matter of time before she contacts me.
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