rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 This break up isnt black and white and simple, theres a few factors. I had been with my partner for 3 years. For the past 6 months we havent been the happiest, not exactly with eachother but with the way things were! I had been pressuring him to move out with me. In the past he always said he wanted to buy and not rent as its a waste of money. He had just got his own business and neither of us have any savings to even think about it. My sister and his best friend are engaged and organizing theyre wedding and they live together. I realised after the split i had time to think, and i realised i want to stay at home and save to buy and that its not important to move out right away, and that really i was wanting to move out because my sister had etc 3 months ago, we had a discussion where I almost ended it because were were not that happy with the way things were, he spoke to my sis fiancee (his best friend) and said he wanted to be with me, was in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That same day he told me all the same things. However instead of saying lets work on it and not talk about moving in, i said the opposite and said, lets move in! a month later we went on holiday and had the best time ever. then a month after that I guess i started pressuring again! and he finished with me. He told me he wasnt happy anymore and that he didnt think he was inlove with me! Other factor you need to know is that he has an erection problem! its all in his mind! he worries he wont get an erection and then it wont happen!! He mentioned not long before the split that i was pressuring him for sex!He gets so upset and emabarrassed about it. I didnt realise until recently what a huge problem it is for him. I now realise that im happy to stay at home and save etc, i realise that we shouldnt of been talking about moving in just yet until finances etc were secure and that we needed to work on other things. The unhappiness stemed from pressuring to move in and sex! I now know that i myself am not ready for that, and im happy to wait until we are both ready! I have told him all this and he cried his eyes out and said why have yoy only just figured all this out. He said a week ago that I was pressuring in the relationship and now to get him back. weve been split for 6 weeks, and I guess for the first 5 i was pressuring here and there, and Ive been told by a mutual friend to leave him be for a while and to stop pressuring. that we may get back together. I havent txt or spoken to him for a week. I just need to know what others think.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm the same actually. I feel like I need to pressure him to come back... Otherwise he will just forget te good times and feel comfortable living without me in his life. I feel that if I'm there still textig him he won't move on... Does this work? If I leave him then he might never come back help
Author rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I know what you mean. However when i saw him last week, he agreed to meet me, he said he remembers all the good times and great memories. I asked him how many bad times there were? he couldnt even count! cz basically there werent any besides the pressuring which can be fixed!
Author rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Our mutual friend told me I was pressuring him, so o need to leave him be for a while. because pressure was the reason why we split. In my eyes, if he is so happy with the desicion why is he speaking about it to his best mate, regarding getting back with me? for him to mention it he must be thinking about it! Plus he said to me and my sis, its not that hes not thinking about it, but if he says he is it will get my hopes up, and he doesnt wanna hurt me if he decided not to!
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I think yours could e possibly fixed. As long as his willinging to give u a second chance! :(I don't think I haw a chance. His just going out all the time with friends. I feel like his moved on and doesn't need me Anymore. And it's KILLING ME INSIDE
newmoon Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 you are not pressuring him, that is his excuse for not making more of a commitment to you. it's been 3 years - by that time you need to have a ring/wedding date or it (usually) won't happen without a lot of effort. you can remain with him/work it out and be back here in a few years asking why he won't marry you still or why he still feels pressured, or you cut your losses now and move forward. and don't compete with your sister/best friends and what they are doing
Author rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 well, my ex has been going out too! as have I! its just theyre way of coping! it doesnt necessarily mean theyve moved on!
Author rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Newmoon... Thats just it! He wants to move out with me! He has already said he wants to! hes saving to buy a house. He told his best mate, he does want to eventually. and we were gonna start looking in around now, until he dumped me! he said he wasnt ready, but he was still going to do it regardless. but he didnt wanna rent... and he has no money... i dont either and i have no money! he was just mature about it, unlike me, going for it despite our lack of money, which was causing tension anyway!
Author rufusbabe Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I have no doubt in my mind that if we give it another shot, it wont work! i dont and cant move out for another 2-3 years anyway cz i want to buy a house and get a big deposit. if we rent we will never buy... its a circle.
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