ls32ssibm Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 A friend asked me why I haven't had a girlfriend (I'm 24/M) for about a year and a half even though I've dated probably a dozen different women in that time frame. I don't know if I'm ever going to be, or even want to be married at some point in my life. However, before I enter a relationship with any girl now, for some reason, I evaluate if I think they could potentially be someone I'd like to marry someday. If the answer is no, I move on. I think it's because I'm holding the "why bother" philosophy regarding a potential girlfriend if I don't think we could work out for the "long haul". Does anybody else operate like this?
syw0806 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I do lol Now I just started a relationship with this great guy, but before him, I was single for about two years.. and I've dated few guys during that too. I agree with you. What is the point of entering a relationship if I don't see any guy my potential husband... it's waste of time unless you want to have many relationships as possible. Although, I want to get married younger and that's prob a big part makes me think in this way.. Don't you worry, there are plenty guys girls think in your way. and you will be able to find the right girl for you
Pyro Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 A friend asked me why I haven't had a girlfriend (I'm 24/M) for about a year and a half even though I've dated probably a dozen different women in that time frame. I don't know if I'm ever going to be, or even want to be married at some point in my life. However, before I enter a relationship with any girl now, for some reason, I evaluate if I think they could potentially be someone I'd like to marry someday. If the answer is no, I move on. I think it's because I'm holding the "why bother" philosophy regarding a potential girlfriend if I don't think we could work out for the "long haul". Does anybody else operate like this? Sounds pretty normal to me. Life is too short to waste your time with anyone whom you feel that you have no future with. Marriage isn't for everyone so instead of looking at them as possible marriage material look at them as someone whom you can see yourself growing old with. 4
ThaWholigan Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Sounds pretty normal to me. Life is too short to waste your time with anyone whom you feel that you have no future with. Marriage isn't for everyone so instead of looking at them as possible marriage material look at them as someone whom you can see yourself growing old with. Precisely my view on things.
SJC2008 Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 A friend asked me why I haven't had a girlfriend (I'm 24/M) for about a year and a half even though I've dated probably a dozen different women in that time frame. I don't know if I'm ever going to be, or even want to be married at some point in my life. However, before I enter a relationship with any girl now, for some reason, I evaluate if I think they could potentially be someone I'd like to marry someday. If the answer is no, I move on. I think it's because I'm holding the "why bother" philosophy regarding a potential girlfriend if I don't think we could work out for the "long haul". Does anybody else operate like this? I was like that when I was younger and still am to a certain extent. Looking back I think it's a defense mechanism from getting hurt. I was destroyed by my 1st gf and shut down for LONG time. When I was your age I met a girl at a bar and she really liked me. We were both shy and it would of been the perfect opportunity for the both of us. She was cute, definately datable but I turned her down. I think my rationalization was that I wasn't attracted to her or that I cared more about what others would think of her. Whatever the reason, I think it was a defense mechanism.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 The problem with young people making big decisions like marriage potential in partners is...they have absolutely no idea what they're doing! Choosing someone for the long haul is not just about feelings or potential, that would be like me taking you to pick the best "used" car based on it's condition when you know nothing about cars. Growing up, having these different relationships and experiences is a progressive process where you learn about yourself and what it's like with others. What you thought was important when you were young is going to likely be very different in some ways when you are older, because now you actually have the experience and knowledge (if you're someone who learns from your mistakes or isn't ruled by your issues) to make a wiser decision in a partner...not to mention things just change as you grow through the stages and phases through life. The fact of the matter is no matter how much potential you think someone has a young age, you're 90 percent or better, making the wrong decision and determination without even knowing it. Yes there are some qualities and attributes you know you are interested in more than others, however most young people like to "overlook" serious issues because they think they can be ironed out or "fixed" at some point in time in the relationship. When you're young you think you have way more power and control than you really do, when you're older you realize that some things are just the way they are, they either line up or they don't and after beating your head against a concrete wall over someone you thought had the "potential" to be married to, you realize that you didn't know what you were talking about really at the time. You've got a lot to learn at 24, and should by no means be in a hurry or feel pressured by age, pressed for time etc...the older you get, the more you're going to know, yes you are likely going to have a significant relationship where you feel you probably should have been with that person but in reality that person was there for a reason...for you to learn. People think you just grow up and then you're automatically ready for "love" and now that's the priority, which will eventually cross the bridge of marriage. But that's too much pressure and expectation on yourself, when you're there you'll be ready and when If you feel like taking it that far then you'll get married to that person...but likely, you're going to make some very bad decisions, and don't be surprised when you find yourself wrong about a lot of things. Learn and listen to life lessons first...before putting these questions on the table you simply can't answer, because you don't know enough yet to do that competently.
Vercetti Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Careful playing out relationship fantasies in your head. Had a friend that would completely avoid advancing on any girl because he created reasons the relationship would fail before even introducing himself. For him it was a endless cycle of being a champion that avoided mythical stress. Yet in reality it was him rejecting others before they could reject him. Can't win if don't play and if don't play probably wont have the grace to captivate a girl that cant invent a negative scenario with.
jenwon Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I saw dating in the same terms as the OP when I was his age. The problem I was very mature for my age and most of the friends were very much immature, not LTR material at the time. But many 'grew' up and my view of them changed completley. Now in my early 30s and looking back, I wish i had given dating them more of a chance and try to see each person's potential for personal growth.
Aedra Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 A friend asked me why I haven't had a girlfriend (I'm 24/M) for about a year and a half even though I've dated probably a dozen different women in that time frame. I don't know if I'm ever going to be, or even want to be married at some point in my life. However, before I enter a relationship with any girl now, for some reason, I evaluate if I think they could potentially be someone I'd like to marry someday. If the answer is no, I move on. I think it's because I'm holding the "why bother" philosophy regarding a potential girlfriend if I don't think we could work out for the "long haul". Does anybody else operate like this? You are far from the only guy that thinks like this. You want something more meaningful with a woman then a fun little fling that'll only last a few months. But it can make you judge potentially great women too quickly and first impressions are often skewered.
TheZebra Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I'm the same way. I don't believe in marriage, but if I can't see myself growing old with the guy I won't consider dating him. What is marriage in the end but a legal contract anyway? If it makes you feel any better my parents feel the same way and have been together for 25 years now (i think?) 1
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