FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 how do I know If I'm on my way to healing. I constantly still think about him and change my mind back and forth whether I want him to come back... Even if I don't have a choice in that since he left. His distracting himself and suppressing everything does that mean his healed before me? is he healing since his okay to talk as friends... And I'm not ? How come I'm not. I try but deep down I still wish he would come back.
Honiebee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 People heal differently. Just because he is talking to you- doesn't mean he isn't still going through the process. From what I've read on here - the best way is to NC. For both of you. If he wants to get back together with you, he will realise and tell you- in the meantime all you can do is keep yourself busy. It doesn't matter how long it takes, so don't worry if he seems to be healing faster than you. After all- this is YOU that matters. It's really, REALLY hard I know but I'd say talking to each other is probably the worst thing you can do. NC will give you both time to heal. Don't worry about him and what he's doing, he will work things through at his own rate. You need to heal, but don't rush it, just take it as slow as you like. Think about him all day if you need to- cry- scream- shout. Get everything out until there's nothing left and then start thinking about what you want to do. Xx
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 People heal differently. Just because he is talking to you- doesn't mean he isn't still going through the process. From what I've read on here - the best way is to NC. For both of you. If he wants to get back together with you, he will realise and tell you- in the meantime all you can do is keep yourself busy. It doesn't matter how long it takes, so don't worry if he seems to be healing faster than you. After all- this is YOU that matters. It's really, REALLY hard I know but I'd say talking to each other is probably the worst thing you can do. NC will give you both time to heal. Don't worry about him and what he's doing, he will work things through at his own rate. You need to heal, but don't rush it, just take it as slow as you like. Think about him all day if you need to- cry- scream- shout. Get everything out until there's nothing left and then start thinking about what you want to do. Xx Thanks honie it just hurts to think that he may have moved on and healed already when it's only 3 weeks. And I'm constantly still struggling to get him off my mind. I know it's best to not know what his doing but I'm scared that no contact is going to make him forget me. And move on without thinking of me. So chances are he won't come back
Honiebee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 He won't forget you. No one forgets anyone. My first boyfriend has been living with with someone for a long time now, and I sometimes think about him and what he's up to now- but I am completely over him- so I wonder about hi with fondness, not whether he will come back to me. I won't forget him even though we haven't been in contact for 6 years. He was a part of my life. I have had boyfriends since then and am currently tangled up in a mess with another ex. But even so, I haven't forgotten my first boyfriend. You should try not to think of it as he's moved on and won't want YOU back. You shouldn't want HIM back. I am not sure of your situation, but perhaps the break means you weren't right for each other in the long term? You can now find that person who really is, and there will be someone who can make you just as happy, if not more so. At the moment, it still sounds like you're grieving. And why not? Grieve. But try not to think about him not wanting YOU. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you (do you?) so try and think of this as something YOU don't want for yourself. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt like hell- but that isn't to say it will hurt forever. If he has moved on then there's nothing you can do unfortunately but help yourself move on too. It's never nice to know that someone has moved on before you but try not to dwell on him. This is about you. Grieve for it, and once you have grieved, the pain will gradually become less and less xx 1
itsmyfault Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Without a doubt the best way to heal is NC, the length of time you need to be NC varies from person to person.. For example, I was NC for 7 weeks, My Ex messaged me to say Happy Xmas. I messaged back to say I didn't really want to hear from her. I found out yesterday one of her dogs died and wanted to see how she was doing. I can safely say I didn't have any problem speaking to her, It was like speaking to someone i'd just met, only I knew a lot about her. No feelings involved what so ever. There will be a point where you get there. I can now safely say I am happy with how my life is going, I can't wait to meet someone new. My best advise is do what makes you happy, If you can make yourself happy you will heal a lot faster. For me spending time with friends and going to 10's of music events is what helped me.
crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks honie it just hurts to think that he may have moved on and healed already when it's only 3 weeks. And I'm constantly still struggling to get him off my mind. I know it's best to not know what his doing but I'm scared that no contact is going to make him forget me. And move on without thinking of me. So chances are he won't come back I couldnt have said this any better...secretly, i want her to come back, and id be lying to try and deny it. But yeah...everything she's saying...are all the EXACT things im thinking about my ex fiance too.
MyAngel Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 From what I've read, once you have true indifference of the ex is when you know you've healed. My take is that you can think about your ex and not really feel anything. Like, I can think about my exes from years back and feel indifferent/uncaring. I am almost 4 weeks post break up and yeah it's getting easier but my emotions are still all over the place. I'm experiencing many moods in one day. I haven't cried today so far but there's an hour or so before I go to sleep so who knows haha Hang in there chickie. We will all get through this eventually. In our own time. Don't rush the healing process as well. If it takes you 6 months, it takes you 6 months. Better to grieve properly and get it out of your system now than revisit old wounds down the track.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks guys its so nice to know that so many people are in the same boat. only I lack that strength to let go. my emotions is like a roller coaster as well. But regardless of what it is. Deep down I always hope for his return. Which is why I don't want him to move on. I guess my thought is always as long as he doesn't move on and still miss me then there is a chance of his return. We will get through this together <3 It's so frustrating as we'll. cause when emotions kick in nothing I do is fun. When I'm out and if I'm out for too long I start missin him. Then I'm like a depressing chick sitting there wondering about him!! This REALLY sucks. I just wanna e happy
MyAngel Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I just want to be happy too :/ sick of seeing a frown on my face. I'm not the one who gave up, who walked away without a second thought and I'm still being punished from the way my mind is still thinking of her and dwelling on it. But us thinking of them coming back is what is stopping us from properly moving on. We have to accept that it's over and I'm sure in 6 months time and we still haven't heard from them, that will be a swift kick that we need. Who wants to pine for someone that gave up on us..... :/
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I just want to be happy too :/ sick of seeing a frown on my face. I'm not the one who gave up, who walked away without a second thought and I'm still being punished from the way my mind is still thinking of her and dwelling on it. But us thinking of them coming back is what is stopping us from properly moving on. We have to accept that it's over and I'm sure in 6 months time and we still haven't heard from them, that will be a swift kick that we need. Who wants to pine for someone that gave up on us..... :/ Really sucks ayye. I feel like I gave it my all and put everything in te relationship. And it only takes one person to pull it all apart. Why did he just give up when I never even had that in my mind. Time is going so slowly I know I'm depressing people around me as well. Really not trying to dothat. But I can't be all happy and smiles like he does and suppress everything.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I just saw photos on his friends fb. Cause I have him blocked his going out alot and he is full on happy I think he might have wen went on holidays. does it mean his moving on... So he will no longer need me
Recommended Posts