SpiralOut Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm noticing a pattern in the men I date. They're angry. Do I attract them moreso than most people? Or am I just more likely to overlook it at the beginning? None of my long-term boyfriends had these issues. It's just with the ones that don't last as long. Last year I went on dates with a couple of men who weren't angry at me, but did complain a lot on the first (and only) date about what they hate about their life, such as hating "dead-beat fathers." Okay. Then there was the one who was angry at me, but refused to admit it, and insulted me passive-aggressively while pretending that he was being nice when actually he was being an ass. There was the jackass who spent the whole date complaining about what some other woman said to him. Then there was the last one who complained on our first date about things from his childhood he still felt angry about. WTF? Am I just not picking them right or something? Or do healthy men just not want anything to do with me? I'm getting tired of this happening. I don't even want to bother with online dating anymore because I'm so tired of dealing with other people's anger.
FitChick Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sometimes we pick people who freely express emotions we are afraid to express ourselves. It's living vicariously through them in a way.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I don't know why you do this. Somehow you are attracted to these guys. I have seen this before in both genders. I call it the curtain #3 syndrome. Imagine the old game show "Let's Make A Deal", for whatever reason the contestant is given many chances to chose, but always choses Curtain #3, behind which is always a goat. I used to have a female friend, very good looking, friendly, had lots of offers to chose from, but every time she chose a new guy he was always a wife beater who would eventually beat the snot out of her. She would dump him and within a month or two there would be a new guy. I could immediately pick up the vibes that this guy was no good and warn her, to no avail.
crabbiestcancer Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I hate to break it to you but perfectly "healthy men" get angry too. In order to have a healthy human relationship, you must first understand what it means to be human. As humans we are both privileged and cursed to feel emotions, anger being one of them. If you can not tolerate a certain level of anger, then perhaps a human relationship is not what you desire. Maybe what you want is a pet. In this case, it doesn't even sound like the men you describe are angry (with the exception of the man who may or may not have insulted you). Maybe you just make men feel safe enough to open up to you, which, I'm assuming, is what every woman wants a man to do.
iris219 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I don't even want to bother with online dating anymore because I'm so tired of dealing with other people's anger. ^This answered your question. It's possible to meet a normal person through OLD, but generally OLD attracts those who are socially inept in some way. The normal people are in the minority. So I don't think it's you; I think it's OLD.
soccerrprp Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 ^This answered your question. It's possible to meet a normal person through OLD, but generally OLD attracts those who are socially inept in some way. The normal people are in the minority. So I don't think it's you; I think it's OLD. Hey, hey! I'm as normal as it gets and i do OLD! I NEVER COMPLAIN or GET ANGRY! But, get your point. 1
sagetalk Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Am I just not picking them right or something? Or do healthy men just not want anything to do with me? I'm getting tired of this happening. I don't even want to bother with online dating anymore because I'm so tired of dealing with other people's anger. It means their attraction to you is very low, sorry. Move on and don't think another moment on it.
Author SpiralOut Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) Wow I didn't expect to get so many responses so fast. There are a lot of different ideas here.... I like the idea that I'm picking people who express an emotion I don't want to express myself. That is possible considering how I have anger problems. I bottle things up and then explode. But I don't do that on a first date with someone like these guys are doing! It's also possible that these men feel comfortable enough with me to open up to me. I have that effect on people, both men and women. A few of them had anger problems too serious for me to deal with. Some of them, I could understand where they were coming from but they were opening up to me way too fast. I don't want to hear about someone's deep-seated issues on a first date. I'd rather a first date be fun and lighthearted, save the heavy stuff for when we're closer. Yeah it is probably the OLD that's the problem. I'm taking a break from that right now. Edited January 4, 2013 by SpiralOut
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