coffeebean201 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 When I went through a divorce, I did the "do a little something nice for yourself each day" ...I couldn't believe how guilty I felt each time. And then it got a little easier. And by the time I was comfortable with it...I was feeling a lot better about everything. Plus it gave me something to look forward to each day (every 24hours) ...which is important in a bad breakup.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Well write more. I can't tell you how many entries are in my diary from the beginning of Oct when we broke up to the beginning of Dec. Tooooo many. And stay NC. If she texts you or calls you again, etc, ask her nicely to not contact you anymore. Sadly, there's one step yet to be finished. She still has my stuff at her house, and i still have HER stuff at mine. Admittedly, its all packed up in a bag, but it is just more than I can handle right now to go back to her house and go inside to get my stuff...and leave hers for her in the bedroom like she asked me to. That "Adventure Journal" she gave me....absolutely tears my heart out. She gave it to me Christmas Day...I went home that night, and promptly dedicated to HER...printed out pictures of us in Alaska together and taped them to the page and everything...with a caption that says "I dedicate this Adventure Journal to my partner and companion, (her name), whom I aspire to be more like every day" little did I know....the next day.....
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 When I went through a divorce, I did the "do a little something nice for yourself each day" ...I couldn't believe how guilty I felt each time. And then it got a little easier. And by the time I was comfortable with it...I was feeling a lot better about everything. Plus it gave me something to look forward to each day (every 24hours) ...which is important in a bad breakup. I got my bike back from her house already (and had an extremely traumatic experience in the process), but its been raining every single day since, so I haven't been able to go ride.
sharsh Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Is there any way you can do it while she's not home? That way you two don't have to see each other?
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Is there any way you can do it while she's not home? That way you two don't have to see each other? yeah, that was the idea. She said she would text me sometime "soon" and let me know when she wouldn't be home so I can go to her house and get my stuff...and leave my key to her house. I dont wanna break NC or just show up...and lets face it...the day it happens....I will be back here in pieces all over again :*(
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Its like I told her on day 1: There is no instruction manual for this. I'm just doing the best that i can here, cut me some slack for crying out loud. I've just had my heart broken, and I have no idea what to do. I'm supposed to just get on with my life somehow and make clear-headed decisions when I can't even fully accept a life without you yet. Please, don't add being mean to me on top of the burden you have already forced upon me, which I do NOT want to bear. I do NOT want this. I guess its because all of this, from MY perspective anyhow, arose from a horrible, HORRIBLE over-reaction on her part to what was SUPPOSED to be a romantic surprise for her, and I was utterly SHOCKED at how strong her reaction was. I never even got the chance to tell her WHY or what my true motives were before she hung up on me. (you can read the post "the angry letter I won't send" for the full explanation of what I am talking about) So, from where I stand, I have been put into this situation as a result of a HUGE mistake on her part, but I am the one that is bearing the pain of it alone.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It's only been a week since the split so I won't go too hard on you... it sucks. It's extremely painful... but the way you're acting... I can really see you here a year from now not even moved on at all. 1. What you NEED is to get a hold of yourself. You don't "need" to hold HER. You don't "need" anything from her at all. She easily threw you away like a piece of garbage so it's time to take her off her pedestal. She's not this all-so-grand-amazing person you keep making her out to be. She's just not. She's a human being with flaws, faults, problems, and issues just like the rest of us. 2. You can't hide away by yourself. The LAST thing you should be doing right now is quitting things, something as important as school too! Sitting at home alone, taking semesters off is just breeding grounds for self-pity and wallowing. I know this is much easier said than done, but seriously, FORCE YOURSELF. I remember when I first split with my ex I wanted nothing more but to be with him back in our old routine. I wanted to be sitting with him in his backyard, or in his bed snuggling and watching TV. I wanted my comfortable life back. But at the same time, I absolutely REFUSED to sit home and feel sorry for myself. I forced myself to reconnect with old friends. I forced myself to get dressed, and go out to new bars/restaurants. I forced myself to be out at night with people and friends. Believe me, it sucked at first. I was always thinking about my ex. What was he doing, did he miss me, was he going to contact me. But the more time went by, the more things I did, the more experiences I was having, the more people I met, the less I thought of my ex. I also stuck to very strict NC. I'm a strong person so this isn't difficult for me. He dumped me and never saw or heard from me again. I blocked him on e-mail, and Facebook. I deleted every picture I had of us, most things that were in my house that was from him, or his, got trashed and thrown down the garbage chute. I kept very few things, and those things are on the highest shelf of one of my closets in a duffel bag. I find that doing a cleanse is very therapeutic. Go out and splurge on some new furniture, out with the old in with the new. You need to be very proactive from this point forward. Moving on and healing will not happen at all if you don't do anything, believe me, read the boards long enough and you will see people still in such pain after almost a year since breakup. You don't want to be there, trust me. It's natural that right now you're still blinded by everything and running on emotions, but at some point you need to open your mind and eyes to reality and how she really is and how she's treated you. I promise you that you WILL find someone in the future who will be perfect for you. This person is not it, despite what you think right now. One day you will wake up and realize she is not right for you. It will get better in time, and this pain will go away, but you must start taking steps to head down that path. This had to be posted again. Amazing advice and insight to how you SHOULD handle being dumped! If she had any value for you, if she cared for you, if she loved you, if she wanted to be with you, SHE WOULD! Listen to Kat, don't give her the satisfaction of wasting another second on her... Her- someone who doesn't value you, doesn't care for you, doesn't love you, doesn't want to be with you. Harsh I know but, I would NEVER dump someone I loved/cared for/wanted to be with forever.
Coping Vortex Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Crash, I have been on LS for days on end now. Its the only place I can let my feelings out. I have read many of your posts and have followed your situation. I can so relate to everything you are going through and I can tell you just when things seem like they are getting better I slip backwards again I keep thinking I will feel better after X weeks but no. I just feel worse. I have gotten sort of used to the withdraw of the drug of no constant communication through talking and texting (that was really really tough) (I cant even look at my phone now it always reminded of endless texts that used to come through) but the longing is getting worse. Everyday that goes by is just like another knife in my heart that she more and more gone. It has been one punch on the face after another. When she blocked on me on FB I knew it was a big step. We had broken up temporarily before but she never blocked me on FB before or had a new man before either. Now the stakes are different. I thought by now I would be better but I am not. I saw that you had a women that wants to have a FWB relationship with you. I know how you feel that you will cheat on your ex but I say go for it. You need something to break that bond. You might find that this will be the thing to alleviate some stress. I am talking with another woman as well and I feel bad because if we do hook up it will just be for fun as I am still in love with my ex. But I need to do something. I feel bad i won't be able to give this woman all of my attention but to sit around and do nothing and wait for my ex to suddenly reappear is pathetic. I have had plenty of unemotional sex with hook ups in my life but nothing beats the feeling of in-love sex. My ex and I had the most intense emotional and physical sex life I ever experienced and I have many long term relationships in my life. So that is really saying something. This longing is the worst I have ever felt. I know how you feel. We all feel so vulnerable and helpless in this state. All we want is the feeling of being in your ex's arms and everything would be OK. The crazy thing if our ex's were suddenly with us right now they would feel that feeling too as it cant be gone that quick. Its just that women can force themselves to do what they think is right for them in the long run. Cruel irony isn't it? You would think it would be the men that would be tough in this situation.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I do see the extreme irony of the women being the emotionally "hard" ones lol. I cant do fwb....hell even her asking me made me feel like scum...like im a cheater.
ATR Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) Read 'No more Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. All the best, Edited January 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Commercial link
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