crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I've been doing better last night and today. So im sitting here watching Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country, and completely out of the blue, i am OVERWHELMED with this grief. Its like an addiction: i NEED to hold my baby. I NEED to hug her and feel her. I know her smell....and she smells like...home. It hurts like it did the first night all over again...i need my angel...my sweetheart. I need the woman i had devoted my entire future to. I feel so hopeless. I withdrew from university earlier today...i need a semester to heal, or else i will completely blow my GPA...i wont be able to concentrate anyhow. I would make a deal with the devil himself if I could and i mean it...just to be with her again and have things like they were. My chest feels heavy and its hard to breathe...i can feel my soul dying of a broken heart. Damnit...WHY?!?!
fixing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Really sorry to hear of your pain man. Hope you can surround yourself with family or close friends through this horrible dark period.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 One week and 4 hours. Thats how long its been. Not a single word from her other than "i will text you sometime so you can get your things from my house and leave your key" How can she do this to me when i loved her so much and treated her so well?!
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Me too I try to go out and shop since I love that so much. But now I'm sitting here missing him more than ever. How can they resist not talking to us at all. Wud I be better as friends at least I can talk to him. Or worse ... I'm trying to resist temptation to call so bad.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Me too I try to go out and shop since I love that so much. But now I'm sitting here missing him more than ever. How can they resist not talking to us at all. Wud I be better as friends at least I can talk to him. Or worse ... I'm trying to resist temptation to call so bad. I know that feeling VERY well right now. Except for one thing: I know it will only make things worse if I try and contact her...so I'm not having the urge to do that....but I AM hurting to hear her sweet voice again... I think it was smart of me to get rid of practically everything that reminded me of her the very first day...I cleaned out my photo albums on my computer and phone and deleted everything that reminded me of her in any way...including all the pictures I had of Alaska from the trips I took there with her. Sure...those are photos gone, but better than than to use them in a self-flagellating manner. I cant help it..it came out of NOWHERE.....I'm SO overwhelmed right now....I NEED my baby to be here...I need her to help me through this.... I depended on her for comfort...and now that same person that used to comfort me is the same person that is the cause of my pain. I keep replaying that time in my bathroom over and over in my head and I CANT make it stop. My legs stopped working for some reason and she was holding my head in her lap....cradling my face in her hands and telling me she loved me over and over while we both kept hearing my ribs snapping one by one from the muscle spasms....and how everytime I would yell in pain, she would cry with me.....and tell me she would do ANYTHING to take my pain away...how she would bear my pain for me if she could.... I'll never forget her leaning forward so her face was close to mine...feeling her tears falling on my face as she said "Oh baby I'm SO sorry...I'm so sorry....please GOD do SOMETHING for the man I love" I can NOT make this stop running through my head....and it is KILLING me....
Gaby Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sorry to hear that, im having a hard time aswell, after she texted me on NYE for missing me and all, and wanted to talk about something, and i texted her back and she said there is nothing to talk about..so im NC (agian).. Damn..hate this feeling..
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I've got to do SOMETHING to get over this....I can't take this much longer. My female friends have been offering to set me up with their hot friends, and all I can think about is my angel..... I'm TRYING everything that I can think of to move this along...but its like my heart has the parking brake on and no matter how hard I try to stomp the accelerator, I just can't get out of this spot.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I've got to do SOMETHING to get over this....I can't take this much longer. My female friends have been offering to set me up with their hot friends, and all I can think about is my angel..... I'm TRYING everything that I can think of to move this along...but its like my heart has the parking brake on and no matter how hard I try to stomp the accelerator, I just can't get out of this spot. When you figure out how to move on without thinking of them Please let me know. I'm suffering so much. I just wanna see him again and hug him and never let go
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 When you figure out how to move on without thinking of them Please let me know. I'm suffering so much. I just wanna see him again and hug him and never let go That;s how I feel about her right now, too. So...you are NOT alone.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It's only been a week since the split so I won't go too hard on you... it sucks. It's extremely painful... but the way you're acting... I can really see you here a year from now not even moved on at all. 1. What you NEED is to get a hold of yourself. You don't "need" to hold HER. You don't "need" anything from her at all. She easily threw you away like a piece of garbage so it's time to take her off her pedestal. She's not this all-so-grand-amazing person you keep making her out to be. She's just not. She's a human being with flaws, faults, problems, and issues just like the rest of us. 2. You can't hide away by yourself. The LAST thing you should be doing right now is quitting things, something as important as school too! Sitting at home alone, taking semesters off is just breeding grounds for self-pity and wallowing. I know this is much easier said than done, but seriously, FORCE YOURSELF. I remember when I first split with my ex I wanted nothing more but to be with him back in our old routine. I wanted to be sitting with him in his backyard, or in his bed snuggling and watching TV. I wanted my comfortable life back. But at the same time, I absolutely REFUSED to sit home and feel sorry for myself. I forced myself to reconnect with old friends. I forced myself to get dressed, and go out to new bars/restaurants. I forced myself to be out at night with people and friends. Believe me, it sucked at first. I was always thinking about my ex. What was he doing, did he miss me, was he going to contact me. But the more time went by, the more things I did, the more experiences I was having, the more people I met, the less I thought of my ex. I also stuck to very strict NC. I'm a strong person so this isn't difficult for me. He dumped me and never saw or heard from me again. I blocked him on e-mail, and Facebook. I deleted every picture I had of us, most things that were in my house that was from him, or his, got trashed and thrown down the garbage chute. I kept very few things, and those things are on the highest shelf of one of my closets in a duffel bag. I find that doing a cleanse is very therapeutic. Go out and splurge on some new furniture, out with the old in with the new. You need to be very proactive from this point forward. Moving on and healing will not happen at all if you don't do anything, believe me, read the boards long enough and you will see people still in such pain after almost a year since breakup. You don't want to be there, trust me. It's natural that right now you're still blinded by everything and running on emotions, but at some point you need to open your mind and eyes to reality and how she really is and how she's treated you. I promise you that you WILL find someone in the future who will be perfect for you. This person is not it, despite what you think right now. One day you will wake up and realize she is not right for you. It will get better in time, and this pain will go away, but you must start taking steps to head down that path. 6
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Crash I agree with above post u shud continue school cause its a distraction. It's important or ur life and ur future. When time passes and he's no longer the centre of ur life u will regret putting ur entire life on hold. But I can't even talk. Mines been a month. I'm still the same as I was te first week
FailedFirstLove Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 What would you do if she called you? And asked to be friends? All most like she feels sympathy for you. Would it hurt u more? Would u hope that it would lead bak to te relationship? I wouldn't even know what to say if he ever called me. And I'm scared of what I would hear. Oh Im fine without u. I've moved on...
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Crash I agree with above post u shud continue school cause its a distraction. It's important or ur life and ur future. When time passes and he's no longer the centre of ur life u will regret putting ur entire life on hold. But I can't even talk. Mines been a month. I'm still the same as I was te first week I cant take the chance of screwing up my GPA...I'm a medical major. I figured I'll take one semester off, and focus on working and my son until I can get my head back in it. It's only a 3 month delay, and in the end, doesn't mean much. In the meantime, i will reconnect with my friends and try to make a new life for myself.
suladas Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Agree with KatZee, you must force yourself to keep on. The morning after I was dumped the last thing I wanted to do was go to work, I wanted to lay in bed forever but I forced myself to go to work and go about my life. Each day it got easier. Sure for a while I took time everyday to be sad about it but I didn't let it control my life or stop me. It's ok to be hurt, but you can't let it break you. Getting out and doing stuff no matter what it is is the best thing for you. Trust me, after the BU I got hurt at work and was forced to be at home for months on end and I was going insane. It gets your mind off things.
na49 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It happens man.. I just was out with some friends. Laughing, having a great time. She popped into my head once or twice, but it was all about me and my bros having a good time. I just got home and feel like crap. She's gone. She's NEVER coming back. She's perfectly fine with not having me around. She feels that she can do better. She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't think about me. It hurts so bad. Seeing other couples hurts. Seeing people kiss in movies hurts. Hearing music that I heard when I was with her hurts. This all hurts, and there's no time table for how long we will feel this pain so it sticks around until one day it decides we've had enough and leaves us.
KraftDinner Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I disagree with those who said quitting school is a bad idea. As long as you go back next semester, it's a good idea. OP, you said you're working FT plus school, right? No way could you be able to do your best at all that right now. Time to take care of yourself, and that includes admitting when something is too much for you right now. I also disagree with the idea that the OP is holding on to stuff in an unhealthy way. It JUST happened. I think the fact that he's dealing with it head-on is great. This is how you actually move through stuff. 1
suladas Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I cant take the chance of screwing up my GPA...I'm a medical major. I figured I'll take one semester off, and focus on working and my son until I can get my head back in it. It's only a 3 month delay, and in the end, doesn't mean much. In the meantime, i will reconnect with my friends and try to make a new life for myself. As long as you aren't doing it just to be at home and do nothing it's ok. You got to keep yourself busy.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 What would you do if she called you? And asked to be friends? All most like she feels sympathy for you. Would it hurt u more? Would u hope that it would lead bak to te relationship? I wouldn't even know what to say if he ever called me. And I'm scared of what I would hear. Oh Im fine without u. I've moved on... Just friends? I'd say "I really want this...I really do...but i CANT right now. I just can't." It wouldnt hurt me more....at least I'd know she gave a crap about how heartbroken I am instead of making me feel so...disposable. I guess I should be better than this...being as I've been through it before with my ex-wife...but it just tears your self-esteem up SO much. My wife cheated on me, and now my fiance leaves me after she mistook something I said. Makes me feel AWFULLY insignificant. It makes me feel like I can absolutely pour my heart and soul into making and supporting a loving relationship, and in the end, i would STILL be worthless and disposable to her.
sharsh Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Wasn't it you that asked how I got over my ex in my thread from earlier? Start writing. Make a list of the negative things from the relationship. Focus on that. I also forgot to mention that I DID grieve. And I grieved heavily. Every morning, for about a week, I would set aside some time to listen to those super sad break up songs...you know.. those songs. Then cry my eyes out. Grieving is a very important role in the process of getting over someone. I'm not saying you have to do exactly what I did, but grieve in your own way. Hugs sent to you.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Wasn't it you that asked how I got over my ex in my thread from earlier? Start writing. Make a list of the negative things from the relationship. Focus on that. I also forgot to mention that I DID grieve. And I grieved heavily. Every morning, for about a week, I would set aside some time to listen to those super sad break up songs...you know.. those songs. Then cry my eyes out. Grieving is a very important role in the process of getting over someone. I'm not saying you have to do exactly what I did, but grieve in your own way. Hugs sent to you. yeah, im the one that asked. I guess I just didnt anticipate how this would make me feel so...worthless. It's making me feel like "I must be awfully easy to get rid of and forget" you know?
sharsh Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 yeah, im the one that asked. I guess I just didnt anticipate how this would make me feel so...worthless. It's making me feel like "I must be awfully easy to get rid of and forget" you know? No, I understand completely. When my ex left me, he said there wasn't anyone else, but after two days he was boning two other girls. Asked one of them to be his girlfriend, continued with the other one too, then broke up with the first one, now he's dating the second. If you can't tell, I was still way too involved with him. Which stopped completely. I felt completely disposable. He was looking to take out the trash before he even left me. If you do choose to write (which I do recommend) write out all of your wonderful qualities you possess in and outside of a relationship. Read that, over and over.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 No, I understand completely. When my ex left me, he said there wasn't anyone else, but after two days he was boning two other girls. Asked one of them to be his girlfriend, continued with the other one too, then broke up with the first one, now he's dating the second. If you can't tell, I was still way too involved with him. Which stopped completely. I felt completely disposable. He was looking to take out the trash before he even left me. If you do choose to write (which I do recommend) write out all of your wonderful qualities you possess in and outside of a relationship. Read that, over and over. I do write. I wrote my angry letter here on this site in fact. Ive gone completely NC since two days ago, when her kids were asking to speak to my son and she texted me chewing me out. I told her "sorry, but the kids have the right to their closure too" All of her kids are adults now, for the record...with her youngest being 18 and her oldest being 26. However, since then, I have not heard from her, and I have made no attempt to contact her.
coffeebean201 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 You are so articulate, CrashVector. Make sure you are getting lots of rest and looking after yourself, and doing something nice for yourself each day. A little treat.
sharsh Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Well write more. I can't tell you how many entries are in my diary from the beginning of Oct when we broke up to the beginning of Dec. Tooooo many. And stay NC. If she texts you or calls you again, etc, ask her nicely to not contact you anymore.
Author crashvector Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 You are so articulate, CrashVector. Make sure you are getting lots of rest and looking after yourself, and doing something nice for yourself each day. A little treat. Thank you for the compliment Honestly, I've been afraid to sleep since this happened...I dont want a repeat of the first night; that was so completely heartbreaking. Basically, I've been having to drug myself in order to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep every night. (yes, LEGAL medications...I'm a nurse)
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