Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Ok, so the backstory is that we met on a dating site. He works away 2 weeks at a time, and is home for 1. We texted for a couple of weeks, and then only had time to meet up for an hour before he went back to work (thats a long story, but mostly my fault for being too busy). So we met up, and had a couple of drinks. He was really great, and we got along well. There was definitely attraction there, from both sides, it was obvious. So, off he went to work. We texted eachother every day for the two weeks he was away (texting only because he works remotely and there isn't enough reception for phonecalls), and tried to arrange a time to meet up when he was back again. However, it was just after Christmas and over the New Year and we both had heaps of plans we couldn't break. He had his brothers birthday party at his house (they're living together atm.) and he invited me but I couldn't go. I went out that night, got drunk, and we spoke a few times, and I ended up going around there late for a drink. I mean, we both knew why I was there, and I sort of knew it was the wrong thing, but I felt like we'd had a pretty great connection and that I knew him pretty well. So we had sex. A lot of it, and it was great. I stayed over, we stayed in bed until around 11 the next morning. There were heaps of cuddles and kisses and affection. All pretty playful and lovely really. Then he drove me home, and kissed me when I got out of the car. I sent him a message later that day, and his reply was pretty short, I just figured he was busy. Then on New Year (the day after) I sent him a Happy New Year, and he responded to that fine. A couple of quick messages new years day, initiated by me. Then nothing. Not a single thing. It's only been two days, so I know I'm probably jumping the gun in even thinking about why he hasn't called, but it's been days since he initiated anything. Have I slept with him too soon for him to think of me as anything more than someone he can just have sex with? Can this be rescued?
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 If he doesn't contact you much or get back to you within a reasonable amount of time and keeps it short and disconnected then he was never that into you. Having sex with him soon just expedited your answer in terms of his level of interest and/or what he was looking for. But no, you can't take back the vagina...it's already been conquered. 1
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Bummer... I thought that would be the case. It's my own fault for going over there late like slutty mcslutpants... lesson learnt!
Maneater Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I would just not text back again. It doesn't mean he was NEVER into you, he may just be playing it cool now because he sees you may already be attached. I'd still give it time, it's really early. don't freak out yet.
eleanorhurting Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) i am never having sex again I feel your pain OP. I would give him a chance to contact you first Edited January 3, 2013 by eleanorhurting 1
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Never having sex again? That's a bit too far... Good advice maneater. I've already made the decision not to contact him again until he's contacted me. It is still early days, and maybe there is a chance he's just trying to figure out whether I'm all nuts and thinking he's my boyfriend now. If i've stuffed it then i've stuffed it.. not much more to do really! And, if he's that kind of guy, then I don't want him in my life anyway.
Maneater Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Never having sex again? That's a bit too far... Good advice maneater. I've already made the decision not to contact him again until he's contacted me. It is still early days, and maybe there is a chance he's just trying to figure out whether I'm all nuts and thinking he's my boyfriend now. If i've stuffed it then i've stuffed it.. not much more to do really! And, if he's that kind of guy, then I don't want him in my life anyway. Yes, it doesn't sound like you went overboard contacting him so if he still disappears on you then he's an idiot;)
Mina Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'd still give it time, it's really early. don't freak out yet. This. Most advise I've given to people on most things is to wait a bit. This isn't a life or death situation, so allowing for time to pass is you best option. Stay calm over this, relax, let things take their course. Keep you head and your wits about you. If time passes and and it turns out he's an ass, lesson learned as you said. If there are valid reasons to the lack of contact, they will present themselves. Welcome to LS
SilverStar Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Don't freak out YET. But at the same time, understand that yeah, you may have blown it. I find that 100% of guys on dating websites only want sex even though they feign to want a relationship. EVERY guy I have met on okcupid has been a user douchebag who won't text after the sex has been had. Sure, they are all lovey and affectionate and attentive for weeks prior...until they get what they want. Then they bolt faster then you can say, "I had a great time last night..." My advice? Forget about him. Honestly, it doesn't take more then a few minutes to reply to a text. If it takes him 2-4 days to reply, screw him. You deserve attention and appreciation. Oh and as I've said, tread carefully in online dating.
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Thanks SilverStar.. It didn't take him days to respond to any of my texts, it was all within an hour and the ones back and forth after that were straight away. But yeah, no initiation from him. Am very aware of the perils of online dating, but thanks for the warning. I just 'hoped' this guy was different.. First guy I've actually thought I liked in a long time. Time will tell, but like you said, i deserve attention and appreciation. I hadn't thought of it that way yet.
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Want to elaborate on that Ross MwcFan???
2sure Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It can totally be rescued, IF he texts you again. Even if he just says hello as long as he initiates. And since he may have cooled a little (maybe) it may take a little while for him to do so, but eventually he probably will even if it's for a booty call. When he does, wait 24 hours before responding and then tell him: Hey, sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been knd of uncomfortable about having too much to drink and having sex with you . Believe me, He will take it from there. But. If he takes that long...you really want him? Then you make that decision. 1
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Sounds like a pretty good plan... but I've already texted him since we slept together... So isn't it sort of too late for this?
2sure Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Nope. He will at some point initiate another text. And this response takes you from mcslutty to mcdarling . Puts the ball back in your court. Rescued.
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Haha, I don't quite know about mcdarling- things went a little too far for that...!!! But it's worth a shot, so thanks!
kaylan Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sleeping with him has NOTHING to do with whether a man likes you or not. It could be the second date or the second month after 8 dates. If a guy likes you he will pursue you. The girl I was last seeing, we had sex during our second hang out, and it didnt change my opinion or feelings about her at all. After we hung out some more I realized I was falling for her...but we didnt end up on the same page. Give it time, but if he doesnt contact you, then move on. 1
SmileFace Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 i am never having sex again I feel your pain OP. I would give him a chance to contact you first I swear this is how I feel when I read stuff like this on ls
Maneater Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sleeping with him has NOTHING to do with whether a man likes you or not. It could be the second date or the second month after 8 dates. If a guy likes you he will pursue you. The girl I was last seeing, we had sex during our second hang out, and it didnt change my opinion or feelings about her at all. After we hung out some more I realized I was falling for her...but we didnt end up on the same page. Give it time, but if he doesnt contact you, then move on. interesting that you say this. I think that is how most men are. doesn't matter at what point you sleep with them, how they FEEL and their opinion of you stays the same. of course there is always the judgmental d bag.
edgygirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I swear this is how I feel when I read stuff like this on ls Same here. And it's always the same story in LS. At least I learned my lesson after joining last month: DO.NOT.HAVE.SEX.TOO.SOON. Forget about him OP. This boat has sailed. A man that takes too long to respond is just not that into you. Sad but true. Learn your lesson as well and find someone new. And don't have sex too soon, it kills it for most guys no matter what they say here. It's something in their psyché, they are different than us. The only time you can do it is if you're sure you don't care about the guy.
Author Lani Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Yep, well I know not to have sex too soon.. But what I know, and what I do are not always on par. I do think everyone should just take it easy and stop swearing off sex.. there is a reason we all keep doing it- because it's fun. Either way, will wait and see what he does from here. Thanks for all your advice!
edgygirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Yep, well I know not to have sex too soon.. But what I know, and what I do are not always on par. I do think everyone should just take it easy and stop swearing off sex.. there is a reason we all keep doing it- because it's fun. Either way, will wait and see what he does from here. Thanks for all your advice! We all been there. If you want to keep getting the same results (jerks who stop calling and are not that interested or eager as before right after they get what they want) - just keep doing what you did. We're not swearing off sex. After a month reading similar posts here, you'll see what we are talking about. Yeah... It's fun. When you don't have expectations larger than what the guy is willing to give you. Clearly if you have more expectations (as in your situation now) it's not as fun... is it?
Ross MwcFan Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Want to elaborate on that Ross MwcFan??? Sorry I didn't mean any offence. I was just feeling in a really bad way last night. What I ment by saying what a wonderful world you live in, is that you get to experience sex, relationships, physical affection, kissing, etc.
syw0806 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) I have experience in sleeping with guys on the first date.. and i met them on a dating site. What I realize is, if a guy really likes your company, no matter how soon you guys have sex, he will put his effort to make the relationship happens. I once read an article about how guys think of sex on the first meeting, and one guy said "If I don't call her after, means I wasn't that attracted to her from the first place." and I think what he says is applied to most of men.. Guys that I slept on the first date, one guy we realized later that we're not really for eachother, but he would call me everyday and I could feel he cared about me. The second guy, he asked me to be exclusive at the dinner table only few hours after we met.. kinda crazy but that's what he did and he even tried to not have sex because he believes it's a curse lol, but we had it and he's been the sweetest among the guys I've dated. I'm saying, from my experience, how soon or late you have sex is not going to change the guys mind..(unless he isn't intended to have sex but you just take your clothes off..) if a guy liked you enough from the first place, he'd keep you and make effort. Although I learned from the first guy that I should wait little more to see how the relationship goes before have sex.. Because the guy I'm seeing, is good exception, but the other guy, later we both realized we're not for eachother and it kinda turned into booty call for a while. Next time, make sure the guy is making time for you, and you are def able to feel he cares and likes you alot. I had sex with those guys because I could feel how much they like me and care about me. I felt secure about the relationship. I've dated associate lawyers working crazy +80hrs in big firms and a guy travels alot for work also works long hours, and they all were able to make time to call me text me or whatever to reach me, and tried to see me asap. Funny thing is, if a guy doesn't have enough time to make the relationship happens, what's the point of him being on the site and dating people? If you want your guy to see you and call you more often, eventually those guys who are freaking busy are not for you. Edited January 3, 2013 by syw0806
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