jb2525 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hey guys! First time poster here, but I've been a frequent visitor of the forums over the past two years. For reading purposes, I will try and keep this short and sweet and hope this message helps my healing process and I also hope you guys can give me some good advice as well, even if you feel the need to be harsh with me. I'm good with that. Two and a half years ago, my ex broke up with me out of no where. Yes there were red flags for a week or two beforehand that I blindly ignored. She and I were together 6 months and it honestly was the best six months of my life. During that span, she was the best girlfriend a guy could ask for. During the breakup, I was devastated. Couldn't eat or sleep and was left clueless as to what in the world happen. She left me wondering why. Well come to find out, there was another guy in the picture that had just gotten home from the military. She met this guy through her best friend and couldn't resist his overtures. She is to blame, not him! I did everything in the world wrong. I begged, cried, bargained, prayed multiple times a day for relief and for her to come back, talked my family and friends ears off as well. To the point where they couldn't handle it anymore. It really hit me deep in my core. Throughout the summer, she would stay in contact with me, but only on her terms. If I dared question what she was doing and who she was with, she would be really mean and hateful. I understand that because it wasn't any of my business. Well he dumped her after a few weeks and she popped back up every day. Long story short, we got back together. Two months later she started with the red flags again and left again without closure. Ever since, she and I have had an off and on friendship. No physical contact, but we have went to a lot of sporting events together and even traveled together on a couple of trips. There was no physical contact as I was trying to play the "friends" card with her. Over the past two years, she has been involved in small flings with loser guys from our hometown, but she stays in contact with me, in fact, I received a random text from her the other night. Sometimes, she will go several weeks at a time of non stop contact with breadcrumbs, then bam, she disappears again for a month or so. It is like a never ending cycle. Right now, we are in the dead cycle of her disappearing again with little contact. She is so hot and cold....and has been for two years. The physical pain and torture is just too much to bare. I have ignored my friends and families advice and my psychologist at the time of the first breakups advice so my family/friends no longer want me to bring it up so I respect that. I promise I am ready to do something about it and finally ready to cut her loose. She will soon reach out to me again with whatever intentions she has and I need some of you to help me be strong for when that day comes. I know her well and know that day is coming soon. I am at wits end with it all and I promise I'm ready to take the advice given. When she is down in the dumps, she comes calling and it should be noted she is a generally depressed, low self esteem person because of her childhood past. When these feelings hit, she usually calls me to vent. She has put me through emotional hell......so any advice is much welcomed. I can no longer be her doormat friend who she doesn't respect. Thanks
Sarahbee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Don't let her treat you like that! You have to be strong and initiate no contact and stay that way. The longer you let her waltz in and out of your life at her whim, the longer it will take for you to get over her and move on. You say yourself that the pain and torture are too much to bear - then don't bear it! Put a stop to this destructive cycle, it's not doing you any good. You have to teach people how to treat you, and by letting her treat you like that, you're telling her that you're a pushover who will accept any crumbs she decides to throw your way. You're better than that! And if she's got issues from childhood, she needs to address them with a professional, not just come crawling to you for comfort. Break the cycle, you can do it!
Author jb2525 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Thank you for taking the time to read my post and your reply. Really does mean a lot. You are right with everything you said. It is certainly a hectic cycle that only I suffer from. Suffer is a word thrown around a lot, but I have truly suffered over this girl for a very longtime. I realize she don't deserve me. I have a wonderful career, well liked here, very successful, and would give a stranger the shirt off of my back. She has definitely played to that kindness as she has lived two different lives. One with me in it and one with me out of it. I've been knowing for a while something needed to be done. I've even planned to begin this no contact ordeal, but never follow through with it. She recently moved across the country, urged by me for a nice job offer, and of course she stayed in touch the first month or two she was there. Now she has faded off again. What really made me draw the final line in the sand was the fact she came home for Christmas. Text one time in the middle of her trip here and told me she was going out that night with a friend and was wondering if I would be out as well so she could say hi. I took offense because I thought I deserved a little better than a casual "hi". Especially knowing she was making plans with other people and not even setting anything up with me. Keep in mind, we have been through a lot together and traveled the country together, she has phoned me for all big decisions including this whole moving ordeal. I've always been there for her, so in my mind, I felt I deserved a little more than she tried to give me on Christmas. Needless to say, she made no other effort to set anything up. Saw her sister out at a bar on New Years so I know she was updated on who I was with and what I was doing. Her sister always updates her on me because she still lives here and sees mutual friends of mine on twitter. I heard from her December 31st because her sister sent her a funny tweet from a mutual friend about me. So she forwarded it to me. Long story short, it is time for me to move on. She will pop back up soon, so it is time for me to man up. I guess the biggest thing to control is my anger. I get so freaking angry knowing I am always there for her, then she don't even think enough to see me on Christmas other than a "hi" at a bar. All in all, I need to man up...and I plan on doing it!
Author jb2525 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) As predicted, I received a text from her this morning wishing me a good day with my students on our field trip. She must have saw me tagged in a post on Facebook by a mutual friend and fellow teacher I work with. I didn't respond, but these are her usual breadcrumbs. Unlike other times, I don't want to search the hidden meaning of what made her do it! I just want to stay strong and end this long cycle. Please help with encouragement. Thanks Edited January 5, 2013 by jb2525
Sarahbee Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Just hang in there with the NC, good on you for not responding to her text, and for desisting from analysing it -you're doing great, keep it up! It sounds like you have a lot going for you, and it's a new year so make some plans about what you want to do this year and just go for it. The more fun things you do and places you go without her, the more you'll get to know in your heart and soul that you can have a great life without her, and without the pain and heartache she's been causing you. Good luck!
Author jb2525 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Well I can't act all knowing...I've had plenty of experience. Thank you again for your kind replies and encouragement.
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