Do the success stories exist?

[cocorico]

Right on!

 

And this is the part SO many just do - not - get while in an A.

 

We've been together "legit" for longer than we were in the A. We've had plenty of challenges, plenty of pressure - both during the A, and since. And I can categorically state that the A was not a reality-free bubble, as so many people seem to think. Perhaps *some* As are, but I'd guess that those are far in the minority: the kind of "cake eater" fantasy type so often depicted here by the BS but almost always refund by the lived experience of the OW.

[MrWindupBird]

My wife and I began our relationship during my first marriage.

 

She gave me an ultimatum to leave my wife after a yearlong affair, and I chose the OW. I feel terrible still for my first wife because she didn't deserve a drop of the grief I allowed her to experience. She got her bleeding revenge in the divorce, though. But I can stand up and take my karma when I deserve it. It's behind me now, and I moved on long ago.

 

We've been together for 6 years now. 5 since leaving my first wife. My story might not be typical, but it happens.

[Summer Breeze]

We've been together "legit" for longer than we were in the A. We've had plenty of challenges, plenty of pressure - both during the A, and since. And I can categorically state that the A was not a reality-free bubble, as so many people seem to think. Perhaps *some* As are, but I'd guess that those are far in the minority: the kind of "cake eater" fantasy type so often depicted here by the BS but almost always refund by the lived experience of the OW.

 

I couldn't agree more. We weren't in any kind of bubble at all. I think there's as much stress in an A as in an M. Granted the stresses are very different but who's to say the stresses in an A are less? I've been in both and I found the stress in the A to be worse than the stress in an M. I think unless you've been in both you can't really make a valid judgement on it.

[Summer Breeze]

My wife and I began our relationship during my first marriage.

 

She gave me an ultimatum to leave my wife after a yearlong affair, and I chose the OW. I feel terrible still for my first wife because she didn't deserve a drop of the grief I allowed her to experience. She got her bleeding revenge in the divorce, though. But I can stand up and take my karma when I deserve it. It's behind me now, and I moved on long ago.

 

We've been together for 6 years now. 5 since leaving my first wife. My story might not be typical, but it happens.

 

My DMM and I are starting over since his D is final. He's working through the guilt of what he did to her and it tears him to pieces at times. He did make the choice though and he's not faltering from it but it doesn't diminish the guilt of what he did to someone he still loved. I have to say she's an amazing woman and I can see why he loved/loves her.

 

Best of luck to you.

[MrWindupBird]

My DMM and I are starting over since his D is final. He's working through the guilt of what he did to her and it tears him to pieces at times. He did make the choice though and he's not faltering from it but it doesn't diminish the guilt of what he did to someone he still loved. I have to say she's an amazing woman and I can see why he loved/loves her.

 

Best of luck to you.

 

My exwife was pretty much a perfect woman, but she just wasn't perfect for me. Hurting her is one of the two mistakes in my life I'll always regret no matter what turn my life takes.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Good luck with your restart. My current wife and I just got a house together, and we have kids now. We like all people have our issues, but there can definitely be happiness after the mind-melting, hellacious chaos of a drawn out affair.

[Decorative]

My exwife was pretty much a perfect woman, but she just wasn't perfect for me. Hurting her is one of the two mistakes in my life I'll always regret no matter what turn my life takes.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Good luck with your restart. My current wife and I just got a house together, and we have kids now. We like all people have our issues, but there can definitely be happiness after the mind-melting, hellacious chaos of a drawn out affair.

 

But isn't this what you posted in the other thread?

 

him. It's like a drug to people like us. My first wife was gorgeous and as selfless as anyone I've ever met, but I found little things to convince me that I should find another love. Now I'm married to my affair after a very rocky relationship, and I'm starting to grow lonely again. It's something I struggle with pretty much endlessly.

 

 

That sounds like maybe not so happy.

[Got it]

My wife and I began our relationship during my first marriage.

 

She gave me an ultimatum to leave my wife after a yearlong affair, and I chose the OW. I feel terrible still for my first wife because she didn't deserve a drop of the grief I allowed her to experience. She got her bleeding revenge in the divorce, though. But I can stand up and take my karma when I deserve it. It's behind me now, and I moved on long ago.

 

We've been together for 6 years now. 5 since leaving my first wife. My story might not be typical, but it happens.

 

I am not sure how atypical your story is. It is similar to mine though I did not give an ultimatum, but we did have a mutual agreement from the beginning (we were both married).

 

And in his case, yes I would say there was some definite revenge in the divorce.

[Got it]

My exwife was pretty much a perfect woman, but she just wasn't perfect for me. Hurting her is one of the two mistakes in my life I'll always regret no matter what turn my life takes.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Good luck with your restart. My current wife and I just got a house together, and we have kids now. We like all people have our issues, but there can definitely be happiness after the mind-melting, hellacious chaos of a drawn out affair.

 

I agree and exactly what I have said about my ex husband. He is a great guy, just not great for me. But he is happy, healthy, remarried, and has a family. I am very happy for him.

 

Unfortunately dMM case was not quite the same and his opinion of her lessened a great deal during and after the divorce. He spoke quite highly of her during the affair, even while discussing her affair. But her reaction to his, and the actions during the divorce and so many years afterwards has dampered things. I still have hope that things will turn around. It is unfortunate that it is still so combative and revenge focused.

[Got it]

But isn't this what you posted in the other thread?

 

 

 

 

That sounds like maybe not so happy.

 

I thought we were not allowed to pull from or even reference other threads????

[OpenBook]

Just goes to show, no matter who you end up with, there's going to be issues. Yes there are success stories out there. What made them successful? What makes ANY marital union successful? I wish I knew. All I know is, 99% of the marital unions I've observed make me EXTREMELY grateful to be single!! What a nightmare...

[Got it]

Just goes to show, no matter who you end up with, there's going to be issues. Yes there are success stories out there. What made them successful? What makes ANY marital union successful? I wish I knew. All I know is, 99% of the marital unions I've observed make me EXTREMELY grateful to be single!! What a nightmare...

 

Lol, I completely agree!

 

I asked that question much earlier as well, what exactly is successful defined by?

[William]

I thought we were not allowed to pull from or even reference other threads????

Correct, unless the 'pull' is regarding the thread starter's issue and topic and is linked directly, and a quick review from the past announcement indicates a more thorough review is warranted. Thread closed for said review.