butterfly13 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am separated from my husband of five years. My question is not about him though. A few months ago, I met wonderful man online, and we began dating. We have been seeing each other exclusively for one month now, but I haven't met his family. His train m he can't tell his mother that he's dating a married woman. He says he would love to his family as soon as my divorce is final. I have no other complaints about this man, but I can't help but wonder if he's making excuses, if maybe he's not really serious about me. Should I take his explanation at face value? He had told me that his family is very religious, so I guess it could be true. I just don't know.
ChatroomHero Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Eh, if you meet the family and they would look down on him dating a woman that was still married (even if it is pretty much done some older people won't consider that), you meeting the family would put him in a bad situation where it he might be inclined to lie to keep the peace. I don't think it is all that abnormal. A lot of people would be like that.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It has merit, however just because it's true or valid doesn't necessarily mean it's the real reason. However I don't believe he would be lying in this situation, just judging from that alone. Sounds reasonable for him to want you to be officially separated before dating you seriously. The problem is people don't tend to make a lot of responsible decisions when the emotions are high, so that you have to gauge by his character and morals. As for you, it's important that you've given yourself time to move on and regroup emotionally from your last relationship...the first thing out of the gate is likely to be exacerbated because you're back on the dating scene and rekindling emotions and experiences you may have not used for a while, this is especially true in abusive relationships where one is repressed. IMO it's always a bad idea to hop from one relationship to another serious relationship right off the bat, I see a lot of people do this and then it ends up in disaster, both people are usually the type with overwhelming emotional or psychological issues...because you're really not "healthy" at the moment, not level-headed and gauging things reasonably. Therefore chances are you're either going to take things too fast with this guy or he's going to use excuses to ditch commitment, maybe he feels you have too much baggage, maybe you're just in that divorcee rebound emotionally vulnerable state where you think you're ready to move on. Not enough information here to determine much concretely but it's feasible he'd want to wait until you are divorced.
MoreThanThat Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 One month and you're wanting to meet his family? Even if you were already divorced, this is pretty fast. Personally, I'd have greater concerns about a man wanting you to meet his family if you aren't legally separated or divorced.
Author butterfly13 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 One month and you're wanting to meet his family? Even if you were already divorced, this is pretty fast. Personally, I'd have greater concerns about a man wanting you to meet his family if you aren't legally separated or divorced. I didn't ask to meet them, he brought it up. But you are right, it is pretty fast.
Author butterfly13 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 It has merit, however just because it's true or valid doesn't necessarily mean it's the real reason. However I don't believe he would be lying in this situation, just judging from that alone. Sounds reasonable for him to want you to be officially separated before dating you seriously. The problem is people don't tend to make a lot of responsible decisions when the emotions are high, so that you have to gauge by his character and morals. As for you, it's important that you've given yourself time to move on and regroup emotionally from your last relationship...the first thing out of the gate is likely to be exacerbated because you're back on the dating scene and rekindling emotions and experiences you may have not used for a while, this is especially true in abusive relationships where one is repressed. IMO it's always a bad idea to hop from one relationship to another serious relationship right off the bat, I see a lot of people do this and then it ends up in disaster, both people are usually the type with overwhelming emotional or psychological issues...because you're really not "healthy" at the moment, not level-headed and gauging things reasonably. Therefore chances are you're either going to take things too fast with this guy or he's going to use excuses to ditch commitment, maybe he feels you have too much baggage, maybe you're just in that divorcee rebound emotionally vulnerable state where you think you're ready to move on. Not enough information here to determine much concretely but it's feasible he'd want to wait until you are divorced. Thank you. This is really valuable advice.
GLDheart Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Yeah... one month. I wouldn't go making a big deal about stuff like meeting the family yet either. In fact, after only a month most people still have thier "facade" still in place. Sure it's soon enough to go exclusive but other than that, things should be pretty "unobligated" still at that point. Also, He could very well be making sure your ex husband isn't going to re-enter the equation before he invests in you deeper... as long as you are legally married it could be seen as you dragging your feet on that old relationship.
MoreThanThat Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I didn't ask to meet them, he brought it up. But you are right, it is pretty fast. If he did bring it up and said, as you wrote, he'd want you to after the divorce was final - it was simply stating the situation before it became an issue.
Maneater Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 One month is very early now a days. I wouldn't be concerned. I feel its appropriate in the 3-6 month range. Exclusivity by approx 3-4months and family before 7-8 months.
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