vtgirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Ever been with a man who even in a small argument is always the one getting pissed off, storming out, and yelling even if your the one staying calm? Are there just some men out there who you can never have a "normal" argument with?
darkmoon Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 i might get vitriol for saying this, but alot of men shout in order to win, i don't care if they tell me off here....xx 1
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 They only do that when you stay with them and let them behave like this. So if you dont like being yelled at, and want to be with someone who can have a discussion like an adult, then you dump this guy. 5
NoMoreJerks Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Ever been with a man who even in a small argument is always the one getting pissed off, storming out, and yelling even if your the one staying calm? Are there just some men out there who you can never have a "normal" argument with? Yup -- recently had this. My ex yelled at me over the phone, wouldn't even let me talk or hear me out, and then hung up on me after saying, "if our relationship is gonna be like this, then stuff it!" I was so angry at the things he told me and the fact that he yelled at me, and then hung up on me. Lack of decorum, at best. At worst, utterly immature, disrespectful, self-absordbed prick. Men who hang up on women or yell at them are pricks who do not deserve a minute of our attention. Didn't even apologize afterwards. I had to grovel and beg, to make things right again.. even though HE had yelled at me, and hung up on me..He dumped me a few days later. Never again. I'm out of the door the second a man yells at me or hangs up on me. F*** that. Edited January 2, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 1
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Ever been with a man who even in a small argument is always the one getting pissed off, storming out, and yelling even if your the one staying calm? Are there just some men out there who you can never have a "normal" argument with? Depends on the volume tbh. As a man you are told all your life that emotions are bad, we make fun of those of us that show it when we are young ... we call each other 'pussy' and 'pansie', etc ... Anger and rage are the only viable emotions you are allowed as a man. I think to some extent this could explain why we tend to ramp up the volume more than you [on average]. However, if this is repeateadly, and you constantly remain calm [and are not a passive-agressive b*tch], then he has a problem ... major problem.
Author vtgirl Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I'm the type who has never raised my voice at him, never yelled at him, etc. I can't even say something like this is how I feel if I'm irritated with him(even over something small) He says he's so mad he could throw the tv out the window. Mind you I'm calm, not insulting him or anything and he's ready to get a hotel room by himself. So strange.
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Yes I run away from this type at light-speed velocity. It's absolutely the worst trait someone can have.
Author vtgirl Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 It's just so odd that I can be so calm and he's ready to chuck the tv out the window.
Quiet Storm Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Sometimes it can just mean they are from a very loud family. Some people are raised in very reserved households, some are raised in households where being loud and yelling is normal. I see this a lot in men that are the youngest in a big family. They often had to yell in order for their voice to be heard, and automatically assume that others will be as dismissive as their older siblings. It can be a hard habit to break. When people do this, I would say firmly, "Please don't raise your voice when you talk to me". Or, "I will disuss this further when you calm down". You have to set a boundary that this is not acceptable to you. If they continually cross that boundary, then move on. 2
Lonely Ronin Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have yelled ever once and a great while, and it's always been in response to the woman in question either spewing utter bs, or being overly passive aggressive. The few times it has happened, I have been very loud and blunt to make sure it was very clear that you have pushed me to a point that I'm not going to be nice anymore if this continues. Then I would always leave for a while to cool off before I said something I would regret later.
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm the type who has never raised my voice at him, never yelled at him, etc. I can't even say something like this is how I feel if I'm irritated with him(even over something small) He says he's so mad he could throw the tv out the window. Mind you I'm calm, not insulting him or anything and he's ready to get a hotel room by himself. So strange. What's he angry about ? 1
Lonely Ronin Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It's just so odd that I can be so calm and he's ready to chuck the tv out the window. You being calm is irrelevant, what matter is how what you are saying is interpreted by him.
DC4 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 There are a lot of women who do this, too. I avoid anyone who has to resort to yelling to get their point across. It's doubly bad when the person uses their size on top of their volume. I can't be in the same room as someone like that.
Author vtgirl Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 He's angry because he has an ex that he dated when he was 16. She has been trying to RUIN every relationship he has because she is literally psycho and wants him back. She's been doing this for the past 20+ years. He will never go back to her, that's a guarantee. She's smashed his truck, she's yelled at him bc he's with me. She calls him when she's lonely, texts him a few times a month. He will call her back when she leaves a voice mail. I'm not a jealous person, but why would he want to talk to her when all she does is cause drama. The other night I just asked him about her, and said that I was uncomfortable with the situation. I said even though you only talk a few times a month, there's no need for it. She hates me even though she's never met me, and how good of a friend can she really be to him? I did NOT give him an ultimatum or say that he couldn't talk to her. He took me telling him that I am uncomfortable that I'm accusing him of being unloyal. Not true. Now he's beyond pissed at me and is thinking of ending the relationship. He said I need to stop acting like I'm 5. I asked him how I would feel if an ex was calling me and texting me when they were lonely, who absolutely wanted me back and I was calling them back. He said he wouldn't care which I find it hard to believe. I would be fine with them talking if she strictly thought of him as a friend, but it will never happen. If it was legal, she would put a bullet in my head to be with him.
DC4 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Ok well that's all just messed up aside from yelling.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I did NOT give him an ultimatum or say that he couldn't talk to her. He took me telling him that I am uncomfortable that I'm accusing him of being unloyal. Not true. Now he's beyond pissed at me and is thinking of ending the relationship. He said I need to stop acting like I'm 5. I asked him how I would feel if an ex was calling me and texting me when they were lonely, who absolutely wanted me back and I was calling them back. He said he wouldn't care which I find it hard to believe. I would be fine with them talking if she strictly thought of him as a friend, but it will never happen. If it was legal, she would put a bullet in my head to be with him. If thats the case, then he is enabling her behavior, and he WANTS to talk to her. So you should let this one go. If its making you uncomfortable and doesnt want to change the situation, then bail.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 If you're in your mid-30's as well, I presume you understand that this is unhealthy behavior in *any* relationship. Any man who has an ex following him around for 20 years must be pretty special. That you remain with him and try to figure this out underscores that. What's so special about him? When I get really angry, I get really quiet; my voice gets soft but my eyes give me away. I'm figuring things out. Focusing. That's a really bad place to be. Fortunately, it's very rare.
KungFuJoe Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have a pretty bad temper. I used to be a lot worse and it's something I've been able to improve a lot over the years, but I can totally relate to the guy who wanted to toss a TV across the room even though the girl was being calm. If I could throw a TV I would have done it 100 times. I've punched holes in walls, kicked doors/glass windows in, gotten arrested and tossed in jail a couple times, even (and I'm ashamed to say it but it is what it is) physically put my hands on women. I was pretty bad...so take it from someone on the other side. We are immature people, emotionally. You pretty much should just stay the hell away. But, if for one reason or another, you find yourself drawn to us, let me tell you, from my point of view, being calm makes it WORSE. Nothing made me want to rage so much as a woman I'm fighting with being calm and cool. It makes us think you are patronizing us...acting like you are superior because you can remain so calm while we are angry. We WANT you to be ANGRY with us. We want to drag you down to our level so we can REALLY have the fight we are itching for. It's really lose/lose for the woman (and the man). So I'll repeat and say you should just stay the hell away from people with uncontrollable tempers. But, if you MUST remain, there is ONE thing that worked on me (only one girl has ever been able to pull this off and she is now my wife). When I would rage, she wouldn't back off or cry or try to calm me down by talking slowly and calmly. She would just look me in the eye and tell me to **** off and that I was acting like a little bitch. I still remember the first time that happened. I was like "wtf did she just say?" I was totally taken aback. But then something clicked. She was right. I WAS acting like a little bitch. And I would get calm and then we would talk it out and it was just so different to what I was used to at the time. Unfortunately, the reason for bad tempers are always different (I had mommy issues) so what works on me might not work on another guy. Which is why I will stress AGAIN...just LEAVE. Run as fast as you can. 2
ChatroomHero Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have yelled ever once and a great while, and it's always been in response to the woman in question either spewing utter bs, or being overly passive aggressive. I'm the same way. It takes a lot to make me yell but it always came down to the woman being caught with pictures, texts...etc. being completely dishonest and then at some point accusing me of assuming wrong or overreacting to multiple recent pictures of her with her ex and somehow being my fault she got caught and justifying her actions and the lying because I folded towels wrong one time. At those points it's anger basically at her figuring I was apparently the dumbest person on the planet and her not just admitting what we both already knew. I do however know people that yell over small disagreements which always seemed weird but the couples I know that do that seem to co-exist like that and 5 minutes later it's like it never happened. I think some people like to argue and then make up constantly. Maybe he just likes the passion.
EasyHeart Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 There just some people out there who you can never have a "normal" argument with. There are plenty of angry women out there, too. I can't count the number of women I've dated who love to scream, yell and throw things during an argument. Of course, that could just be the downside of dating lots of redheads.
PhoenixRysing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have dated men like this and from experience, it never changes. Some people have never learned to fight fair. With the man in question, I tried to be calm, I tried rational, I tried leaving the room, and finally in utter frustration, I yelled back. He just yelled louder. Realizing it was never going to be different with him was hard. It was difficult not to internalize it. I kept thinking I must have done or said something in a way that made him so angry he had to yell. It boggled my mind when I realized that it really did not matter what I said or how I said it, it was simply the way (the only way) he knew to deal with conflict. For him, guilt = anger, sadness = anger, confusion = anger. In other words, he had no real way of understanding or communicating his emotions except via angry outbursts. I did finally find a way to get him to stop yelling at me. I left. Permanently. Some people are fine with this and feel like it's normal. I am not one of them. Are you? 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 She would just look me in the eye and tell me to **** off and that I was acting like a little bitch. I still remember the first time that happened. I was like "wtf did she just say?" I was totally taken aback. But then something clicked. She was right. I WAS acting like a little bitch. And I would get calm and then we would talk it out and it was just so different to what I was used to at the time. This made me laugh out loud. 1
Ross MwcFan Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 *Edited* Sigh, not being able to post in all caps ruined the joke.
sweetkiwi Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have had exs who tried to do this crap with me. My brothers yell a lot and I absolutely can't stand it. I fear for men, and boys, who express themselves in such a negative way. I personally cannot deal with this. Or when I am "blocked" in a room by their body and they don't PERMIT me to leave. It's maddening.
veggirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm the type who has never raised my voice at him, never yelled at him, etc. I can't even say something like this is how I feel if I'm irritated with him(even over something small) He says he's so mad he could throw the tv out the window. Mind you I'm calm, not insulting him or anything and he's ready to get a hotel room by himself. So strange. Umm, that's a bit more than just "so strange". He has anger issues, he sounds scary and immature. What's the appeal here? He's angry because he has an ex that he dated when he was 16. She has been trying to RUIN every relationship he has because she is literally psycho and wants him back. She's been doing this for the past 20+ years. He will never go back to her, that's a guarantee. She's smashed his truck, she's yelled at him bc he's with me. Ahhh. So he thinks she is psycho as well? but has kept her in his life for 20 plus years. Does that add up to you? What is he getting out of having her in his life in ANY way? He will call her back when she leaves a voice mail. I'm not a jealous person, but why would he want to talk to her when all she does is cause drama. The other night I just asked him about her, and said that I was uncomfortable with the situation. I said even though you only talk a few times a month, there's no need for it. She hates me even though she's never met me, and how good of a friend can she really be to him? He shouldn't talk to her. He should choose YOU over her, what does he say when you ask why he talks to her even though she causes drama? So his anger is basically just to put the blame back on you. He needs to be angry at you so he doesn't have to answer to you. What a douche bag. Why are you with a grown man who can't discuss things like an adult and has an ex from when he was a TEENAGER still running amok in his life?
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