questions123 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hey everybody. I may be on the verge of getting my ex girlfriend back and just need to know how to handle the current situation. Kind of a long story so be prepared to read an okay amount. Haha. To give a little background, she and I got together around the beginning of 2011, I was 21 (now going on 23) and she was 19 (just turned 21). We were each others first loves, first sexual partners and all that. It was a great relationship, completely in love, completely happy, did everything together, planned on getting married until last summer when everything fell apart. All summer she was going through a lot of struggle with her life and family (getting fired from her job, mom on drugs and in and out of jail, family depending even more on her than already) and it put a little bit of strain on us. During that time she ran into her old flame from high school. The guy that on paper would be perfect for her because her friends are friends with him, his friends date her friends, etc. He's just a complete *******. Well she started hanging out with him a lot for the rest of the summer behind my back even though everything seemed like it had gotten better with us. One day out of the blue she disappears for a few days. Turns out she went on vacation with him and just didn't say a word to me. After finally getting ahold of her and her telling me not to worry and everything was ok with us she comes home and dumps me. Says she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore and she can't be completely committed to the relationship, it's not fair to me, and she can't lie to me anymore. etc. etc. It was a really hard split for both of us. I'd lost the girl that I'd given my whole self to that I'd do anything for. In all honesty, and anyone who knows us can vouch for me. I never wronged that girl once. All I did was maybe care a little too much and put a little too much pressure on her to be around forever. Not that is seemed like that was ever a problem. She never opened up about how she was feeling if it was anything negative. After we split up, to everyones surprise, including myself, I succeeded in going about three months no contact with her. Found myself to be a lot stronger about the breakup than I thought I'd be. During this time, did everything I needed to do for myself to be happy again. Joined a new band that I'm more successful in, started working a lot more, spent a lot of great times with my friends, became a more well rounded, open minded and fun person. (When I was with my ex I didn't really drink very much, didn't smoke weed, just wasn't much of a partier. She on the other hand completely chilled out on her partying because of being with me, which I think she began to miss the freedom to do as things fell apart.) Well I experimented with some things after we split, had a lot of fun but found a good balance between being a newfound crazy partier and my old chill self. In reality becoming somewhat more of the person she previously wanted, but for myself and on my own. I finally contacted her again around Halloween, just to say hi, see how she is, and break this wall that had been between us since splitting up. And we kept in little contact until the beginning of December. Then we finally saw each other again. My new band got a gig playing the biggest show of my life and I wanted her to be there. Walked into her store at the mall and gave her tickets to her great surprise. She hugged me tight, I played it cool and left quickly. She texted me the next day, first initial contact from her, to say she was coming to the show with a friend. Due to some unexpected circumstances ended up doing a solo acoustic set at this show and played the breakup song I'd written. She got the message. After the show we talked for a while and caught up. Completely comfortable, no awkwardness. It was like nothing even happened. She and her friend ended up coming over to my house afterwards and I smoked a bowl with her just to kinda prove the point that I'm more open minded than I used to be. When she left I asked her out to coffee, she said yes, told her I'd call her that week but I never did. I began to question if it was even a good idea. Didn't even talk to her for a couple weeks and when I did again, made no mention of hanging out. Here's where things get interesting... The night of her 21st birthday she texts me and invites me out to celebrate with her. I went, expecting to be out with some of her friends and family. When I arrived it turned out to just be me, her and her older sister that had taken her out to the bar in the first place. After a little while made my move and we ended being all couple-like the rest of the night ending with a goodnight makeout. Haha. We talked here and there for the next week and this past Friday I asked her to get a drink with me. She agreed and we went out. Again I kind of just eased into it but eventually we got back in our couple mode. We left the bar pretty quickly after just one or two drinks. Didn't really get messed up at all. Then cuddled and made out under the moon and stars and eventually talked about how great is was to be doing this again and how much we missed each other. Ended up going home and having sex and just laid in bed talking about good memories and being extremely intimate and close the rest of the night. Everything seemed great and looked like we were moving in the direction of possibly getting back together until Sunday night when things got complicated. This is the situation that is confusing me. On Sunday she posted a picture on Instagram of a super romantic christmas gift she'd received with the caption "Cutest gift ever" and a bunch of emoticons like... Obviously it was from someone special so I asked her about it. Told her I'd seen it and asked if she was already seeing someone. (I meant casually, she took as as seriously) (I also know that while we've been broken up she had been casually seeing this same high school flame and I don't know if she ever stopped.) She denied seeing anyone and said it was just a silly gift. I apologized. She then proceeds to say that "cheating isn't my thing, but I'm not tied down to any one person." I responded saying that's not what I was saying and I know that and sorry it came off that way. She didn't answer and we haven't spoken since. So how should I go about this now people? Don't say "**** her she's a bitch and you don't need her." or whatever. Believe me I've tried staying away from her and tried dating other people. But I can't help still loving her and now it seems were reconnecting... somewhat atleast. So I'm back at this. So now should I try and do some kind of damage control? Since she definitely seems irritated and thinks I don't trust her or something. Or should I just sit back and do everything by doing essentially nothing like I have been the last couple months. Let her get over it and come back to me because I really didn't do anything wrong. Just asked her a question that I feel I have the right to know since I'm not just some new guy that's trying to date her. I'm the guy she was gonna marry once upon a time. One thing a lot of my friends have said is that maybe she's been casually seeing this other guy since we split up. But after 5 months and it not getting serious, it's not going to. She's just been having fun with that and never expected for me to come back into the picture. But now I have and she's realizing she still has feelings for me but doesn't really know what to do and really just didn't know what to say when I put her on the spot about already seeing someone. I kind of agree, but we could all be wrong. So what do you think people?
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