Gottabestrong Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, what reason did he give you for not wanting you to come visit him? It can't be the money since you were willing to pay for it all. And if he really missed you and wanted to see you, he should have been happy at the opportunity of you going to see him. Unless you left something out in your original post, you did not say anything unforgivable. All you did was suggest to make this an open relationship, right? He could have said something like: "If that's what you want, we should just forget about the whole thing." To which you could have replied: "No, I don't want to do that, I am just so frustrated because you don't want to see me." My point is, yes, he has every right to be upset at your suggestion, but if he did not want to break up before, this is something that you could have talked about it. My advice is to not contact him anymore and wait to see if he replies to your apologies. I find it hard to believe that he would not. And if he really totally disappears on you, then he was clearly looking for an out and did not want to be with you anymore. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Yes, doesn't that tell you something? He's willing to go two months without seeing you. Any man that loved you and missed you would jump at the chance. In that sense, he was looking for an out. He was not that invested. Yeah, you're right. Or is that just a selfish way of looking at it?
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I would listen to Geegirl! SHe's one smart cookie! There are tons of guys out there that would love to spend time with you because there's no other place in the world that they would rather be. If this guy wants to throw your relationship down the toliet over one stupid comment. Well, then I say .........HIS LOSS!!!!!
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, what reason did he give you for not wanting you to come visit him? It can't be the money since you were willing to pay for it all. And if he really missed you and wanted to see you, he should have been happy at the opportunity of you going to see him. Unless you left something out in your original post, you did not say anything unforgivable. All you did was suggest to make this an open relationship, right? He could have said something like: "If that's what you want, we should just forget about the whole thing." To which you could have replied: "No, I don't want to do that, I am just so frustrated because you don't want to see me." My point is, yes, he has every right to be upset at your suggestion, but if he did not want to break up before, this is something that you could have talked about it. My advice is to not contact him anymore and wait to see if he replies to your apologies. I find it hard to believe that he would not. And if he really totally disappears on you, then he was clearly looking for an out and did not want to be with you anymore. Just that we won't be able to go out. Even though I made it clear that I didn't care about that. He knows that what I said wasn't a suggestion, I was just being a cow. I promise that I haven't left anything out. I did add this though: I don't want to miss anything out just to put him in a bad light. His money situation has been going on for a while now. He went out busking everyday over christmas just to make enough money to buy a ticket to see me. A few days ago his car packed up, so he said whatever money he does get will be going on the car. He said that to get back on the road.
KatZee Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) For me this is the most horrible thing I've ever said, to anyone! What kind of things did you say to your ex? Did he forgive you? The text below is the final email I sent my ex. That email followed a string of text messages telling him that he was a piece of s.hit and that he's always been one and he always WILL be one. I'm not very fond of my ex. I learned a lot about him so I felt no guilt, no regret, no remorse, and not even slightly upset at what I said to him. I thought maybe I'd feel the guilt later on, but here I am 8 months later and I still don't give a s.hit. Not about him. Not about what I said. I couldn't care less about what he thinks of me and if he is angry at me or has or hasn't forgiven me. ------------------------------- "Whether you read this or not I'll never know. But I have no clue how you go from you're the "one person who was closest to me in my life." The "one person who knows everything about me." The "one person who I've told everything to and wouldn't think about telling anyone else." Your "best friend." to being so condescending: "have a nice life, please lose my number." I know I've never done one thing to you Mr.S.hithead (ex name). And not only do you throw everything I've ever done for you in my face, how much I've been there for you, helped you out, etc etc etc...you then piss on me on top of it. I have no idea what is wrong with you, or what you THINK I may have done to you, but I've been nothing but a good person to you and don't understand how you just come out and send me that text message after basically two months of not talking. The only thing I can think is that everything you've ever said to me in almost three years, has been nothing but a lie. That is the only logical thing I can think about all of this. I have no idea why you said those things you said to me as you were breaking up with me, I have no idea why you act the way you do, I have no idea why you consistently make s.hitty decisions and leave destruction in your path. I have no idea why you can't just have morals or even one ounce of integrity to speak the truth from the very first second you open your mouth. It doesn't really matter anyway, since none of these are my character flaws, or my problems. Your father often says something and I'm probably not getting the exact quote right, but he would always say, "Always act your best that way people can never say a thing about you." Now I'm not proclaiming to be some saint, but I know I have never treated you the way you've treated me over the course of two and a half years. Not even remotely close. You dumped me and I just walked out of your life. I didn't bad mouth you, or talk about you to anyone. I didn't become the psycho ex, I WALKED AWAY. I have no idea why you're saying you didn't want me to "get the wrong idea." WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN aside from the phone call YOU INITIATED. If at two months you're not looking to talk to me on a regular basis, or even at all, believe me, I GOT THE HINT. We haven't spoken, I've accepted it. Was there really a need to reach out to me with such a text message, to talk about your ****ing jewelry like I'm out wearing it or something? To rub salt in everything you've done? JUST MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, AS I HAVE DONE WITH MINE. I have no idea if you have some sort of hidden agenda for turning around and acting like this. If you somehow think or was told I've done something you, I'm sorry it's bull****. I would NEVER and have NEVER treated anyone I've loved with such disrespect, cruelty, and callousness. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I've never done a thing to deserve what you've done to me, at ANY POINT. And I'm not quite sure how you live with yourself, day in an day out, knowing this. Maybe you want me to hate you. Maybe you got back together with someone. Maybe you found someone new and just want a free and uninterrupted path. Maybe you're trying to clear your guilt about all of this. Maybe you want closure. I'm realizing through out this whole thing, there are so many, "I have no idea's." I'm truly realizing, I never knew you at all, not until now anyway... and it's shocking. Lose your number? I deleted it weeks ago. Do you think that after everything I gave back to you, I'd be holding on to THAT? I'm sure you know me better than this. I'm sure what you told me two months ago was bull**** too but I'll go ahead and mention it anyway. You had wanted a "friendship" and even threw Jonny "under the bus" trying to bring up Marisa and their friendship. I think it's clear at this point, you will never have my friendship. Knowing what I know about who you are as a human being, you are not worth one OUNCE of who I am. So you can forget any chance of that happening. So please, YOU lose my number. You are nothing to me but a bad memory and I regret ever meeting you." Edited January 2, 2013 by KatZee
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Lost, what reason did he give you for not wanting you to come visit him? It can't be the money since you were willing to pay for it all. And if he really missed you and wanted to see you, he should have been happy at the opportunity of you going to see him. Unless you left something out in your original post, you did not say anything unforgivable. All you did was suggest to make this an open relationship, right? He could have said something like: "If that's what you want, we should just forget about the whole thing." To which you could have replied: "No, I don't want to do that, I am just so frustrated because you don't want to see me." My point is, yes, he has every right to be upset at your suggestion, but if he did not want to break up before, this is something that you could have talked about it. My advice is to not contact him anymore and wait to see if he replies to your apologies. I find it hard to believe that he would not. And if he really totally disappears on you, then he was clearly looking for an out and did not want to be with you anymore. Just that we won't be able to go out. Even though I made it clear that I didn't care about that. He knows that what I said wasn't a suggestion, I was just being a cow. I promise that I haven't left anything out. I did add this though: I don't want to miss anything out just to put him in a bad light. His money situation has been going on for a while now. He went out busking everyday over christmas just to make enough money to buy a ticket to see me. A few days ago his car packed up, so he said whatever money he does get will be going on the car. He said that to get back on the road is his priority now.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I want to throw away the presents he got me for christmas. Then I remember that it's me that's been the arsehole this time, not him. Then I come back here to read all of your posts...What a lovely start to a new year.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I want to throw away the presents he got me for christmas. Then I remember that it's me that's been the arsehole this time, not him. Then I come back here to read all of your posts...What a lovely start to a new year.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Stll haven't heard from him. I feel guilty for going NC.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Stll haven't heard from him. I feel guilty for going NC. ??? He ended it with you. Why are you guilty about NC?
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I'm the reason why he ended it. It's stupid but I feel like if I don't contact him he will think I don't care.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm the reason why he ended it. It's stupid but I feel like if I don't contact him he will think I don't care. Stop finding excuses. You texted him several times and apologized and he never acknowledged. It showed you cared and wanted to take it all back.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Stop finding excuses. You texted him several times and apologized and he never acknowledged. It showed you cared and wanted to take it all back. No, I'm not. I'm not going to contact him, no mattter how much I want to. I just wanted know if anyone thinks I'm in the wrong by going NC.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 No, I'm not. I'm not going to contact him, no mattter how much I want to. I just wanted know if anyone thinks I'm in the wrong by going NC. He's doing NC on you. It isn't the other way around. 1. He ended it with you. 2. He ignored your apologies. You're just at a point whereby there is nothing else you can do but sit still. The ball is in his court.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 He's doing NC on you. It isn't the other way around. 1. He ended it with you. 2. He ignored your apologies. You're just at a point whereby there is nothing else you can do but sit still. The ball is in his court. I don't think he will contact me again. Thought he would have cooled off by now. I know what I said was way out of line but did it really deserve to be dumped over?
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 if he wanted out, he would have done it for this or any other reason. if he hadn't wanted out... you'd still be together. sorry, i know that is not what you want to hear, and believe me, i know how impossible it is to accept. but you have to look at what he is telling you. silence, here, is not golden
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 In the past I've kept on and on and he would end up contacting me, I'm just scared that he will think I'm not bothered because I've left him well alone.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I don't think he will contact me again. Thought he would have cooled off by now. I know what I said was way out of line but did it really deserve to be dumped over? I believe he was looking for an out, Lost. Or he could just be giving you the silent treatment until he decides you've had enough punishment and resumes the R.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I believe he was looking for an out, Lost. Or he could just be giving you the silent treatment until he decides you've had enough punishment and resumes the R. If he punishes me for too long I'll end up feeling angry with him and I don't want that. That's if that's what he is doing.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 If he punishes me for too long I'll end up feeling angry with him and I don't want that. That's if that's what he is doing. Who knows what he is doing. He's ended it with you and your apologies have not been enough to salvage the R. All you can do is grieve and take one day at a time.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Who knows what he is doing. He's ended it with you and your apologies have not been enough to salvage the R. All you can do is grieve and take one day at a time. Theres nothing else I can do. I don't think I can cope with this, I'm not sleeping, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest every morning and I can't keep anything down.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Theres nothing else I can do. I don't think I can cope with this, I'm not sleeping, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest every morning and I can't keep anything down. It's normal to feel this way. It's a break-up and your emotions are at an all time high. I know how you feel. Unfortunately, it's a stage that you have to go through to get to the other side.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 But people seem to cope and get on with life. I can't, I can't think of anything but him. I'm sure he hasn't given me a second thought. This is making me ill, I've already passed out once. I should feel ashamed.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 But people seem to cope and get on with life. I can't, I can't think of anything but him. I'm sure he hasn't given me a second thought. This is making me ill, I've already passed out once. I should feel ashamed. This only happened yesterday! People cope and get on with life but it takes months to get to some level of peace. You are grieving. It's equivalent to experiencing death of a loved one. yes, it will make you ill, make you puke, make you want to die, etc. We've all been through it. Don't feel ashamed. We all make mistakes in our relationships. Some we can mend and some we can't. You just have to accept that he has decided that this is where his journey ends. There was nothing you could do about it.
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