Feeling super unattractive at the moment.

[SmileFace]

Most women seek a project and not a man.

True story.

[TheFinalWord]

Well things are over and done with regarding that girl I had seen over the last month. Things were completely put to bed two nights ago.

 

The whole situation has left me feeling confused and pretty down about how attractive I feel. I never thought I was the best looking dude, but Im not terrible looking either.

 

That being said, all this girl ever did from the beginning was give me loads of compliments. Shed always tell me I was either hot, had a nice *insert body part*, or tell me I was cute. Whenever Id talk about the gym and wanting to improve something about myself, shed tell me I already looked great.

 

Then on top of all that, all I ever got was praise for how I treated her in and out of bed. And all of the compliments and praise were always just her bringing things up when she felt or thought them. I never sought them out. So of course she made me feel great about myself and it boosted my confidence.

 

None the less, in the end she didnt want to move things forward with me, and thats what confuses me so much. She was super attracted to me (which is part of why she feels we had sex so quickly), she loved how I made her feel nice and how well I treated her as a woman, and she loved how I took care of her in bed....but still she wouldnt open the door to the possibility of a relationship....even though shes the one who started giving off the "I want you as a more than a FWB" before I did.

 

At the end of the day I have to chalk it up to her having unresolved feelings for someone from her past...and also not being ready for a relationship. But still...it makes no sense....because if things have not worked out well with other guys, and you know and say Ive treated you better than anyone ever has, along with your attraction to me and the good sex, shouldnt that make you drop your guard and give things a chance?

 

Part of me feels that I guess I could understand how not being over something from ones past can override current good situations. But at the same time I feel if I was as great as she said, she wouldnt have let me go. And I told her I had a hard time believing any of the stuff she said to me now that we are going separate ways. But she maintains that she meant all that stuff.

 

I just personally hate not being able to understand these things. I cant wrap my mind around letting someone go who you treat well, who treats you well, who you have a good time with, who you have good sex with, and whatever else.

 

It makes it feel like those things are a lie...it makes me wonder whats wrong with me. Because this isnt the first time this has happened. Ive been in situations before where a girl will be super attracted to me...we will hook up for a while, and though we seem to like each other a lot, she ends up pulling away. For as much as guys complain about getting no sex, getting no love (or even strong like) hurts like a bitch.

 

Either Im good enough to screw but not who they want in a guy, or Ive been a great guy they wouldnt sleep with. Id rather be the latter, because being the former takes way too much outta me. Id rather be friendzoned by a chick I was never involved with and think "ok Im not her type but other chicks will dig me", rather than be the guy who theyll sleep with and lead on while Im left thinking "Why doesnt anyone love me?"

 

Some guys here wanna complain about girls like the one I just dated, dating guys like me and putting out quickly and often. Its not all fun and games. I may like sex...but I wanna be liked as a person. And no matter what a girl says about thinking youre awesome, great, deserve a good woman, etc...you feel like none of thats true when they decide they want to just not see you anymore and have made good use of you.

 

Sure feel sexy is validating, but being truly valued as a person is much more validating.

 

Love isn't logical. Honestly, too, it sounds like you were a rebound. She wanted to take things slow b/c she knew she wasn't over the other guy and was hoping you could take away her pain. Thinking if things go slow, she won't hurt you in the process. During your romance, she started to project her ex onto you, she liked that feeling of being wanted by a man and you gave her a taste of it and she got caught up in the fantasy. Then later realized you weren't him (heart goes before head, especially during rebound).

 

Anyway, the psychoanalysis probably doesn't help your pain. Unrequited love is painful and frustrating. You have a heap of love to give and no where to deposit it. You aren't unattractive. That's the first thing to think with unrequited love. It takes time to heal from it. I've been there before man. You are a smart guy, fit, have a lot of love to give. Hang strong friend.