Feeling super unattractive at the moment.

[kaylan]

Well things are over and done with regarding that girl I had seen over the last month. Things were completely put to bed two nights ago.

 

The whole situation has left me feeling confused and pretty down about how attractive I feel. I never thought I was the best looking dude, but Im not terrible looking either.

 

That being said, all this girl ever did from the beginning was give me loads of compliments. Shed always tell me I was either hot, had a nice *insert body part*, or tell me I was cute. Whenever Id talk about the gym and wanting to improve something about myself, shed tell me I already looked great.

 

Then on top of all that, all I ever got was praise for how I treated her in and out of bed. And all of the compliments and praise were always just her bringing things up when she felt or thought them. I never sought them out. So of course she made me feel great about myself and it boosted my confidence.

 

None the less, in the end she didnt want to move things forward with me, and thats what confuses me so much. She was super attracted to me (which is part of why she feels we had sex so quickly), she loved how I made her feel nice and how well I treated her as a woman, and she loved how I took care of her in bed....but still she wouldnt open the door to the possibility of a relationship....even though shes the one who started giving off the "I want you as a more than a FWB" before I did.

 

At the end of the day I have to chalk it up to her having unresolved feelings for someone from her past...and also not being ready for a relationship. But still...it makes no sense....because if things have not worked out well with other guys, and you know and say Ive treated you better than anyone ever has, along with your attraction to me and the good sex, shouldnt that make you drop your guard and give things a chance?

 

Part of me feels that I guess I could understand how not being over something from ones past can override current good situations. But at the same time I feel if I was as great as she said, she wouldnt have let me go. And I told her I had a hard time believing any of the stuff she said to me now that we are going separate ways. But she maintains that she meant all that stuff.

 

I just personally hate not being able to understand these things. I cant wrap my mind around letting someone go who you treat well, who treats you well, who you have a good time with, who you have good sex with, and whatever else.

 

It makes it feel like those things are a lie...it makes me wonder whats wrong with me. Because this isnt the first time this has happened. Ive been in situations before where a girl will be super attracted to me...we will hook up for a while, and though we seem to like each other a lot, she ends up pulling away. For as much as guys complain about getting no sex, getting no love (or even strong like) hurts like a bitch.

 

Either Im good enough to screw but not who they want in a guy, or Ive been a great guy they wouldnt sleep with. Id rather be the latter, because being the former takes way too much outta me. Id rather be friendzoned by a chick I was never involved with and think "ok Im not her type but other chicks will dig me", rather than be the guy who theyll sleep with and lead on while Im left thinking "Why doesnt anyone love me?"

 

Some guys here wanna complain about girls like the one I just dated, dating guys like me and putting out quickly and often. Its not all fun and games. I may like sex...but I wanna be liked as a person. And no matter what a girl says about thinking youre awesome, great, deserve a good woman, etc...you feel like none of thats true when they decide they want to just not see you anymore and have made good use of you.

 

Sure feel sexy is validating, but being truly valued as a person is much more validating.

Edited January 2, 2013 by kaylan

[Ninjainpajamas]

There are some things worth mentioning that don't necessarily apply to your situation because I see the answer already, and you hit on it during the middle of your post but I think you underestimate the power of those emotions, the control, the issues within this woman.

 

Sex is not alone something that will convince a woman to be with you, sure it might mean she'll keep sleeping with you and having a FWB type situation, especially if she's wrapped up emotionally into someone else.

 

You're a distraction, and coping substitute.

 

All those other elements while a plus and complimentary, it seems a little too overboard...and those are the surface things, they are not the emotional level...ultimately some women may choose and be looking for other qualities, depending on their emotional availability and experience.

 

But the fact of the matter here for your situation is clear....it's definitely someone she's still wrapped up in emotionally, and when a person is closed off and committed emotionally to someone in their past...whether they intend to be or not, then that is where they will stay. They might try getting over this person in the past by "moving on", but like most people they don't really deal with the emotions, they just merely try to pave over them like a broken street and then wonder why the cracks surface again.

 

This woman is emotionally unavailable, and the emotions with women is what counts. Otherwise you are just merely a rebound, distraction, nice guy or someone accommodating for the mean time...as many don't like to feel alone or invalidated. It's clear to me although she was satisfied with being with you, she still emotionally not open and maybe even because she decided in the beginning you weren't even relationship material, just for fun.

 

If this other guy opened up the door again....or like many guys at least pretended to to string her along once again, then like a dedicated puppy to his master will hear the call and without thinking be compelled by instinct almost to scurry back...emotionally she cannot withdraw, she may want to but it is her issues and possibly her hopes that keep her going back, you may have just been simply too available or what she needed at the time.

 

I wouldn't take it personal...people react (especially women) more than rationallly make a decision, it is the emotions that steer the ship, and once a man has tapped into her deep enough...she will typically not let go as long as he remains somewhat available from time to time. You can't force someone else out that she doesn't want out.

 

And I think your confident is based off those surface elements because you are a insecure about yourself in some ways, and it takes a hit to your ego because you wanted that power to win her over.

[TouchedByViolet]

Sorry to here, I've been there. Do you know she has unresolved feelings for a fact or are you just assuming?

[PhoenixRysing]

Kaylan,

 

I have been reading LS for several years and have never logged on to post. I guess this is as good a place as any to start as I feel some kinship with your distress. Having recently gotten out of a relationship that was very shortlived and very similar to your own experience, I know how demoralizing it can be.

 

He did everything right, he was the one pushing for more, he was the one seeming to fall for me. I actually had to force myself to give him a chance as I was not all that interested in the beginning. Then almost as soon as I let my guard down and let him in, he was gone. I look back and still don't see what I could possibly have done different. I still don't see any issues in our relationship. We laughed, we played, the sex was good, and we just naturally seemed to get along splendidly.

 

Then one day he told me he didn't see himself with me long term, that I was not the woman he could marry, and that he did not think he would ever fall in love with me. To say I was surprised is an understatement since up until that moment I had been convinced he was in fact falling for me. To feel like I meant nothing to him all of a sudden, especially when all signs pointed to our compatibility made me feel like I was less than nothing.

 

It is one thing to lose something when you understand why, when you see the issues. It is another when you feel like it is all good and they just don't want you. It is also disheartening to realize you didn't see it coming and it can make you feel like you should not be dating at all. It can also make you feel inherantly unloveable since you did nothing wrong to deserve their sudden departure from your life.

 

Sometimes I think the shortlived relationships are even harder to get over because you don't ever get to really see the negatives that would give you something to learn from, to decide from for yourself. I feel like we were great together, and all of a sudden he just saw something in me that said the prior few months were just nothing. That he could feel like that over a time I thought we were really beginning to connect made me feel bamboozled and stupid. The pain I felt after we parted ways made me feel rediculous - how could I hurt so badly over something so brief.

 

I am still reeling a bit from the experience but I have come to realize he did me a favor. He got out of the way for someone better to come into my life. I am still raw and still confused about what happened, but in the end the only thing that matters is that he did not want to be with me - for whatever reason, which means end game. He is not the one for me.

 

In this case, I think it is much like what you have repeatedly posted to the women of LS, sex or no sex, wouldn't make a difference. She is either really into you or she isn't. Since she opted out, she is quite simply not good enough for you. I think you are a pretty amazing guy. I'm glad she moved on to allow room for the amazing girl you actually deserve.

[kaylan]

Sorry to here, I've been there. Do you know she has unresolved feelings for a fact or are you just assuming?

In a convo she mentioned that she wasnt completely over how things ended with him. But then later when we talked about it, she said she felt stupid for ever bringing it up and said that that situation had nothing to do with us. But I told her we had to face reality and know that it did have bearing on us...and that it wasnt simply her not being ready for a relationship. I told her that in my eyes, if she was completely over that then her and I would be moving forward with no problems. I told her that she cant simply take back what she said because usually people dont let a good thing go unless they are emotionally invested elsewhere.

 

I think she was just afraid to admit that she was hung up on a situation that probably wouldnt lead anywhere. Hell she even said a few times that part of her feels she will end up regretting letting me walk away. Oh wells, Im sure she may feel just that.

Kaylan,

 

I have been reading LS for several years and have never logged on to post. I guess this is as good a place as any to start as I feel some kinship with your distress. Having recently gotten out of a relationship that was very shortlived and very similar to your own experience, I know how demoralizing it can be.

 

He did everything right, he was the one pushing for more, he was the one seeming to fall for me. I actually had to force myself to give him a chance as I was not all that interested in the beginning. Then almost as soon as I let my guard down and let him in, he was gone. I look back and still don't see what I could possibly have done different. I still don't see any issues in our relationship. We laughed, we played, the sex was good, and we just naturally seemed to get along splendidly.

 

Then one day he told me he didn't see himself with me long term, that I was not the woman he could marry, and that he did not think he would ever fall in love with me. To say I was surprised is an understatement since up until that moment I had been convinced he was in fact falling for me. To feel like I meant nothing to him all of a sudden, especially when all signs pointed to our compatibility made me feel like I was less than nothing.

 

It is one thing to lose something when you understand why, when you see the issues. It is another when you feel like it is all good and they just don't want you. It is also disheartening to realize you didn't see it coming and it can make you feel like you should not be dating at all. It can also make you feel inherantly unloveable since you did nothing wrong to deserve their sudden departure from your life.

 

Sometimes I think the shortlived relationships are even harder to get over because you don't ever get to really see the negatives that would give you something to learn from, to decide from for yourself. I feel like we were great together, and all of a sudden he just saw something in me that said the prior few months were just nothing. That he could feel like that over a time I thought we were really beginning to connect made me feel bamboozled and stupid. The pain I felt after we parted ways made me feel rediculous - how could I hurt so badly over something so brief.

 

I am still reeling a bit from the experience but I have come to realize he did me a favor. He got out of the way for someone better to come into my life. I am still raw and still confused about what happened, but in the end the only thing that matters is that he did not want to be with me - for whatever reason, which means end game. He is not the one for me.

 

In this case, I think it is much like what you have repeatedly posted to the women of LS, sex or no sex, wouldn't make a difference. She is either really into you or she isn't. Since she opted out, she is quite simply not good enough for you. I think you are a pretty amazing guy. I'm glad she moved on to allow room for the amazing girl you actually deserve.

The bold is what pisses me off. Because I was fine just having sex. I wasnt even sure if I could like her as more than just a FWB...but she started acting all great and sweet to me, and things changed. She apologized for leading me on, but people gotta know exactly what they want going into things. I really only ended up following her lead...and I had a hard time explaining to myself why my feelings for her grew so strong...especially when my feelings for a girl usually never change once I have a decent idea of how we fit together.

Edited January 2, 2013 by kaylan

[TouchedByViolet]

people gotta know exactly what they want going into things.

 

People rarely know what they want. Emotions are difficult to predict.

 

I was dating a girl for roughly 6 weeks and even though it was initially suppose to be short term, she did a lot of sweet things for me and acted like things were going well. All the boxes I wanted were check like being attracted to each other, having fun, good sex, met each other's friends, spending the night, etc. I started developing feelings. Her words and actions would show the same thing. Then suddenly she wanted out. It made me feel rather crappy.

[gaius]

It sounds like you two almost had the reverse dynamic you usually see. You're insecure about your body so she showered you with compliments until you put out and then she moved on. If it makes you feel any better Kaylan not too many guys could get away with being that insecure and still get women to sleep with them so you must be very good looking.

 

It would be nice if we could get a partner who would like us for exactly who we are but some people are cursed with traits that are universally unattractive to the opposite sex and unless they take steps to change, it can end up hurting them on a regular basis. Insecurity is one of those traits for men. I don't think I've ever mentioned once to my girlfriend that I think something about me needs improvement at the gym. Or that something about me needs improvement at all. I've had to change a few things about me over the years so I'm not immune from that kind of thing either.

[Divasu]

Feeling super unattractive at the moment

 

100% normal reaction to 'feel' given the circumstances.

[ThaWholigan]

In a convo she mentioned that she wasnt completely over how things ended with him. But then later when we talked about it, she said she felt stupid for ever bringing it up and said that that situation had nothing to do with us. But I told her we had to face reality and know that it did have bearing on us...and that it wasnt simply her not being ready for a relationship. I told her that in my eyes, if she was completely over that then her and I would be moving forward with no problems. I told her that she cant simply take back what she said because usually people dont let a good thing go unless they are emotionally invested elsewhere.

 

I think she was just afraid to admit that she was hung up on a situation that probably wouldnt lead anywhere. Hell she even said a few times that part of her feels she will end up regretting letting me walk away. Oh wells, Im sure she may feel just that.

The bold is what pisses me off. Because I was fine just having sex. I wasnt even sure if I could like her as more than just a FWB...but she started acting all great and sweet to me, and things changed. She apologized for leading me on, but people gotta know exactly what they want going into things. I really only ended up following her lead...and I had a hard time explaining to myself why my feelings for her grew so strong...especially when my feelings for a girl usually never change once I have a decent idea of how we fit together.

That's why I said to always be aware of your own emotions, even in the changing climate so that you can always keep an even keel. It can be difficult, and you are not much older than I so there will be difficulties. I would practice yourself to do this even in uncomfortable situations. This is a learning curve, so like Ninja says, I would completely confront your emotions and what you feel right now. That way, you will be able to step outside yourself and observe your emotions as they happen and evolve whenever you are in a situation that can potentially manipulate them.

[kaylan]

It sounds like you two almost had the reverse dynamic you usually see. You're insecure about your body so she showered you with compliments until you put out and then she moved on. If it makes you feel any better Kaylan not too many guys could get away with being that insecure and still get women to sleep with them so you must be very good looking.

Actually in reality she was the insecure one about her body. She always called herself fat and talked about what she wanted to change in herself, but said things negatively. When I spoke about what I wanted to change, it was mostly about improvements...since Im in the gym lifting 4 days a week. So while I want to look better, I was never down about how I looked, and the things shed say to me made me feel great. And I always would tell her how sexy I found her to be.

 

I do think my affinity for the gym and me being in decent shape made her insecure about herself. She didnt like if I grabbed her in certain places...and shed allllways apologize if she wasnt clean shaved whenever we hung out. And she also would look down away from me when I held her face to kiss her or just look into her eyes. Shed go "oh im sorry my skin looks bad". But I always let her know she looked good to me.

 

And she showered me with compliments after sex. It really had no effect on whether anyone put out. The reason I feel so bad and down on myself is because despite all the good things she said, she doesnt want me. My self esteem was fine before and during the time I was with her. And no Im not very good looking. Im a regular decent looking fella.

It would be nice if we could get a partner who would like us for exactly who we are but some people are cursed with traits that are universally unattractive to the opposite sex and unless they take steps to change, it can end up hurting them on a regular basis. Insecurity is one of those traits for men. I don't think I've ever mentioned once to my girlfriend that I think something about me needs improvement at the gym. Or that something about me needs improvement at all. I've had to change a few things about me over the years so I'm not immune from that kind of thing either.

Thats the thing. I didnt act insecure around her, and I wasnt insecure until she pulled the plug and acted different about things. During the whole time we dated SHE was the insecure one. Insecure about her face, her body...being worried about her attitude towards me...trying to make sure she wouldnt mess things up, etc. Shed always apologize by saying "sorry if I was being bitchy to you"...when in reality she was great to me and any bitchiness was typically directed at her finals or housemates...which was understandable.

 

For as much as she worried and would say to me "youre awesome and I dont wanna ruin things"...she sure made that seem like a lie when in the end she was ok with me not in her life.

 

If anything, my wanting to improve in the gym was hinged on my wanting to be at my physical best. And she I wasnt insecure about myself...I was actually pretty modest when she complimented me, but at the same time Id be confident or arrogant when comparing myself to other people at times.

 

If anything, my downfall is that I have to have a better radar when it comes to emotionally unavailable women.

[Mrlonelyone]

I can identify with what you feel about being good enough for sex but not good enough for a relationship. It's a really $h1tty feeling. Being a piece of sexual meat, an object not a whole person to them is not fun.

 

You could say were are the bad ones...for different reasons. The kind of people that will get sex then be treated like that dirty secret.

 

I said it in a harsh way in a prior thread but here it is again in a nice way.

 

You had sexual passion with this woman, that is the basis for infatuation. You had lust, not love. Lust can make us think we are in love just long enough to get it in there and make a baby. That's what it's for.

[Radu]

Being that insecure, it was obviously not going to work out for you.

 

These ppl [and i'm one of them too], need to change themselves ... they can't hope for others to improve them.

Sounds like she did you a major favor.

[Maneater]

I wouldn't feel terrible. Sounds like she just isn't over her ex yet. Speaking as a woman, I've probably passed up great guys in between had I just gotten over my ex earlier.

 

I don't want to give you false hope but maybe things will turn around in another month or 2. I wouldn't contact her a lot, let her contact you.

[KungFuJoe]

Kaylan,

 

How old are you and how often has something like this happened?

[Els]

Kaylan, didn't you TELL her repeatedly that you didn't want a relationship with her, and wanted to stay FWB? Even if you might have changed your mind later, that sort of thing doesn't go away easily. She would probably have realized that it's generally a bad idea to get into a R with someone who said that he doesn't want to be in one and only changed his mind after she decided to cut her losses. I really don't think this is about you being unattractive. No woman gets into FWB arrangements with someone they find unattractive.

[kaylan]

Kaylan, didn't you TELL her repeatedly that you didn't want a relationship with her, and wanted to stay FWB? Even if you might have changed your mind later, that sort of thing doesn't go away easily. She would probably have realized that it's generally a bad idea to get into a R with someone who said that he doesn't want to be in one and only changed his mind after she decided to cut her losses. I really don't think this is about you being unattractive. No woman gets into FWB arrangements with someone they find unattractive.

I initially asked her what she was looking for. She said she wanted to take things slow and not rush anything. I agreed with her and thought things were ok...but then she started saying and doings things that indicated she didnt want what we had to be just sex. I ended up following her lead and eventually fell for her. I changed my mind about her before she started pulling away. Things were on a good course until she started acting different.

 

oh wells

Edited January 2, 2013 by kaylan

[FitChick]

Sometimes you can do everything right and have everything go wrong. There is nothing you could have done differently. There are factors outside of your control. A lot of us, including me, have been there and know what you are going through. Feeling powerless sucks.

[Els]

I initially asked her what she was looking for. She said she wanted to take things slow and not rush anything. I agreed with her and thought things were ok...but then she started saying and doings things that indicated she didnt want what we had to be just sex. I ended up following her lead and eventually fell for her. I changed my mind about her before she started pulling away. Things were on a good course until she started acting different.

 

oh wells

 

Oh, sorry to hear that. In that case, I really think it's her more so than you. There's probably some reason she doesn't want a R right now, maybe because of the ex you mentioned. Either way, I wouldn't worry about your physical attractiveness. As I said, women don't have casual sex with men they're not physically attracted to. Most women have a lot of options if they want solely NSA sex, so it's unlikely that anyone would have casual sex out of desperation with someone whom they don't find attractive.

[Quiet Storm]

 

women don't have casual sex with men they're not physically attracted to.

 

I disagree. Not saying this is true for Kaylan, but I think some women, especially insecure and immature ones, do. Usually it happens when they have been hurt by someone they are deeply involved with, and have sex with others in an attempt to "get even" with the other partner, or because they figure a new sexual partner will help them get their minds off the old one. Issues of childhood abuse or neglect also prompt some women to seek out casual or indiscriminate sex.

 

Kaylan, in your case, I read your other thread but didn't comment at the time...you said something about how you asked her if she came while you went down on her, and she said "she didn't know" or "wasn't sure" or something along those lines. At the time, that jumped out at me because having an orgasm is something people are usually sure about. I thought at that time that she is probably a very insecure girl, and likely did not come, and felt that she would disappoint you if she admitted it. She knew you were invested in her pleasure, which can put pressure on a young woman that hasn't figured out her body yet and isn't comfortable being sexually vulnerable (not your fault).

 

Many insecure or immature women "fake" being sexually open and hungry because the attention is so validating, it makes them feel so attracted and wanted. Their own sexual pleasure is secondary, and the feeling they get from the male's validation of them is more important and powerful than their own sexual satisfaction. They know men watch porn and feel like they have to be ultra sexual and sensual...when often they are still learning and discovering their sexuality. Men often think female orgasms are as easily obtained as their own, which isn't the norm. It sets the relationship up for failure because she gets into a pattern where she feels she has to fake, or admit she lied, or admit not being 100% pleased sexually, knowing that it will disappoint him. With attentive and unselfish men, making them come is not enough to satisfy them completely...her pleasure is important to them, and women know this. Although it is not the man's intent to cause her to feel pressured, he often has a need for validation, as well...knowing that he made her come.

 

Kaylan you seem to be very willing to please your woman, and you ask lots of questions about what she likes, etc. and you would make a great partner for an emotionally secure woman. A good sex life should be about mutual exploration and pleasure. You know that and seem very eager to learn your woman:) However, some women are too wrapped up in their own insecurity to be receptive to a very giving partner. It's nothing you did wrong, or could improve on... you just ended up with a partner that isn't ready for a guy like you yet. Don't change, though, keep trying to please your woman, that is a good thing. I am lucky to have a man like that, and eventually you will find a woman that appreciates this quality in a man (and whose own insecurities don't overshadow it).

Edited January 2, 2013 by Quiet Storm

[Els]

I disagree. Not saying this is true for Kaylan, but I think some women, especially insecure and immature ones, do. Usually it happens when they have been hurt by someone they are deeply involved with, and have sex with others in an attempt to "get even" with the other partner, or because they figure a new sexual partner will help them get their minds off the old one. Issues of childhood abuse or neglect also prompt some women to seek out casual or indiscriminate sex.

 

I agree with the above, but kaylan mentioned this girl as someone who generally has her stuff together and was into casual sex for the fun of it, not someone who was using it as an escape route for under-seated issues. I suppose I should have prepended my statement with 'women don't have casual sex for fun with people whom they aren't physically attracted to', but that sounds a little repetitive.

[kaylan]

Im basically the first guy she had slept with that quickly before. So no, she doesnt just have casual sex due to underlying insecurity. Last we talked, she maintained that she felt we had sex too fast, and that she feels it happened so fast due to her attraction for me and the chemistry we had. She even said "I dunno why I feel bad about it...I just dont know why I didnt try to slow things down".

 

I think she just feels bad since its out of character for her, and because it might have prevented all of what happened with us. Because sex got the ball rolling with things moving so fast.

 

I dont think she felt like her pleasure was necessarily secondary btw. We both did our best to please the other. She just apparently gets off better with sex than any other method. I will say that all the compliments about my looks, and the praise about our sex together, did throw me off a little.

 

Im not used to someone being so open and positive like that...then again, according to her, she never dated someone like me who treated her so well. She usually put more work into her relationships in most aspects.

 

But it boggles the mind that she let such a thing go. I wouldnt let a girl walk away who I have fun with, who treats me well, makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel sexy, and whom I have great chemistry with. But I cant see her saying the things she said to me simply out of insecurity. I think she was just legit happy and felt good to be treated nicely for once. What did throw me off the most was her saying this during the whole "breakup" process; "Im just scared by all this. Im confused too. And to be honest, Ive never had a guy be into me like this".

 

Youd think her ex bfs would have been into her the way I was or more. But I think who someone dates, says a lot about who they are. I said this to myself back when we first started dating and she said "I dont wanna sound weird, but Im not used to dating guys who treat me well". Oh wells...guess shell never get used to that.

[KungFuJoe]

One thing I will say is most girls want a guy who has an "edge". I don't want to get into the whole stereotype of woman wanting a "bad" boy, but there is some truth in that.

 

But I don't know you nearly enough to be able to assess that in. I mean, there could be a million reasons why she didn't want to be with you, and "edge" could be none of them.

[PhoenixRysing]

Im basically the first guy she had slept with that quickly before. So no, she doesnt just have casual sex due to underlying insecurity. Last we talked, she maintained that she felt we had sex too fast, and that she feels it happened so fast due to her attraction for me and the chemistry we had. She even said "I dunno why I feel bad about it...I just dont know why I didnt try to slow things down".

 

I think she just feels bad since its out of character for her, and because it might have prevented all of what happened with us. Because sex got the ball rolling with things moving so fast.

 

I dont think she felt like her pleasure was necessarily secondary btw. We both did our best to please the other. She just apparently gets off better with sex than any other method. I will say that all the compliments about my looks, and the praise about our sex together, did throw me off a little.

 

Im not used to someone being so open and positive like that...then again, according to her, she never dated someone like me who treated her so well. She usually put more work into her relationships in most aspects.

 

But it boggles the mind that she let such a thing go. I wouldnt let a girl walk away who I have fun with, who treats me well, makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel sexy, and whom I have great chemistry with. But I cant see her saying the things she said to me simply out of insecurity. I think she was just legit happy and felt good to be treated nicely for once. What did throw me off the most was her saying this during the whole "breakup" process; "Im just scared by all this. Im confused too. And to be honest, Ive never had a guy be into me like this".

 

Youd think her ex bfs would have been into her the way I was or more. But I think who someone dates, says a lot about who they are. I said this to myself back when we first started dating and she said "I dont wanna sound weird, but Im not used to dating guys who treat me well". Oh wells...guess shell never get used to that.

 

The bolded is why you are so shell-shocked by this. I completely understand your confusion. In fact, just made an entire thread about my repeated experiences in this regard. Feel free to pop over and add your two cents, but apparently many of us are facing the same. You actually might be everything she ever wanted and for that reason alone she ran away. Perplexing to say the least.

[kaylan]

One thing I will say is most girls want a guy who has an "edge". I don't want to get into the whole stereotype of woman wanting a "bad" boy, but there is some truth in that.

 

But I don't know you nearly enough to be able to assess that in. I mean, there could be a million reasons why she didn't want to be with you, and "edge" could be none of them.

I highly doubt bad boy stereotypes had anything to do with all this. I always told myself that i liked bitchy girls but i fell for a real sweet one in this situation.

 

I think Ninja hit it on the head. Shes emotionally unavailable and her heart is in a different place at the moment. Shes not open to a relationship and I dont see any amount of edge changing that.

 

Also, if edge was the issue I dont think we would have had the lusty sex we did for a month.

Edited January 2, 2013 by kaylan

[kaylan]

The bolded is why you are so shell-shocked by this. I completely understand your confusion. In fact, just made an entire thread about my repeated experiences in this regard. Feel free to pop over and add your two cents, but apparently many of us are facing the same. You actually might be everything she ever wanted and for that reason alone she ran away. Perplexing to say the least.

I dunno. I feel that if I was everything she was looking for, then shed be by my side and not push me away. At least she nipped it in the butt right away and didnt string me along or create some sort of triangle.