Guys can't control themselves when they're alone with a drunk girl?

[TheFinalWord]

Is it a guy's instinct to put the moves on a girl when they're alone? Even if he didn't have ANY feelings for the girl? And especially when the girl is drunk and lying on the bed?

 

I was drunk and my guy friend took care of me, we had to spend the night at a hotel because we had no where else to go. I trusted him completely but then later that night I find him sitting by my bed, petting me, kissing my hand and then we eventually made out. I was drunk but still conscious. He had a little to drink but he was still sober enough to check in a hotel..etc.

 

I heard him say "what am I doing?" to himself when he pulled back from kissing me, like he's trying to control himself from coming closer to me. He however, then ended up sitting beside my bed, holding my hand and that's the last thing I remember. I'm sure we didn't have sex.

 

Guys, so if you're in a hotel room with a girl, is it really that hard to keep yourself away from the girl? The girl is your friend, you don't have feelings for her. Or would you just let "lust" take over?

 

No, not all guys would do that. Only a really lame guy would do that, but there are a lot of perverts and weird-o's out there. Please be careful okay It's not just alcohol, your drink can be spiked with a date rape drug. If you're living on campus, please don't walk home at night or go home with a guy you don't know. If you are going to drink, experiment, etc. please plan a head.

 

Date rape drugs fact sheet | womenshealth.gov

[KungFuJoe]

Exactly!

 

Though what I got from your previous post, is that when the girl is anything but sober, you would stop. "She's had a couple of drinks, nope I'm not going to sleep with her."

 

I will initially stop if I think she's drunk...even just a little drunk. This is mostly to assess how drunk she really is. And of course, *I* have to want her as well.

 

Example. I ended on a beach one time with a girl...we had just met that day, through a friend. She was a gorgeous girl and I remember wondering how my friend even knew someone this good looking. We were walking around mixing OJ and Popov vodka (yeah...nasty stuff). She appears to be having trouble walking and she falls down on the sand on her back. I bend over to help her up and she pulls me in for a kiss. I make mention of her looks because here's this beautiful woman, who wants to kiss ME, on the beach at night...I should have been ALL over that, right? Wrong. My first reaction was to pull back, because she appeared drunk. She immediately got up (with no problem) and starts stomping away. I catch up to her and ask her what's wrong (though I already knew) and she just says, "If you don't want to kiss me, I don't want to force you!". I didn't say a word and just started kissing her. And that was that. But I always make sure she knows what she is doing.

[Fondue]

I had a girl accuse me of rape in college. She told all her friends I had raped her... and me being the guy, I was automatically guilty.

 

We met and both got drunk and had sex the same night. She was so in to it she even got on top. How can you rape someone when she wants to be on top?

 

The next day her friend accused her of being a slut since we had just met and had sex on the same day, so the girl said she wasn't a slut and that I took advantage of her when she was drunk. No police were involved or anything, but ever since then I've been careful with women. She even came to me later and apologized for lying, but I would not accept her apology. I should have beat the ****out of her and given her someone genuine to be mad about!

 

It's a horrible feeling to know that someone lied and accused you ofsomething you are innocent of. Even since then I've been suspicious of womenthat say, "ya I invited him up to my room at 2am… then he raped me!"

 

This happens quite often, actually. And real men have become rapists and sex offenders because of a woman's feeling of "regret" the following morning.

 

They may initiate the sexual encounter, but waking up the next morning, they get up and say, "well I'm no slut, he just raped me!" It is quite horrible, actually.

 

Men have to be quite careful. There are even spiteful women out there whom will accuse you of rape after a pleasant encounter, sober, and when you decide to leave moments after completion of coitus, they contemplate the situation, feel like they were "used," but instead of accepting the reality of what actually happened, they defend their egos by calling you a rapist. It is quite ridiculous.

 

As far as drinking is concerned, I think both men AND women have to be aware of the consequences of over consumption. Take responsibility upon YOURSELF and do not put yourself in a situation where it may end badly for you. There have been more than a few occasions where I would avoid a drunken encounter, despite the sex being very willing on her part, I know that somehow, it may backfire. This is one of the reasons why I have trouble trusting women.

[somedude81]

I will initially stop if I think she's drunk...even just a little drunk. This is mostly to assess how drunk she really is. And of course, *I* have to want her as well.

 

Example. I ended on a beach one time with a girl...we had just met that day, through a friend. She was a gorgeous girl and I remember wondering how my friend even knew someone this good looking. We were walking around mixing OJ and Popov vodka (yeah...nasty stuff). She appears to be having trouble walking and she falls down on the sand on her back. I bend over to help her up and she pulls me in for a kiss. I make mention of her looks because here's this beautiful woman, who wants to kiss ME, on the beach at night...I should have been ALL over that, right? Wrong. My first reaction was to pull back, because she appeared drunk.

She appeared drunk?

 

She couldn't walk straight and freaking fell down!

 

 

 

 

She immediately got up (with no problem) and starts stomping away. I catch up to her and ask her what's wrong (though I already knew) and she just says, "If you don't want to kiss me, I don't want to force you!". I didn't say a word and just started kissing her. And that was that. But I always make sure she knows what she is doing.

So you took advantage of a drunk girl

[KatZee]

Only really scummy and nasty guys are going to try and hook up with you when you're incoherent and barely conscious.

 

I had one particularly rough night back in college, I believe whatever I was drinking had been spiked with a drug. My guy friend at that time took me home and sat with me for 4 hours in the guys bathroom while I threw up my entire life and went in and out of consciousness. He got a blanket from his room to cover me because I started shaking and told me that guys had come in and out of the bathroom that night, and some made "wink" faces at him telling him to try to get some. He actually told that guy to get the f.uck out of the bathroom. He then carried me out of the bathroom, put PJ's on me and tucked me into bed. Proceeded to do laundry at like 4am for my nasty clothes and kept checking on me. Then woke up at 7am walked down to the drug store and asked the pharmacist if there was anything to help me.

 

I wound up dating him for about a year. He was good people.

[somedude81]

Only really scummy and nasty guys are going to try and hook up with you when you're incoherent and barely conscious.

 

I had one particularly rough night back in college, I believe whatever I was drinking had been spiked with a drug. My guy friend at that time took me home and sat with me for 4 hours in the guys bathroom while I threw up my entire life and went in and out of consciousness. He got a blanket from his room to cover me because I started shaking and told me that guys had come in and out of the bathroom that night, and some made "wink" faces at him telling him to try to get some. He actually told that guy to get the f.uck out of the bathroom. He then carried me out of the bathroom, put PJ's on me and tucked me into bed. Proceeded to do laundry at like 4am for my nasty clothes and kept checking on me. Then woke up at 7am walked down to the drug store and asked the pharmacist if there was anything to help me.

 

I wound up dating him for about a year. He was good people.

I like that story.

 

I was going to ask if you ended up dating him then I saw the happy ending.

[KatZee]

I like that story.

 

I was going to ask if you ended up dating him then I saw the happy ending.

 

Yeah and after we split we kept our own thing going for like another two years haha, and then eventually we moved back to our respective homes after college. We still keep in touch to this day. That happened 11 years ago.

[Fondue]

Only really scummy and nasty guys are going to try and hook up with you when you're incoherent and barely conscious.

 

I had one particularly rough night back in college, I believe whatever I was drinking had been spiked with a drug. My guy friend at that time took me home and sat with me for 4 hours in the guys bathroom while I threw up my entire life and went in and out of consciousness. He got a blanket from his room to cover me because I started shaking and told me that guys had come in and out of the bathroom that night, and some made "wink" faces at him telling him to try to get some. He actually told that guy to get the f.uck out of the bathroom. He then carried me out of the bathroom, put PJ's on me and tucked me into bed. Proceeded to do laundry at like 4am for my nasty clothes and kept checking on me. Then woke up at 7am walked down to the drug store and asked the pharmacist if there was anything to help me.

 

I wound up dating him for about a year. He was good people.

I liked this part of the story the most.

 

I was ready to type a reply to that stating, "and you probably had him friendzoned."

 

I was happy to be proven wrong .

[KungFuJoe]

She appeared drunk?

 

She couldn't walk straight and freaking fell down!

 

So you took advantage of a drunk girl

 

No. She was actually sober...maybe tipsy. She faked the fall knowing I would bend over to help her up and then she could kiss me.

[KatZee]

I liked this part of the story the most.

 

I was ready to type a reply to that stating, "and you probably had him friendzoned."

 

I was happy to be proven wrong .

 

I actually wasn't sure about dating him at first but I did give him a shot. Turned out to be the greatest relationship of my current lifetime. To this day, even at 17 years old he is still the greatest boyfriend I've ever had. He was the love of my life at that time.

[sweetkiwi]

I got completely trashed at the beach when I was 16. My older cousin and his friend got vodka and I guess I had too much in the sun. So I tried kissing his friend, let's call him Teddy, who had a g/f.

 

Teddy and I had known eachother and always felt something there. But he still didn't let me get out of hand. We drove home and he gave me his hoodie to use as a pillow. Then since it was so early we went to his family's house. Everyone who was at the beach swam in the pool and Teddy tucked me into his bed. I was barely awake and I felt him kiss my forehead so sweetly.

 

We dated for three years. He was my first everything. A great man. That's the kind of guy who doesn't makeout with messed up girls.

[somedude81]

No. She was actually sober...maybe tipsy. She faked the fall knowing I would bend over to help her up and then she could kiss me.

She faked the fall?!

 

NVM then.

[phineas]

I've never taken advantage of a drunk woman sexually, but I sure as hell got them to flash me or talked them into getting with another woman & letting me watch

 

Kept my pants on the whole time & a few times it had led to sober hook-ups down the road.

[Imported]

I have a mom, two sisters, 4 nieces, 3 female cousins that are like sisters. It puts a perspective on things for me that I won't ignore or play double-standards with. I did recently start going for more casual sex, even outside of when I travel and I may try to influence some women by my appearance and behavior ( I don't lie, I don't make false promises), but I don't take advantage of anyone and if a girl gets wasted with me and starts talking about doing anything with me, I am just not going to do it. It is going to have to be another day. One of my co-workers got completely trashed at our company's Christmas party and starts telling me how much she enjoys giving blow jobs and what she wanted to do with my cock and I ordered her a large glass of water and told her maybe she needs to slow down. She seemed really insulted, but I wasn't going to do anything with someone that has problems even standing up. Having a buzz is one thing and if she just had a nice happy buzz, still speaking well and handling everything and told me she wanted sex, well..OK. But she obviously was not in control of herself.

 

Which is another point. I hate women that have no control of themselves to the point where they are having sex or doing things with guys, that they never would have done if they were sober. I had two girlfriends that I was very serious with cheat on me because they got drunk. One of them actually thought it was no big deal because she was drunk and she wouldn't have done it otherwise, so it wasn't really cheating, it was just being drunk.

 

I get drunk too, I don't do things I wouldn't do if I was sober. I am just somewhat louder and laugh a lot more is all. I don't understand people that get drunk and become someone else. Women seem to do that a lot. I like getting drunk with women I am getting to know, not because I want to take advantage of them, but so I can see how they behave when drunk. Some women become total sluts and are easily "corruptible". I always feel like I found a diamond in a dark cave full of coal when I meet a girl that is still herself when drunk and maintains control.

[allenpo123]

Depends how big of a jerk the guy is, and it depends on if the guy in question has feelings for the girl or not.

 

What he did was wrong, he should have known better.

As a guy, if you hook up with a girl who drank, and you end up having sex ... it may lead to future charges of rape.

That, and being platonic friends, he should not have drank like crazy, slept with you in the same bed/room if he knew he had some feelings for you.

 

The thing is, he didn't drink like crazy, he had a little bit, but he was sober enough to take the metro with me, guide me and even hand out his credit card when he checked into the hotel. I'm pretty sure he's quite sober. He was going to send me home but then he would have to stay out in the cold for the entire night, I couldn't invite him back to my home because of my parents. It was then he asked me if I could stay with him. He was such a nice friend so I didn't doubt it a bit.

 

It's impossible for him to have feelings for me, but he did say "I love you, don't leave me" when he kissed me, but that doesn't count right? He has absolutely no reason to like me more than a friend, I know that. And guys would say anything when turned on.

 

Do you guys think I should talk to him about this?

[allenpo123]

allenpo123, How do you know he didn't have any feelings for you?

 

We've known each other for 4 years and we were in the same group of friends. I also knew he was a great guy but we weren't close. That being said, how would he like me more than a friend?

 

I just can't picture that he would have feelings for me. I think he's single now(see, we're really not that close), and maybe he's just lonely. He might be a little tipsy, and that would be reason why he's treating me like his gf?

[allenpo123]

Why would a girl get drunk enough to be barely conscious in the first place? Does she have some sort of self destruction agenda? You cant control other jerks behavior, but dont give them the open door to take advantage of you in the first place. And youre obviously delusional, a guy isnt your"friend" if he would take advantage of you.

 

I'm not on some self-destruction agenda, it was just a night of fun and things got out of control. I really didn't know he would act like that, I honestly believed I would be safe with him. Now I know better. Even the nicest ones are dangerous. ALL MEN are dangerous. (That goes for guys vs. girls too)

[phineas]

We've known each other for 4 years and we were in the same group of friends. I also knew he was a great guy but we weren't close. That being said, how would he like me more than a friend?

 

I just can't picture that he would have feelings for me. I think he's single now(see, we're really not that close), and maybe he's just lonely. He might be a little tipsy, and that would be reason why he's treating me like his gf?

 

I'm not on some self-destruction agenda, it was just a night of fun and things got out of control. I really didn't know he would act like that, I honestly believed I would be safe with him. Now I know better. Even the nicest ones are dangerous. ALL MEN are dangerous. (That goes for guys vs. girls too)

 

C'mon!

You spent the night in a hotel room with a guy you've supposedly known for 4 yrs yet you know absolutely nothing about his personal life.

Do you even know his last name?

Where he lives?

Yet it's HIS fault you got black-out drunk & spent the night in a hotel room with him?

 

Take some fricken responsibility for your own damn actions instead of labeling EVERY man as dangerous.

 

Playing the part of the victim won't get you anywhere in life.

 

When you put yourself in bad situations, bad things happen.

 

And before someone goes total retard and accuses me of saying this guy did no wrong, he did. But common sense dictates OP's poor choices are what led her to her situation.

[todreaminblue]

I am really not meant to drink my body doesnt handle it well at all.... a complete write off...more than usual that is......so i have figured out it is better for me not to drink at alladn be pro active....i have neverpress ed charges agaiinst a guy i have made mistakes the biggest one is i drank in the first place.....i do feel girls get taken advantage of when legless I wotn allow myself to lose control of my body or what people do to it..even when i do just feel like getting out of my own head for a while alcohol is not the solution for me ...its a problem waiting to happen...women werent built to be drinkers...neither were men actually, some handle it, the majority dont..deb

[crude]

no, not every guy cant control himself. I also think it has to do with having values. ethical and moral. the most I would do is take her clothes off, tuck her in and then i'd go sleep on the couch or the floor. Im always a gentlemen.

 

If she's drunk, why wouldn't it make sense for HER to sleep on the floor?

[allenpo123]

C'mon!

You spent the night in a hotel room with a guy you've supposedly known for 4 yrs yet you know absolutely nothing about his personal life.

Do you even know his last name?

Where he lives?

Yet it's HIS fault you got black-out drunk & spent the night in a hotel room with him?

 

Take some fricken responsibility for your own damn actions instead of labeling EVERY man as dangerous.

 

Playing the part of the victim won't get you anywhere in life.

 

When you put yourself in bad situations, bad things happen.

 

And before someone goes total retard and accuses me of saying this guy did no wrong, he did. But common sense dictates OP's poor choices are what led her to her situation.

 

For your information, I'm not blaming the guy for taking me to a hotel and putting the moves. He may not be my best friend, but he is a very good friend to me and I know him enough to trust he will not do me harm, which he didn't. So in this awkward situation, I'm not playing the victim, he should have known better, but I was the one who believed he would be completely platonic to me.

 

I'm not labeling MEN dangerous, I'm saying it goes the other way around too. A girl can lure a man to spend the night with her and then accuse him of rape. Either way people should be careful. Even the nicest ones (guy or girl) could give it up to lust or desire.

 

I think I'm just shocked that alcohol and lust can bring people to this situation. I wonder what would it be like to meet him again.

[Radu]

I had a girl accuse me of rape in college. She told all her friends I had raped her... and me being the guy, I was automatically guilty.

 

We met and both got drunk and had sex the same night. She was so in to it she even got on top. How can you rape someone when she wants to be on top?

 

The next day her friend accused her of being a slut since we had just met and had sex on the same day, so the girl said she wasn't a slut and that I took advantage of her when she was drunk. No police were involved or anything, but ever since then I've been careful with women. She even came to me later and apologized for lying, but I would not accept her apology. I should have beat the ****out of her and given her someone genuine to be mad about!

 

It's a horrible feeling to know that someone lied and accused you ofsomething you are innocent of. Even since then I've been suspicious of womenthat say, "ya I invited him up to my room at 2am… then he raped me!"

 

This is exactly what i mentioned earlier in this thread; sorry it happened to you.

 

Do not have sex with a girl who is drunk; and if you want to be safe, do not have sex with a girl that has drunk her fair share.

If you really want to bone an unconscious drunk girl, get a girlfiend and tell her of this fetish of yours.

 

----

 

allenpo, guys and girls cannot be friends generally as long as they are straight [it's hard even if the guy is gay].

That is because the sexual attraction still exists in the subconscious, for the other person.

 

Only by admitting to it's existence and monitoring it, can you actually be platonic friends in this situation.

I'm sad to say but guys generally understand this better than girls.

That is because as carhill said, girls don't get guys and what sexual attraction does to us [it's like how you are on ovulation ... but every time you see an opposite sex person, no feelings involved].

So every time i personally hear that some 20yr old is platonic friends with a guy who isn't gay, or who is an ex, or who is a bff after just a few yrs, you can bet your sweet ass that the girl in question is highly immature, and has a bad case of hubris.

Edited January 3, 2013 by Radu

[runningfar]

When I was 16, and a virgin, I got very drunk with two if my girlfriends and their boyfriends. I wasn't responsible; no, I was rebelling. So I got drunk and passed out on the bathroom floor. The friends and boyfriends headed for bedrooms. Her brother came home from eork, he was 18, I guess moved me to the bed. He wasn't drunk. I was in and out of consciousness and dint remember but flashes if it but he had sex with me. At the time I was so confused and in and out of consciousness I didn't say no... I remember thinking at the time that demons were attacking me and I was dying, that's how clearly I was thinking.

I never charged the guy with rape. I figured at the time I never said no... But I did tell one guy friend who did put the guy in the hospital though (not on my request). I did think what he did was nasty and I don't really consider him a sexual partner. I was not unhappy when my friend did what he did.

 

If you're both drunk that's different... but if the guy is sober or only buzzed and the girl is completely wasted, then that guy in my mind will always be a completely disgusting human being. I won't say it's rape or not rape and am not interested in comparing degrees but it does make someone a person I never would have any interest in interacting with and actively consider a bad person.

 

I just don't drink since then at all... problem solved... But the drunk driving angle has a problem. You should have to know you need a way home. You shouldn't have to expect ahead of time that someone will emotionally hurt you (it did hurt) if you are not in your mind. Whether unconscious or just too drunk to actively consent.

[allenpo123]

----

 

allenpo, guys and girls cannot be friends generally as long as they are straight [it's hard even if the guy is gay].

That is because the sexual attraction still exists in the subconscious, for the other person.

 

Only by admitting to it's existence and monitoring it, can you actually be platonic friends in this situation.

I'm sad to say but guys generally understand this better than girls.

That is because as carhill said, girls don't get guys and what sexual attraction does to us [it's like how you are on ovulation ... but every time you see an opposite sex person, no feelings involved].

So every time i personally hear that some 20yr old is platonic friends with a guy who isn't gay, or who is an ex, or who is a bff after just a few yrs, you can bet your sweet ass that the girl in question is highly immature, and has a bad case of hubris.

 

Yes, I think by experience I do realize that even though I thought we only had pure friendship, sexual attraction was there and by coincidence (that being me drunk, him tipsy, hotel room..) things were bound to happen.

 

I'm trying to remain friends with him since we have so many mutual friends and I would hate it if either one would have to leave that group of friends. It still shocks me that a person so nice would have done this, but then again, he's not the only one to blame, I think I'm glad and lucky he didn't go that far. I knew I would have stopped him if he did, but that would ruin the friendship forever.

 

Do you think I should speak to him about this? I think we have a non-verbal agreement to just pretend this didn't happen.. I couldn't risk letting my other friends know, it'll make me sound like a slut and him a bad guy.

[allenpo123]

 

If you're both drunk that's different... but if the guy is sober or only buzzed and the girl is completely wasted, then that guy in my mind will always be a completely disgusting human being. I won't say it's rape or not rape and am not interested in comparing degrees but it does make someone a person I never would have any interest in interacting with and actively consider a bad person.

 

I think he was buzzed but still sober enough to take care of me. I can't think of him as a bad person because he was in fact very sweet and gentle to me the whole while. It just shocks me that he would even think of taking it further. This has really made me re-think how I should guard myself better.